₦airaland Forum

Dear Rapmoney, I am intrigued by your post and would like to have a discussion on it and I would be delighted if you can oblige. I'm an academic in one of Nigerian federal universities. My interest is exclusively research. I'd provide institutional email address should that be your appropriate means of correspondence.

Thanks
Kayode
Fenomenon2007

I understand how you feel and those feelings are legitimate. As shocking as this experience is to you, you'd even be more shocked to know how many baby girls, young women, and older women who had experienced rape one time or the other. But somehow, very many of them manage to heal. As for your feelings, you need more time to process them. While processing them, you should be aware that statistics has shown that 90% of those who attempt suicide and survive never try it again. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't take your life because as difficult as it seems right now, life gets better as suicide survivors say again and again that they appreciate life better after surviving suicide. You might say the same thing if you attempted it and survived; but there are no assurances that you'd survive. So, do your best to embrace life and focus on a few practical things:

1. Many Nigerian women now report rape more than before and there have been more convictions now than in the past. As emotionally turbulent as this experience is, it is still a crime. So, your boyfriend should face the music. If you don't report him and file charges, he gets away with it and he might hurt other young girls.

2. Admit that the rape occurred. Most victims find it difficult to admit because there is the tendency to assume rape is something that happens to others but definitely, "not me!" Once you admit, the healing can start.

3. Forget about the social stigma of rape. Our societies are evolving. You would be surprised about how much support you get.

4. Go to an accredited hospital and you'd be referred to a psychiatric clinic where such issues are handled. Don't worry it takes place at a psychiatric clinic. That's where most issues of mental health are treated. Even if you can't open up to a family member or friend, to protect your mental health, talk to a doctor.

5. I wish you all the best as you try to heal. Cry the more if you need to cry but be focused on your recovery. Also important, don't let a criminal get away.

Good luck

Sleep paralysis has a perfectly scientific explanation. There are different stages of sleep such as deep sleep and a stage called rapid eye movement (REM). REM usually occurs either early during sleep or close to the waking moment and this is the stage at which we dream. While dreaming during REM there is the possibility of moving our body and we can injure ourselves in the process. Therefore, the muscles are temporarily disabled to prevent movement. So, it's actually a safety mechanism designed to protect us during sleep. However, the muscles are supposed to become active as we prepare to wake up but sometimes, we wake up faster than muscular reactivation, which explains why we can't move even though we're awake. When the nerve receptors that control the muscles become active, we also regain movement. Those who don't experience sleep paralysis may not understand this because their waking up and muscle reactivation are well synchronized. First few experiences can be frightening, sometimes traumatizing. But knowing that it's a temporary thing can help to remain calm until we become active.

From an evolutionary perspective, men are programmed to help women. Obviously, the guy assumes every lady fits into that stereotype and is probably unaware that guys these days no longer buy into that evolutionary thinking. Gone are the days that men go out of the way to offer unsolicited help to women. They now prefer ladies who are self-reliant and financially independent. No need to be hard on him; he's just old school.







[quote author=CalliDora1 post=96168639]Long post.

Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o