₦airaland Forum

No he still swears he isn't married in anyway. And it was for some passage thing. And still swears he only done an introduction. He swears he didn't sleep with her.
He has told me at this point whatever happens it will be my choice. If i don't want to believe him he can't change that blah blah blah.
Like if he would admit to me i wouldn't be less upset. That may sound odd but it would give me absolute clarity.

I know his father was highly respected among his clan and active. Active in how or what i don't know. When my husband had once mentioned it i tried to understand but really i didn't know. I just kind of listend. I had the impression it was similar to an elder of the church who doesn't directly lead the church in anyway but still is an important member because of what they offer and the fact they are very active. Make sense?
His culture is not usually something he explains to me he just says its an African thing you won't understand. I don't pry and i usually have no problem supporting him.

Thank you, you make much sense.
If i were not pregnant the night i found these pictures he wouldn't have returned here. I keep trying to figure out how to go about this situation where my son gains and his best interest is.
Additionally it bothers me that even if i deport him divorce him thats not a consequence but only just a different path in life he will take.

If i travel there how do i know or find out? My husband wants me to travel with him very soon to marry me there and to show me there is no marriage. He says he is willing to call her family and let them know there is no marriage happening between them. It all sounds good but idk if its just another show or whatever.
Odd thing i have messaged everyone this girl had on her Facebook page even finding family that's on other family members pages and i figured if i make enough noise someone will say something. Well today my husband sister called me thinking he would be at work. She didn't explicitly say anything but does want to meet tomorrow to explain. Now i don't think this came because she felt like doing me a favor and i don't intend for her to be honest with me either but i do believe there is someone's life i am disturbing and they are hoping she can quite me. It may not be the case but who knows.
He still stands by that he didn't do the marriage but only the introduction. He swears there was no traditional wedding or paperwork.
Now i believe no paperwork was done for several reasons but i don't believe there wasnt a traditional weddingb after being von here and speaking to you all.

You guys May not agree but i have looked at it from all angles. If he is deported that's not a punishment he will simply go apply for a visa to europe. If i divorce him he remarries another American and the same right i have to having my husband in this country so will she. So deporting him or divorcing him there is a way where he skips any consequences moves on with life free of responsibility and obligation.
At the same time i could say he isn't worth having around my son but really do you think sending him away takes something from him? Or does it take something from my son? I do have other child btw. So i know the pain they suffer when the father is no where to be found. I know the gap that can never be filled. Yes financially i can afford doing it alone but when your child asks of their father and you know that's what they want and can't give them that it hurts. And there is nothing you can explain to a child that makes sense or fills a gap when it comes to an absent parent. So my child gaiAmericanng by him being deported but heartache and emptiness.
What right do i have to spare myself of burden at the expense of my childs pain? As a parent we make many sacrifices. If in the end i am 6ft under blood is not on my hands. I don't have to explain to my child that ever denied him something he should have and that's how entitlement.
Now 3 years down the road if he takes off or does any ill against me again that doesn't fall on my hands. He will be judged. But i will be secure. And by living with security i don't have to Argue or worry over what could become. I can continue my life knowing however the situation goes i am shielded and protected and gave my son the best possible life i could.
For the record i did not know he had any contact with this girl. I thought nothing of her. I had no interest in buying a husband. I simply only fell in love with this man and seen that we could build something great. I married him out of love. I could have married an American but that's not who crossed my path. And maybe people aren't aware but American laws are wrote to favor the woman if someone's intention is to inslave a person they don't need to marry a foreigner the law can simply be misused against any man easily. The state i live in allows me to take 60% of a mans pay regardless if we were married or not as long as we have a child together. If i wanted to insane someone trust me i would be better marrying an American that has no choice but to stay or else spend his life working for me. In America if you owe child support the deeds or titles will be held to any property your driving privileges are revoked your passport is no good plus you can be imprisoned. So trust me insalving an American is much easier then a man who has the ability to leave and go anywhere. I simply wanted a lasting marriage.

I don't plan to enslave him. I plan to live the same life we set out to build from the beginning but i am going to do it with reassurance that he has nothing to gain if he intends ill.
This is really nothing more then divorce court would give me. In the usa i can get 50% of a mans pay for support of his child. I am just ensuring that what we build is secured for my son and myself. I am entitled to half in divorce court i just want to ensure that the other half is my sons and won't be shared with another woman nor will he enjoy it so i am only asking him to waive his half. I only want to make sure whatever is built is built for my son and his life is never bothered changed or torn apart. And yes i am going to secure my own future. I don't plan to treat him bad hold him hostage or any of that. I only intend to have assurance if he has ill will i lose nothing and can share the life i work to build with another man.

He is the first son but his father is deceased.

Hello all sorry for delay in my posting as i have been busy searching my heart and trying to get my mind right.
My husband is aware i have posted these pics. I have no reason to do anything in secret behind him.
At this point i have chosen not to divorce him nor deport him. 1 if i deport him he ends up there with her or simply gets a visa to europe. 2 divorcing him only gives him the ability to remarry here and still stay but with another woman. So niether divorcing him or deporting will he suffer or pay but he can simply go on with his own plot or plans no matter what they are. Divorcing and or deporting him will only delay his plans for no more then a year. Additionally there is no gain for my child. There is nothing my son will benefit from divorcing or deporting him.
So it may be playing with fire hoping not to get burnt but well i don't think i could be any more burnt then i already am.
So i am going to get him to sign a post nuptial agreement entitling me to 50% of his pay if we divorce and leaving me 100% ownership to property and assests if we divorce. Yes i am going to let him work building the same life we set out to build and i am going to ensure that 100% of his income is spent bettering my life and taking care of our son. And i know paralyzing someone financially is the best way to stop all their plans moves or goals.
Now i am not concerned with the girl knowing she can't lay with him nor recieve any support from him. Additionally he will not return to Nigeria to visit nor live as the life we share here will be too comfortable. A man that commits adultery destroys himself.
But basically i have no problem playing his own game back to him.... Letting him work while someone else will reap the benefits in the end.

I am not sure how to handle the situation. I am pregnant by him is the whole issue now. What about our son? Do i have the right to deny our son a family and a father because of this betrayal and wrong doings?
Do i wait until the baby is born to report him? Do i just chuck it up and report him now?
I just don't know the right path in life to take... I am not a revengeful person i don't want to do him wrong but i can't do this either.

Heartbreaking doesn't explain. I feel as if my soul left my body and all that is left is a beating aching heart.
But the support and clarity i am given tonight does not hurt me at all. The more i understand and know the more i feel like i can breath.
The information that is being given to me today only gives me faith that there is still some good left in this world and that god does allow the truth to be told.

This information is so deeply appreciated. It may seem to be simple words but when you are so lost in a web of lies and deceit people willing to explain the truth who have no self interest appear to be angels. As painful as knowing the truth is it also feels like weight is being lifted. May god bless you all for being honest and explaining the truth.

Additionally i emailed the girl before we married asking she have no communication with my husband so she is completely aware he is married.

He did date her before he left. 2 weeks before we married i found messages but he said she never done any wrong to him and was planning to let her fade herself out. I tried to be understanding as i did not want to hurt her either because i could understand loving someone and life going its own way. So i went forward with marriage with the understanding that he would drop communication and ties with her.
I only came across these pictures because i found an odd paper in his wallet that had a police report number on it. So i got on Facebook trying to see if he maybe had a facebook page with another name. So i searched his sister's page went to her friend list and i seen the name esther. Now i was curious as to who she was because esther was the name if the girl and right on her page was these pictures.

Thank you

Are these actual wedding photos or an introduction

If i knew how to post pictures here i would post them.

I am not real close to his family mostly due to distant. However he had introduced me to all of his family via skype and his sister that does live here we have a relationship.
He is from edo... Benin city
Yes he works but i am unsure if he has sent money home but i know he has not for sure for a couple months as i hold his bank card.
But in the pictures people were congratulating and blessing the marriage. His reason for this is because they assumed they would marry.
He has offered to cut all communication with all friends and family except his mother if i will not divorce him. He has called his mother over this issue in front of me. She wanted to speak to me but i refused to because well what woman calls themselves a Christian and praises god but then assists in something like this? But i could hear her say she is not your wife.
He also called the girl in front of me and wanted to know why she would use his last name and post the pictures. He offered me to speak with her but i figured for what i can't prove that's who was even on the phone....

I sincerely appreciate the advice. I am not quit sure what to say as i was hoping that some how there would be truth for what he was telling me.

I see thank you so much for the help. I can't even thank you enough.

He claims he didn't legalize it there but does that still mean he is married to her there?

How do i find paperwork on it?

Hello all
I am new here and in need of some good advice. In nov 2013 i married my Nigerian husband (i am American). I have been very good to him and given him anything he has needed to survive and prosper. Saying i love him dearly is an understatement. As i love my husband as if he were part of me. We have had some issues mostly because of cultural differences.
I financially supported him for 8 months while his paperwork was processing to allow him to work here in the USA. Eventually his paperwork went through. He obtained employment but just 3 weeks later quit his job to return to Nigeria for his sister's wedding. I agreed to this because i understood the importance it had and i understood that his father was deceased and he is the oldest son. I understood there was a role he needed to fulfill to his family. I didn't like the idea that after months of assuming complete financially responsibility for our home i would have to continue longer nor the idea of him leaving for 3 weeks but i supported not just our bills but helped him finance his trip.
His trip almost destroyed our marriage as many things went wrong while he was gone. I had reached a point i had considered divorcing him but then i found out i am pregnant. He came back home and our life has went on.
Now 5 months later i found pictures of him and a woman. The comments told me they were getting married. Now i know for sure his sister got married when he traveled and i know for sure these pictures are him.
I have confronted and he has explained that he didn't marry the girl but only done an introduction thing to be able to pass from a boy to a man. However i found these pictures on Facebook from the girls page. Many things he is saying don't add up to the details of the pictures and situation but at the same time because of culture differences i know that there could be things i simply don't understand.
For days i have not slept ate worked nothing. The photos shocked me and upset me enough to go into preterm labor but fortunately i was given medication that has stopped labor for now. But this issue is driving me mad as i can't understand it. I don't know what to believe or who to believe. I have looked at my options and i can either divorce him or remain married. Either way if he didn't marry her or did he has cheated and defiled our marriage.
What do i do? How do i know what's true? How can i can restore peace of mind and happiness? How do i find truth? How do i know if he married her?

Hello
I am new here but hoping to find someone who can help me. I am not sure if this is the right section but let me try any ways.
I am an American woman and married my Nigerian husband about a year and a half ago. Recently i found pictures online of him and another woman of what appears to be a traditional wedding. I have googled Edo weddings and got some information. I have confronted my husband with the issue.
He has explained that he didn't marry the girl despite they are dressed in Orange beads and kissing that he done an introduction ceremony only so that he could pass from a boy to a man to gain other rights.
Sorry if this is not very clear as i know no technical words to describe this situation and don't clearly understand what has been done.
But i am hoping someone can explain to me how to tell if it was only an introduction or if it was a traditional marriage and how do i find out from the USA if he is married.
Thanks for any help