₦airaland Forum

IFELEKE:
There is nothing like converting now and changing back later. . . _{Think with your Head and NOT your Heart.}

Please clarify, there is nothing like it in what sense?

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[/list] [b][/b] My fiance and I are scheduled to be married next week. I am christian american. He is african muslim. We always agreed that I would not convert to muslim religion. Last week he started begging me to convert so his family could see this as a "real" marriage.
He says he didn't know they would expect me (the wife) to convert. He says that he JUST LEARNED THAT IT WAS his familys tradition and expectation of me. I want them to all respect this union but now it seems that it won't be at all.

Me converting would probably kill my very religous elderly grandmother and raise caution whithin my family since I never planned on it before.

If I convert, and decide later that it is not for me, won't that be the same as not ever converting in the beginning? He wants me to convert so we can have our wedding. What do u think I should do?

ibkaye:
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I get what you mean about being dominating etc, but next time, try to say 'some' or somthing along the lines of 'the one's I have come across' that way, it seems like you are not generalising

YES thank you! I am speaking in terms of the men that I have come across.

ashleign:
He needs a dose of telequin to calm him down

[color=#000099][/color]what is telequin?




I AM NOT BEING A CRYBABY i just want to know what is the deal with this trend?

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Please somebody tell me!!Why do nigerian men feel like they know more than all women!?!?!?  I am so confused!!!!  I was giving my african kings another chance and still I end up in the same situation!!!!  African men in america are insecure?  Why do they have to be so dominating all the time? 

If he calls my name, he wanted me to answer him sounding "nicer" or more happy
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If I knew more about something, he didn't like me to talk about it

but he always wanted to teach me about something he would know!

AAAAAAARRRGGGG!

Yes we have spoke about multiple wives and he SWEARS that he is only interested in keeping me.  NOt anyone else. He says his father never did that and he does not practice poligamy.

@iice - females can be family for sure! But he seems secretive about the females. He will introduce me to his brothers (male friends) all day. But he has not ever introduced me to any females he calls his sister. Should i worry about this?

@abuseay - Sorry will try to simplify, i live in the USA. I am a black female and my man is Hausa/muslim.  I was raised catholic. Should I worry about girls that he calls his SISTER but are not really his sister.  He calls them on the phone, they call him too.  One time he bought some expensive shoes (new jordans) for his SISTER son.  When I ask about who these people are, he gets testy and says i'm trying to catch him in a lie.  

I'm finding that many africans have a bad image of black americans.  

@ rickky421 - NO! I don't want him to treat me more ghetto. I do not want him to associate me with ghetto stereotypes at all.  sometimes i think it's because he hasn't been exposed to many different type of people.  other times i think it's because his african friends and family have told him NEGATIVE things about dating a black woman.  he wants to make sure he doesn't have a "BAD" black girl on his hands.  

I don't speak french or hausa.  How can I ever fit into this large family unit?

[color=Black][/color]I'm currently dating a gentleman who is from benin.  He is hausa muslim and we are trying to have a serious relationship. He has introduced me to his family here in the states.  There have been some things that I have struggled with like girls I don't know that he calls "sister" or "aunt" that he talks to on the phone every now and then.  I'm curious about the meaning of these so called "family" members that he keeps in touch with.  Also, I am black american and I have had to teach him that stereotypes of black americans don't remotely reflect my behavior or persona.  It's almost like he is waiting for me to be "ghetto" based on his limited knowledge of stereotypical blacks. Does anyone here have an explanation for why he is so caught up on avoiding "ghetto" stereotypes?  Do you think that our relationship can work?