Thanks.... Will do that.

For a reason i can't fathom i kept getting banned anytime i made attempt to update. I'll keep trying but if no new update it's Nairaland not me o

Sorry i couldn't update for few days, The Indaboskis of Nairaland ban my daboski.

One Daboski is greater than another afterall

WHIZKIDEFE:
Flyesst, just continue to dey do your thing dey go, the comments, likes and views shall be added unto you.. (oya shout a loooouuddddd Amen)

The beginning is always the hardest, and the tin go dey frustrating one kine unto say people dey stingy with their comment for diz literature street..

As far your views dey increase, just know say You are doing well (ooin!)


You tight bro, keep on reppin!


P.S. You silent readers that are enjoying this story, e nor go bad if ona try dey comment to ginger the motivation of Op oh. (E no easy!)

He isn't asking for cash o, pls reward his effort with your comments n likes ( E Get Why)

Lol my brother my mentor the great Odumeje don tell me say make i no send o.. Appreciate brother

STARDOM
EPISODE 14
SUNDAY

Chinaza read my whatsapp message but why she didn't reply me was baffling or Did i say something wrong? Engineer called last night and he said new work don dey, atleast we won't wake up tomorrow sleeping and doing nothing again.

After we don chop breakfast i decided to get busy with my phone, i went on Twitter but as usual they're are just dragging themselves with no sensible meaning, today it was BLACK AMERICANS VS AFRICA... Bla bla bla. I have vow not to enter Youtube and Instagram again because their mode of consuming data even Oxford no fit get am but everywhere just silent like graveyard if Efe or Peter dey house now we for dey bant (What a shame!) but the spirit that mount on Peter that made him drag Efe to church that spirit.. Make we dey see am EVERYDAY!

One thing that's certain is Efe will never go to church if e no get mission there (With the way their body dey unsettled when dem dey waka and that confam dress wey dem put on says it all, i no say dem get something wey dem no dey tell me)

I have no choice than to break one of my vow and I'd rather enter YouTube over Instagram, videos plenty to watch but I finally saw one Fuji music performance by Saheed Osupa which intrugues me
(Fuji Music is one of the indigenous music in Yoruba land and Late Dr. Sikiru Ayinde Barrister was the pioneer, i knew a bit about Fuji music thanks to Baba Sidi in Ojuelegba).

The way Osupa arrange his rhythm and melodies are the most intriguing part, apart from Fuji I knew of Apala, Afro-Juju and some others. The disappointing depth is taking UK and US as a case study the way their Indigenous Songs travel across the world is Amazing but here in Nigeria our indigenous sounds are not even given their deserved recognition by the country itself not to talk of outside the country.

The only Nigeria Indigenous Musician that was recognized and appreciated in the Music World globally was King Sunny Ade (Hmm! Fuji music won't be a bad market to venture into though) but for someone whose Yoruba can cause you headache if i go deep... It's not advisable.

As i was about to check another Fuji live performance out, "Hmm, Why does it means the world to you“ pop out on my notifications and it's no other person than Chinaza Baby, The way i minimize Youtube for Whatsapp ehn.
I knew Chinaza na smart babe so i must be very very cautious in my approach.

" It's so rare to see/meet someone so esteemed taking few of their time to appreciate an unknown talent" Abeg Oil dey my head... Ooin! Chinaza has gotten to my head so much i never observe Ope don message since yesterday , She don get my time now... SHOW!

Ope no dey online so i make i drop her some message as i dey type Message naso Chinaza message pop up again, Abeg Ope message fit wait for 20years for Chinaza message for all i care.

Chinaza :Lol, I'll have that then. Reached out to my uncle already, he will be coming to the house this Thursday.

Me: Wow! Thanks so much ma but i will be on site on Thursday,I am thinking maybe you can give me his address ma.

Chinaza: Oh! You should make an exception then, I don't think he'll allow me to give his location out thus he lives in Banana that will be far for you.

Omo! Na this kin thing Engineer no dey like o! He's very selfish when it's comes to Job matter, HE preferably won't mind if you did a 3 days workload in a day but take a day off even though he won't pay you he will still keep on ranting and ranting and ranting about you delaying the momentum of the work. BUT on Thursday i must find a way to get to Chinaza's place, it's a big opportunity and am not ready to let it slip.

Me:Okay ma, I'll find a way to be there..... (I realized i didn't ask about the time) and what time.

Chinaza: I really don't know if you're trynna make an impression with this "ma" of a thing but it doesn't get to me i wish you get that.
(Damn! Garri don pass water! And e no be Ekiti garri na Osun own, garri don swell now..She still dey type make she type finish before i know wetin i go talk)

Chinaza:......... And i can't say a precise time he just said he'll be here by noon.

Me: Ehmm Ok... And talking about "ma" it's just a sign of respect nothing attached but if it offends you i deeply apologize ma.
(Damn! I still include ma again! I wan delete the message but she don read am.Before she go drop message make i quickly calm her)

Me: Sorry about the "Ma"

Chinaza:You seems to be talented but you obviously doesnt get things at once (Side diss! Make she kuku say i am retarded but i go change am to joke for hin hand)

Me: The way you're jamming your hands on your keyboard.. I am scared!

Chinaza: Smiles.. Coward! Enjoy your day.

F! This girl gimme 14 sha! I dey go market already.
Evidently she's still online so she just purposely end the discussion, as e dey go ehn i no think say i fit land this girl o... But the right time to shoot a perfect shot is all i needed but the sharp babe never give me such.

I swipe to my right say make i check people status na Peter top list this time, Whatsapp status like Waist bead..Radarada! I was about to log out when i saw Chinaza message.. ClOsE cAlL!

Chinaza: Hey! Can you help sing a birthday freestyle for a friend.
(Chai! Ladies ehn! Na dem say hey is rude make we no dey use am again but look at them. Which one is birthday freestyle again? Freestyle na freestyle)

Me: Sure! No probs....the name.

She replied with "Blessing“, Ok! Ok! Testing Microphone! Let's go!

" Talent like Leo Messi, Agility like Robinson so bad am losing my senses but hold up! They said her name is blessing ! They said she add 1 i said owk am getting, asked if she got the curves like
Nicki em' say no but they ain't bi*chy like Cardi. I said ok i don't wanna sound like am ranting so more life and keep grinding so fu*k but am all out flying "

Damn! I am too good.. LOL! Did that sh*t once man, but this another bi*chy i sent it to "No thank you nothing nothing" just viewed the message and that's all.

I don't know what prompt me to Peter status but Damn! Thank goodness i checked it! So the little two fools went to church to caught s new fish?! So Efe and his Devilish Brother Man kitted up on suit to woo a lady?! No wonder dem no carry me along.

I wan enter the werey DM naso "Mrs Pop Up message" pop it up as usual

Chinaza : Lol! Man you've ruined me! You called Cardi "Bi*chy" and sent it to a Cardi die-hard stan!

(Abeg o! Wetin Oshomiole no go see for Giadom hand o! How i suppose know say she be Cardi stan)

Me: You never told me she was one
(And even fact na say even Cardi B herself knew she's bi*cy)

Chinaza: And you never asked too! Love it though.. It was awesome except the "f" line, wonder why rappers can't do without "f" words in their line this days.

(Lol!)

Me: Smiles.. Let's just say it's our birthright of recent and what's bad with "f" when everyone "f" within their windows

Chinaza : LOL! Naughty! But for listening sake cut the "f" line

Me: I will..Enjoy your day (PAYBACK! Where's this Hoobi emoji sef)

As usual! As expected! Delivered and read but no reply... LOL! Na she sabi o!
I off my data jejely, i wan motion to lie down naso one long Kokoko interrupt me. The way the Kokoko be na Musa dey knock that way, i open the door and here comes the short devil in his Jalamia and Face cap. Wetin wey con excite am wey make him open hin yeye teeth i no know.

Musa: Aboki na Sauce why you no go church when feter and Efe go (Abeg this guy no get Ifa or search engine?)

I no even reply him, i just go siddon for my sit and Musa continues

Musa: Sauce, you no see how Real mafrid dey play this days ko.... Jigbijigbi Chai! Dan Bansa! The way dem dey play dey sweefens Emir of Kano sef (Lol! See mumu which Emir Even though Sanusi Lamido Sanusi is no longer the Emir of Kano he still remains the Emir to Musa and that's it)

Me: Musa i swear the ting dey sweet me too, the spark wey Ramos and Junior dey use play ehn.

Musa: After the win Laliga ko we go beat City for Champions League too Insha Allah (Lol! That one go hard small but since e don put Insha Allah, INSHA ALLAH THEN)

Me:How your wife na? The landlord pikin (I need to put this one cos him for no understand)

Musa: She no be my wife abegi, that one wey look like Osho-mole (Lol! Even though landlord pikin short she's beautiful o, if not say she was familiar with pr*ck at a tender age na our meal she suppose be)

Me and Musa just dey jump from one matter to another (Sport, Politics, Entertainment, Ladies), na why i like Musa be this sha. There's no dull moment there's plenty wey dey ground to talk about.

Its almost 4pm and this fools never come back from the church dey go... Chai! Church indeed! Efe is a high rank criminal when it comes to Women matter, the way they dated him knowing fully when he has many of them is what's somewhat baffling,maybe e dey use Charm sha and now he don turn peter in as well..... E BE TINGS O!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH CHINAZA UNCLE? WETIN PETER AND EFE GO DO FOR CHURCH WEY DEM TEY THERE? EPISODE 15 on the way.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL LIVERPOOL FANS IN THE GLOBE! WELL DESERVED AND WELL WORTHY.

END OF EPISODE 14

EPISODE 13

I tell the Uber man wey carry me comot Chinaza Estate say make e stop for our junction cos na to carry Uber enter street Iya Chioma and her crew go dey think say you don arrive. After i don use 15mins for where i stand wey I no see bike wey go carry me enter street,I just use my hand tap my two legs.. (Okunrin Ogun, Ogun Ya) (Man Of War, War Is here) una say which war? WAR OF TREKKING!

As much as i wan avoid Iya Chioma to say i no go pass in front of hin shop that one na Unavoidable, as i reach her shop i notice say her shop close Thank God she no go use yeye talk wey no concern me hold me down. She definitely don waka go do Aproko as usual.

Today was beautiful! The way Chinaza smile innocently is making my stomach twist,she is too beautiful! Her body structure befits her as well, Thank say she get money or else she go don turn Yahoo boys meal, All our fine girls on the street na Yahoo people dem dey date...... TAAH! Hustle o make you no build relationship finish wey Yahoo Boy come use money roof am.

As i login for Whatsapp i see many message (Na wetin dey tire me be this but you see most of the messages are group message o including group wey no get purpose sef), i just swipe go status atleast that one go better na Chinaza top list.. As i click like this i saw someone with the same cloth i wore, the person resemble me too, the person dey freestyle and hin freestyle na the one i do earlier.

CHINAZA POST ME FOR HER WHATSAPP! I REPEAT CHINAZA POST ME FOR HER WHATSAPP! CHAI! I feel like i won lottery! Infact this is more than lottery! I was closing my eyes earlier when i was freestyling so i don't get the drift. All i could point out is that it takes a bit before she clap maybe she was saving her recording then, Infact she posted it one min ago.

Hahaha! I tell myself "Sauce! If this guy get boyfriend make he hold her strong or else i go roof hin building, lass lass something wey good no be for one person" as i make break infront of house i just sat on one of the bench (I no even greet anybody not even Landlord).

Slide into Chinaza DM with crying emoji, i con use thank you sticker follow, i now follow up with "Thank you very much ma, posting me on your whatsapp meant more than a world to me" message.
(Shifia! World ko world ni but to be realistic I AM IN LOVE MAN! THIS GIRL IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!)

I waited some minute but she no reply (Make i use that chance greet Landlord then)

Me: Oga landlord abeg no vex say i no greet you jare, na something urgent sup.

Landlord :You people never come to visit for police station all this days and you know i like you personally, I am immensely disappointed and dissatisfied. (Abegi! Hear word?! Na me be Police wey arrest you?! OR I BE HIN FAMILY?!)

As i say make i reply him message just enter my phone from Whatsapp (The way i urgently check that message I've never check message that way before) but no be Chinaza na one "Life Matter" group.

I just waka go room leave Landlord for where he sit, with that in-the-rubbish wey hin talk we go settle am later

Me: Guys he don happen!

Them:Wetin sup (Dem just concentrate on the game dem dey play, as e be na Mili Militia e go be cos na only game Pete good for be that..)

Where's Ed Sheeran where i keep am?!

"I found a love for me
Chinaza, just dive right in
And follow my lead
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and Hot
I never knew Chinaza was the someone waiting for me"

''Cause we aren't kids when we fell in love
knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
Chinaza, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you're holding mi...."

Na Efe weed voice interrupt me.

Efe :Guy e don happen?! You reason the girl?! She accept (See mumu o! E think say na everybody be like him wey go see girl and ask her out straight! Oponu omo)

Before i go reply am MUMU DON DROP SONG ALREADY

" How we ball in the club I know you hate it
Mommy dancin on the floor all like she naked
When she lay down with you I know she fake it
All the girls give it to me I ain't gotta take it
OHHHH! Pop champagne!
OHHHH! Pop champagne!
OHHHH! We pop champagne!
OHHHH! We pop cham.......... "

Peter :My guy shut up! Wetin e wan take you be say e don enter trouble.. Dem go use police park him soon (One person go dey for life and hin own no pass negative thoughts?)

Efe just stop hin mumu song

Efe:Sauce you hear? Tell me say i just dance for nothing? (Yen yen yen yen, if he dance for nothing wetin he wan use me do?)

Me:Every negative person out there wey wan negatively negative my life "Sango o! Olojuna!"
(Dem no dey use Sango play with Peter o.. LOL)

PETER:Guy! E no reach na.. Oya tell me say the girl gree for you...SHOW!

Me :Well for your "informate we dey relate no mean say we be mates o" that Chinaza babe no be just one regular babe make una dey hear o, so i no fit ask her out like that.

Efe give me one wicked grin(I know say e wan use back of hin head talk again)

Efe: See this Chicken-Livered Half-Warri guy o! Just admit am say you dey fear the babe.

Me: If i fear am e worthy na! Atleast she no be Bose, Mariam and Bridget wey you dey toast today open their skirt tomorrow

Efe:Chai! See as e enter me! You too wan dey form savage.

Peter : Shifia! Abeg carry your mouth comot here make we hear word. Abeg sauce gist us well na

I tell them how everything go, when i show them the freestyle wey Chinaza post with the "Talent" caption

Efe: Show! This babe no get taste o! Na wetin she tag talent be this! Even Primary 6 student go do better pass this one

Me:E dey understandable na! For person wey hin talent na to fu*k

Ewo! The way laugh burst out! Peter and Efe carry themselves out dey throw bants.. After i comot cloth wey i wear, i enter kitchen go find food straight.

E no go worse for Peter ehn! The rice came at the very right time..Ha! Make i check whatsapp na, maybe Chinaza don give me message.


END OF EPISODE 13

EPISODE 12

Engineer later call that day and he give me word wey sweet my belle, e say he no dey lagos make i help am go the house give the girl her passport. I don see sweet opportunity wey i go use shoot shot o, i just hope say i go meet the girl for house.

FEW DAYS LATER

As Saturday morning reach i enter bathroom bath finish, i remember how Efe sleep for inside this bathroom wey we dey knock and e no answer.
Una say how we still dey inside house Police people suppose don park all of us comot? We hear say Oga CP don interfere for the matter say dem go charge Oga Boss and his boys go court.

Una no come know wetin funny dem don release Oga Landlord but i hear from Musa say dem collect big money from hin hand. Eitherways, na them sabi o! As long as we still dey house but Oga Landlord sef dem suppose arraign am but e no concern me o.

I open my wardrobe, i pick the Calvin Klein shirt i buy last year and my Versace Joggers come use Gucci sneakers finish things! Person wey see me now go say "money dey" but Omo like Wale Adenuga dey talk "We are pencils in the hands of the creator" o.

Before i waka as usual the Gods of whyning dash me one

Efe: Omo! You stand o! War himself! Even Starboy dey learn where you dey drip (Make WizkidFC people caught am e go enter trouble! Dem go drag am sotey...)
Omo! Peter this your guy don fall for this Chinaza babe dem o.

Peter:Make e sha go come back safely

(Peter go just ruin good talk with hin Negative body, Naso i picture the girl papa call police people say make dem come park me... Omo e no reach na dem no dey fall in love with hin daughter)

I just Yenyenyen the guys and comot. The girl house far, thank God say Dubai Money dash me money where i for go see transport and fact be say Peter no dey dash person such money e no go borrow you sef. As i dey Inside cab i just say make i enter WhatsApp, I see Blessing(My LASPOTECH PADII) wey post my picture on her status con add "anywhere you see him bill him" caption. Omo! See in-the-rubbish talk o, no be only bill na Erick Billimore she go see i no even message her.

As i reach the house knock, the gateman just open gate for me he no even question me like how dem dey do be like say hin Boss don tell am say THE INDABOSKI BAHOSE dey come. The house still look new to me like say i never enter there before (Na wetin dem dey call Wealthy be this! Both Rich and Wealthy similar but the gap between them long o! Both RICH AND WEALTHY WE GO GET THEIR! MAFO!)

The gateman guide me into the house (The guy wise cos the day we come work na outside i dey i no enter the house). Ogene! Oluwa o! Make una come see house o! See Bastard Interior, am definitely sure this interior won't cost nothing less than 70 Million or so.

The gateman say i make sit down, he call the maid say make she tell their Madam say her guest don reach. I use that time check the house out, i see the Papa portrait wey dem hang, i saw many other but i no come across any wey i fit call the girl mother. As i see the Maid dey come where i sit i stopped starring immediately make she no dey think say na all this Lasgidi Thieves i be.

The Woman ask say wetin i wan eat if i evaluate her age well she go dey between 30-35, her skin no even look like Maid own. THERE'S DIFFERENT BETWEEN WORKING FOR A RICH MAN AND WORKING FOR A WEALTHY MAN O!

She drop Juice for my front con ask me to do the justice myself........... Show! She no fit serve me be that o?!

Me: 30mins don reach pass sef, na wetin i hate this rich people for be this dem go just sit person down with Juice dey do another thing inside.

Voice:I am vey sorry, was on call with a Client. I didn't mean to sit you down for nothing.

Before i say make i look back see who "Voice" be naso "Voice" herself waka sit ontop Chair adjacent to me. I just open Mouth, World people cry wan do me o, Why person fine like this? The face, the shape, everything sums up! Damn! I just sit there open mouth untill "Voice" wave hand for my face.

God dey create Abeg!

Chinaza: Hope there's no problem cos you sat there motionless, your mouth wide open.
(The motionless part still do but which one is wide open na but as sharp guy wey i be make i change, am for her)

Me: Let us say I am awe of your overwhelming beauty Ma (You say where Warri pikin dey see English? Wo! Mafo! I dey with you... And about the "ma" part na code o)

She gave a short smile in reply, the smile was so short so i no get time to analyze her face when the smiles.

Chinaza: Ehm....Yes, the passport?

(Simple Thank you she no fit say? The smile is all i needed though, she isn't Aggressive like most Ajebo pikin but she doesn't seems like someone you could play with her intelligence. So, na slowly i go take things.

I comot the passport from my pocket and motion towards her as i reach her front wey she collect the passport, i just drop my phone ontop where she sat..... I made it look like a slip though.

Just like i hoped she pick my phone and hand it back to me... Ehn Ehn! Lemme give her another one!

Me:You're so humble ma.. (She dey examine her passport she no reply.. Then i knew that won't pull the trick) unlike most Wealthy Men daughters.

Chinaza: Hmmmm.. What's your Idea about Wealthy Men daughters if i may ask (Haha! That pulled the trick, i noticed she has this Foreign accent though she's trying so hard to sound Normal.... I don return back to my sit now)

Me:My Idea Ma? Its simple.. I believe most were Rude and Arrogant.

Chinaza: Hmmmmmmm.... There's something behind evey Ideology and that's what prompted it, so what prompted yours?
(Wow! This girl is intelligent and i knew it.. I need to make something up)

Me:I had several experiences with them(LIES! I never date one before) there's a particular one I dated ... It ended in tears.... MA (I stressed that Ma this time around)

She dash me another beautiful smile.. Damn! She's too beautiful!

Chinaza: Hmmm.. Tell me more about it but leave the MA part this time around
(Hahaha! Emi Ika! I knew I am getting somewhere definitely but what will i tell her this time o? You say if i ask you na who UNA go ask?... Forget level jor! Make i dash her one nollywood scene)

Me: It's was all about Torment, it was then i knew the real meaning of "Cut your cloth according to your size" (She smiled once again... I know say i don digress twice if i digress again she may be too smart to caught up).

Let me take the sex part as an example, she is the one who dictates How? When? I beg you dare complain she will tell you "You low peasant! The fact that i loved you doesn't mean we belong to same class" and after everything i realized am just "a sex object".. One amidst many!

(Chai! Brain too much! I hope she buy my story sha

Chinaza:Wow! That's saddening,how did you meet her if i may ask.

(Omo! I don enter am o! This girl is unbelievable! Another wahala! I think say if i tell her say we meet for somewhere for someone i potraited to be rude and arrogant she no go give me her number.. And the babe go uncover say i dey lie..)

Me: I got her number from one of my friends and the rest they say it's history.

Chinaza:Wow! You're right too hold such perspection but it aren't true, i personally have met and seen many great rich kids,Cool ones at that.

(I just nodded i hope she go add some words more sha, i want this conversation to go on an............)

Chinaza:You seem too brilliant to be just an Electrician doing little jobs.
If na brilliancy make we sha no hpye..... MAFO! LOL!

Me:I am just me, i don't consider myself being brilliant or otherwise.

(The way she nod affirmatively go tell you say the babe dey reason with me)
She went on too ask about Education, Bla Bla Bla.. It was getting boring untill i told her say i fit sing.

Chinaza: Wow! Amazing! Let's hear you.

Omo! Food don land o! This girl bring wetin i dey chop (At first i wan go Love side but i no wan get ahead of myself make i just drop small bars jor)


"Hmmm, Life is like a hurdle, struggle, people trying really hard my guy buckle. Beauty without brain is nothing but a shuffle. Everyday i wake up to new hustle, my guys say they want new me i told em i just need new smoke, big Champag, new wave, new peak of highness and a beautiful angel saying me words with a soothing voice.. Dammit! Hug that! Get the scrap and know whatsup cos the big man aint really up".

The babe just stay there dey stare at me,then jam her hands together for THE WAR!

Chinaza :Wow! Seriously! You are a raw talent man.
(Someone is finally giving me Kudos! If na Efe or Peter you drop this bars for dem go find mistake to correct sha!)

Me:Thank you.

She went back to the Education matter if i really want to further and i told her that i don't have resources yet.. She said she would talk to her Dad and she would talk to one of her uncles who is a show promoter on my behalf.

Wow! I won't dream high yet! But there's little hope to pick from here. And when theIce water wan come, i ask for her number so i could remind her... At first she said NO BUT SHE LATER GAVE ME WITH THE "DONT PASS THE REMIND BOUNDARY" VOICE.

LOL! See this babe! Why i dey bear Sauce you go know! ... But Show promoter? They can only do little and about Education.... Am not really interested for now but if her Dad help out then am going for my B.sc but yet i don't dream high... LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME HUMAN CAN PROMISE AND FAIL YOU!

She gave me money for transport but i no collect am, all in the name of say she too go do me favour after she try force me to collect the money wey i no gree SHE SURRENDER!


END OF EPISODE 12

EPISODE 11

Omo if you wan wish your enemy bad pray say make God lock am up inside Toilet for a day, inspite say i comot my shirt use am cover nose i still i dey feel the toilet odour. Police don park the goons but dem no waka fast, we never see Efe yet we don inquire about him from our neighbors dem say dem no see am.

Where Efe fit dey? My mind just go bathroom... Omo naso! E fit dey there but even if e dey there e suppose don comot na.

Me, Musa and Peter waka go bathroom sharp.. "Efe! Efe! Efe! you dey inside" we shout hin name Oga no answer o! Wetin we go do now! After 3hours of searching everybody don tire even our neighbors join us to dey search but everything prove abortive

Me: Omo! Efe don mad! How e go waka like that 10pm sef don knack.

Peter: And we sure say dem no comot this guy go station like this?

Joke aside even if earthquake dey country and dem say na only Police Station earthquake no go affect, Efe go dey inside the earthquake than Police Station, His hatred for Police people e no dey hide am according to him all of them are corrupt so the percentage say Efe go stand with Boss thugs when Police people come na 0!

My mind just go bathroom again i dey think am say "what if Efe dey there and he don collapse or something do am na why e no answer when we dey shout in name". i just stand up from where i sit down "Peter abeg go Emuke house go find me hammer".He know say e no need make hin ask me wetin i wan use am do.

I TANDA infront the bathroom door, naso one of our neighbors dey say "No break am o, Landlord go para when hin come back", (Both Him, Landlord and Efe wey dey trouble me upandan na Amadioha go kiss una ass).

Peter carry hammer come but come Musa dey quiet since o! Chai Hard guy Hard guy yenyenyen! I see him face how e full of fear when we wan engage those thugs earlier!

Me:Abeg give me hammer! Musa help me light that your touchlight
(I knack the hammer ontop the door knob repeatedly)

Me: Take e don do. I go back a bit run forward use my leg kick the door! Boom!

Subhanallah! "Something just happen right now for Lasisi Elenu Voice" Una no go believe say the Cheeky Basta*d wey we dey find since 3-4 hours ago dey inside Bathroom dey sleep?! Even after all noise the hammer make this idiot never wake up and REASONABLY SEF WHICH KIN HUMAN BEING GO SLEEP FOR BATHROOM?! THIS DIRTY BATHROOM?! Efe na Bastard i swear.

I tell Peter say make e go bring water but Peter no Peter!

Peter: Sauce abeg comot door! Make we go carry water pour on this one infact? "The Godness of water" go dey vex say why we waste hin resources.

Naso i Peter dash Oga Bastard two sweet confirm blow for hin mouth,the mumu wake up sharply!

Efe: Yes! Who dey! Na fight! Where dem dey! If dey born your Papa make you wait for me!

Peter :Efe! Efe! E no go better for that your mouth.

We drag Efe matter front, back, middle. Atlast house settle, Landlord don come back remain the fighters and the fightees, i no know why dem release Landlord sef! The man is a grade one criminal himself! Hin dey sleep with hin Neighbors! SHAMELESS ! So even that Landlord wife wey i think say she dey modest fit stoop so low to allow Boss knack am! SHAME!

After we baff finish we just go sleep straight thank God say Musa eat from Peter and Efe food too maybe the food for no go reach anywhere for my body.

WEDNESDAY

I waka outside go piss but the funny thing is how everything and everyone look like say nothing happen yesterday! To think say this backyard dem turn am too WWE VENUE yesterday everyone just mind hin business, those wey dey go work dey prepare for work, THIS NA REAL MEANING OF "NA LASGIDI WE DEY" Nobody send YOU!

As i enter our room back naso i meet Peter where e dey give Efe correct word, i meant to do this already Peter was just a bit fast.

Peter:Guy! Even if our life be like this we no suppose live am like this na! You see where you wan sleep you no see BATHROOM! Bathroom wey the kin way dem dey throw am Kelebe everyday if person stay too long for there e fit affect person life sef. Sauce abeg yarn this your guy word! You no see how the Neighbors dey laugh us yesterday? Assuming say you no Open that door shey hin go pass the night inside BATHROOM?!

Omo! The matter dey vex Peter as e dey vex me too but i don vow since Last year say "There's nothing Efe go do wey go shock me again" NA HIN WAY!

Me: Efe! Aswear na confirm yarn Peter yarn you so! Wetin you do na First Grade of In-Rubbish CUM In-the-stupid! But your matter no fit shock me again! Nl be today you dey do am but this one you just f*ck yourself up big time!

Efe: E don do na! Una dey want make i dey cry and and if no be Pizza wey you give person chop wey get Sleeping pill inside shey i go forget body sleep?

(And this is one of Efe worst behavior! In anything, He will never accept his bad deeds! All he looks for is how to justify his deeds, How can a sane person justify sleeping in a bathroom?!)

Like say the Efe word no vex only me! Peter stand up dey chance Efe sharp, the guy knew the best for himself if he talk the rubbish "Full Warri Pikin" yen yen yen stuff, i swear Peter go rush am! This something about Peter "He is Lazy and fears alot but when he gets angry he's not the one you challenge"

Me :Guys all this mumu fight no do us na! Make we settle reason.

Peter : Guy! When your person no dey do good na correct we dey correct am but Efe no dey like take to correction

I knew i need to bring something trivial wey go dust the matter comot, i remember i never tell them about DUBAI MONEY!

Me: Omo! The way education be now for 9ja even if you carry phd no mean say you go rich o, una no go believe "Bami Scholar" don turn yahoo yahoo.

Efe :Ewo oo! That guy! Wey dey always form Albert Einstein for class! Omo this life no balance even Obaseki fit testify!

Peter: Imagine lady wey dey sell Jazz to dey use capture men na one broke yahoo boy impregnate her lass lass! Life no balance.

I no bother to tell them say e give me money cos dem fit turn am to "room cake" now. You sef think am if Efe dey in need of money badly e get people e fit call and Peter too but me if you hear ALMAIJIRI OLOUN! If i pocket that money like that i go dey use am run things.

Peter:Ehn i wan tell una sef say the Engineer call me yesterday, e ask say the job wey we do last time for that Chief house say shey we no come across any passport.

Then i remember! That day was very terrible asin i was stress out like! na where i dey waka the house surrounding i come across one passport ontop one chair wey dey backyard naso i pocket the passport say i go return am back to Engineer i don forget.

I remember say na cloth wey i dey use work na inside the cloth i put the passport I sharply go inside comot the cloth where i put am... See as the cloth dey smell i never wash am since 2weeks ago wey i don use am work.

Me:Peter you no see me so (As i hold the passport for my hand dey show him) that day wey i see am i say i go give Engineer naso i forget.

Peter: E still good na, make i call am say e dey our hand.

I no know wetin prompt me to open the passport (International Passport), Omo! See BEAUTY! I just open my mouth i no fit close am, the lady's smile, face structure everything just balance! "Owosemo Chinaza Prevail" says the name on the passport.

Me :Guys! This lady fine like fine thank you so o! She be like Igbo and Yoruba combination like me and i think say we go form good partner together.

Peter: Efe this boy mumu o! You wan follow rich pikin relate?! Or na the lady wey i see for that man sitting room that day? Make i see sef (He collect the passport and follow up with one wicked grin like that) Omo! See this babe you no get chance! Na Zero you go carry come home.

Even if she no go gree i must make attempt first! And if to say i no get today no mean say i no go get tomorrow na.

Efe: Leave Sauce o, All our local girls dey here dey trip for you wey you dey form Marcos Reus for dem. Guy, better know your level even if she later love you shey you think say her papa go gree?

Hmmmn! As much as i hate to admit it na fact Efe talk o! Most rich men no dey gree say make them pikin marry people wey no rich reach them, i no blame most of them sha THE WAY SOME POOR GUYS DONE RUIN SOME RICH HOUSE AFTER THEY DECIDE TO HELP THEM EHN!

But still if the papa go gree or not if the girl go gree or not i go still shoot my shot! Na one loud Kokokoko interrupt my thought. Omo WETIN MUSA WAN TALK AGAIN?!

Musa: Aboki na! Una Guru morning o, una go beliefe what haffened..As i dey prefare for where i dey serve naso Blessings knock my door..

Efe:Wetin happen? E con rape you again?

Musa : Efe Walahi no be so! She tell me say Landlord say make she park her load comot house say Mr. NEYO don died for hospital say Police don detain Oga Landlord himself and dem say dem dey come to park everybody for this house o.

What?! Park everyone ke? Where we go waka go? We no get another house na! But MR. NEYO?! Chai! Lass Lass na wetin e know how to chop kill am! Na prick dem use born man na same prick dey kill some man. (Be Wise o) HOW WE GO RUN THIS HOUSE LEVEL LIKE THIS?!

END OF EPISODE 11

EPISODE 10

Abeg make we leave Musa matter! Food don ready! Rice In collaboration with Fried Pepper in association with bend, curvy and spicy Chicken! (You talk say Chicken dey curve? LOL! Una no know how to cook sha, make una come take Tutorial from Oga Peter).

And our guy dey here so! Mr. Alhaji Musa (RVN) with his throat going up and down, person wey dem rape minutes ago dey worry hin throat for food.
RVN- Rape Victim of Nigeria
Na only Musa get that Honour for whole Nigeria, Today go be one of those Wahala day as hin be.
I see Food wahala we go enter rape wahala we enter another wahala wey i no go know yet. Oya make we jump up like Batista carry body and GO like John Cena.

As food land finish, peter carry food serve 3 of us excluding Alhaji.

Musa: Pefer! Abeg why you no serve me ko.
Lol! As i expected this drama go sweet o, e go be like Fredick Leonard and Ninalowo Bolanle own

Efe: (grins) Musa you sef too like play, shey this place resemble tennis court? If you need person make e serve you go meet Roger Federer or Serena Williams those ones sabi well well.

(LMAO! But do we need to do this? Why Efe bring my precious, darling Serena Williams to this discussion)

Peter: Efe your own no go lost o, you know say e dey serve 9ja Govt maybe na that serve e wan talk.

(LOL! Come see Musa face for God's sake his expression is indescribable, motionless, pointless, Empty! I no like this kin thing, see how Efe and Peter dey use the guy caught cruise e no good make we dey use hunger caught cruise na BUT na this pity pity things wey me i get no dey do me)

Me : Musa Oya go kichen go carry spoon come chop, but you sef person dem rape dey chop food? Na Milk you need and Blood

Efe : Sauce wetin dey cook you! Blood for wetin hin moan upon (How the Mumu know say e moan) and Peter see this una Hausa brother Mumu o! Person wan dem wan rape wey dey shout '' no this kin thing '' Sauce na this guy no get Akonuche real real.

Lol! Musa just dey there dey chop hin food, if not say e dey chop our food Efe for don now wetin dey sup already.

EFE: Assuming say i no run that day make i use knife stab me you go still dey here dey chop.

Hmmm!
You see that how life revolve "One who do you bad can do better next time'' if Musa don use knife shook Efe intestine drag am out shey e fit dey here dey chop our food. MAKE WE DEY CALM DOWN NA THE MESSAGE, Yoruba go say "Tan ban ja bi ti ka ku ko" "if we dey fight no be to dey wish ourself death" make you dey reason that one, I MOVE!

Peter: But Efe no be say you sef do good o, if na yourself you try am with you sef know trouble go dey not to talk of another person.

Hmm!
Another one is whatever yoy wanna do in life always put yourself in the shoes of others, what you can't take don't do to others.

Efe : You get point sha, hunger na bastard, abeg Musa no vex, e dey happen sometimes, me i don forgive you sha.

Musa : Efe! Efe! You know say me i be Hausa ko! Hausa no dey get gtufge (grudge)..
make you too no vex Dan Allah.

Man! F**k it! This is the kind of scenes i sign up for PEACE AND HARMONY!

Peter: This one sweet my heart o! Musa go carry plate come make i give you small food, Efe too go give you, Pizza wey i chop remain you go Finalize things with am.

Yes! That's some Gang Shi* in Carl Johnson voice for those wey don play GTA go sabi, we all chop finish naso one of our neighbors con call us say Landlord dey call everybody and Musa too.

LANDLORD /NEIGHBORS MEETING

Landlord : I want to greet you all my Gigantic, Distinguished neighbors and welcome you honorably and dishonorably into this impromptu gathering. When i meant dishonor i meant to say Some people are in our midst they are not people of honor, they are a big embarrassment to this household.

SHOW! But come Musa no be Some na, abi Landlord wan drag Musa join us? Omo! Make that one no happen! Landlord sef go chop am!

Landlord : A matter was reported to my Honored, Blessed and Presidential desk this afternoon, a matter between Mr Neyo Sholagberu, His Wife and Joshua Obadara the one you people called JAYZ.

Omo see Gbegbe o, so this guy wey been dey always form Gee for house get Christian name wey sweet like this? E no go shock me if hin papa na Pastor sef.

Landlord: The matter goes thus that YOU Brother JAYZ And Mr Neyo's wife Knack eachother Vigorously,Enormously, Deeply and Turbulently in Mr Neyo Absence. What do you guys have to say to this.
"Ha!" shouts everywhere, i look Peter eye one stupid laugh wan caught me but no be this place i go drop am. But why Landlord dey run this matter like say we dey court,wetin dey cook landlord.

Mr Neyo's Wife: Oga landlord no be so o, it's true that we knack twice but not Vigorously na easily and e no dey turbulent cos i just shout small i no make noise (Show! Awon Eyan ya were gan ni Eko yi o) and for my husband own no mind him o sheybi na Oga Boss wife e knack for their room and i just take revenge!

(Show! Show! Show! If you know who Oga Boss be?! E be one NURTW guy for our house! But thank God say e no dey here sha, hin wife no dey too! Everywhere go don stew already) naso everybody dey shout '' Nnkan be ninu Ile yi''' '' Oloribuku ma lawon Obirin yi o Eni eleni to se wahala lo, owa n tun ba neighbor e sun'' Omo people dey para o.

JayZ - Ehm! Oga Landlord you sef wey turn Justice Malami you wan do like say you no dey test run pri*k for Caro OR you think say how she go dey shout "Oga Please nau" every night we no dey hear.

SangbaFO! If you hear Party Scatter! Landlord sef don comot hin sit naso I hear Efe voice.

Efe: No wonder! Like father like daughter! Ladies and gentlemen i wan gladly tell you say this Afternoon Cum Evening our Oga Landlord daughter wey resume school enter My brother MUSA room e no only molest am, e abuse am, e violate am, e violate hin pri*k, e rape am Vigorously!

Omo! Efe oooooooooo! This one na wetin We dey Call KNOCKOUT for Boxing!

Landlord : See i view alot of Misconception,irregularities, disjoints and i hereby.....

Efe: Landlord abeg before you land i wan tell you happily say make you help us tell your daughter say me Efe! Obi Of Warri! Warri Number One Pikin! and My brother MUSA '' Dan Seriki Of Kano'' the RVN himself we dey come to RAPE our own back oo, make you leave yeye English for Patrick Obiaghon

LMAO! I dey sure say no be only me this drama dey sweet hin belle!, "Ha" shouts full everywhere again.

But come na Efe dem rape? This boy mad o! LOL!
As everybody dey take turn to leave.......
Fight DON SUP O! FIGHT DON SUP! FIGHT DON SUP! MAKE UNA CALL 911! SEE BLOOD!
Even if i no like to stay for where fight dey sup i go wait for this one o!

WWE SCENE.

Mr Neyo Throw JayZ one fine Akwa Ibow fist for him mouth, the mumu fall down quick, Neyo pounce on him sit ontop hin dey blow am dey go as neighbors dey say '' Neyo e don do na, you too na Criminal " Blood dey come out o, na from JayZ mouth , one of hin teeth don comot! People wey dey bear Sholagberu ehn FEAR THEM!

Little did we know say Neyo never through o, he comot JayZ cloth one by one till e naked OMO! Na Man Prick dem dey shame outside like this! Bragging Right don turn Bragging left o!

Neyo: You meaningless pikin! You dey samankwe my wife! Sheybi na with this yeye thing abi i go break am for you today.

If you watch Triple H VS Roman Reigns years ago , the way the whole WWE Locker room hold Roman Reigns then na the way all of us dey hold Neyo, imagine if hin comot this guy pri*k now and e die who e want Police to park!
While we dey hold Neyo naso we here (O n da) (Where is he)

Omo! E don Happen! Awon Omo Orita Iya Ku Omo Sonu ti de! Pikin wey dey carry Sickness for body, death for their hand don knack o! NURTW People in Collaboration with Mushin Thugs don land! Na Oga Boss carry dem enter.

Imagine! From when to when! Who call Oga boss tell am that kin stuff! Peter don go one corner dey shake.. BUT EFE, MUSA AND ME (THE WAR! INDABOSKI BAHOSE! THE SOLID AND LIQUID METAL) we all dey here! On a normal day i would have comot! Mushin thugs for that matter! But if dem kill this guy now, Oga boss go run comot with his thugs na we Police go park.

Naso the thug pounce on Neyo, Gbo Gba Gbo Gba Gbo Gba, almost 15 men on only him alone.. JAYZ don use that opportunity waka, though hin pri*k still dey stand even inside trouble! (Something must kill man!).

'' Ehn Ehn, Wetin una dey wait for'' one of the thugs ask us.. Naso Efe reply o

Efe: Abeg Neighbors come hear o! Oga Boss people dey ask us wetin we dey do inside our house wey we pay rent for.. SHOW!

(Even if the thugs wan try anything, everybody inside the house don dey scene already na to fight everybody be that and i swear the way i carry my fist ehn! Anybody wey wan go down go go down!)

As we wan engage them naso Peter shout '' Police dey here, RUN''
I Comot my slippers enter toilet knock door! I see Peter for my back and Musa, where Efe dey hope say the mumu no stay sha? I no get money to bail o!

End OF EPISODE 10!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT?

EPISODE 10 will land tomorrow Insha Allah

New Episode OTW

EPISODE 9

Na inside lagos 1hr journey dey turn 6hrs me wey suppose don reach Ope hostel since, na the molue wey i enter cause am sha the driver jam traffic e con try short-cut naso the thing long-cut the guy just dey jam traffic everywhere.

I thank God say i reach peacefully,na small distance some people dey go wey no reach my own wey dem no reach if God grant us safety make we dey give thanks. I no just know why Ope con collect hostel for here, i hate to dey visit cos if indecent dressing get rank her hostel go get good rank.

Kokokoko, i hate to dey knock to long shey she no dey inside or she no dey hear say person dey knock radarada. Naso i hear we dey come o from inside

(WE? Omo no be momsi be that? Na her voice! E sure me die, wetin she con dey do for here tori Oloun. I know I am up for motivational talk and abuse today).

Naso she open door (Talk of devil)

Momsi: Success wetin you dey do here
(Omo see in-rubbish question o, wetin i dey do for my sister hostel, i no blame her na me wey choose today to come f. up)

Me : Mom shey i no fit come see my sister again

Momsi: So early and great of you! See this foolish boy, since all this days you still never get sense shey, your sister call you since Saturday say she sick na this time you dey come.
(Momsi and her favoritism e dey tale no be today, come to think of it whenever i sick Ope no dey visit me sometimes sef she no go call, i still try borrow money con visit her see wetin i dey face)
Me: I busy na wetin cause am be that

After she use one bad look eye me she let me enter room lass lass, i see Ope where she sit ontop her bed concentrate on her phone the way she dey form whenever Momsi dey around no be small. But i still know say Momsi go still show me Basic Wahala, Premium Trouble and she no even wait small before she begin as usual.

Momsi: Success wetin you wan do for your life now you say you are busy, biko busy with what, you just dey parade life with those useless friends you get.
(I just keep shut make she dey rant dey go na waste if you dey argue with her)

Momsi: Your papa tell you say make you collect form continue your Bsc (If person hear this one now dem go say i no serious imagine your papa telling you say if you wan do Bsc na you go dey pay 50% of your school fees and no feeding money too) but you no just wan do nothing LAZY Pikin!

Na before i dey think those words now i no even get time i no say as far as i no lazy and i dey grind na matter of time i go reach there. Abeg make i do as usual (Anytime she dey rant her rant like that, after she land i go just use one unrelated matter snub am)

Me : I try your number yesterday e no reach.

Ope : E no reach niyen na. (SHOW!)

Me: Anyhow sha me i get one work i dey do for our street, i just (Momsi no gree me land)

Momsi: Shey you go say wood block your ear you no hear wetin i talk.

Me: Momsi i wan go piss i dey come.

(As i comot like this hop on one bike outside Ope hostel my brother if you hear JAPA JAPA, e funny abi but e no funny at all imagine you come visit your own sister for her hostel i no even use 10minutes,na to dey reply Momsi na that one fit cause noise but now wey i don comot make she dey rant with wall)

************************************************

As Bike carry me reach where i go enter Fadeyi bus naso One big motor park for my front i dey think say 'wetin dey do all this Lagisdi boys sef make dem hit am dem just go dey tempt person life ALAYE JOR JOR' the guy no stop there e con wine down, i no bother to look who dey inside if e like make e park there Like Tortoise wey dey find pric*.

Naso the person call my name, Who know me wey get Big motor like this abi na my nephew (LMAO that one wey hin papa never ride Jinseung LAYE KOJO). The guy waka from hin car e turn out to be Bamidele (He be our Number One Effico for LASPOTECH then), the guy don hit am.

He tell me say make i enter (Another rubbish thing LASGIDI people dey do, shey e know where i dey go... HadaHada for Jenifa voice)

Bamidele : Sauce! Big G! I am glad say i see you, how hustle.

Me: Omo you don hit am, hustle dey we just dey Gaga Shuttle like 2face we no fit kill ourself na, Bamidele omo na you.

Bamidele : Abeg no call me that name again my name na DUBAI MONEY now (Lol! I don get am! E don dey clear! Monkey don dey talk the Bamboo e dey come from).

Me: Omo that your name e be o, my guy abeg show me the way too this kin life don tire me.

DUBAI MONEY: Sauce! You wey no expose, na you dey form holy holy you wey no know say nobody holy, if you wan become person you must chop person.

Na person this guy go complicate hin life e dey find, for life e only take one step wey your life go destroy.Take this guy wey own one big boutique for Lekki for instance, after the guy hit am EFCC still arraign am for 2008 fraud. Abeg make this guy drop me JOR!

Me: My brother no be so! Ehm where you dey go sef, na Fadeyi me i dey go and i get one big appointment for there.

DUBAI MONEY : Guy you sha dey bleep up like always, me wey think say i go carry go mainland make you chop life small today. Anyway take this 100k make you use am run things first.

He give me hin number say make i call am and i waka hin car. Omo! See how God dey do hin thing o, me wey borrow 2k comot house today see person wey gimme 100k, thank God say i waka Ope hostel quickly o maybe i for no see this boy.

But come let think of this, when we are in school this guy use to be the best of all, he is a real genius but after all it was 'if you want to be someone, you must consume someone' it ended at. That's fate of youths in Nigeria today there's no government to stand for us, "All man for himself" but either ways "Yahoo Yahoo no be hustle o, One day for the thief one day for the owner".

But Lass Lass sef "Ole ni Everybody"! Because we live amidst them everyday, collect their money, chop life with them but we no fit tell them truth, including me sef cos i collect this guy money now clean mouth "God punish Poverty".

I enter UBA deposit 90K comot there enter Domino buy Pizza for my guys.. MONEY IS SWEET AND I GO GET AM E SURE ME DIE! By God's grace cos everything ON GOD My G, make we dey pray for Grace to become Ace remain.

I enter street na bike i carry enter, that long trek wey we trek for morning still dey do me. Omo come see this WOMAN wey dey bear Iya Chioma o, she still dey where i leave her since i waka go UNILAG go DOMINO enter?! She no go open shop like that, i no fit marry woman like this we go dey fight everyday but her husband dey work for Ikeja sha she no get problem.

As i march brake for house, peter food Aroma don dey spread for everywhere anyhow (Wetin Oga Pete dey cook na!).

I open door authoritatively enter ni (Wetin e dey cook us!), Peter hate that thing like the Mumu dey sleep one day naso i bang door enter na God say e no go die that day.

Peter: Sauce! Me i no like your way na, i don tell you say make you dey knock.
(I no even answer am i just drop Pizza for room enter Kitchen, Omo na Rice this guy dey cook sha, e don stalk kitchen wella too, MUMU EVEN BUY MEAT MAKE WE CHOP LOL!)

EFE : Guy come see o, na Pizza your guy bring come o (Mumu wrap am, break am for two, take first bite), Sauce where you see money.

Me : Show! Peter this your guy no fit get sense o, after e eat am e con dey ask where i see am i enter Domino thief am ni.... BROTHER WEY MUMU!

EFE: Show! You wan com dey give me voice.. YOUR HEAD there.

Peter : No Sauce even me i no blame am e know say you dey carry Spirit waka, na God do am.

Me : Show! Abeg e don do! Una no go believe.....
Naso MUSA enter o! Oooooooooo! Where dem see this guy! Na time wey we wan chop e dey enter for hin life! E be like say we go get EFE VS MUSA today.

Musa: Dan Allah, Ina Huni (I know say Ina Hu whatever na Good Afternoon for hausa) Sauce! Efe! Pefer! (Lol! Pefer? No oo Prefer ni! This guy mumu just like one guy wey i know na Mctominay him dey bear but that one too dumb!) Dan Allah, things dey haffen for this house.

Efe : Abeg talk wetin you wan talk all this formulating no do me but sauce why you no buy Pepsi with this thing e no fair na(Efe don chop Pizza finish even when e no know where Pizza come from but why Efe dey do Flauting things, mumu come dey lick hin lick shey e wan taunt Musa ni.

Musa : You know Blessing landlord fikin naso e come from school this afternoon knock my door enter then rape me for where i dey sleep.

Chimmoooooooo LMAO! This matter tough o! Omo Yoruba Rape Omo Hausa if the matter make it to Twitter ehn.

Peter : But guy person rape you where you dey sleep and you know and you no object which kin rape be that.

Musa : I tell am say make she no dey do that kin thing but she no answer me, walahi if i see am today ko i go kill am mona.

This guy ehn, everything na i go kill am dem use kill do him! But Musa mumu o! Drama go unfold for this house today!

END OF EPISODE 9

Food don land o

New Episode Today

Una good morning o!

I go update soon anytime I finish settling this matter wey dey my table o, sheybi its our landlord wey caught hin daughter where she dey tell her friend how she scam her papa 100K for matric money, her papa don say no more school o... Still still dey ontop the matter WE DEY SETTLE AM.

New Episode OTW!

EPISODE 8
TUESDAY
My body no still settle after yesterday i need to share my dream with someone, i think of Chukwuemeka (Hmm that one wey no even remember say e get pikin somewhere no jor), abi make i call my mama (She go just talk say make i dey come home! Na from home i go make am), e left me with no option than my brothers (Efe and Peter) no be bad reason na we don pass friend level turn blood brothers.

As we gather for room greet each other finish, dem ask me say how my health bla bla bla i no dey mood for such talk, i narrate wetin i see for dream yesterday for them. As usual na FULL Warri pikin first use hin yeye mouth talk.

Efe : Hahahaha, Sauce the War, when you turn Joseph wey sabi dream, when you wan spoil kon spoil am finish e say e gimme punch i no retaliate, you sef know that day we go kill ourselves for here.

Peter: Guy abeg shut up, wetin you wan do all this your bragging things no do us that day Musa say if dey born you make you wait for him why you no wait. (LOL! Wetin this guy bring up again now, i still remember that day make i share the story? Una to like Aproko jor but make i sha do for humanity sake.. LOL!)

FEW MONTHS BACK
I no remember the day but na evening time we waka Oshodi where we go run one job as we match brake for house we meet three of our neighbors for outside and one suya wey garri dey beside, the garri no look normal garri be like say the person wey get am don dilute am with Milk and other stuff, i think say who fit get this kin rich food vos this thing i dey look go pass 800H fit not more, cos the suya me dey see go reach 500-600.

Naso action wey go bring action start o, you know say if Ajay Devyn wan cause trouble for film dem go first look for hin trouble.

Efe: Una good evening, who get this food wey no eat am again. (See mumu oo! How e take know say dem no eat am again and when Efe start to dey greet neighbors.. Abegi!)

One of our neighbors reply him say na Musa get am say e go do something inside house e dey come back.

Efe : Musa?! na Musa get am? Musa na my person. na naso my guy say make dem shift for am, na my eyes e tear first suya when e wan tear second i waka inside.

10 minutes don knack so if no be more why Efe never enter room, i think say maybe e dey relate with the neighbors or Musa don come back dem dey talk,peter don rest ontop chair busy with hin phone as usual naso i hear noise outside, the voice na Musa voice na i no fit misplace am.

Naso i go outside go check wetin sup i see Musa wey hold long knife and Efe too wey the neighbors dey hold wetin con cause fight i wonder (Musa and Efe na 5 & 6 confam padii). I reach front of house after minutes things calm small

Me: Musa, wetin happen na why you two dey fight.

Musa: Sauche, this your aboki na barawo mana i enter house leave my suya and garri wey i pour three Olympic milk inside only for me to come out to see this barawo wey clear everything,E be barawo mana if na Kano we dey i for chop your arms into fieces go give Dog chop.

Efe:Me my arm! Dem no born you, the day you enter our room chop our rice and stew finish clear our meat like say na your papa give us money we TALK

Musa: Eh! This one na Dan Bansa mana na only you get the food even sauce and peta sef no comflain.

Landlord come around settle am sha but if we reason am how Efe take chop that suya finish food wey no belong to you, if na me be Musa i go do worse sef.

Everything don settle when night set very well, me and Efe go buy Fufu for Iya Jere shop naso we meet Musa in front house again o, as e see Efe like this my guy comot knife from hin back again,Warri pikin took race oo, omo USAIN BOLT full this country o naso MUSA dey shout if dem born you make you wait i go show you maina. I never know say Efe fit run for fight that day my guy run!

NOW

Efe: Abeg shut up! You think say i fear am naso i take run i wan go comot instrument wey i go use tackle am na.

Me: E no bad sha if you go for 2hrs dey find instrument yeye yeye abegi wetin una think of this riddle jare.

Peter : Wetin me i think na two, Sauce shey you sure say this music thing na your calling or we go waka this house before we make am?
(This guy reasoning dey always sweet me,e remand of one guy like that na Mctominay we dey call am but this one dumb no be small!)

Efe: Chai see sweet reason o but anyway sha God go let us know, abeg wetin we wan chop.

Me: Money no dey na

Peter: My uncle send me 60k yesterday abi the milk and food you chop yesterday you think say na wind carry am give you.

(See as this Oloshi use style pour me word)

Me : you no talk say you bring dragging machine wey you wan use drag me na, abeg you sha go borrow me 2k i wan reach Unilag.
(Naso Efe cut me, this Idiot sef when e go get manners sef we Warri dey get manner i no know where hin own Warri come from)

Efe: Guy na beg i dey abeg o, where you see money wey we go still spend anyhow, you know apart from this money wey God do for us we no get any hope till Month end again.

Me : Efe se oloribu lo fe ya ni, mo fi oloun be e ma gbe enu e yanshi yanshi bo oro mi no (Efe shey you wan be misfortunate, i use God beg you no put mouth inside my talk again)

Na Yoruba i dey use speak when i no wan Efe make e understand wetin i dey talk, for peter e understand yoruba but e no fit speak am.

Efe: Peter see your guy see the mumu wey lie down like dead man here yesterday wey i dey run up and down for, e don get mouth to talk today, the day i go understand wetin you dey talk ehn i go show you that day.

LOL! This Boy and his mouth wey e dey use brag ehn, even if he understand wetin i dey talk wetin e go do aside shouting. RADARADA!

I enter bathroom baff, we suggest say time don pass to dey cook make we go chop Rice for Iya Jeremiah shop.

IYA JERE SHOP
Her shop look different today, everything quiet, no Music too, nobody dey canteen (the strangest of all cos since i enter this street Iya Jere shop never empty before infact people go don dey the shop as early as 5AM to buy food for themselves and them pikin. I look around as well no sight of Iya Jere or her workers (Maybe she's sick but the iya jere wey i no even if she sick she go still cook)

Me : Guys, wetin una think say dey sup here, Iya Jere no open and the thing strange.

Efe : Guys abi na ontop gbege wey happen yesterday she no open? Maybe Police dem don con carry her.

Peter: I no think so, that one na simbi and that guy matter na, wetin concern her. We no get her number now we for call am.

We waited couple of minutes more but still nobody show up,we conclude say we go junction go chop.
(Imagine, from house to junction chai! Na God go punish POVERTY!)

As we wan reach Junction naso we see Iya Chioma and some people, i think say maybe person die at first but no wailing or sort. I remember the Gbabe scene for my dream, so if i ask Iya Chioma for Alfa na that kin person she go introduce give me? E fit no real sha but Real or not am not interested.

Worst be say the mumu say make Efe pay 250k for hin Olosho, Efe wey be Baba for the girls he go carry them come house e no still go pay transport money! And Roseline sef he don breakup with her since a year or so ago another thing wey no true for that dream.

As we reach where people gather, we no bother to call Iya Chioma but naso i hear Sauce! Sauce! I know na her.

Iya Chioma: You people shey we dey fight ni

Peter : Iya Chioma you be our person na, we see say you busy we no wan interrupt you. No Vex.

(Busy Indeed! Busy with Amebo he surely meant)

Iya Chioma : Una no go believe wetin happen o, (she drag us go the other side of the road) Police don arrest Iya Jere o, they say dem catch am where e dey bath for road for 1AM.

We all shout (What!!!) at same time so shocking! that woman no look evil at all.

Iya Chioma : Lemme land o, she don confess say every person wey sleep with her their fortune don be her own, worst be say as 5am knack today her son wey dey come from Club with hin friend dem get accident, the rest survive na only Jere die.

(Jere! That pikin wey young, no proper upbringing! e fit be wetin hin Mama do the repercussion sha. Wow! Iya Jere?! I thank God say i no be one kin promiscuous person i for don enter her wey person fortune disappear, fortune wey never do me wey i still dey pray for more).

We just waka leave Iya Chioma there, i no fit walk properly cos the thing shock me, the woman nice to Me, Efe and Peter.
I remember one yoruba proverb wey say 'Gbogbo sebi sebi kan ma ranti ojo atisun' 'All evil doers make dem remember day of judgment'.

Day of Judgement don come for Iya Jere definitely,as we reach junction naso Peter stop bike.

Peter: Na market side we dey go (LOL! Market! We no chop for outside be that?) Sauce we go meet you for house.

END OF EPISODE 8

EPISODE 7

Omo the kin way e dey do me so I know if i go Iya Chioma shop things go spoil cos i no dey get control when i dey vex, Efe just hold hin silence since we waka Gbabe house, Peter on the other side still dey fume the way e dey knock hin fist together no be here.

As we match brake in front our house i see Landlord with hin yeye Calabash pot-belly i just wan waka inside naso the yeye man call us back.

Landlord : HmmmmHmmm, so now una don big pass to greet us abi? Shey you people remember say na yesterday una money due sha.


Me: Baba na you dey remind us before? We go pay you soon so you go buy things baby go need and hin Mama!
(Chineke! I don drop bombshell o! On a normal day i no fit talk that kin thing but why the foolish man choose this time to ask for rent for goodness sake.. The expression on landlord face go make good meme sha)

Efe: Guy e don do make we go inside.
(Why this idiot dey form peace maker since morning?! Why e no fit just mind hin business?!)

I wan waka but this stupid landlord wey i get wan show hinself but e end in tears sha! Emi Ika!

Landlord : So una don jobless reach this level abi, na to dey put mouth for wetin no concern you remain see wetin joblessness dey cause this useless youth una mate don get 3 cars you still dey here dey monitor my life.

Chai! This man use the sadness thing in my life to abuse me! People inside house don gather here so,
No! No! No! Persin don dey use me gain word NEVER! then u remember one tori hmnn I hear from Iya Chioma (Why her sef, she fuc* up today and i no go forgive her) hmmnn time to use that tori as am advantage.

Me: See this yeye stupid man so! Shey make i tell them how you kill your brother so you can get the whole house to yourself! Una see this pig wey Amadioha go waste dey talk me say i jobless! I thank God o, i no do Yahoo wey EFCC go arrest me unlike this foolish person wey hin born three son wey all of them turn Anini.

(GBAS! Na slap o, this man just slap me so e pain am. Am happy say i get REVENGE)
I just waka inside house i dey hear him say make i waka hin house or else e go chase three of us out, we all enter room and not surprising This week has to be one of the helliest week in my life sha!

Efe:Guy how we go run am now, we no fit afford make the landlord chase all of us out. All this shit na You cause am why you reply am wetin poor man wan use rich do. Mumu guy

Me: Who be mumu (I throw Efe one good fist hin fall down straight, he stand up again to challenge me) Efe you don dey do am no be today you know, na you dey talk Full Warri Half Warri but if them born you well Challenge me.
Wetin i dey talk sef sheybi you don talk say how we go run landlord level so e no go comot una.. NO P i go move out for una, dey chop the house.

Peter : Guy e no reach na make una calm down we go settle am.

Efe: E no go better for settle! make hin waka enough is enough,na only him?!

I carry my bag straight,put my cloth inside,i tell Peter say make hin borrow me 1k he give me 1K and i comot straight.


MONDAY
10:46PM

Sauce Sauce! Wetin do this guy! Bring water! Pour am water! Gbos for my face! Why dem dey pour me water na, i wake up to see Landlord, Musa, Efe, Peter and Caro inside our room all of them dey carry this worrying look, why i dey inside this house again? Shey something do me ni?



So na DRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAM! I look my phone wey dey ontop table check time as i try to recollect wetin really sup. Na film i dey watch before i sleep so ALAGA never existed no one bears such name in this neighborhood i am very certain, i remember how Master say e go help me make i wait for 5months, i remember my clash with Alfa GBABE, Landlord and Efe. No this must be more than a DREAM!

Peter: Guy you dey ok so? Na where you dey watch film you sleep we no know buh e be like say you enter coma cos your body no move at all.

Landlord :Hope you are ok now or should we go to hospital ( I remember landlord part for my dream since we get to this house since 2years ago house rent no cause trouble, Infact Oga landlord na the last person wey go suffer you ontop house rent money.

Will i possibly clash with him or God dey try show me something, i get big riddle to solve and Google sef no fit provide answer for this one.

END OF EPISODE 7.
No vex say e short na the story cause am.
Now the start the story in proper!
STARDOM! WE GO!

Hope una dey enjoy the story so far

EPISODE 6
As i enter house back i dey pray say make i no see Musa on my way cos e go delay me with talk again, i thank God say hin answer that prayer,i enter our room see Efe where the Mumu dey scratch hin thing naso i decide to use am catch cruise small.

Me: Peter come see this your guy o, the way e dey scratch hin thing since yesterday no be here so. Efe wetin dey cook you sef

Efe: Guy como here, make una dey listen! two of una go waka house tomorrow evening cos i get important visitor wey wan visit me

(Yeye yeye! Who important visitor wan be again if no be Roseline, i no know wetin Efe see for that girl why e love am die like that she no too fine na wetin kill am be say Efe don catch am not once sef where another guy dey polash her but still Mumu still high on her love o, but this tomorrow visit me no go gree i no go waka house for that straw again if Efe wan polash make e go use bush.. SIMPLE!)

Me: Omo that one na mission impossible o, when peter babe visit when we comot house before na them know how them dey sort them sef make you too sort yourself out.
(Oga Pete comot kitchen con shook mouth)

Pete: Sauce me i wonder so o, i remember last time wey we comot room for una 11pm knack before you open door this one we no gree.. FiNAL!

Efe: Show! Be like say una don plan am abi when she come tomorrow if dem born una no comot room
(See this mad man o, e still dey give voice i swear i no care wetin wey wan sup tomorrow i no go waka this room rubbish)
Me: No p na tomorrow go knack (Na play e go think say i dey play).

(I face peter) better person jare Iya Chioma say the pastor wey she get holy spirit don short hin signal say e get one Alfa wey dey hin house na hin be new National Treasure.

Efe: Show! See all this Alfa stuff me i no like am but Iya Chi sef wetin she dey look for wey she turn Google, na her go know where herbalist dey live, where Alfa dey, where pastor dey imagine !

Peter: Omo na she sabi anything she want make she use hin life do (As he dey comot from kitchen carry pot and spoon for hand)

Abi e shock you say our beans cook fast? Pete the oracle! The Indasboki Cub! My guy don use Bi-Carbonate destroy beans life the mumu cook fast ni! Who born am.

Me: Peter you and this your Bi-Carbonate ehn i don dey tell you say make you dey use small the beans fit lose hin taste now.

Efe: Anyhow how e be abeg make we eat..

(Omo see broda, broda wey MUMU! Wetin comcern Warri people and taste make dem sha cook, i thank God say i no be full Warri sha).

Me: Guy una no go believe wetin Musa tell me when i dey comot house earlier

(As i tear Ace bread nylon, Ace bread and beans you con see Hollandia step down! Chineke! If you see Ace CEO tell am make he pay me for advert o)

When i no geh any reply naso i drop the bombshell, ehm Musa tell me say Caro don geh preggy say na landlord dey responsible.

(Peter drop hin spoon wey e dey use carry beans first focus on me but Efe the mumu just do like say e no even hear me you sef talk yeye yeye no mind am naso e dey do)

Peter: Oh boy! E reach preggy stage omo landlord na bastard o with that hin thing wey be like biro cover (I wan talk say hin don see am before but i just shut up mind my beans) Omo things dey happen for this house he continue hin para-ing

Me: Omo naso o.

The rest of the day go on as e go go, Efe bring up hin yeye girl matter wey dey come tomorrow as he dey talk i no kuku talk i don know wetin i go do for my mind as Wizkid talk am NO LELE!

Next Day

As we wake up bath finish we plan say make we go the Cleric side first before we con chop i wan call iya chioma first say shey hin do reach shop but Peter talk say hin sabi hin house(Typical Peter)

Naso we match o movement things! we get to Iya Chi house one big house like that but na flats wey dey inside unlike our own wey be say na only rooms dey inside.

We wan ask for Iya Chioma before naso i see one woman wey come out from one apartment na her back dey face us though i no need person to tell say na Mama Chioma (You say ha! I dey study people back? If na wetin you think be that so be it LOL!)

Me: Iya Chi Chi
(She first shock first maybe she dey think how we take know her house)

Iya Chioma: How una take here (She ask with one stupid curious look like that) Ha! Uncle Peter weldone o i no know say you still remember this place na

(She and peter continue their yeye discussion i no dey mood for rubbish talk jare, i no know say e dey do Efe like e dey do me too)

Efe: Abeg make we leave yeye talk! Where the guy apartment. (Efe the guy no dey chill at all my guy!)

Iya Chioma point the Alfa apartment to us.
Kokoko Ooo, Kokoko Ooo

Alfa Gbabe - Taniyen oo ewole (who be that enter)

As we enter i use my time take study the house i noticed one man wey dey hang hin picture for wall hin con hold this thing muslim dey use count, i notice sand inside one tray infront of the Alfa, wetin wey con shock me most be say the man put three phone infront of him.. Show! Otedola no do pass this one o.

As per say i understand Yoruba na me do the talking.

Me: Alfa e rora sir (Alfa weldone o)

Alfa Gbabe: Enle fa, kinni mo le she fun yin o (Una weldone too o, wetin i fit do for you).

Me: Alfa e wo nkan pokulumusu fi wa ju, anytime ta be tife ri alanu bayii nnkan kan mase ni sha (Alfa tin no dey go well for us o, anytime we wan see helper like this something go just sup)

Alfa Gbabe: Eh! Subhanallah! Kosi wahala e jeki a bayin yewo, amo e ma koko san 2,000 owo form na (Eh! Subhanallah! No wahala we go check am for you but you go pay 2k for form first)

Dem don come o! Na reason me i no dey like go any Alfa or pastor place be this 2k for ordinary form? i look Efe eye (Something wan prompt me to laugh buh i hold am LOL! Efe! Foolish boy!) Peter comot hin wallet drop 2k for me man (Peter na our life saver now naso we dey do three of us sha anyone wey money go spend for the rest) we no know sha na Zee World this Gbabe show first o Zee Cinema sef dey dey come.

Naso Gbabe call this person from inside hin house

Alfa Gbabe : Shukurah Shukurah bami mu form wa ninu ile fun awon Okunrin wonyi (Shukurah Shukurah help me bring form from inside the house for this guys dem).

Shocker of the whole story dey here so, naso Shuku show with one mad skimpy gown na hips of Alfa wife we dey see vividly here SHOW! She con expose her package, i use my eye do visibility seeing this one no wear undies o! SHOW! (This one na Alfa so?) Or na person wey dey lash Iya Chioma she introduce to me? (I know say she get husband but she's too flirty, e no go surprise me if i hear say she cheat on her husband)

One Davido line for 'FIA' play on my head sharp the one he talk sha "Shukura kilo kosi o Shuku se aya, aya Shoemaker" Omo all this fake Alfa em na God go punish them. I use one eye look Efe hin eye FOCUS on Alfa wife backside the way the mumu concentrate ehn (Efe and ynash! Peter don talk na wetin hin family matter use charm Efe be that)

Omo we no know say Alfa just dey start o from Zee Cinema naso e take us go Novela! E tell us say make we fill form after we finish, *Shuku still dey with us she sit ontop one chair con cross leg! Omo see Hips! Devil your papa o! *

Alfa Gbabe: Ehm Ama send feedback si yin ni whatsapp (We go send feedback to you on whatsapp)
Me and Peter: What?!

Alfa Gbabe : And Eyin sir (He face Efe) if you wan chop that food (He point to Shuku) 250K for 1 round.

Show my head dey play Oh jibi Jibi the one papa Ajasco dey do.
so Shuku sef no be hin wife na hin OLOSHO wey dem dey scam people together! Chai! And i go show this guy o why i dey call myself war! Why i be Indaboski!

I stand up move close to Mr Gbabe, the sand wey dey inside tray for hin front i pour am for hin face, i carry hin table use am break hin leg naso peter join me (Gbos Gbos) e shock me say peter join me for Assault be like the thing pain am,while Efe dey try play gentleman say e don do.

I carry hin three phone smash am for ground, see hin mouth so the mumu wey dey form Jumong minutes ago fit beg like this, naso people wey dey house enter try stop us too. I vex leave hin house but i make sure say i collect our 2k from hin Olosho hand before i waka, na Iya Chioma cause all this nonsense and I GO SHOW HER TODAY! NONSENSE!

END OF EPISODE 6

EPISODE 5
As we enter house no one dey talk of food again suddenly the hunger disappear dem no wrestle for our stomach again, what unfold earlier dey replay for my head how master open hin mouth when i murder hin beat finish,how e told me say Bangalee don travel say na after 5months e go enter country again... DAMN!

My guys could feel how i dey,the stuff dey make me kolo, at last Efe open hin yeye mouth talk

Efe: Guy why you wan kill yourself, if you think too much die omo we go call your fath... house make them come carry you. (Omo this guy lucky say e no mention my pale sha maybe the beating wey i mean say i wan give am maybe na today e for chop)
Pete join our discussion sha, sensible guy.

Peter : Abeg shut up na wetin dem dey tell person wey feel down be that? Get common sense na even if e no much, my guy(me) na you i go talk to o life is full of ups and down you remember quote wey you dey alway tell us inside LASPOTECH
'Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets if you take a step if it changes you life let it, if you take a step and it's changes nothing then modify it. No one promise life is going to be easy they just promised it's going to worth it'

Omo! See scholar i remember that quote very well e still shock me how Peter remember sha buh the guy na proper sabi guy when Education comes in.
Naso broda Efe drag himself in again

Efe: Omo see me see trouble o! You peter wey i know you too dey form Effico abi, Effico wey no bring moneysince all this days of hustle. See Sauce na you sabi na over thinking kill one guy for India last week no give yourself brain you hear atleast hope still dey.
Me: Abeg make we hear word but guys i reason with that peter suggestion earlier o, why Alaga no see anytime give us na when we no go meet Banglee he give us, i been dey think say family people o. (Omo LASWARRI don do combination and permutation over my head)

Peter: Ehn my guy naso i dey talk am na, na every time something wan sup for us na bad things go sha go happen lass lass.

Efe: Ehn how we go do am now, me i no like all this Lagos Cleric and pastor o dem go just chop you clean your life still no go change.
(True talk sha i personally knew of many numerous cases)

Me: We no get choice now we gat give am trial, i go visit Iya Chioma ask her about hin pastor i hear say na one pastor and one cleric we get for this street.

Peter: Show! Guy who tell you if you count from junction reach our house sef you go see over 30 Churches wetin dey whine you

Efe: Lass i go consider Holy spirit calling
(LMAO! Devil way accept calling e go enter voicemail no doubt)
I eye hin somehow e get the message sha na that kin 'you no serious, get sense' look.

Me: Omo make i rush go Iya Chioma shop then make una source out food make we chop, since yesterday na God go punish poverty o

Peter: Amen ooo, na big prayer. No p sheybi Bread and Beans go move together?
We agree say make we eat Bread and Beans sha as i comot iya Chioma shop.
As i comot our room naso i met Musa (One Hausa corper like that wey dey live for our house, we no dey talk before but na Real Madrid bond us together)

Me: Musa my friend, Musa walahi Dan Seriki (I dey try form this hausa intonation)

Musa: Aboki na no be xo o, i check you for house for Afternoon you no dey aaround. (Musa and this hin hausa intonation e just dey crack me up)

Me:We go meet someone na why you no meet me be that

Musa: I heard say our feam(team) wan buy Pogba Walahi Zidane Dan Bansa ni when we get Modric and Kross i know no wetin he dey fhink(think)

Omo laugh carry me one time, you no go believe say something strong do me minutes ago, Musa and this hin vibe

Me: Musa you know both Modric and Kross don dey old na and Pogba na sabi baller if you watch 2018 FIFA world cup you go know.

Musa: Me i no like am shikena (I no say e go dey drag the matter dey go naso i keep shut dey waka) ehn Sauce i hear say karoo (caro) don get belle shey na lardlord give am.

Me: You mean am?! Same Caro?! (E shock me cos the girl too set pass landlord food na) Omo e be things for this house.

Musa: Aboki na,i tell you.

Me: I wan reach iya Chioma shop i go branch for your side when i come back.

Musa: Ok bring chomething(something) when you dey come o.

Naso i leave Musa and hin trouble, Caro pregnancy claim still dey shock me o the girl too posh for landlord na (that one man wey i know no go last 20secs just dash bae wey set like that belle) things dey happen for 9ja o.
IYA CHIOMA SHOP

As i march break for her shop i see 2 other women dey sit ontop chair (women and gossip sha).

Me: Iya Chi Chi good afternoon o (i greet the 2 women too)

Iya Chioma: The war himself e don tey wey i see you o, shey you travel

Me: No oo, i dey house i just busy small (Why you say hun! I no busy abegi) i wan reason you for one matter ni

Iya Chioma: Okay (She comot where she sit dey come outside the shop as i dey waka outside too)

Me: Ehm i been wan ask shey this your pastor wey dey junction shey hin dey receive signal from holy spirit
She laugh small i be dey think say wetin funny maybe how i talk am sha

Iya Chioma: They don get that one jare e no dey effective again, we hear say dem use ynas* collect hin signal his wife tell me say dem go soon move soon (Women! Women! Women ehn fear them na brief news i want she even gimme details join, i remember wetin Efe talk about Lagos pastors earlier they can't be trusted forreal) but if you no go discriminate say Christain e get one Alfa wey dey our house na Alfa Gbabe e dey bear hin work strong! hin connection make sense o.

Chai business for lagos e, businesswomen go dey move from one pastor to herbalist to cleric all for money e be things o.

Me:Okay i go branch tomorrow so you go take me go there.

Iya Chioma: But Sauce wait o wetin you wan use Cleric do (I knew it! I been dey wait for this stupid question! wetin concern her na everything she go dey put mouth enter radarada,i give am one disastrous look from my book of looks all thanks to Efe my guy he tutor me well)

Me: I dey waka o till tomorrow.

I look back as i dey go house i see three of them back on their discussion i no need anybody to tell me say dem go table my matter analyse am (Iya Chioma too foolish if not say e nice i no go relate with her again).

Omo who i dey see! Jeremiah (LOL!) e don dey when i saw him o, big boy don come hin too done dey carry dread i dey think for my mind say the day SARS go catch am e go wise, i no even bother look hin side when i reach there i be the kind wey dey mind my business my business only.

End Of Episode 5

Episode 4
Omo big day come o na me wake up first,around to 8 sha Efe and mumu wake up, as Efe come from bathroom finish my guy just play Ojuelegba by Wizkid! finish me! When dem dey talk of proper song asin proper classic na that song.
Since i wake up i don dey listen to beat dey freestyle on them but hunger no gree me as if Pete know my mind ni
Pete:Omo guys how we go run today now hunger wan finish me o(how hunger no go finish someone na only food we eat for Iya Jere shop yesterday dey my stomach)

Efe:Omo i no understand o, i even try call Jessica yesterday she use my missed call return missed call my guy.
JESSICA na Efe sister na First Bank she dey work her husband dey work for this law firm but she no too like Efe together with us i remember last year when she visit us she dey tell her brother say 'this people you're moving with are slowly down your progress, leave this senseless friendship' omo that statement still dey pain me till today o i wish sey Ope too geh money(Ope na my elder sis na only two of us papa born she still dey Unilag na medicine she dey study).
But i no too blame Efe sis o even for my own family na Ope be their pikin me am useless i just hope say one day go come i go prove them wrong sha, guy you don reach spain sheybi we dey talk important matter naso Efe talk

Me:Abeg no vex, i dey think one matter like that.
Peter just drift in tell us how they drag one Danny Walter for twitter yesterday me i been know that guy no get Akonuche tey tey,buttwitter sha dem must drag everyday?

Efe:Abeg pack twitter matter we dey talk about food. (Macaroni that mad man sheybi if he drop something yesterday that one for safe our life today)

Peter: Make i call my papa if he fit drop something
(Hin papa na one big idiot wey no care about hin only son the mumu geh money o no be small, pete dey always talk am say na hin mama death spoil things na why hin papa dey misbehave, some men no get brain sha)
Pete call hin mumu pale he promised to send something before evening sha, even with hunger am very motivated ahead of what comes up today i know if i impress the producer i may luckily make it, wetin we go use kill hunger and time na naso i remember dream league soccer (DLS) if i compete for fifa and pes with you me sef know say i go chop am but dream league ehn Emi War! .

Me:Efe how far na make we run dream league make you chop am fast na

Peter:Abeg guy carry that your yeye game leave here o who e help. (no mind am! mumu no like DLS cos e too dey chop am no be small) naso Efe give am one

Efe:Abeg shutupu! comohere! na you e call when Efe turn peter,my guy(facing me) see make we run am jare i get beating wey i reserve for you.
Omo pete just come with smackdown destroy our brother o

Peter:Make i hear word na now e go test run beating for you wey you go dey complain about your phone (LMAO! Na Efe doing o, my guy no dey gree if e no lie say phone e go lie say e no dey mood,Warri idiot!)
My people e press Efe o

Efe:Oya on Hotspot make i show una, emi perfect gentlemen i don arrange Ronaldo and Messi forward put Kante for middle at first things wan go south o cos Efe dey lead me 1-0 but when 78 mins knack naso Ronaldo nod one sweet ball enter, 90mins i get one corner too hin keeper first safe am but Sergio lord Ramos baba roof am inside net forget level!
From DLS we argue music small
Efe na core badoo fan while Pete fit kill for Burna, dem sha dey argue as i dey watch na burna better, who be burna when badoo sing (first of all) the argument keep on and on and on
For me i prefer Badoo sha na Badoo get Lasgidi Bariga, Ikorodu, Shitta, Ojuelegba for life!
1:34PM
Naso i check time 1:34PM i don make plan say if Pete pale no send money i go borrow from iya chioma pay her back later as i wan go bath naso pete inform us sey hin pale send 45k,omo your pale na life saver o i hear as Efe dey praise our guy since money don dey make we go together na.
2:03PM
As we get outside the house we stop for this guy shop wey dey run POS level in front of our house pete say we go collect 6k(use 2k chop,pay Iya jere 2k,use rest run transport matter) i sha dey check time steady steady 17mins more,pim the guy give us 6k we mount bike straight (i tell am say we dey go Alaga house)
We sha reach Alaga house
2:16PM
He don dey out already, we approach and greet am
Alaga:Iwo bobo yi ori e yo e sha mo ti fe pada sinu ile ni yen(God save you sha, i wan enter the house be that)
I tell am say make e no vex, e say make we enter hin call boom!Omo we don reach omo!
Three PM sef don knack if not for traffic we go don reach before 3,as we dey enter the studio some guys dey comot naso dem dey hail Alaga (Alaga o! Eyan IB Dende, Eyan MC oluomo ni Oshodi) hin too dey reply dem,the guys dey gimme one stupid look sha but i trust Efe my guy Warri for life he too reply with wicked look (dem father there!).
As we enter i peep Masterkraft, shey master and Bangalee close ni i been dey think.

Masterkraft :Alaga o! Omo iya mi (i hear as master dey hail Alaga)

Alaga:Master Master! O ni wale eyan mi, gbera tan.
Master ask Alaga say wetin sup? say who we be?
Hin reply say we be hin boys for street say me i be upcoming artiste say i get potential gan (God go bless Alaga o even say e dey smoke gboli be like say the gboli no affect hin sense like that, see how hin hype me)

Master: Ehn Ehn make i give am one beat
Naso e play Odoo beat for me the one e feature Wizkid fortunately this morning when i dey freestyle i stumble on the beat from one music blog like that omo e easy for me die! Master sef open month dey clap when i finish but spoiler con dey sha

Masterkraft:Alaga this your guy get talent o, i like am.

Alaga:How you go assist am now

Na then Master tell me say Bangalee just waka minutes ago say the guy he introduce to him say Banga don sign am and as e waka na airport e go straight say e go take 5 months before e enter Naija back (Wetin i just hear? I stagger back small, 5 months i curve lagos traffic, i curse my luck) why Bangalee go comot when i never reach?
He promise me say when Bangalee come back he go help me sha, small hope don dey but 5 months?!
Naso me and my brothers em comot master studio, law of diminishing return in economics dey pop for my head (God punish law, punish diminishing return, punish Alaga wey say make we come 2:17,punish lagos traffic join) i been dey hear people share testimony of wetin lagos traffic don cost them, Efe break the silence sha as we dey inside cab.

Efe :Guy, why luck dey always do you bad like this.

Me:My guy me sef i no know.

Peter:Guys, i been dey think something even all this celebrities dem sef, them dey get pastors or Alfa wey go dey their matter incase of family people na family people dey this guy matter.

Omo! Pete reason well even though foolishly too but sense dey dey inside nonsense sometimes
No be bad idea o, when we get home we go reason am.
END OF EPISODE 4