₦airaland Forum

^^^^^^ Plain nonsense. Words from a chronic single feminist.

Gloriagee:
U feel it's Ok to come online to say ur wife lacks discipline and fear of the unknown, whatever that means. Do u realise that communication is a 2 way affair and for it to achieve meaningful results, u have to clear ur mind of biases. U've already concluded that she's showing traits of infidelity n then u confront her. In the words of Madonna, U'll only see wat ur eyes want to see....U're frozen when ur heart's not open. Does praying sarcastically that God saves u from young women wife of nowadays stop this incident from repeating itself? Cos all I can see is blame apportionment, nothing like dearie in future pls wen a guy stops u, take dis action or that action

N to be honest, I'm not sure u know what it's like to be a nig female. Sometimes the more u say no, the more they hear yes. Once at an African airport, some guy walks up to me and insists he must pay for my purchases. Note, I didn't know him and was more than capable of paying for my goods. He made such a scene, I had to allow him pay n I was thinking, next thing now, babes r gold diggers. Busy flaunting dollars that I no send. Insisted I added his BB pin n generally made a nuisance of himself. Needless to say, I deleted his pin as soon I got to lag. I've taken guys nos to save it as 'don't pick'. So be open minded n pls desist from belittling ur wife in public. Cheers!

You are probably not married, so you lack the core values that enshrines the policies of marriage. You were able to delete his pin, which means no chat or nothing. But here is someone who still opened a chat communication telling a guy that the phone cant be stolen because of what? What does that translate to knowing fully well you implored not to establish any form of communication? Please dont be a feminist here.

PresVA:
Concerning your questions, yeah many ladies give out their numbers to avoid the guy(s) following you around and pestering you. .. with the intention of blocking or ignoring his calls afterwards hoping the guy gets tired and stops calling etccc....this is for the singles anyway. .

As a married woman, I will sternly tell you that I am not an irresponsible married woman. ... I don't give out my number now no matter how much the pressure is. ...

Then concerning her reply, I don't see anything wrong with that... you should loosen up a bit and stop being too sensitive Op... if I tell my husband something like that, he will laugh and jokingly tell me to give him back his "precious" phone.. or simply tell me to go and buy one that can be stolen na

You just have to tell your wife to cut whatever communication she has with the man, simple. .. When she fails to do this, then that's when you should get bothered. .. All d best..

That, I already told her last year when she told me the man called him, told her to cut ties, and then she still chatting responding to him? That response makes me feel he wants the guy to ask him what type of phone, gives him a description and allow the man to offer to buy a new phone? is that a trait of a good wife? People are here saying i should not put mind there, those people are probably not married, are you going to open your eyes and allow sand to enter it? If the bull is not taken by the horn earlier, one would end up being smashed to the ground. If a woman has decided not to communicate with a particular guy. And then thats the best response she can make use of?

Gloriagee:
My opinion is that you seem to have a pattern of bringing your issues online, which is something I wouldn't be comfortable with, if I were ur wife. Ur the head of the home and women like men that lead without necessarily coming across as overbearing. Communicate with her. Ds is wat u did wrong, y did u do so. Listen to her n map out a game plan for the future.

If u continue ds way, u may end up with a hardened wife and ultimately lose her

Point of correction, tons of issues have occurred, that I never brought here which I had to handle myself. But there are situations where you need insight from meaningful people. Also, didnt you read the part where I said I confronted her? Isnt that communication? I also stated the aftermath of the confrontation which made me ask if I handled the situation well.

Nairalanders, I need your thoughts on this, still on the issue of having to query my wife regarding men. Now this time my son came to me, with mums phone in his hand

'daddy' its game, which means , he needs me to operate the phone for him to play game on it, lo and behold, probably where he mistakenly pressed the whatsapp icon, a

message from someone whos number isnt saved saying:

why arent you picking my calls?

hope there is no problem?

is everything ok?

Has this phone been stolen?

my wife then responds with:

Lolz, I stole the phone, if you see this phone u will know it cant be stolen.


That ended the conversation there. I then asked her whose message was that, she sighed and said


" oh you actually saw that message, 'she said in a sober tone' I answered yes, whos is the person

She answered saying its one man ooo, I said which man, she said she met him a long time ago, I asked again who he is, she answered
saying it was the guy he met last year at GTbank whom she told me about that the guy chased her from Gtbank as far as reaching
where she was going to. Oh well I did remember she told me herself that a guy trailed her all the way from GT down to where she had stopped by,
only for the guy to pressure her for her number and she gave him out of too much pressure knowing fully well she would not entertain his calls.


She said the dude has not called her since last year, that he stated back then he was travelling out, and that hes probably back
reason why the dude called, and at first she didnt recognize who it was until he described himself and soon as she found out he was
the one, she decided not to pick his calls resulting to the text he has been sending as shown above.

Now Nlanders, I have two points here that bothers me, and which I made use a medium to confront my wife.

Firstly, I said if you dont know what you are doing yourself, how in this world would someone have you give him your number because you were pressured?And how
in this world would you justify the fact that if truly you claim not to entertain conversation with this man, why do you even have to respond to his whatsapp message with the above statement above by her? Above all, I picked a statement which I find terribly suspicious which sends serious signal of worry. That being:

She lost her phone 3 weeks ago, and to replace that same phone would cost me as much as 80-90k, and due to the current financial situation, an android phone
i got for 10k for my skype was passed on to her, a phone which to me is not bad @all, so for my wife to have responded to this man saying if he did see the phone, he would know that it cant be stolen to me really bothers me, I dont know what you guys think, but what I think might be right, or magically wrong.

Lastly, after the confrontation, all I could get as an answer was ;its not my fault', I didnt want to talk to him thats why I did not respond to his message for long, bla bla. I responded by saying, the foundation for trust to be built takes a gradual process, and from incidences frm wayback which showcased a trait of infidelity wife, it will as far as I can see take years to build, as I see a woman that lacks discipline, and lacks fear of the unknown.

I apologize for the long epistle. Its mind buggling, young women wife of nowadays. Na only God fit save men.

Forgot to include that she concluded never to do it again after which I stated that in order to avoid problem or unwarranted request of 'PLEASE'', it was better I never request again, she concurred with an expression of relief and I thought to myself, so all these while she was doing it out of only lord know what. That got me mind choked. Was disappointed. But its all good.

mrwonlasewonie:
enjoy ya life jare

I sure will. Thank you.

Nairalander;s

I had to step on this thread seeing that it hit front page knowing fully well that many people will comment in which good, relatively bad, and worse advises and comments will be dished out. And in order to shed light and to bring a full understanding of this issue in details, I just have to come in even though I have decided never to reply to my wife's post ON NL never again.

I am this very hard working man, always busy trying to make ends meet, making sure the family standard is on point, and this includes my wife at every phase of our marital life so far. I do anything for her without looking back, or without any form of dishing out conditions. There are few times though that I would normally tell her to @ least say thank you after going through an abnormal tedious task to get something fixed for her which I feel every normal human would do talk-less of ones wife.

The issue of ear cleaning does not arise all the time, it may be twice in a month, and I normally request when I know my ear is filled with dirt, and its an opportunity for me to enjoy with I call "sweetie' and also for me to relax. I normally would use the word please often, few times "please " doesnt accompany my request, I can bet that my request has never for once sounded authoritative. NEVER!! I asked her to get me the cotton bod, she brought it, I thought being that she knew my weakness and what I enjoy, she would just do it without me asking, she didnt while she walked away, I was like in yoruba " o de wa bami sey na" which means, come and assist on doing it na", I got a response from an atmosphere I could term cool and warming that is it hard for you to say please in order to get me to do ur ear? I wasnt pissed until she made a big deal out of it saying too much, that was when I told her not to worry after she had decided to come do it like I forced my sister to come do sumtin she never wanted to do. It was never going to be a good feeling afterwards. That being said, the issue was not the reason for my vexation, She was to wake up at 6 to catch up with work, so I woke her by tapping the bed, because if I had tapped her, she would say that I was hitting her. I tapped the bed and she yelled @ me, next thing, she arrogantly pulled the douve off my legs to hers, that automatically made me feel bad like am living with a woman that loves to drag with me like a man, for every 1 word i issue, i get 10 back in return, so many things I would love to say on this forum, but there wont be any need because I am the one that can solve my own problems, I can only make use of some few genuine advises here. I am married to someone whose background and ways of reasoning is totally out of this world, but never say never, I will hold on to my marriage and make it work like it should.

Thanks all.

PMIcon:
You both should see a pro-marriage professional counselor.

Some people just talk about divorce as if nobody gets hurt- even the person initiating gets hurt by it. It only worsens issues. Statistics show that one divorce and remarriage is potentially going to end in another divorce. May be that's why the Bible's prescription is separation and reuniting if it has gotten to that point of moving apart. Just food for thought.

Heart to heart talk, yes. But about what? What should you talk about? How prepared are you to hear the details? What productive steps should you take to make your marriage better? That's why BOTH of you need a pro-marriage professional counselor.

If you can't get one, buy books they've written. Books like The Complete Marriage Book by Dr. David Stoop& Dr. Jan Stoop will be of help especially in communication and dealing with emotions in marriage. Please read together. I wish you the best.

Does that counseling of a thing truly do work? I am in a big doubt to that.

whirlwind7:
Your wife is not satisfied with what you have to offer her.

She definitely is on the look out for more excitement outside.
whether or not she has physically cheated, one can't say. But she is certainly cheating on you emotionally.

It's a dicey situation, because she is gonna take her game a step further.
Are you ready for such mind games? Are you up to it? Do you have what it takes to clip her wings?

Marriage is never easy, but having a spouse who's hell bent on ruining you emotionally is a NO NO! All her excuses sound so childish and hollow, it's a wonder you are still trying to decipher what she is up to. I feel for you, brother. It's a really painful place you are in right now.

Mr Wind, I am in a pretty bad situation with all these happening, but what can I do?

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Unfortunately we have kids together, 2 kids to be precise. So am on some serious hanging here. If not, I might probably have parted ways with her.

Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.