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Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by freelance777: 8:29am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Nairalanders, I need your thoughts on this, still on the issue of having to query my wife regarding men. Now this time my son came to me, with mums phone in his hand 'daddy' its game, which means , he needs me to operate the phone for him to play game on it, lo and behold, probably where he mistakenly pressed the whatsapp icon, a message from someone whos number isnt saved saying: why arent you picking my calls? hope there is no problem? is everything ok? Has this phone been stolen? my wife then responds with: Lolz, I stole the phone, if you see this phone u will know it cant be stolen. That ended the conversation there. I then asked her whose message was that, she sighed and said " oh you actually saw that message, 'she said in a sober tone' I answered yes, whos is the person She answered saying its one man ooo, I said which man, she said she met him a long time ago, I asked again who he is, she answered saying it was the guy he met last year at GTbank whom she told me about that the guy chased her from Gtbank as far as reaching where she was going to. Oh well I did remember she told me herself that a guy trailed her all the way from GT down to where she had stopped by, only for the guy to pressure her for her number and she gave him out of too much pressure knowing fully well she would not entertain his calls. She said the dude has not called her since last year, that he stated back then he was travelling out, and that hes probably back reason why the dude called, and at first she didnt recognize who it was until he described himself and soon as she found out he was the one, she decided not to pick his calls resulting to the text he has been sending as shown above. Now Nlanders, I have two points here that bothers me, and which I made use a medium to confront my wife. Firstly, I said if you dont know what you are doing yourself, how in this world would someone have you give him your number because you were pressured?And how in this world would you justify the fact that if truly you claim not to entertain conversation with this man, why do you even have to respond to his whatsapp message with the above statement above by her? Above all, I picked a statement which I find terribly suspicious which sends serious signal of worry. That being: She lost her phone 3 weeks ago, and to replace that same phone would cost me as much as 80-90k, and due to the current financial situation, an android phone i got for 10k for my skype was passed on to her, a phone which to me is not bad @all, so for my wife to have responded to this man saying if he did see the phone, he would know that it cant be stolen to me really bothers me, I dont know what you guys think, but what I think might be right, or magically wrong. Lastly, after the confrontation, all I could get as an answer was ;its not my fault', I didnt want to talk to him thats why I did not respond to his message for long, bla bla. I responded by saying, the foundation for trust to be built takes a gradual process, and from incidences frm wayback which showcased a trait of infidelity wife, it will as far as I can see take years to build, as I see a woman that lacks discipline, and lacks fear of the unknown. I apologize for the long epistle. Its mind buggling, young women wife of nowadays. Na only God fit save men. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Stanleyafam(m): 8:43am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Women are always chased, married or not, but you just have to trust her, cos if you don't, you hurt your self, and as for the phone looking like it can't be stolen, please remember you can never please a woman, read less meaning into it, work more on your happiness and ignore most things else you'll grown thin.. please don't be hard on yourself.. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Jackeeh(m): 8:46am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Either willingly or coerced, she gave out her number. This means she wants him to contact her. She shouldn't have. As long as he has her contact, they will always communicate. Madam may seem uninterested at first but might gradually start responding . She indirectly complained about her phone's "poor" status. Strange man might offer to buy her an expensive phone. That could lead to other activities. Or may not. Do let her know she's playing with fire and it burns. Talk to/with her. Watch her reaction. If she's sober and apologizes, then you're safe. If she becomes angry and defensive,hmmmmm................. Then she's filing him under "future" purposes. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Nobody: 8:46am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Hmmm... It's a two way thing, might be the truth or she might be lying. Don't jump into conclusion already because of past incidences. Tell her you believe her but start watching her. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Gloriagee(f): 9:01am On Apr 29, 2016 |
My opinion is that you seem to have a pattern of bringing your issues online, which is something I wouldn't be comfortable with, if I were ur wife. Ur the head of the home and women like men that lead without necessarily coming across as overbearing. Communicate with her. Ds is wat u did wrong, y did u do so. Listen to her n map out a game plan for the future. If u continue ds way, u may end up with a hardened wife and ultimately lose her 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by 5minsmadness: 9:05am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Your jealous. It's normal. After all, you are her husband. But don't read too much meaning into it. As per the phone. She only said that cos it's been in her thoughts for a while that the phone is actually cheap. If u can, change it. It's not a priority though. Like stanleyafam said, don't dwell too much on these things else you will grow thin. P. S. Hope u didnt say those things about infidelity in a wife to her face? It will make her feel sad and disappointed. And she may start trying harder to hide such things from you. For now it seems like she is being quite open about her predicaments with mischevious men. Don't make her start hiding such things. 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by freelance777: 9:06am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Gloriagee: Point of correction, tons of issues have occurred, that I never brought here which I had to handle myself. But there are situations where you need insight from meaningful people. Also, didnt you read the part where I said I confronted her? Isnt that communication? I also stated the aftermath of the confrontation which made me ask if I handled the situation well. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by PresVA: 9:18am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Concerning your questions, yeah many ladies give out their numbers to avoid the guy(s) following you around and pestering you. .. with the intention of blocking or ignoring his calls afterwards hoping the guy gets tired and stops calling etccc....this is for the singles anyway. . As a married woman, I will sternly tell you that I am not an irresponsible married woman. ... I don't give out my number now no matter how much the pressure is. ... Then concerning her reply, I don't see anything wrong with that... you should loosen up a bit and stop being too sensitive Op... if I tell my husband something like that, he will laugh and jokingly tell me to give him back his "precious" phone.. or simply tell me to go and buy one that can be stolen na You just have to tell your wife to cut whatever communication she has with the man, simple. .. When she fails to do this, then that's when you should get bothered. .. All d best.. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by dulux07(m): 9:22am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Dont mind her. Y would u give ur number to such guy, its quite obvious she knows what he's after. So Y. There are somethings u avoid, some who cheats didnt plan to cheat, this is how starts, stuff like this gives room 4 it. Op, just play smart, warn her, she is ur wife. Dont let this bug u, so u dont get depressed. But be curious and inquisitive when u have to. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Gloriagee(f): 9:24am On Apr 29, 2016 |
U feel it's Ok to come online to say ur wife lacks discipline and fear of the unknown, whatever that means. Do u realise that communication is a 2 way affair and for it to achieve meaningful results, u have to clear ur mind of biases. U've already concluded that she's showing traits of infidelity n then u confront her. In the words of Madonna, U'll only see wat ur eyes want to see....U're frozen when ur heart's not open. Does praying sarcastically that God saves u from young women wife of nowadays stop this incident from repeating itself? Cos all I can see is blame apportionment, nothing like dearie in future pls wen a guy stops u, take dis action or that action N to be honest, I'm not sure u know what it's like to be a nig female. Sometimes the more u say no, the more they hear yes. So be open minded n pls desist from belittling ur wife in public. Cheers! freelance777: 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by freelance777: 9:26am On Apr 29, 2016 |
PresVA: That, I already told her last year when she told me the man called him, told her to cut ties, and then she still chatting responding to him? That response makes me feel he wants the guy to ask him what type of phone, gives him a description and allow the man to offer to buy a new phone? is that a trait of a good wife? People are here saying i should not put mind there, those people are probably not married, are you going to open your eyes and allow sand to enter it? If the bull is not taken by the horn earlier, one would end up being smashed to the ground. If a woman has decided not to communicate with a particular guy. And then thats the best response she can make use of? |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by freelance777: 9:30am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Gloriagee: You are probably not married, so you lack the core values that enshrines the policies of marriage. You were able to delete his pin, which means no chat or nothing. But here is someone who still opened a chat communication telling a guy that the phone cant be stolen because of what? What does that translate to knowing fully well you implored not to establish any form of communication? Please dont be a feminist here. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by PresVA: 9:43am On Apr 29, 2016 |
freelance777:The guy stopped calling that last year as she said... and it seems the chat in ur op is the only chat they've had..watch her and see if she continues communicating with him... Also, Just look at all the assumptions you've made from just a single sentence Mehn you're so sensitive and overly serious. ... it's ok to be concerned about your wife's attitude but this your own seems so unhealthy. .mbok Don't even want to talk about the response you gave your wife, so harsh. . You really need to loosen up... All the best. .. 7 Likes |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Gloriagee(f): 9:44am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Ur opinion but I bliv my hussy is in a better position to assess the existence of core values or not freelance777: I thought I read somewhere that on knowing it was the guy, she ignored his calls. Guess, I was mistaken n IMO her letting the guy know that her phone could not be stolen is a subtle way of letting the guy know he was being ignored. I guess in all, our experiences and upbringing shape our perspectives. I truly don't have a problem with ur perspective, tho it differs from mine. I'm just not excited bout the way ure going bout resolving the issue. freelance777: 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by freelance777: 2:37pm On Apr 29, 2016 |
^^^^^^ Plain nonsense. Words from a chronic single feminist. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by crackhaus: 3:53pm On Apr 29, 2016 |
freelance777:Lol... Your wife may just like the attention she's getting from the young dude and may have no intention of taking it any further, that's not something you should take a bet on though. The truth is she had no reason whatsoever to give out her number to anyone that may be interested in her romantically or sexually, but then again, the most needy group of Nigerian females tend to be unhappy married women, they're like babies...especially in this our generation. I'm not saying your wife is unhappy or a baby.. but if after everything she's still responding to this guy's messages, then it seems there's something interesting/exciting she may be lacking with you and searching out. Find out what! 2 Likes |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by Bolade005: 6:44pm On Apr 29, 2016 |
crackhaus:Exactly what I had in mind but let me just add one thing, OP pls loosen up a bit and learn to trust your wife. 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by crackhaus: 11:32pm On Apr 29, 2016 |
Bolade005:Yea trust her using your brain though, not with your heart... 2 Likes |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by keepingmum: 6:38am On Apr 30, 2016 |
Thank God I am not married to this very insecure paranoid op of a man. I can only imagine how unhappily married ur wife is. I won't waste my time advising op cause he seems to attack everyone who tried to advise him about having an open mind/seeing things from the other person's view and an overview perspective. If you want to know more read his previous topic and I think his wife also commented on that topic This is the same man that refused sleeping with his wife because he says her veejayjay is wide after birthing his OWN kids.... Nairalanders pls search #treese for his wife's username and see the type of psychopathic beast this "prince charming" is to his wife 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by eyinjuege: 7:02am On Apr 30, 2016 |
freelance777: I think what is paining you in this whole matter is the fact that your wife calls the phone you gave her cheap. Her response that no one can steal this phone is actually funny to me. Lighten up. She made a joke, and it's not because she wants the guy calling her to offer to buy her a new phone. Since you're not comfortable with the man communicating with your wife, you can only ask her or remind her never to reply his messages or receive his calls again. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by kevoh(m): 7:46am On Apr 30, 2016 |
Call the guy with your wife's phone number, give him a stern warning not to call or whatsapp your wife again and then make your wife delete the number in front of you. If after then there is still communication, any form at all, you would already know the next step to take. Meanwhile be ready to do the same thing for your wife when a female begins to stalk you. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:41am On Apr 30, 2016 |
keepingmum: Seriously? Lemme go dig up her posts so we can see what sort of person we're dealing with on here. https://www.nairaland.com/treese/topics |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:43am On Apr 30, 2016 |
treese: https://www.nairaland.com/2362536/letter-worried-wife-hubby @OP: Is this true? |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:45am On Apr 30, 2016 |
treese: https://www.nairaland.com/2444832/husband-said-he-no-longer And is this true also? 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:48am On Apr 30, 2016 |
treese: https://www.nairaland.com/2991904/wives-kindly-share-weird-stuffs Or this? 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:51am On Apr 30, 2016 |
treese: https://www.nairaland.com/2893855/letter-worried-woman-no-man This too? |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 8:58am On Apr 30, 2016 |
freelance777: Because you gave her a "brick" phone. You know, the sort of phone you'll even have to bribe and beg thieves to steal. Anyway, what are you waiting for? Why haven't you divorced her yet? Edwife: your input is needed here. Come help @OP castigate his scarlet wife. 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by PresVA: 11:03am On Apr 30, 2016 |
^^^^ Hahahahahhahah... Won't be surprised if the op cheats on his wife because most cheats are always so suspicious of their partners.. I hope things get better in their marriage shaaa.. they should just settle outside nl.. |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by edwife(f): 11:06am On Apr 30, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: I missed you too. Nah, I don’t help people castigate their spouses. I only state facts and say what many people don’t say because they refuse to acknowledge their own part in whatever situation they find themselves in. You go to the market to buy a mirror, the vendor tells you that the mirror has a scratch that is why he is selling it with that price. You obviously see the scratch and you agree to buy it; You loved it,put it right in the middle of your sitting. Friends and family came to visit, some didn't fail to show their dismay and some criticized it while some liked it. In order to please everyone and make yourself feel good, you went ahead patching it using glue which didn't change people’s opinion, it was worse. You then went back to the vendor and accused him of selling you a “broken” mirror and blame him for the present look. They guy had two options: He could have ignore people’s opinion and focus on why he bought it in the first place or he could have cover that place with garments like flowers, put it where there is lightning so that people will focus on the beauty of the mirror with those embellishments than the scratch. People should learn to accept responsibilities for their actions and stop with the blame game. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 11:10am On Apr 30, 2016 |
edwife: Yes, yes, but what's your advice to @op? Me, I've told him to divorce his "unfaithful, ungrateful" wife. What's yours? |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by edwife(f): 11:15am On Apr 30, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: My advice was in my message, they both fit each other. 1 Like |
Re: Did I Handle The Situation Well Or Could I Have Done More? by EfemenaXY: 11:19am On Apr 30, 2016 |
edwife: Meaning? She knew the mirror was faulty, yet went ahead to purchase it? C'mon - have a heart lady. |
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