Fridud234's Posts
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 Agriculture › Re: What Happened To This Breed Of Chickens? by Fridud234: 2:05pm On Oct 06 |
OlujobaSamuel:you are right o |
| Agriculture › Re: What Happened To This Breed Of Chickens? by Fridud234: 2:00pm On Oct 06 |
Kalulu44:that lindqvistbergst na just difficult person, no waste your time with am 1 Like |
| Foreign Affairs › Re: The Constitutions Of 47 Black African Countries. by Fridud234: 7:37pm On Oct 02 |
lindqvistbergst:can you tell us more of what you mean here |
| Foreign Affairs › Re: The Constitutions Of 47 Black African Countries. by Fridud234: 7:27pm On Oct 02 |
I understand your concern |
| Foreign Affairs › Re: The Constitutions Of 47 Black African Countries. by Fridud234: 10:54am On Oct 01 |
lindqvistbergst:Why do you dedicate so much time on African issues |
| Family › When Two People Marry, They Become One, And Their Families Should Become One by Fridud234(op): 7:29am On Aug 29 |
But help me understand the cruelty and double standard that exists in Nigerian society when it comes to marriage and family support. When a man and a woman get married, in many cases, especially depending on the social class of the woman’s family, the woman’s family members are often very supportive of their daughter’s husband. They show up for him. They support his business, career, challenges, and sometimes even go out of their way to make life easier for him. The reverse, however, is often not the case. Women hardly receive the same level of genuine support from their husband’s family. Perhaps they support their own son behind the scenes, I’m not entirely sure. But the woman herself? Many times, she is left to figure things out on her own. And this becomes even more painful when the woman loses her husband. Instead of the first question being, How do we take care of her? How do we make sure she and the children are okay? How do we support her through this difficult period? What often comes first is: “What belongs to our son?” “What happens to his property?” “What will happen to the house?” “What does she have that belongs to the family?” Suddenly, the woman who was supposedly married into the family is treated like an outsider. The same woman who spent years building a home with their son, raising their children, supporting his dreams and standing by him through difficult seasons can suddenly become someone they need to protect the family from. And I genuinely struggle to understand this. If marriage means two people become one, why does the woman suddenly become “the other family” when her husband dies? If she was good enough to marry your son, good enough to bear his children, good enough to build a life with him, why isn't she also good enough to be protected, supported and cared for when he is gone? Why is the emphasis so often on what she might take rather than what she has lost? Why is her grief sometimes treated as an inconvenience while questions about property, inheritance and ownership take centre stage? And this is where I think we need to be honest with ourselves as Nigerians. We cannot keep preaching that marriage is the union of two families while practising a system where one family welcomes the husband as a son, but the other family continues to see the wife as an outsider. If she is your son’s wife when he is alive, she should not suddenly become your enemy because he is dead. If those children are your grandchildren while their father is alive, they should not become bargaining chips after his death. Family should mean more than blood and inheritance. It should also mean responsibility, compassion, protection and humanity. What baffles me now is, it’s 2026 and this is still the practice in Nigeria. If we must change our country then we need to start with our mindset. So many things are wrong in our society and we need to address these things. We need to ask ourselves: What kind of family are we really building when the person who needs the most support at her most vulnerable moment is the person we are most eager to fight? |
| Romance › Re: Don't Sleep With These Women No Matter How Attractive They Are by Fridud234: 7:08pm On Aug 24*. Modified: 7:25pm On Aug 24 |
essentialone:this is how dense an average Nigerian man thinks… do you need to tolerate anyone at all? To the point of even thinking you tolerated and then start beating… how about having the self-respect to exit a relationship. Beating any human at all makes zero sense not to talk of a person you said you loved and married to… what happened to separation, divorces etc… and mutual respect… beating a whole adult woman!!! I just hope Nigerian women start to leave these poor, low thinking, wretched Nigerian men alone. Our Nigerian society is EXTREMELY patriarchal that an average male thinks saying and doing these things are so normal because, of course there are no repercussions, no laws followed, no protection for the female of the society. Little wonder why we have a terrible country. In most beating cases, the male has tolerated NOTHING. It's always more of “no more love for the woman” “the male is cheating” “the male is broke” “the male is jobless” “the male is drunk” “the male is jealous” “the male can't tolerate the woman’s progress” “the male has ego” just name it… |
| Family › Re: A Married Woman Is Junior To Anyone That Was Married Into Her Husband's Family by Fridud234(op): 10:35pm On Aug 17 |
dollytino4real:Na exactly this kind exception I dey talk about. You dey greet your elder brother’s wife irrespective of who senior pass—that one na mutual respect, not subjugation. And that's exactly my post. Mutual respect. And would you respect her the same way if she was your junior brother’s wife? |
| Family › Re: A Married Woman Is Junior To Anyone That Was Married Into Her Husband's Family by Fridud234(op): 10:28pm On Aug 17 |
We4all:I actually think you have raised an important point about class and power, but I strongly disagree with your conclusion that women who tolerate or defend these practices are simply “stupid.” In fact, your billionaire's daughter example proves something important about what I'm questioning. If a man suddenly becomes very careful about how his wife is treated because she is a billionaire's daughter, then clearly the issue cannot simply be “Yoruba culture” or “respect for tradition.” If the same cultural rule becomes negotiable when the woman has wealth, status or a powerful family behind her, then what we are really looking at is **power and hierarchy**. And that is exactly why I don't think we should dismiss this conversation as merely “culture.” A woman who has no economic power may be expected to kneel, submit, endure insults, tolerate unreasonable demands from in-laws and accept being treated as “junior.” But give that same woman enormous wealth or social status, and suddenly everybody discovers another interpretation of the culture. That tells me that these practices are not always as absolute as people pretend they are. However, I won't join you in calling women who tolerate these things “stupid.” Many women are raised from childhood to believe that being a “good woman” means enduring, submitting, keeping the peace and protecting the man's reputation at all costs. Some women depend financially on their husbands. Some fear losing their marriages. Some have children to consider. Some have simply internalised the same patriarchal system they were raised in. That's conditioning, not stupidity. That's Programming— a long term programming of the mind. Do you know how powerful the mind is and how difficult it is to change a mind. Look at our society. Every one! Including your reply which specifically puts a woman with money above the “supposed subjugation” a married woman is supposed to take. And yes, women can absolutely participate in perpetuating systems that disadvantage other women. I agree with that. We should hold women accountable when they actively enforce harmful expectations on other women. But ultimately, the existence of women who tolerate mistreatment doesn't absolve men who choose to inflict it. My bigger question remains: **why should a woman's economic status determine whether she deserves dignity and equality?** If a billionaire's daughter doesn't have to be treated as “junior,” then why should the woman who is a “nobody” have to be? That is precisely the mentality I think we need to challenge. “The culture”. This makes me wonder one more time: Do Nigerian men truly fall in love? |
| Family › A Married Woman Is Junior To Anyone That Was Married Into Her Husband's Family by Fridud234(op): 8:57pm On Aug 17 |
**“A married woman is junior to anyone that was married into her husband's family before her and also junior to every child born before she married into the family, and she can't call them by their real names even if the person is a baby. However, if they are junior to her in age, they will also respect her in return.”** That statement right there is what I find deeply troubling. It is baffling to me that a form of “respect” that can directly subjugate one gender is still so tightly upheld and defended, particularly by men. Why should a woman become “junior” simply because she married into a family later? Why should the same principle not apply equally to a man who marries into his wife's family? And why should a woman have to subordinate herself to a child simply because that child was born into the family before she married into it? At what point do we stop calling this respect and start calling it **hierarchy and subjugation**? And honestly, it makes me wonder about something deeper: **does the average Nigerian man truly understand love as equality, partnership and mutual dignity?** Or has the struggle, patriarchy, social conditioning and the constant emphasis on hierarchy shaped so much of our thinking that some people genuinely struggle to recognise when a cultural practice is degrading to the other gender? I'm not saying Nigerian men cannot love. Of course they can. I'm questioning whether we have sometimes been taught a version of love where a woman is expected to **submit, adjust, endure and become “junior”**, while the man's position remains largely unquestioned. A culture existing for generations doesn't automatically make every aspect of it good, fair or necessary. We should be able to love our culture and still question it. We should be able to respect our elders without institutionalising the subjugation of women. And we should be able to ask uncomfortable questions about traditions that have been normalised for so long that people no longer stop to ask whether they are actually just. **If respect is supposed to be mutual, why are the rules of “respect” so often disproportionately placed on women?** |
| Culture › Re: Why Do Nigerians Lack Respect Across All Cultures? by Fridud234(op): 8:38pm On Aug 17*. Modified: 9:51pm On Aug 17 |
domeinhorn:Domeinhorn, I find your response very thoughtful, and I understand your perspective perfectly, especially because I haven't been living in Nigeria for a while and I now have the opportunity to look at some of these things from a little distance. However, as someone who actually grew up in Nigeria and experienced the reality of these cultural expectations firsthand, my perspective is also shaped by what I went through. I grew up stressed out by the absolute disrespect that can exist in everyday Nigerian interactions, the unrest and constant tension, and the unending chaos that can come from someone disrespecting you, damaging your entire day, sometimes for absolutely no reason other than the perception that they are somehow better than you, older than you, or just some sort of reason. And that brings me to the classism aspect of it. Sometimes what is presented as “respect” is really about making someone else feel inferior because of their age, social class, position, wealth, family background or perceived status. You can literally encounter someone who believes they are entitled to speak to you anyhow simply because they believe they rank above you in some way. Then there is the compulsory subjugation that can come with marriage traditions, particularly for women, the endless “ẹ” and “o,” and all these little expectations that can become sources of unnecessary conflict and strife between people and families. To correlate that, is the statement made by @ “Lawani” above “A married woman is junior to anyone that was married into her husband's family before her and also junior to every child born before she married into the family and she can't call them by their real names even if the person is a baby. However if they are junior to her in age, they will also respect her in return”. —This right here is the mentality of an average Nigerian male. So while I appreciate your argument that forms of respect can function as social tools, I think there is another side to this that someone who hasn't spent significant time living within the Nigerian environment may not fully understand. A culture existing for centuries does not automatically mean every aspect of it remains valid or beneficial today. Traditions should be allowed to evolve, and we should be able to revisit, question and assess them without being accused of disrespecting the culture itself. I think you would understand this perspective even more if you spent 1–2 years actually living in Nigeria, particularly within Yoruba communities, and experienced these expectations not as an interesting linguistic or anthropological concept, but as something that affects your everyday life and interactions. For me, that's the distinction. **It is very easy to appreciate a cultural system intellectually when you're observing it from the outside. Living under the system is a completely different experience.** Lastly, I actually agree with your point that forms of respect can be useful and that removing them doesn't automatically make people more respectful. But where I differ is in the idea that we should simply “judge the treatment, keep the forms.” My concern is that some of these forms are not always harmless expressions of manners. In the Nigerian context, some have become mechanisms for enforcing hierarchy, obedience and even subjugation. Once a form becomes compulsory and refusing to perform it is itself considered disrespectful, I think we have to question what exactly we are preserving. Perhaps the better approach is: keep the forms that genuinely promote courtesy and social cohesion, but be willing to discard or modify forms that have become vehicles for humiliation, entitlement or unnecessary hierarchy. |
| Culture › Re: Why Do Nigerians Lack Respect Across All Cultures? by Fridud234(op): 8:01pm On Aug 17 |
lawani:I honestly do not want to dabble into your archaic belief system or your diversion into “married women,” because that has taken my conversation into an entirely different topic — one that, frankly, amounts to the absolute degradation and subjugation of women. Notice how your patriarchal mindset did not allow you to stay focused on the actual subject of my post: **what respect means and where the line is between respect and unnecessary hierarchy.** Instead, you diverted the conversation to the position of a married woman in her husband’s family, including the idea that she is expected to submit to people based on when they entered the family, even when those people may be children. And what is particularly telling is that you mentioned absolutely **nothing** about a married man being expected to assume a similarly subordinate position in his wife’s family. That is exactly the kind of gendered hierarchy I was questioning in the first place. My post was about whether respect should be based on genuine dignity, courtesy and mutual consideration, or whether it should be enforced through age, seniority, obedience and social hierarchy. So bringing in rules about how a married woman must position herself in her husband’s family does not answer my question. If anything, it illustrates my point about how certain traditional structures can turn “respect” into **subjugation**, particularly when applied disproportionately to women. You have explained the Yoruba hierarchy, and that's fine. But explaining a tradition does not automatically make that tradition immune from criticism or examination. My question remains: **when does respect stop being respect and become unnecessary hierarchy and subjugation?** |
| Culture › Why Do Nigerians Lack Respect Across All Cultures? by Fridud234(op): 4:12pm On Aug 09 |
**Why Does Respect Seem So Complicated Across Nigerian Cultures?** One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is the way we understand and show **respect in Nigeria**. We often say Nigerians are respectful people, but sometimes it feels like our definition of respect depends heavily on where you come from, your age, your gender, your class in the society, and even the language you speak. Take Yoruba culture, for example. Traditionally, girls may be expected to kneel when greeting elders, while boys are expected to prostrate. There are also terms like *Aunty*, *Uncle*, *Boda* and *Sister* that are used to acknowledge age or seniority. But here is where I sometimes find it confusing: **how exactly are you supposed to know who is older than you?** You meet someone who looks your age, or even younger, and suddenly you're wondering whether you should call them *Aunty* or simply use their name. You don't want to appear disrespectful, but you also don't want to start calling everyone *Aunty* and *Boda* simply because they look slightly older. Then you have Igbo culture, where people may not necessarily use *Aunty* and *Boda* in the same way. Yet, of course, there are still strong expectations around respecting elders and people in positions of authority. And when those expectations aren't followed, it can equally be interpreted as disrespect. Then look at some Western cultures. Someone can be significantly older than you and you may simply call them by their first name. Yet that doesn't automatically mean you don't respect them. Respect can be shown through your behaviour, your words, consideration, and how you treat the person. So this got me wondering: **Have Nigerians sometimes confused respect with obedience, fear, age hierarchy, or traditional gestures?** Is someone automatically disrespectful because they didn't kneel or prostrate? Is calling an older person by their first name necessarily disrespectful? And why do we sometimes demand respect based on age even when we haven't necessarily shown the younger person any respect ourselves? Personally, I think there is a difference between **respecting someone and performing respect**. You can kneel, prostrate and call someone *Aunty*, while secretly having no respect for them whatsoever. On the other hand, someone can call you by your first name and still treat you with genuine courtesy, consideration and dignity. Maybe the bigger question isn't *“Why don't young Nigerians respect elders anymore?”* but rather: **“What should respect actually look like in modern Nigeria?”** And should there be one standard of respect across Nigeria, or should every culture be allowed to maintain its own traditions? I'd genuinely like to hear different perspectives, especially from Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa and other Nigerian cultures. **What does respect mean in your culture, and where do you draw the line between respect and unnecessary hierarchy?** |
| Agriculture › Re: Why Are Nigerians Not Growing Duckweed? Its Free Protein. by Fridud234: 3:59pm On Aug 09 |
lindqvistbergst:Maybe Azzaman was partly right in his assumptions. But he sure did say it in a rude way. Well, I’m sure any realistically interested persons will check AI or google search. It’s just always kind of interesting and clearer to learn from people who have done it successfully. #Fridud |
| Agriculture › Re: Why Are Nigerians Not Growing Duckweed? Its Free Protein. by Fridud234: 3:46pm On Aug 09 |
lindqvistbergst:Cheeky response….”Tender loving care”. Every human sure has a remote control. Your remote to telling us details you intended giving on the duckweed would be Azzaman’s apologies but on nairaland we can’t control the write up of anyone. If you intended sharing that information here when the other guy asked, how about thinking of another approach to it? |
| Agriculture › Re: Why Are Nigerians Not Growing Duckweed? Its Free Protein. by Fridud234: 1:25pm On Aug 09 |
budaatum:it is not about sugar coating, and nothing I said is sugar coated. You specifically said a woman has no place to run to if “maltreated as in raped from dusk to dawn” hey, that’s not a good way to describe a woman’s access to a person regardless of where the person you are telling comes from. And women may be experiencing ill treatment in our patriarchal society but don’t forget the “classism concept” in Nigeria. As it is for Mrs A who is poorly married isn’t necessarily the same for Mrs B who has the finances to get out of a situation or abuse she doesn’t seem fit. You can’t just rape a woman from dusk to dawn and she has no where to run to. Initially you were replying with calmness to let the Linq guy send you the information for the duckweed but now you’re going here and there, one minute fighting, second minute agreeing, quite confusing I must say. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Agriculture › Re: Why Are Nigerians Not Growing Duckweed? Its Free Protein. by Fridud234: 6:59pm On Aug 08 |
budaatum:Budaatum, your statement — *“A man can rape his wife from dusk to dawn in Nigeria and there's no place for her to go and complain to get redress”* — is misleading in some respects, especially to a European reader who may understand the Nigerian situation through a very different legal and social lens. Nigeria does not have anywhere near enough laws or effective institutional protections for women. We are behind in many respects, and I genuinely hope we continue striving for reform across the thousands of aspects of daily life that need it. Marital rape and the protection of wives from sexual violence are certainly among them. Historically, Nigerian criminal law has contained a marital exemption that has made it extremely difficult to prosecute a husband for raping his wife under the traditional rape provisions. That is a serious legal and societal problem. But saying that a woman has *“no place to go and complain”* is too absolute. There are other avenues for reporting domestic and sexual violence, particularly under the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act and laws applicable in individual states, although access to justice and effective enforcement remain major problems. And the issue doesn't exist in isolation. A husband who is capable of sexually abusing his wife may also be engaging in domestic violence, emotional or psychological abuse, financial abuse, coercive control, or other forms of violence. These are not trivial matters that a woman should simply endure because she is married. This is precisely where human-rights advocates, women's organisations, the police, courts and other institutions have a role to play. A woman should be able to report abuse, seek protection, and have meaningful options for leaving an abusive marriage without being treated as though marriage removes her basic human rights. So yes, we should be talking seriously about reform. But we should also be careful about making sweeping statements that give outsiders an inaccurate picture of what the law actually says and what avenues of redress do exist. And, frankly, I think women should stop being expected to enable, excuse or protect men who abuse them. No woman owes an abusive husband her silence simply because she married him. As for you, Budaatum, I find your position on these issues increasingly exhausting — and, at times, frankly two-faced. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Agriculture › Re: A Thread For Agricultural Economists - The Policy Makers. by Fridud234: 12:44pm On Aug 08*. Modified: 9:15pm On Aug 17 |
hilsocial:... |
| Family › Re: Nigerian Man Infected With Herpes By His Oyinbo Wife by Fridud234: 12:23pm On Aug 08 |
Diamond098454:the truth is regardless of the race you choose to marry and whether they have something or nothing to offer, sexually transmitted diseases is real and it’s no respecter of your financial status. Let’s not be bias in our thinking just because he got diseases from a girl from another race. It could have been a Nigerian girl or anyone at that |
| Family › Re: Nigerian Man Infected With Herpes By His Oyinbo Wife by Fridud234: 12:18pm On Aug 08*. Modified: 9:22pm On Aug 17 |
enemyofprogress:Blaming a president for your greed. Can you imagine. Hey, a president can be bad but you can control your greed and take some accountability. |
| Romance › Re: Why Is "Baby, Spend On Me” Driving Men Abroad Away? by Fridud234: 6:09pm On Aug 07*. Modified: 9:17pm On Aug 17 |
Why stressing? When you can easily leave the relationship. 2 Likes |
But me i no folo me i dey greet my elder brother wife wen senior me o1 (of 1 pages)