₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
Yea.You can give me a feedback on how it went.

andromida

I finally talked to my mother today. She almost gave up on me. So far, it hasn't gotten better yet but I'm sure I'll become a very responsible person from now. Thanks for the encouragement

thorpido:
Andromida has written extensively.
You have to tell your parents and start afresh.They may not pay your school fees but it means you will stop living a lie.
Send them a mail,if you can't talk on phone or meet face-to-face.

Your parents should have paid your school fees directly to the school instead of giving you the money after the first experience.They didn't learn too.

andromida:
You welcome.
The thing is you are already brave just by seeking for help.
You've acknowledged to yourself that you are living a fake life you are no longer lying to yourself. This is brave you didn't even make excuses for yourself. You've come so far you just need to get to the finish line you've been brave with yourself now you need to be brave with the world especially your family.
Think of how bad you are feeling and the years you have lost you may lose more years and yourself see how you don't feel respect for yourself and the sorrow that accompanies your loss of self respect even if others can't see it if you continue lying to them you'll lose more the fear and shame will grow into a hydra headed monster the longer you hide this from them the more daunting telling the truth becomes compare this sorrowful state of living to the freedom truth will give you, the confidence you will gain now that you are no longer in the hold of shame, guilt, fear and whatever else is going on the disappointment anger and judgement you are afraid of is a small price to pay for freedom and peace of mind. Imagine the relief that will come when you no longer have to keep this heavy secret that is stealing your life and joy. Fight for yourself finish what you started you are already a brave man.

andromida:
You welcome.
The thing is you are already brave just by seeking for help.
You've acknowledged to yourself that you are living a fake life you are no longer lying to yourself. This is brave you didn't even make excuses for yourself. You've come so far you just need to get to the finish line you've been brave with yourself now you need to be brave with the world especially your family.
Think of how bad you are feeling and the years you have lost you may lose more years and yourself see how you don't feel respect for yourself and the sorrow that accompanies your loss of self respect even if others can't see it if you continue lying to them you'll lose more the fear and shame will grow into a hydra headed monster the longer you hide this from them the more daunting telling the truth becomes compare this sorrowful state of living to the freedom truth will give you, the confidence you will gain now that you are no longer in the hold of shame, guilt, fear and whatever else is going on the disappointment anger and judgement you are afraid of is a small price to pay for freedom and peace of mind. Imagine the relief that will come when you no longer have to keep this heavy secret that is stealing your life and joy. Fight for yourself finish what you started you are already a brave man.

Thanks to you two. I'll proceed to tell them.

andromida:
Shame. Guilt. Fear such heavy loads to carry. The first point of call for you is disclosure you have to tell your parents what you've done that will remove the guilt and fear. The shame i am afraid will stay a while until you start doing right by yourself. Why did you spend your school fees? why and whose school fees were you paying in Nigeria? why was their future more important than yours. Why don't you want to graduate? Why do you feel you have to impress others with a fake lifestyle before they like you? what is causing you to self sabotage on such a grand scale.

Since this is a repeat performance then you have to get to the root of the issue to overcome it once and for all. This is no longer about what your parents will say its now about you and why you need to break out of this pattern of self sabotage.

Its ok to be afraid what is not ok is not to move past the fear and speak out. Tell your family what you've done, face their disappointment and your own disappointment in yourself you can't afford to live in shame its too heavy a load you are still lying to your family if you continue to lie to them you will soon start hiding from yourself, dislike yourself, be angry at yourself all these leads to different degrees of depression and emotional trauma. You are the one person you will live with all your life and die with you are the one person you want to be proud of you owe that to yourself so let your next actions be actions you can be proud of no matter how hard it seems. Don't let shame, fear, guilt and whatever else is going on cage you and steal your life.

I am reminded of the song what a privilege to carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Unburden yourself.

This is really deep. Thanks for putting it straight to me. How do I build the courage to tell them please? It's so difficult

PresVA:
They sure will be so disappointed. .put yourself in their shoes ..
Just talk to any member of your family who you're closest to, the person may now convince others. ..

However, you have to make some strict resolutions. . What you make of your life today is what you reap tomorrow, remember your parents won't be there forever .. Be more serious. . All the best..

Thanks for the strict words. I'm already determined to be a better person. God bless you

oldschooljam:
@ op !1?- are you in a way have some means of generating income ? Part time job or any


My .advice u need to come clean fisrt to urself - n to ur friends let them know what happening if they really ur friends they will at least try helping you in securing a job could b temporal or some any n in ur situation humble urself even as a cleaner will do

Once dt settled use dt income for ur studies even if it means havin less meals

Then u can come clean to ur family ,they may b disapointed coz every parent hv high hopes for their kidz n im sure dt comes with d sacrifices they made makin sure u well taken care of which u seem to hv taken for granted ,dont just shock them with d news without u having damage control plan in action at least knowing you workin hard to correct ur mistakes will go a long way

If all else fails go back home dont be caught in d web of doing illegal act ,life is too short to keep makin d same mistakes try to lean frm other people's mistakes at a distance it is d same lessond but d hardest when you experience it n not many are fortunate enuf to come out off it

Find courage to loose ur fake fame so that u will find d real you

God bless you. I don't have any source of income. It's going to be a huge shock to them but at this point, that's the only way to go because anything I do now may push me deeper.

I posted this elsewhere but I'll paste it here. This thing I'm going through has made me pray to sleep and not wake up. Most times I feel like I'll know peace when I'm dead.

Hi everyone, I'm not new to this forum but I just created an account to share my issue. I'm a 23 yr old studying abroad and I feel like I'm stuck at this point. My grades are really good at this point but I've been out of school for a year because I've not been able to pay my fees. My parents are responsible for my education and They've done all they should (paid fees and accommodation) but I use my money for other unimportant things. I feel terrible because this same huge mistake I'm making is why I'm still an undergraduate and my mates are out of school, some working and others serving. I was in a Nigerian university before I moved out here because I did this same thing. I basically use my fees to shop, eat carelessly, sport betting, I've used it to pay fees for some of my "friends" in Nigeria and also live a fake life. The new academic session starts in February and I'm so afraid of telling my family members what I've done because I've been lying to them all this while and I promised never to make this mistake again before I was given this second opportunity. At this point, I feel stuck and afraid that I may not be able to register for next session. Please I need advice from you guys

Kx:
All the best. Be determined to be somebody for YOU.

I will. Thank you.

Kx:
Try your mum. You never know the depth of a mother's love until times like this.

The irony of not opening up is that, should u take misguided steps and derail completely, someday in the future, same family will ask:
" at least u simply should have told us what was going on"

Brace up, go about it like you have done wrong and that all that matters most to u now is their forgiveness. One step at a time.

As hard as this will be, Thanks for giving me the push. I'll try my best

Kx:
Open up to your parents.

Share it with a family member and see what happens. It gets worse if you keep it to your self.

I really want to. It's just so difficult. I've actually started and then the disappointment in their voices makes it hard for me to tell the whole truth

Hi everyone, I'm not new to this forum but I just created an account to share my issue. I'm a 23 yr old studying abroad and I feel like I'm stuck at this point. My grades are really good at this point but I've been out of school for a year because I've not been able to pay my fees. My parents are responsible for my education and They've done all they should (paid fees and accommodation) but I use my money for other unimportant things. I feel terrible because this same huge mistake I'm making is why I'm still an undergraduate and my mates are out of school, some working and others serving. I was in a Nigerian university before I moved out here because I did this same thing. I basically use my fees to shop, eat carelessly, sport betting, I've used it to pay fees for some of my "friends" in Nigeria and also live a fake life. The new academic session starts in February and I'm so afraid of telling my family members what I've done because I've been lying to them all this while and I promised never to make this mistake again before I was given this second opportunity. At this point, I feel stuck and afraid that I may not be able to register for next session. Please I need advice from you guys. I'm not writing on behalf of anyone but myself. If the mods could help me put this upfront, I'll really appreciate.

Good morning.