₦airaland Forum

Saynoomore:
If he is denied his PR or citizenship as a result of your reporting him. You would have just succeeded in making an already bad situation worse! I will advise you tread with caution. Hold on a little. I believe he wants to see you handle this with maturity. You might consider calling family members first before taking such a harsh line of action.

From your narrative, I think it's not really about these petty issues you mentioned, rather it's more about the words you trade and bandy with him in your moments of anger and quarrel. When he starts nagging about you not being submissive, simply apologize or if you feel you don't owe him an apology, just remain mute. Words said in moments of anger (especially by most women) can be extremely hurtful, and some men don't forget them easily. You strike me like someone who would retort at every word said! some women believe they must have the last say.

e.g.
Man: you have disobeyed me, this wasn't our initial plan
Woman: In what way have I disobeyed you, oga sabinus, you always play Mr. Know it all. Am I your slave?
Man: You are not submissive
Woman: *laughs and claps loudly* Oh! so, you married me to worship you, you have failed o, if that's what you thought. It's 50/50, nobody is oga in this house
Man: Okay, I will show you that I'm the oga in the house. There can't be two captains in a ship
Woman: Shame on you! go and do your worst!

The man leaves with resentment that his wife has dared him, and thinks of every possible way to prove he is a man. He seeks every means to implement his worst action and teach the wife a lesson without lifting his hands, lest he is described as a violent man or even accused of physical assault. An apology or keeping quiet could have nipped the whole matter in the bud. Since the lady doesn't apologize, he must hatch a plan to prove a point and make you come back on bended knees.

So, madam, this is just an illustration o! I'm not saying that this was what transpired, but that in most cases it's the words that have been traded in moments of anger that precipitate vendetta. I don't think your husband will be so wicked as to deny you (and the unborn kid) access to such an opportunity. He just wants to seize the passport for a while to see whether you'll be humble enough to apologize. I doubt if you have apologized! you're prolly still holding stubbornly to your own threats as well. You guys are in that power-tussle stage most newlyweds go through to establish supremacy - this usually occurs when the couple both have ego issues. Your story reads too one-sided to believe he's that cruel. To be honest, holding tenaciously to an unapologetic stance and claiming you've done nothing wrong doesn't help sometimes.

I'm shocked that some people here are suggesting you report to IRCC to deport him and you have already started taking the suggestion as the best line of action, without firstly exploring peaceful resolution - this is the more reason I mentioned earlier that you are also probably contributing to the problem through your obstinate stance to matters. Seek peaceful resolution first, extend the olive branch, then give some time for him to reflect on your peaceful approach, if he remains unyielding, then you can take the radical approach. One comes before the other!

Thank you for your contribution. I cannot tell you I am perfect but what you described here is not the case. The man I married nags a lot. I walk on egg shells around him cos he picks quarrel over the most irrelevant thing you can think about. I don’t talk too much and but not matter how much I try not to talk he would not stop nagging and throwing heartbreaking words at me all because he says he is doing me a Favour in the marriage. There is only so much a human can take and bear before reacting but I have never challenged him in any way you described above.

Also I’m not considering reporting him to be deported or anything. I actually intend to report the documents as missing to any relevant authorities and see if they can reissue it hence my asking for more information on it. Canada is not a do or die affair for me cos even my spirit is no longer keen about the migration with all I’ve heard and had to bear cos of it.

Thanks for your opinion anyway.

Rahl007:
When you say seized your visa and COPR, I’m assuming this also means your international passport isn’t it? If that’s the case, you can report him to both the Nigerian authorities and the Canadian High commission. NO ONE a has a right to hold your passport except you. So him seizing and running off with your passport is a criminal offence.

Sorry about the abuse and other things you had to endure but other than an official complaint and report, there isn’t much to be done regarding that now.

However, please start by reporting this. He is not the first person to add a spouse to an application so that is absolute gutter behaviour on his part.
If I were in your shoes and he doesn't want me in Canada after all the time and financial sacrifices I’ve made too, then I’ll make sure he’s inadmissible as well. End of story.
Goodluck and I hope God ‘touches his heart and brain’ to do the right thing before this whole thing is ruined for you both. �

Yea, he’s with my international passport.

Please I need help.

My husband seized my Visa and COPR so I’m unable to travel.

I am heavy and due to travel in August with my ticket already booked.

He has travelled already and he took my passport with visa and my COPR and cut off communication with me. He never even allowed me see the COPR cos he had his plans so now I’m stranded in Nigeria and need help on what to do.

Please how do I go about retrieving these documents from IRCC?

A little background:

The marriage has been filled with serious emotional abuse from my husband mainly because I was added to his Canadian EE application. He willingly added me just after we got married and this somehow delayed his getting PPR as it took over 2 years before it finally came. I have seen hell in this 2 years with him constantly blaming me for the delay, then he would accuse me of not being submissive and appreciative of the sacrifice. He threatens me with divorce all the time saying I'm not submissive and he cannot take a woman he cannot control to Canada. Repeatedly tells me he made a mistake marrying me. He tells me no man can ever do what he did for me. That most men will not add their partner to their application and that I'm supposed to be worshiping him. Note that I had to bear all the financial requirements for everything concerning my own.

eyinjuege:
Sorry to say, but your husband is a control freak.
For your peace of mind and his own too, avoid doing chochochocho- meaning learn to keep your mouth shut and don't discuss certain issues with him/decisions you've made.
He is not ready for any form of communication, so don't waste your time with that.
You can always find other things to gist about as a couple, but avoid things you know he thinks in his warped mind he should have the power over.
While at this, always prepare for any eventuality, because he may well carry out his threat about leaving the marriage.



What you have mentioned should have been a red flag NOT to marry him, though unfortunately it was too close to the marriage ceremony. You didn't do anything wrong or untrustworthy.
It's a pity he either doesn't trust your decision making abilities or he has an over inflated ego which I suspect the latter is the case. Anyway, learn to make financially prudent decisions for yourself, and keep quiet about it so far it's your money. I'm sure he is ready to always question any decision you make regarding money you have worked for even though it doesn't affect the running of your home. If he doesn't like you asking others to remeber him in prayers, then don't do it. But that shouldn't stop you from asking others to pray for your own self if that's what you want/believe in.

Have never and would never have a low self esteem. Was only trying to bend to make the marriage work but it's exhausting.

Xchangemadeeasy:
From the two things you have mentioned, what I can deduce is that, there is something fundamental that happened that your husband is referring to and not necessary those two you mentioned.

1. I don't know, there is probably something big or something he termed as big which you might have done in your innocent "impulse" that is really hurtful to him. Although, you guys might have talked over it or even apologize but it's taking him time to move on and the continuous "impulse" action are just striking what he is trying to get over. Those two things are too petty for anyone to hold on to for a divorce.

2. Since you know his only complain, make conscious effort to avoid it and if you must tell him after the event, backdate the sequence of happening and you will be fine. Wisdom is profitable... My opinion

Well, there was a fundamental issue. We needed to travel home to see my people for marriage arrangements and were supposed to travel by road. He gave me his own part of the money for the trip while I was supposed to offset mine. The problem was that I eventually booked one that was slightly cheaper than what we agreed for our return (a Sienna instead of Salon car) even though I booked salon car for going. I did this in good faith to save a little money as we had a lot of expenses to plan for then and I thought the Sienna was equally comfortable. I told him after the booking and boom! The quarrel started. He said I betrayed his trust and ever since, he never fails to tell me how he cannot trust me with money. This is someone I don't even ask him for money. We share almost all our household bills equally and I am always ready to assist financially in the home yet he doesn't trust me with money. It's really a lot in this short time of our marriage (6 months) and I must say I am getting tired of it all.

ModestGal:
I would leave such a stupid husband, sorry but not sorry.

Anyway, pack your things and go separate, tell him you will come back only on the account of him seeing a psychologist, if he can't do that for you, please leave the asshole. He doesn't want you and probably seeing another woman who is pretending to be stupid, you know how side old chicks can pretend and treat men like heaven and say sorry to them after being cursed.

If you don't do this, its possible you cheat on him, emotionally or sexually. Because it could lower your self esteem, and might want to raise it by dating someone who seems to say good things about you

Thank you for your contribution but please he is not stupid and there's no issue of another woman as much as I know. He has his good side and is awesome in a lot of things except for this issue of tagging me un-submissive and threatening divorce for petty irrelevant issues. I just feel he needs to work on his ego before it spoils things for us.

Hello fam, please I need sincere advise on this issue. I created this account for this purpose so I can remain anonymous and get as much advise as I can.

I will give as much details as necessary for better understanding and to have a balanced view. My husband complains that I do things in isolation which has been the major cause of our quarrels. To be honest, the things he has complained about are usually things I do in good faith. For example, some weeks ago I came across a post on Nairaland that talked about the difficulties private school teachers are currently going through due to the covid 19 pandemic. While reading that post, I remembered a teacher living in our neighbourhood and immediately I felt like rendering a little help, so I sent her 5k (I have her account number from a transaction I did with her sometime back). I did this anonymously cos I didn't want her to know it came from me and till today even though she sees me often she has never talked about it which makes me believe she doesn't know it came from me. I later told my husband what I did expecting he would commend me but got the exact opposite. He flared up that I should have informed him before doing so. Note that we both work and have earnings. I did this from my 'personal purse' per se and not the family purse.
I have no problem informing him but he was not around at the time and I did what I did out of impulse to help someone. We really had a big quarrel and he did not fail remind me how he made a mistake with the marriage and we should go our separate way. That I am not submissive. Somehow I apologized and we managed to settle it.

Another incident: there is a virtual prayer group I belong to where we pray every morning mostly for families. People from different parts of the world join in this prayer. My husband sometimes joins but not consistent. This morning after the prayer, I sent the pastor a private message to remember my family in prayers especially for success in an exam my husband is about to write. I told my husband about this, and he flared up again. Then another round of talk of not being submissive and not obeying my husband. Please note that I'm not one of those who run after pastors and churches. I only joined this prayer group cos I connected with the way the pastor prays for families even though he doesn't know most of us and we don't know him personally.


These are just two out of the numerous issues. To be honest, I have made efforts to improve to please him and make our marriage work. I see these as petty issues and not something that should mean I am not being submissive or doing things in isolation. We talk about virtually everything we do but sometimes some things just come up that I react to immediately but always tell him about it.

As it is now, we may eventually go our separate way cos the constant reminder of him making a mistake to marry me because of my being un-submissive is making me lose interest in the marriage and killing the love I have for him. I just want to seek advise so it doesn't look like I did not make effort to make the marriage work.

Am I entirely wrong with my actions. Are the issues mentioned above not things that can be overlooked even after apologising. Should they warrant threats of divorce(which I don't have issues with anyway so everyone can have their peace)?