₦airaland Forum

This question has been a debate. I gave my thought to the question and having made some observation decided to share the result in a two-part post.
Before going deep into the issue, I think it is proper to understand the purpose of a relationship. A relationship is for mutual appreciation. Without the conscious awareness of many, people go into relationship to share deep feelings and emotions. As a healthy relationship grows and matures, the possibility of a life-long commitment also grows. It is in the process that intimacy develops and deepens. Now, what is intimacy?
Plain and simple, intimacy is self-disclosure. You are intimate with someone to the degree that you reveal your hidden self, including what you think and feel as well as what you’ve done or experienced. The comfort, the relief, the sheer pressure of revealing yourself, and – if you have chosen your audience well – of being understood and uncritically accepted is enough to explain why intimacy is the Holy Grail of relationships.
From childhood, we hope to have a best friend, a person to whom we can open our hearts and who will value us enough to risk equal self-disclosure. We imagine we’ll have enough in common to make our time together joyful, and enough affection to make our differences tolerable.1
There are various “reasons” why a lot of people have decided to be dishonest with their partners. You find a wife building a house without the knowledge of her husband. She says it is because her husband is extravagant and it is for the good of the family. Rather than do the hard work of having and continuing to have a heart-to-heart conversation with the husband so that a point is reached where he sees the good in building a house, she takes the easy way out. There are options to explore in helping her husband curtail his extravagance. House or no house, his extravagance is an issue to the family. That has to be dealt with. It may not be easy but it deserves to be worked out for the good of the family. Doing this successfully can lead to the husband actively being involved in the house project. Even when the house has been completed without him being aware, his extravagance remains an issue that can be detrimental to the family. And when the man finally becomes aware of the house, it will be difficult for him to stop looking at the wife with one kind eye. “She built a house without my knowledge!” he will say. Then trust, the very foundation of the relationship, is affected. A bigger issue has been created.
Another woman knows her past which her husband is not aware of. It may have been alright to just say, “The past belongs to the past,” except that for years she has not been able to conceive. Her fear that the many abortions she has had in the past is the reason for her inability to conceive stops her from wanting to see a medical practitioner even after her husband has initiated it.
Where the consequence of the past is as physical as a child, a partner is expected to disclose it to the other before going into marriage. A man had three children before going into marriage with a woman not the mother of the children. Rather than telling the truth he told her that they were the children of his late brother. Truth has a nature which is that it is incapable of being permanently hidden. The woman found out the truth on the 25th anniversary! First reaction – she fainted. Before one could say “Liar” they were before a counselor.

(This write-up will continue in the next post).

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He was in poverty. He could not continue formal education after secondary school. He struggled to survive. Help came along the way. A man bought Keke for him in order to make things less difficult for him. There are people who have operated Keke and through discipline advanced from there. But not this guy. The guy showed his colour.
Before the Keke was bought for him, he had only one girlfriend. He had not ‘hammered’ from the Keke business but the number of girlfriends started increasing. This was as a result of the little money he had started making. No do no do Baba Ijebu came calling. He became a regular. Three months later, he was back at his previous state – poverty. Something comes out of this story. If he could not manage that income that came from that small Keke business properly, he could not have managed a greater income. The manner in which he wasted the money he got regardless of the amount is the same way he would lavish a greater amount if it comes his way – except he becomes disciplined. It is in this way that he is the cause of his own lack of progress. His problem is self-discipline.
Self-discipline has proven to be an issue for individuals. It is something hard for many. One is not conscious of the fact that when one does not properly utilize a thousand naira, properly utilizing a million naira will be an issue. The opportunity for advancement may present itself just like in the case of the Keke man, without self-discipline, the opportunity will be wasted. In this part of the world, one hardly looks objectively at the cause of a setback; one is rather ready to believe that enemies are at work. This mentality does not make one accept responsibility.
I have observed that a lot of youths want to start from the top. They see those who have hammered and without considering the amount of work those people had and still put in, they just want to be as hammered. They see the artist in his musical video as a star and immediately want to be like him. What they do not see is that the artist works so hard that he is almost always in the studio. He works really hard that rather than go to bed, he falls asleep. The path to greatness requires hard work no matter the endeavour.
A developed character predisposes one for greatness. Those things which a lot of people consider unimportant actually matter – time management, loyalty, commitment, organization, strategic thinking, and others. These things are intangible but not having them is costly. One who has the habit of arriving late for appointment, for instance, may not be taken serious and may even lose a business opportunity. This is not something that can just be prayed away.
People can be too religious for their own good in this part of the world. Prayer is important but it does not divest us of the responsibility to work. The Son of God WORKED and PRAYED. Throngs of people came to listen to him including the sick who came for healing. He performed his good works and kept his alone time for prayer. A number of people do not have it that way. They pray hard and do little work particularly to develop themselves. Sometimes you find laziness in their attitude. Somehow they hide under God who seems to be an excuse for them not to work as hard as they should all because they pray to this God.
It is not just by working, many things lie outside your control. Neither is it only by praying, work is a noble thing for man. To work and pray is the great combination.
When it seems everything is not just working, pray and look inwards. What you need to advance is already within you – you have it. God expects us to make do with what we have and he blesses our effort. I believe that there is nothing that life hands to us that we do not already have the resources to conquer.
Before Jesus fed the five thousand, he asked what was available. Five loaves and two fish were grossly inadequate for the crowd. But Jesus took it, blessed it and they became too much for the crowd. We are not to go to God empty-handed. Bring something to him for him to bless. It can be the work in which you have used your time, talent, or treasure.
In the parable of the talents, the one given five talents worked with them and made five more. The one given two talents made two more. The one given one talent who did not use it but buried it was punished for that. Start working with what you already have and more will be given to you. It is just as if by working with what you have, you qualify yourself for more.
The youths are supposed to look up to the seniors. I think the youths are quite disappointed; they have been failed by many seniors. What can a senior whose life is laden with corruption teach the youths? How can he serve as a role model? We have heard about the lootings that took place in the last administration. If it is true that 55 people looted over one trillion naira in eight years, what hope do such people give the youths?
But I prefer being responsible. I believe we have the responsibility of leading ourselves. I believe that with focus, the right attitude, and hard work, God will not leave us orphans. God is not against us. He is so glorious that his blessings are not for himself but for his children. You are one of his children.
Commit yourself to self-discipline on your path to your dreams. You add prayer to that and your blessing will find you.

Source: http://growingthroughlife.com/