₦airaland Forum

This question has been answered a lot of times in the last 10 - 15 pages. Take time to read them, so you can have a better understanding of what to do

KESHYLOVE:
Good day house, pls I sent my certificates back home for attestation.....
Pls before my bro go to abuja to attest it, I just want to know if I will be needing the PCC also and if yes, can it be done on my behalf?

Ok, I called the Nigerian Embassy in Abu Dhabi and the consulate in Dubai, I was told to attest my PCC in Abuja First. I Only wanted to know if you had been able to do yours at the Embassy

Ajakayekoke:
I don’t know how the pm works this isnt my email per say.hint me here boss

Bro, I sent you a PM can you please respond so I can contact you. Thanks

Ajakayekoke:
. Maybe not,won’t post this if I ain’t sure that’s what the lady told me.

If true, that's good news!

Ajakayekoke:
. I went to the embassy here in Abu Dhabi,the girl told me if I have the original police report I can do the attestation and mofa here in uae.as it stands now just get your pcc in alagbon,you don’t have to go to Abuja cos you can do all here,according to what the lady told me at the naija embassy.i hope I have answered the question sir l?

Yes you can. Someone even recently told me it can be scanned too. I sent mine to Nigeria tho.

horluwahseye:
Hello bro, I have the forms copy sent to me on my Gmail, so, I mean to ask... I can download it, use ink to do my finger prints and send it back to Nigeria before they send it back to me here?

You mean it can be attested here in the UAE, without having to do any attestation in Abuja?

Ajakayekoke:
I’ll be attesting it in uae.if you have the certificate u can do it here

Why can people not have a sound intellectual argument without taking things personal. comparing me to a lunatic is a bit over the line sir.

chocberry:
That's the hypocrisy in the world we live in today, exactly why we shouldn't take people on social media serious. Any comment that appears intelligent could be that of a lunatic with a five seconds pause in his/her mental " ish ", bet you can relate

I never commented on how he should run his home, please read my comments again. I commented on the motive behind his write-up and did not at any time specify how he should run his home.

Besides, being Married does not exclusively mean you are immune to mistakes neither does being un-married mean you don't know how to handle family matters

DripDrop:
Shio! What a Arrow. He said not even married and he’s commenting on how a married man should have handled his home better.

why so harsh? Please tell me you are married.

chocberry:
Hush the tone. Those that go into war chant in lesser tones than those already on the battlefield before them. Excessive rationalism equates sensellessness

Lol...I totally agree with the last statements you made about interference and things not being perfect.

How do we know there was no hunger...I'm still waiting for an interpretation of "luxury food item"

PS: the bolded part above is a joke

labanj1:
You say he didn't handle the situation well but his marriage and relationship with his in-laws is still intact. Truth is there is nothing perfect. Relationships can't be perfect. He stated that he knew situations like this would arise and did his best to counter it knowing fully well it was a phase ( You felt his calmness and not raging as bottling it up). Of course, he was annoyed but it wasn't hate.
2. In-laws told her to look for a better school and were not interested in if her husband was aware or not (Legal marriage). Most in-laws would even tell her to discuss with her husband, because it is a sensitive issue.
3. That " The state govt.." statement was purely a joke
You read too much meaning to the sending of gifts. I bet if he didn't send gifts, you would've said he doesn't care about them and wanted to snub them
I'm not saying they should not interfere. But they should do so wisely ( Make sure she carries her husband along). There's nothing wrong with communicating with the husband directly. They should also learn to respect her husband's decision. This case was never a case of hunger, I hope you do know that.

No, I am not married. However, I believe we were given our minds for us to be rational. If we lose our rationality it's as good as losing our minds

chocberry:
Over rationalization doesn't cut it. Are you married at all? Sticking in associations/partnerships with excessive analytical ish doesn't work.

There you have it

chocberry:
Wow @ Interesting post although it reeks of pride.


Prove it @ Your in-laws rarely visited you and you found a problem with it.

[b]They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly
I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home

Prove it @ When things took a downward turn they became more involved you had a problem with it


And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.




Sinless one @ comment @ I find it shocking that what stopped you from "slapping your wife to remove her make-up" was the fear of the state govt interfering.

Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.


Not the scenario @ Had your relatively well to do in-laws not meddled when things took a downward turn with you I'm pretty sure someone would have called them wicked for not bothering.

My opinion, and it has nothing to do with my comments about the motive behind his write up. Notice I said "someone" and did not directly specify he'll call them wicked


Alphabet " I ", hence, posturing, vain projections and subjectiveness @ I don't think you like your in-laws very much and frankly you don't love your wife either.


Phew @ You're bent on becoming more successful than them not solely for your own good but to rub it in their nose.


Is such the scenario here @ This silly African mentality of men owning their wives is what's driving this narrative

If you cannot discren it yourself from the write-upthen I won't even bother pointing it out


Unbalanced is the condtion @
You cannot bar your wife from having a relationship with her family before you they were there and the day you will slap her (which I believe is not very far) they'll be there to take her away from you.

If your daughter suffers violence from her husband, will you leave her there to rot?. He has thought about it next time, he just might act upon it


Flawed and false @ I sincerely hope you find the courage to tell yourself the truth, see beyond your pride and understand the kind of relationship you want to have with your in-laws.


I don't comment on the forum, but you were too much to be ignored.

Thank you for noticing. I'm glad I got your attention


100% flawed interpretation, reduce/stop aspersions[/b]

Manners maketh man. Keep thinking till the day he'll actually slap her.

As to whether this I am speculating, have proof or just downright spewing jargon... let's not forget there are 3 sides to every story.

1. Your side
2. My side
3. The truth

chocberry:
WOW @ is plagued with the writer's inability to come to terms with the fact that his in-laws are on a higher standing financially than he is.

Proof @ The issues he raised are banal

Speculative @ He doesn't seem like a very humble person if the mere fact that his in-laws offered to pay his children's fees riled him up.

Thinking, now a crime @ He could have politely declined and not think about slapping his wife. How bout applaud for self-control, restrain and thoughtfulness?

Smh @ do not warrant his feelings of "batteredness" that pushed him to write this.

Please tell us what you learnt. I'll be happy to read it.
Now my responses to your comments;

1. In my opinion He didn't handle the situation well. All the time this was going on he kept it bottled up and even now his solution to it is to boast of his financial standing. What happens if his finances dwindle tomorrow? A repeat of the same my in-law this my in-law that.

2. They didn't take decisions behind his back. According to his story the wife was the one that did. The in-laws told her to look for a better school, she could have discussed it with her husband first and the matter for die there.

3. It's not his ability to refrain himself that matters but the reason for that refrain. "The state govt"..this simply means if they lived in a place where issues of domestic violence is not on the govt's agenda he for don kill d woman.

The issue of him sending gifts us just a kiss ass way of him saying "look bitcheees I made it". The in-laws are well to do they don't need your recharge card "no matter how small..as he claimed".

In-laws interfere sometimes financially when they have to. You'll be someone's in-law tomorrow. If I they I want a to I use hunger to a kill your daughter, don't send her money you hear. Dey dere make pant dey wear you.

And please tell us what you learned

labanj1:
So you think
1.The Op was proud enough to handle the situation so well.
2. They became involved in his family's business, they decided to do take decisions behind his back or you don't feel he should be involved.
3. His ability to refrain himself (self-control) is still a problem to you.
He managed his family well. He stated where he decided to put his kids in a school where he could afford. Then when things got better he sent gifts and maintained physical presence. Do you want him to go and live with his in-laws to build a better relationship with them?
People have learnt from this but the only thing you can see is his PRIDE and TOXIC relationship with his in-laws. I'm amazed at how you think.

I understand your point of view and I can tell that you're a very logical person. You see, my comments came not as a result of my interpretation of his story but as a result of his MOTIVES.

This write up, beautiful as it is, is plagued with the writer's inability to come to terms with the fact that his in-laws are on a higher standing financially than he is.

The issues he raised are banal and in my opinion do not warrant his feelings of "batteredness" that pushed him to write this.

He doesn't seem like a very humble person if the mere fact that his in-laws offered to pay his children's fees riled him up. He could have politely declined and not think about slapping his wife.

WORDWORLD:
Reek of pride?! Hmm..

You see, any piece of writing is open to interpretation and indeed is interpreted differently depending on the reader's nature and personality.

Someone who is shallow, and superficial will always interprete his or her reading supperficially ignoring DETAILS. A profoundly deep person approaches it with profundity, trying as much as possible to grasp the message and more than the message to understand the MOTIVE. An arrogant person approaches his readings with arrogance and looks for passages or sentences to justify his or her arrogance. SEEKERS AFTER TRUTH approach a book or writing with the TRUEST, PUREST LIGHT their heart can give and INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY, hence with CONSCIENCE and are CONSCIETIOUS.

After reading your comment. All i can say is that YOU COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD THE STORY. My sincere opinion about your comment.

We need more people like you in this world. *Doffs hat*

Pataricatering:
the problem with you men is your ego will never let you be reasonable ! Do you make decisions according to what’s good for your ego or what’s good for your children / family ? If you are in a situation where your children can’t eat would you refuse your in laws help because you feel too big ? A lot of the meanings you read into situations must have been subjective - I know a couple where the guys father paid for a school his son could not afford because he wanted quality education for his grandkids - exactly the same thing your wife’s parents wanted to do ! I t wasn’t a big deal because it was the mans parents paying ! Why would you hinder your children’s future because of your ego ? A couple I know eventually divorced because the girl wanted to have their child or in America but the guy could not afford it - her parents decided to pay but the guy still insisted she should never t travel because he was not the one paying ! Why would you refuse your child the opportunities ty knowing how much easier being an American citizen would make his life You men feel your egos must be worshipped like how God is worshipped - just complete nonsense !

I totally agree with you. What I don't totally agree with is the conclusion the op reached and the message his story is passing across.

Mind you from his story, he didn't say they were taking decisions like dictating how he "should rule his household" He was focused on the financial aspect of their assistance. Note he didn't complained they never came to visit who even complains about in-laws not visiting?

When they stepped in during the time his finances were not too good, the only example he could give was that of school and "luxury food item" and to me those scenarios do not hold water.

It's why I said he should decide the kind of relationship he wants to have with them, and stop crying when they interfere/don't interfere in his business.

oyb:
it goes both ways. a wife will also not be comfortable if the husband is overly dependent on his parents

it is the same issues that would be coming up - the parents / family making decisions for the husband

just as in the case of her parents, the husband's parents will also feel they are doing what is best for their son, while causing friction

Interesting post although it reeks of pride.
1. Your in-laws rarely visited you and you found a problem with it.
2. When things took a downward turn they became more involved you had a problem with it
3. I find it shocking that what stopped you from "slapping your wife to remove her make-up" was the fear of the state govt interfering.

Having put your business out there, I'm sure you don't mind if I make it my business also and contribute my 2 cents.

Had your relatively well to do in-laws not meddled when things took a downward turn with you I'm pretty sure someone would have called them wicked for not bothering.
Your story about them being relatively wealthier I believe was told from a place of spite and jealousy.

You didn't come from a broke background too, I mean how many people can afford to buy themselves a car talk more of give their child one after graduation.

I don't think you like your in-laws very much and frankly you don't love your wife either. You're bent on becoming more successful than them not solely for your own good but to rub it in their nose.

I don't know the relationship you have with them but I can bet it's a toxic one. Who gets angry at a father sending his daughter money married or not. This silly African mentality of men owning their wives is what's driving this narrative. What do you even mean by "luxury food item"

You cannot bar your wife from having a relationship with her family before you they were there and the day you will slap her (which I believe is not very far) they'll be there to take her away from you.

I sincerely hope you find the courage to tell yourself the truth, see beyond your pride and understand the kind of relationship you want to have with your in-laws.

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

Yes, it is possible, you don't have to worry. I downloaded the form, filled it, attached my passport photo and sent it to Nigeria (DHL). Now my PCC is ready. Still haven't received it here tho, as It has to be attested. I don't know about the scanning option

Ajakayekoke:
Please house I’m in need of the Pcc really badly now,I’m in the uae already,is it possible to get everything done in Nigeria(if I send my finger print to Nigeria) and is it possible to get everything done here in uae if I wanna do it here?i heard the Nigeria embassy will just give you the form(u do your finer print) and they tell you to send it to Nigeria,to do the attestation.i just wanna know if it’s possoble to get it all done in Nigeria at once(by sending the finger print through scanning.thanks in advance for the reply help a brother

Hello house,

I've been an avid reader of this post for a few months and I must say, it has helped a lot with different people sharing their stories and God bless all the gurus here who continue to encourage all of us to be resilient.

My Dubai story all started like a joke, I never planned to even relocate out of Nigeria, but when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. I'm barely 2 weeks here and I can say this I got a job without even doing any form of certificate attestation. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to have your docs attested as everyone's story is different. Just believe in God and believe in your hustle. Faith for me is interwoven into everything I do so I'll always tell people put God first in everything you do.

Guys please hustle till you get what you want and when you do, don't stop hustling. People have had successes here and those of us that are still coming and are already here can have that success too