onyejiokem: O.M.G dis is hillarious.....wat.....guy! U b real comedian.....u've found ur path. If writing stories like dis to make pple happy is all u've got, den u've got everytin, becoz u're nt merely writing a story bt touching lives equally. Pls I wanna plead wit u, don't giv dis up...possibly edit it properly n take 4 publication. U won't believe, bt comedy is 99% antidote 2 d most terminal disease on earth...ofcourse I'm talkin abot fraility of d mind. A lot of pple die everyday nt because of HIV/AIDS or any other disease as such bt because of lack of excitement from dia many troubles! keep d fire burning bro...n pls wia all waiting. 90% waiting............b4 ma waiting finish abeg.....lol! ;DO.M.G dis is hillarious.....wat.....guy! U b real comedian.....u've found ur path. If writing stories like dis to make pple happy is all u've got, den u've got everytin, becoz u're nt merely writing a story bt touching lives equally. Pls I wanna plead wit u, don't giv dis up...possibly edit it properly n take 4 publication. U won't believe, bt comedy is 99% antidote 2 d most terminal disease on earth...ofcourse I'm talkin abot fraility of d mind. A lot of pple die everyday nt because of HIV/AIDS or any other disease as such bt because of lack of excitement from dia many troubles! keep d fire burning bro...n pls wia all waiting. 90% waiting............b4 ma waiting finish abeg.....lol!

tnx bro

Damex333: So,after all d delay na this small tiny stuff u con give us abi? Na laziness dey cause am o.

skoloppy31: So all this while,,nah dis small. One you fit upload,,lazy bone,,,mtceeeeeew,make I unfollow asap

Abeg make una no vex no be say I dey lazy na because of my exams, abeg make una no vex abeg

semid4lyfe: Hmm, go on. . . .

Meanwhile, put a line space between your paragraphs

noted bro

Episode #7
I got to the gate of the Bode-Williams’ house at 6.45 pm. But the aboki at the gate didn’t allow me to enter, he said I was without an Invitation Card, he even threatened to call the police that I’m a thief. But he didn’t sha, cos I managed to text Annie to come and save me from this tough faced aboki. She came to my rescue after ten minutes of waiting at the gate.
See as she con hug me when she see me, as if sey I be her …errr… her brother. She held my hand as she led me into the house. Olorun mi ooo, na house be dis, na human being dey live here? From the gate, to all the part of the compound I can see for now, the floor is covered with interlocking tiles. The big and well designed house itself is covered in butter coloured paint. Abeg we don dey enter house now, I go describe the house later. It was when we got inside that I noticed that Annie is not even party dressed yet. Wetin happen? I no know, why u dey ask me? Wait make I ask am sef.
“Ahem, Ms. Annie, you are not dressed, may I ask why?” I sound strange to you? I sound strange to myself, this formal way of speaking is not my thing.
“I was waiting for you to come before dressing up, and you obviously came late”
“I’m sorry for coming late, really sorry”
“It’s okay, at least you showed up”
“I’ll get dressed now, then we can meet ,my parents”
She went up the stairs to her room, na my guess be dat sha. After sitting for ten minutes, she showed up. Was she fast or slow? That’s for the ladies to answer.
“I’m ready” she announced
Holy paparoni! This babe is the pictorial definition of beauty. She turned up in light blue ,sleeveless, knee length gown. She had a blue Ankara-designed shoe and bag to match to complement the gown. She had no make up, and she looked beautiful even without make up. She parked her long hair into a bunch. Kai if u come smell dis Shalimar perfume wey she spray, o boy you go lose control totally.
. I fit bet my two balls on top am sey, no man dey dis world wey go see Annie, wey Konji no go catch. Anyway sha we walked hand in hand into the second wing of the house. We entered a large room space with some people in it. By my guess the friends and business associates of the Bode-Williams. We stopped for a few seconds and she looked around searching for someone, by my guess her parents. She seem to have seen someone as she led away.
“Mum, you remember me talking of a Femi? This is Femi. Femi meet my mum”
Kia kia I don dey prostrate dey go “Good evening ma’am”
“Hello my son, how are you?” Annie’s mum greeted me. Mehn Annie looks like her mother, as in come see resemblance.
“I’m fine ma, it’s a nice house and a nice party that you have here ma’am”
“Ooh thank you my son.”
A man that by my guess should be in his late fifties walked up to us. Annie’s dad. Sharp sharp #prostration tinz
He seem to recognize me just on sight. “Young man, you are Femi, no?”
“Yes sir, I’m Femi”
“Very good, Annie told us about you, thank you for your help”
“Oh it was nothing sir”
“Enjoy your evening” and so the pot bellied man rolled away like a balloon.

We finally headed to the section where the real bubbling thingz is going on, the place where the young and trendy were.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come and see the goodness of the Lord. This place is full of ipitombias, bakasis, big big yanshes, bobbies, ikebes. Kai its about to go down low. Chineke me don you mean that these kind of girls exist in Nigeria (there are dudes here as well but me no dey reason dere matter, I no be gay naw”.
Gosh!!!!!!!!!!!! This is serious, I can’t even breathe anymore, the extra large ipitombias, ikebes and bobbies have taken up all the space. It was the feeling of Annie’s soft palm on my hand that convinced me that I’m not dreaming. But if this is a dream then I don’t want to wake up from this sleep ooo.
“Femi” na Annie dey call me but I no hear at all, I just dey look at the mass volume of yanshes before my Christian and born again eyes.
“Femi” she called again, and this time I hear am.
“Yes, oh you were calling me?”
“What were you staring at or should I say who? Oh you are looking at the girls right?”
Kai she don nab me.
“No no no, I was just caught unawares, I didn’t imagine that it’ll be a large gathering like this.”
“Okay ooo if you say so”
“What do you mean? Do you think I carried away by the sight of girls, and I’ve seen better” hmmnnn #forming thingz.
“No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry”
“It’s ok. So what’s the plan are we sitting down or are we going to stand all night?”
“Ok lets get somewhere to sit down”
And by the way we are currently in a garden, I guess sha, cos flowers, trees and all these wooden benches dem, dey here.
We found an empty bench under a tree and decided to sit there. I waited patiently for the thing I hate most. Conversation.

Foxy_Rebirth: I dey follow you bumper to.... Wetin Kelly Handsome talk again sef

i think sey na bumper...thanks bro

Damex333: Guy dont keep us waiting again o, and i wish u success in ur exam.

Thanks bro

fruiteeiy: intresting read... thunbs up guy
oya carry ya erofo yansh come here and update jare

I promise on the left eye of the late Bin Laden that I'll update more tomorrow

Episode #6
I no know maybe my clock don turn Usian Bolt ooo, but time don go ooo, as in seriously ooo. Walahi u no fit believe sey 4.30 don nack,mmtttssccchhheewww o boy, which kain level be dis sef. But come to think of it oo, I’m sure there will be a tornado of different kinds of food and floods of assorted drinks at the Bode-Williams’ house party. In other news, I’m in love with my belle ooo.
Kai wetin I go wear go the party ooo? Yes yes yes, I have one black suit that my pastor gave me when he came back from Jerusalem last year; Wetin u dey think? U think sey I be pagan like u? u tink sey I no dey go church? But the suit sef go don rough tire, make I dey hope sey I never over size am sef, but how I go over size am? Me wey be sey I no dey chop diet talkless of balanced diet.
Oya straight to Oga Ebuka the tailor’s shop, make I go use im iron press dis cloth. I quickly walked out of my room and croosed the street to Oga Ebuka’s shop. Fortunately, I met him.
“Ebuks Ebuks, Ebuka ka, Ebuka ka ka ra ka. Ebuka the international tailor, one and only Ebuka of Nigeria” I don start again with my wining abi? No mind me jare
“Oga Femi, I don tell u sey I no be tailor I be fashion designer” for my mind I dey talk sey fashion designer ko, fashion designer ni, tailor ni e jare.
“Oya Ebuka no vex, I don forget”
“Oga Femi wetin I fit do for u, U wan iron abi? U go pay this time ooo”
“Haba Ebuka u don start again ooo”
Anyway after some exchange of words, I ironed my suit and headed home. I jumped into the one of the two bathrooms that served the whole twenty room, face-me-I-face-you house that I lived in, how I managed to get a room of N5,000 a month with my status is a story you’ll get to know very soon. For now I have to take my bath, abeg make una give me like 30 minutes make I use bath.

Oya I don com back ooo.
I hurriedly applied some Vaseline on my skin, and jumped into my well ironed suit. But the problem is, how will I walk out of my house, and in my street, with every pair of eyes on me? Won’t it look strange? I mean to see me in suit.
Trust me you don’t want to know about my journey to the Bode-Williams’ house, seriously I had to push a small girl, so as to avoid her staining my suit and some hot arguments with bus conductors.

I don't know what to say or how to apologize...My exmas has started and I really want to boost my G.P so I've been busy readin but I managed to put a couple of lines together but I promise on the left eye of the late Bin Laden that I'll update more tomorrow.
Thanks for not sending thugs to beat me up for not updatin

Episode #5
My hosts for the night finally released me at around 08.15am the following morning. We spent the night there. No actually I spent the night there alone, in the “erofo”, while the fine lads went to God-knows-where to sleep, or do whatever soldiers do at night. They let me go with a note of warning that sounded like a threat.
“Tonight, make you wear this your soldier shorts again, you hear?”
Shey na my offence be dat? Wey dem com torture my life as if sey I kill President.
Fifteen minutes later, I stagger into my room like someone that got drunk after downing eleven bottles of beer. I threw myself on my bed, like a gorilla, I can faintly hear the creaking of the bed frame, as I drifted into sleep almost immediately, with the hope of waking up three hours later.
I didn’t wake from my death-like-slumber until 2.30 in the afternoon. I pick my phone to realize that I have 19 miss calls. Am I that important?, abi Fashola sef no dey get this kin plenty miss calls naw. Anyway make I check the people wey call me.
Just one person? Am I seeing double? How can a number that I don’t have on my contact list call me for 19 good times. My mind first joked with me that maybe, God has spoken to a rich man to come and dash me money, or better still give me a job. Something just urged me to check the pocket of my jeans for Annie Bode-Williams’ card. I did and to my horror, the number that had called me for 19 good times belongs to Ms. Annie.
Tori Olorun, shey dis girl no go free me ni? Abi kini itunmo gbogbo nonsense yi ke?
I picked up my phone to dial her number with the 10 naira remaining on my phone, make MTN no just stop my call when my money finish ooo. Anyway sha I dialed her number out of risk. “The MTN number you have dialed is currently busy…” hmmmn I no wait make the MTN lady talk the rest before I cut am, thank God her number dey busy and the call don enter call waiting before, which mean sey na she cut am herself, if she like make she call, if she no like make she no call, notin concern…I didn’t get to finish my thoughts before my phone vibrated. You dis girl, why naw?, why you dey call me? Anyway make I pick am, abi wetin you think? Make I no pick am? Make I pick am sha.
“Hello” her sweet voice came from the other end of the line, I was carried away by the melody in her voice, before I remembered that I had to respond.
“Hello, who am I speaking with please?” I dey form as if sey I no know, see me wey dey form. #shio
“Hummnn it’s Annie, from yesterday at Yetunde Brown, you helped me…” I decided to cut in
“Oh my bad, Ms. Annie, good afternoon, how may I help you?”
“I think I told you that we are having a birthday party at my house, a party for my mom actually”
“Oh yes, the party I remember”
“Do you think you can come over, I told my parents about yesterday, and they said they want to meet you to thank you in person”
“Haagh, I don’t think I can make it, I’m really tired, I’ve been doing some cleaning since morning, I can’t make it, please pass across my apologies to your parents” I don’t like lying but I had to, or what do you think?
“Femi, ppppllllleeeeaaaaassssseeeeee, I want you to come” Kai, sssshhhhhh the melody in her voice is just to sweet, I don’t want to say yes but I can’t say no to such a sweet voice, voice wey sweet pass sugar.
“I’ll see if I can make it, but it’s not a promise” I said
“Okay that’s a bit nice, I’ll be expecting you though, I’ll text you our address after this call”.
Of course you’ll be expecting me.
It was after we end our conversation, that I begin to feel the pains of yesterday’s beating all over again, haa! I need to get Alabukun or Amala, I should have one in my room naw, after ransacking my pockets, I found a sachet of Alabukun, quickly I used it with some water, and I lay down to rest again.
Zzzzmmm zzzmmm zzzzmmmm, that’s my phone and that means there’s a new message, Annie’s of course, but when I checked it, it was MTN’s their yeye callertunez messages.
Zzzmmm zzzmmmm zzzmmm, another message. This time it was Annies.
Party starts by four, address is blah blah blah blah Ikoyi. I can’t afford to let you know her address now, not yet, I’m trying to be careful of the bad boyz around.

Nexxy007: nite neva reach 4 una side?

abeg i go update am by 11 o clock abeg no vex

Nexxy007: bros cme cntinue na

bros abeg no vex ooo e be like sey my lappy connection after e smoke weed, e con take cocaine follow, abeg make all una no vex, i go update tonite

skoloppy31: Ogbeni hotprince no keep me waiting for here,,dis tory dey sweet ma belle so tey I dey add ma imagination put,as if na me da thin dey happen to...update it asap...u dn die,,chei,,MELOo NI ARA RE?ti SOLDIER n lu eeee.

bros abeg no vex for d delay in updae, i go try update soon, my lappy connection don smoke weed, bt i go update as soon as i can

Episode #4
I started speaking in different languages at the same time, as heavy slaps, kicks, punches landed on my body. By this time about five others have joined
“Oga no vex sir, e ma binu sir, I no know, abeg, biko, pardon me, na devil work…” but all this fell on deaf ears as these ruthless men pounced heavily on me. And I shouted the more, but none of the spectators around could dare to step in, lest he/she receive a fair share.
“Ye! Ye!! Mo ku ooo, oga abeg, God go bless una, bbblllooodddd of JJJJEEEESSSSUUUUSSS” now it was as if that “blood of Jesus” was what they were waiting for to rouse their anger, they pounced on me the more, this time two others joined in, and they applied their strong belt on my skin, my first offence, I was yet to know. But I guess that does not matter now, as the second is enough to have them “destroy” me.
I became unconscious, after about twenty minutes of continuos and severe beating. I was brought back to life by two bowls of chilled water, coupled with two hot slaps on by wet back. I tried to open my eyes but they were tight shut, courtesy of the beatings.
“Stand up!” one of them backed at me. Of course I was slow in getting up, another soldier gave me a sharp kick in my waist. By now, I’m sure that at least 200 bones in my body are broken, probably I managed to get up, thanks to the remaining over of the over 200 bones in my body. Before I could say anything, I heard another command.
“Frog jump!”. Haba naw I no be pikin naw, which kind punishment be this? but I was careful enough not to say that aloud, if not, I’ll meet my waterloo on this very spot. I quickly began my punishment, but at a relatively slow pace. I have my stars to thank, that these dare-devils are not irritated by my snail-like slow pace.
Ye! Frog jump dey pain person ooo, e don tey wey I do am last, chai I don die today, this “gentlemen” seem to have lost interest in me, as they were busy discussing, but I know that I dare not stand up or pause to rest. As I was contemplating of giving it a run and try to escape, having cleared out my route home in my mind, and the exact spot where I’ll lose them, one of them barked at me.
“You! Come over here!” I obeyed.
“Sit down for dat water there”
Ki mo gbo yi? Me? Make I sit down for inside “erofo”? Hah! E wo aye mi lode, emi odindi graduate. If no be for condition, anyway sha I am at the mercy of these "fine gentlemen”

Constructive criticisms, comments and encouragements are welcome

Emperortj93: Mehn.... I'm criously followin dis hilarious and well writen story....@op wen should we b expectin d next update?

tnx bro i'll try to do some update soon, #exam tinz