I know this thread is supposed to be about Boko Haram and Buhari but this woman needs to be killed for all the harm she has caused to children. Good people cannot stand idly by while children are being killed and ostracized because of this b-i-t-c-h and religious fanaticism and delusion.

I am an atheist. My family is a very deeply religious Christian one. It was very difficult when I first started questioning my belief in god because my family kept proselytizing to me. However, they have since left me alone because they realize that my certainty about the non-existence of god is as strong as their convictions.

I live in the States and feel free to tell anyone, including my family that I am an atheist. We have freedom of religion and are able to accommodate all viewpoints. However, when I go to Nigeria I am very careful not to reveal my atheism to anyone outside my family. That wouldn't be wise considering the sheer numbers of religious nuts, I mean fanatics in Nigeria.

humanist_d:

Thanks, quinofhart. My very thoughts, just more eloquent.

Hello Shaunab, I am sorry you are in so much pain. However, you need not be alone. I and MILLIONS of people out there can relate. Your feelings, e.g., thoughts of suicide, problems with interpersonal relationships (i.e., friends), guilt, etc, are all typical symptoms of someone who has had a traumatic past. I am not diagnosing you, but it is blatantly obvious from your post, e.g. mother drinking almost everyday, being hit, and your parents doting on your younger brother and playing favorites, etc, that at the very least, you were emotionally abused and neglected. You are also dealing with the loss of your childhood and it seems, grieving the loss of your relationship with your parents.

You have every reason to feel cheated. You were cheated. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. While it's not good to dwell on it excessively, what's done is done, but you have to allow yourself to get angry, grieve, and then decide what sort of relationship, if any you want to have with your parents or to accept and grieve the fact that they don't want a relationship with you. It takes time.

It is impressive that you work and attend college, despite feeling the way you do. That is something to be proud and grateful for. It's also great that your boyfriend's always been there for you and he has a wonderful family that it seems accepts you.

Also, there is no reason to feel guilty/selfish/ashamed about thinking about suicide. Countless people do. But remember: SUICIDE IS NEVER THE RIGHT ANSWER. Things only seem hopeless. There are lots of people you can talk to, who are highly trained and experienced in helping people very knowledgeable about helping people who think of hurting themselves. Examples are clergy, therapists and suicide crisis hotlines. Everything you say to them is completely confidential, unless of course you tell them you have a definite plan to hurt yourself or others. You may feel more comfortable with the hotlines, e.g. 800-SUICIDE. They can talk to you for hours if needed.

People who drink excessively cannot be good parents, even if they want to, which they most often do not. How can you be a good parent when you are wasted all the time.

Please check out this book. It is called Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet Woititz. It is an excellent book. Here's a link for it.
http://books.google.com/books?id=6FsD0KjvilUC&dq=adult+children+of+alcoholics&pg=PP1&ots=lVwwS8JEyX&sig=0Kco2rjri2yD3th4cGz52dL3dGA&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result

Also, check out this group. You can meet some very wonderful people there who have been thru what you are going thru and will talk to you and help you deal. It is called Adult Children of Alcoholics/Abuse. Here's the link: http://www.adultchildren.org/. Make sure you click on the promises.

You might find this link helpful: http://captus.samhsa.gov/central/documents/4AdultChildrenofAlcoholics.pdf

I do not mean to say that I understand everything you are going thru, and I hope I don't sound patronizing or condescending. That is not my intention. It just sounded like you needed someone to point you in the right direction.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

quinofhart:

@humanist

well i share your sentiments. I didn't have to search long and hard for a reason to disown my father. I made a decision (very personal and valid reason) to disown him. Well this came after years of me being on th3e receiving end of his disloyalty , he actually disowned me 12yrs ago i forgave him and then i realised he was not going to change and the relationship would always be on his terms, which unfortunately for him came at the wrong time in my life, cause at the time i was very independent, stable,emotionally strong and saw no reason to 'put up with crap. So i disowned him and its been 3yrs and i do not hurt or worry or think i have done the wrong thing. I am happier for it.

People need to remember that the family structure is not what its carved out to be in most situations,while some will say they are your parents! you have no other! they bore you! blah blah. So what?not every parent is meant to be a parent, they can contribute to the biology of things but emotions are a different thing, we are all individuals. Life has taught me Blood is not thicker than water.

Thanks, quinofhart. My very thoughts, just more eloquent.

~Sly~(*_*):

humanist_d

its cool. . . when ever u want to reply to a post and u feel like quoting, after clickin on the reply button! then ull see something like this if u scroll down a little below the *reply* (Click Once,Then wait ) button :

click on the insert quote and ull see somethin like this*


then u type here! ^{at the bottom of the quote}

Thanks guys. Pretty easy. Happy New Year to those of you in Europe, Africa, and points farther east, and Happy New Year in advance to everyone else.

I can't figure out how to cite the quotes the way you guys do. Hopefully someone can show me how. Anyway, it seems to me that lots of people can think of acceptable reasons for their parents to disown them (whether or not it is likely to happen), but few can think of acceptable reasons to disown their parents. Why? Cos they brought us into the world. Is that what makes someone a parent? What choice did we have in that? Why are we expected to accept practically anything our parents do, and to do practically everything THEY want for a choice that THEY made (i.e., bringing us into the world). I am Nigerian, (half-Nigerian anyway). I grew up there and I am familiar with the culture. I also have children of my own. However, I believe that I am more responsible to my children than they are to me. I CHOSE to bring THEM into this world. The first was unplanned, and while the other was, I was still too young to know what the hell I was doing. Either way, they had no choice in the matter. So, I owe THEM the best life I can reasonably give them, not the other way around. At the very least, I should do the least damage possible to them. If I did fail to be a parent, and not simply an inseminator, and particularly if I abused them significantly in any way, while it might hurt significantly if they disowned me, I would certainly not be surprised or fault them for it.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Re: wendymanda's post: WHat has your parents done. I boy divorced his father for killing his mother so he can be independent at 15 years.

I did not want to go into specifics, otherwise I would have. Several people who know me use this website, and I do not want them to know until February 16th, which is when I'll tell my father. The reasons are a lot less clear-cut than something as obvious as murdering my mother, but it started with something that happened to me at a young age, and it involves prolonged and severe emotional trauma, neglect, manipulation and invalidation, physical abuse (yes, I know that is very controversial), and his constant excuses and a refusal to admit any wrongdoing despite the severe damage it did to me, and an unwillingness to put any significant effort into righting the wrongs of the past. I know this sounds vague, but I can assure you that the specific incidents would be considered traumatic by most people. I can forgive and not hold the past against him. To a large extent I have. However, I will not continue to have a relationship with him since he cannot admit to any wrongdoing or put any effort into our relationship.

Once again, I was wondering if there are reasons, apart from the obvious of course, which would lead others to disown their parents.

I have a similar question. I was actually searching online for reasons to disown one or both of your parents, and it led me to this discussion. I am very seriously considering, and most likely will disown my father. I don't need approval or validation, but I was wondering if others have any valid reasons why they would do the same, and what they are.