₦airaland Forum

seyiojomu:
Yea, there is.

If your concern is about conception, there is a number of medical solutions you can explore ;

- IVF with preimplantation genetic testing.
- adoption.

Good point. I was just going to say this. If you can afford it. Do it and then adopt a permanent family planning after your kids are born. I've seen couples who seemed to be compatible give birth to children with defects, disabilities, etc. Just know what you're getting into. I know an AS couple in the US with two beautiful daughters. They did this IVF. Both kids are AA. And have gone ahead to do the permanent family planning to avoid "accidents".

Update: The lady has called it quits and believes that God will restore her time and compensate her.

Kobojunkie:
Indeed it is hard, and she has a hard choice to make as to what kind of partner she really wants for herself. Ask her to log on to nairaland to spend time reading through some of the posts of people stuck in marriages with cheaters and maybe that might help her make her decision.

Her peace should be paramount. I don't know if she has an account but I'll advice her to check the forum. I too recently joined the platform by a relative's referral.

Kobojunkie:
She already knows the wise thing to do. She is troubled by the situation for good reason. Tell her to let wisdom lead her.

You're right, she is really troubled. I spent minutes trying to calm her down on the phone. It's not easy for her to just let go because she invested in the relationship. But it's good that she found out as they are meant to marry this year.

Kobojunkie:
See..... what people fail to understand or grasp the meaning of "God is wisdom". Wisdom is really what we typically refer to as Commonsense, and when you are not sure what to do in any situation - nothing in the almost 100 commandments given us in the New Covenant rings a bell to you- seek out wisdom and follow her.

Wisdom is clearly telling her to leave that ship before it sails. What else do you intend for her to do in this ? @ OP

I don't intend to dictate to her at all. She came to me. I just told her to not make any serious decisions in anger. She still loves him but whatever she wants to do is completely up to her. If she called tomorrow and said she was ending the relationship, she would have made the right choice for her. I'm a man myself, I would never do this to my wife, and nobody deserves this.

yanabasee:
It isn't too late to back off .... If she's not seeing a change in him, she's still within her lifeline to safe herself from eternal hurt....

That's true too

Deborah98:
Well second chance isn't bad. But thorough confessions, prayers and counselling needs to be done on the part of the guy. The girl too needs to open up her mind to accept him back. Both should seek a spiritual help from a spiritual person or any of their father in the Lord for proper directions. Good luck.

Thank you sister. At this point, they will need to let their pastor know for wise counsel.

PlayerMeji:
Oga, tell them to patronize the pastor at this hour.

This is the one of reasons they pay him tithe.

You have a point

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Kendollar696:
you answered part.. so what if it's a relationship that may lead to marriage. most times we give up and not expecting the best out of people.. I have dated many buh on the long run, i found out that, no body is perfect, all of them had their flaws even myself. sometimes revive a relationship you know you can handle the flaws no matter what.

Plenty of wisdom here. Or even already a marriage. We're so quick to jump ship or look for the next available person to hop on to. Flaws can be worked on. Couple's therapy or individual. The only exception is to not stay in a dying relationship that is potentially dangerous... could cause harm or death.

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I'm just going to weigh in on this real quick as a counselor.

OP, whether male or female, you can't wake up one day and tell a person you were in a relationship with that you should go back to being friends. It is wrong. It is cold-hearted.

You should let them know in clear terms that you want nothing to do with them and should leave them to decide whether or not they still want to be in your life (as a friend).

Not agreeing that relationships are a do or die affair but it hurts the party who was committed more. Requiring space isn't a bad thing. Certain personalities require that. But without a timeline or clear communication, the other party will feel used and their time wasted. You can never recover the time lost.

They will second-guess themselves, they will go through all sorts of emotions that might require therapy. They may develop trust issues. If their love was mostly pure, they may never be that vulnerable with anyone else. The list goes on.

It's a vicious cycle that needs to stop. Some people can't stand it and turn out to wreck others. I have even read crazy stories of revenge leading to death (murder-suicide), depending on the hurt party's mentality.

Others never attempt love again. Just because they gave their all to someone who couldn't deliver on their promise.

If you still love her, go get your girl. But healing your relationship is a journey. And seek counseling because I can't say it will be a smooth ride. You need to earn the other person's trust. She loves you is why she sent that. Please fix it if you love her and I wish you both the best.

All the best.