₦airaland Forum

Thank you all for your inputs. Kobojunkie I thank you specially.

Female nairalanders please I need your input.
I want to get females' point of view on this topic.

Kobojunkie I would like to hear your input on this.Thanks

A colleague of mine explained his story with me and I thought it wise to share so I can get response to add to my little knowledge and advise him.

According to him,he was waiting for someone and he decided to
wait in a Sports Betting Store even though he doesn't play bets(gamble).

While waiting,he met a female Sports Betting Store attendant, and according to him, he felt an instant connection( in his words"she was his spec) although she was about leaving.

He went back the next day in the evening with a letter containing his phone number and gave to the "crush" considering the time he has to spare and told her,"he would like to know her better" when she inquired what the note was for.


She took the letter but didn't call for about 4 days after which he went back to meet her during day time and after going out of his way to place some bets(because according to him he doesn't gamble) he told her "I know your job won't give you time to call. Can I have your own phone number please"

He said she declined by saying she doesn't give out her phone number. He went further to tell her that( the phone number he gave her is also his whatsapp line and that since she doesn't give out her phone number,she should give him a call or leave a WhatsApp message then).

She said ok that she would call him.
It is up to 4 days now she hasn't called or messaged him.Although she told him her name on his second visit.

He is asking for advise on what to do next.

My own concern is,Are female Betting Store attendants good companions?

Note: He met her in the night for the first time when she was about going and by the next day evening he gave her the letter.

KenghisKhan:
," taking advantage of?," was there any Force or any thing similar? My brother, it's purely transactional, I cure your conji, you give me my money, shikena
.

What are you transacting?🤣

What is the name of the business?

brain54:
Except any of the parties is involved...

No one is taking advantage of anyone. It's simple a business transaction done with each other's consent!

What type of business Sir?🤣

What type of business Sir? 😂

When it comes to prostitution, who is really being taken advantage of, the customer or the person who has sex for money?


"If" your relative is the sex worker, would you say they are taking advantage of the customer? 🤣

Kobojunkie:
Musa seems to come from a family that is mainly toxic individuals who do not generally value his person and his opinions simply because he does not have the connections and maybe even money that he does. It is quite a shame that siblings would set themselves up as enemies to their own.

To answer your question, Musa was right in removing himself from the picture sessions. He should not have attended the marriage at all since his brother did not even see fit to inform him ahead of time about his impending nuptials— that was a dirty slap in his face. He shouldn't have attended at all. Additionally, his decision not to wear the clothing provided was also not a bad one. I am not certain why his brother felt it necessary to see to it that Musa's trauma from their father's burial was to be replayed at his own wedding.

Also, Musa's mother, always trying to get him to give in to the requests or conditions set by the others, is not helping him or his siblings in any way. Musa might need to learn to stand his ground around his siblings and also set boundaries of his own to keep them in their place. He is their sibling and not their plaything, and for that line to be made clear, he needs to be willing to deny their requests(including his mother's) from time to time.

Thank you very much.I am grateful.
Kudos to Seun on his efforts to improve the forum.

A close friend of mine (Musa) who is the last born of his family narrated a story to me in the office about what he has been passing through in the hands of his siblings.

To make you understand his story well,his elder sister was the one who used her connection to give him a job in our office.


Now let me say his story.

When his father died,he didn't have any job but all his siblings (3 girls and 1 boy) had started working.The boy is the first son.


He was asked to write a biography for his dad which he did, when his elder brother saw it,he told him to reduce the words to a certain number after contacting one of his elder sister that said she has contacted the person who was going to do the burial program and gave him (Musa) the feedback.

Lo and behold on the day when the burial program was shared to people and Musa read his biography he wrote,they changed what he wrote and painted him in a manner he wasn't.Musa a quiet guy I know at least for the times I have been working with him said his mum pleaded with him to let it go.

Not only that the burial uniform his own given to him on that day in the village where he had no way to get an alternative was different (he said it made him appear like a gangster)and he said he was dragged at the back of his shirt and humiliated as someone who is trying to bring shame to his family by someone who didn't know how the cloth arrangement was done. He wanted to react to the pulling but his cousin that was walking with him told him to forget and let them keep going(His mum also pleaded with him to let go about the cloth provision.)


When his sister who assisted him in getting the job in our office married her husband who was not working (Musa was very angry) .The husband to be always mocked Musa from day one for everything he did despite Musa using his little savings to put himself in order and also give little support to his mum(when he told his sister,she said he should take her husband to be as he is.)


The issue escalated when the sister's husband to be wouldn't stop the trolls.After the marriage,Musa called his sister to bring back the TV gift he gave to her pointing to her that since her now husband can insult him without remorse he should replace the TV.

She had to bring back the TV .
Musa said there was a day during a family issue.His sister brought police and took him,on
heading to where he would be confined, only for the husband who was alone with the police to begin to strangle him but he fought back despite being on handcuffs .Luckily for him, he survived the attack.

Now, three months ago his elder brother did traditional marriage and he wasn't informed not until the day they were to travel to the girls village. His sister who used her connection to secure him the job called and asked that he should be permitted to attend the function and was asked to rush to where a vehicle was parked waiting to convey him to the venue that they had already prepared a cloth for him.
He was asked not to go home as other relatives are waiting for only him.The sister who gave him the job with her connection told him she herself didn't know that she would go that their elder brother decided to provide a big vehicle so she decided to call and asked he was permitted to join the event.

The only brother who is doing the wedding didn't tell him that he was making a cloth for him.When they got there Musa saw that his only brother who supposed to have made him his Best man (not compulsory though like he said) had gone ahead to do things such as cloth making for Musa by giving resources to his sisters.


His mum pleaded with him to put on the cloth again but this time he had ,had enough and decided not to put on the clothed so as not to be an object of ridicule(the cloth was an incomplete set and would make him to appear like a gangster) so he decided not to wear it despite his mum's pleas.

He had to put on what he wore from the office that day and one boxer all through the journey that lasted three days.

He decided to avoid the brother all through the event and never interacted with his inlaws.

He didn't take pictures with the brother during the traditional marriage as he felt no need forcing himself on someone trying to distant himself on him.


Take note of these points.


The husband his sister got married to that he was against now beats her despite she sponsoring the marriage.

When his elder brother brought the lady home he wanted to get married the mother offered them food and they both rejected it that they ate on their way to her place.The mum was bitter and told Musa two months after his return from travel . These happened before the call they called him to leave the office and come to join them at where the vehicle was waiting for him without picking things to change with etc.According to him he doesn't think the girl his brother married loves his brother as she never called his mum all through the 10 months after she visited his mother and rejected her food . His brother seems the one who can't survive without the girl etc.

His question to me however was;was his action of absence from the picture section good considering the fact that he would have looked like a gangster if he used the clothes he was given and also for his brother not to have ever called him one day to tell him anything about him to get prepared for the journey etc?


I told him I was going to seek advice from others before telling him my mind on it as they respect me very much in the office.I don't want to give him any reply but an advice that would be sound and blunt.

@ Kobojunkie I greet you. Please I need your contribution.

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Good afternoon OsuohaRosemary.
Please do you know any medicine that contains Amoxicillin and Clavulanic acid that is less expensive than Flemming?

Racheal45:
Please you have no initial budget since you earn daily
Be prepared to also spend daily
Make sure you have saving up to 400k before expecting a child

I didn't state how I earn.
Thanks for your contribution though.
It is highly appreciated.

Racheal45:
As a Nairaland friend
Marriage is different from wedding
You can only budget for wedding and not marriage
Do u have a job ?
Do u have a business ?

Throw more light please.
Yes,to the question you asked.

Good afternoon nairaland family.

To the married men in the house the topic requires your experience.

What was the amount you had as savings before you got married and What amount do you think will be a good amount to have as savings in 2025 (currently) before planning to settle down?

Kobojunkie:
I don't recommend it at all. You lose out on the opportunity to build on your maturity as a professional and may end up making the situation worse by employing manipulative means such as those described. You should learn to stand up for yourself in the best way possible. Clear the air by way of the truth.

💡 Thanks

Kobojunkie:
I don't recommend it at all. You lose out on the opportunity to build on your maturity as a professional and may end up making the situation worse by employing manipulative means such as those described. You should learn to stand up for yourself in the best way possible. Clear the air by way of the truth.

💡

Tobest94:
Get a girlfriend even if it’s fake, have her deliver food for you once or twice at work and see how their attitude will change. It’ll be work related relationship only from that time .

Kobojunkie what do you say to this?
I think it's a nice idea but would like to know your view on it.

Thanks Tobest94 btw 🙏

Kobojunkie:
Professionals don't really discuss private matters with co-workers. You probably mean instead that your approach has been to try to keep a casual, open friendship with people in a professional environment.

2. None of those sound like office jokes I have ever encountered myself.

3. Remove private information and personal references from conversations when dealing with your colleagues. I mean, your religion shouldn't even be mentioned in a professional setting, let alone your relationship status. If anyone asks, simply respond that it is private and you don't think it appropriate to mention in that setting.

You are so on point.
I'm guilty of what you said although it is the superiors that force me to open up about (my) relationship talks using their position .
I end up such sensitive discussions as jokes from the others that are fellow colleagues but now I know better.
I would implement your suggestion for both superiors and colleagues ✌️

Kobojunkie:
If it had been just one person, I would have maybe considered that you may have a deranged follower. But with more than one, I think you should do some reflecting on how you present yourself when you relate or interact with them. They might be confused the same way you were able to confuse me into thinking you are not really giving any of them the full red light.

Thanks for your input (I really appreciate it).

I am just being professionally friendly anything short of how I behave would be me being overly religious.
I'm trying my best to avoid escalating the issue by directly pointing it out to them that I am not comfortable with some of their actions but Whose son am I to say that?
After seeing me as being overly religious, they would then pour out their full wrath.
I'm trying to address their advances as office jokes but it's getting really messy.

Modified
I will surely look into what you said by trying my best to present myself in a social but different
way.
If I may ask,do you have any tips on how I can re-present myself as I interact with them daily?

Kobojunkie:
Your previous post......indicates that you may actually be giving them yellow-light rather than full-on red light.

Not at all.
I meant, I would have loved to date at least one from all of them If they were single.

iLoveYouToo:
How humans would be represented as a fraction is still amazing

6.3 would be rounded to the nearest whole number 6.0

6.3 = 6

Nonexisting1:
When I read posts like this, I get very angry at the posters. Women flirt with available men and men flirt with available women. If you have been doing exactly what you went to that office to do, no woman will flirt with you. You have been acting a nice guy when you were supposed to be earning your living and that's why this is happening. I tell people that if men know your wife is married and still follow her around, watch her closely and you will notice she is doing something to attract them. Oga, face your work and stop unnecessary familiarity with anyone, the flirting will stop.

Facing your work when your superior is giving you cold treatment for not reciprocating their advances?
Even if your performance is 99%, you will get serious scolding than people who performed below average.

I tried your advise in one of my former branch and it was remaining for one of them to fight me 🥊🥊.

Nothing I did made sense after becoming blunt (I won't wish what I saw in that branch to happen to an enemy).

Chubhie:
Bruv, the current odds is 1.10 for you to go haywire. At this stage, my duty is to remind you that actions have consequences. This world you see around you are illusions. Just like this clearnet and the darknet.

I've grown to understand that your Bosses and their husbands don't get to such positions standing on nothing or not getting backed mostly in Africa. When you get to some heights, security stays paramount to secure your assets. It's a natural law that the strong must take from the weak. Let me ask you, are you that strong to take from a strongman? Are you willing to pay the price of stealing the food of a strongman? That a woman flirts doesnt give you the clear to proceed. It is in their nature.

I ain't playing.
I understand what you are saying and I am doing my best to manage things .

I understand their desires(thoughts)are human.
I have such desires(thoughts)too but I don't let them see it or let them know.
I know some thoughts should remain as thoughts.
I just wanted to know how others crossed such hurdle peacefully.

Kobojunkie:
And you don't see how the double-signals you may be sending their way may be at the core of the advances which you would like for us to believe are unwanted?

Just imagine for a second, a Hot guy trying to win over a girl who keeps giving him double signals — she is not cutting him off completely, meaning she may not be too sure of her current answer. Don't you see how such a guy might continue pursuing her until maybe he finds himself some other rabbit to distract him after a while?😐😐😐

Double signals

Please tell me more and what I can do to stop it.

Modified
I think I have a little clue about what you mean.
I interact with them everyday and I try my best to be professionally friendly to them so I don't know if my professional attitude is what they misinterpret.
I laugh off some talks, I try to see it as jokes because I think telling them I don't like such talks would be too direct and their after reactions like blackmailing etc might be too much to deal with.

AngelicDamsel:
Someone ince said that "When women chase you, then there is a next level blessing coming" and " Women are attracted to glory, this is a test, after you discipline yourself and pass, then you'll see that a breakthrough will come afterwards"


This may be true or false, but stay away from forbidden pleasures like married women.

Nice

Kobojunkie:
I am confused. Is it that you would want to date them but are holding back because they have husbands, then? Sounds like you are not being straight here to me. 😏😏

2. Hope this is not a case of office bullying? If yes, please immediately report to the right authorities who can help with this. I don't condone bullying of any kind, and I don't think anyone should.

That said, are you certain you are not giving them mixed signals? Please check to be certain that this is not the case. If indeed you are not the source of their confusion, then it may be best to avoid all personal talk with them until they realize your resolve never to date any of them.

Yes their husbands are the only reasons I won't like to date them.

I think they are all people I imagine how comfortable life would be to have an affair with them but in reality I don't let their cars ,look or position make me fall cheaply for them. I put my imaginations aside and face reality

Chubhie:
You've failed like Tinubu. From day one, you should've hit the ground running and not baying subsidy is gone---- wetin I dey even talk sef..... You should have stamped your position firmly from day one that no office romance.

Take to the mafia creed and self swear that all women linked to your bosses, office and businesses are off limits.

If you must break this rule, make sure you seek the clearance of your Bosses or their husbands.

I find your last sentence both amusing and Interesting.
It is really tough. I never gave them signals they ask me questions like do you have a girlfriend, are you shy when you are doing it with her etc.

I don't want to appear rude by cutting them off outrightly because I try to see it as a joke.

One came to the office I share with four other people after work(we normally play cool jams in our office on a low tune to entertain customers), she stood in front of me like literally in front of me while trying to show me something she sent to my system and was shaking her bum like it was part of the clip for the sound video that was playing (she was even trying to come back but I just took a step back,I almost tapped the ass but I said to myself "she is married, how would you feel if she was your wife and someone falls for her seductions"

I must re emphasize I almost tapped her bum because it was only me in the office when she came others were putting last minutes touch to things( You know that kind of ass that looks like bbl😂).

I know what's up but I don't think it's right.

See Op's comment (about the fact) which I think no one also paid attention to from all the comments I saw before I commented.
iLoveYouToo

I said if I was given an interview paper just as it appeared in the picture,I would write 6.3 as my final answer taking the fact that the heading said 90 percent were eliminated.


I just saw that the Op also mentioned the fact I cited.

Although that was how I understood the question immediately I saw it.

I checked the whole comments but didn't see the answer I arrived at, that was what prompted me to comment.

Modified
6.3 would be rounded to the nearest whole number, which is 6.0
6.3 =6

Belurved1:
Keep managing them the way you've doing before you make this post. Its normal just keep your head up if not, dem go show you shege.

In my mind since they are married why don't we just be work friends and keep the relationship professional.

One jokingly threatened me with a serious tone of giving me cold treatment, the other began giving me cold treatment whenever she sees me.

It's really tough for a male who wants to keep his head up😔.

helinues:
Welcome on board bro. Those are the crazy things some of us have been dealing with that made us to stop going out anyhow.

You will have to handle this maturely because Ladies don't know how to take rejection. They might blackmail you

That's my fear sir( the blackmail part).
It's really tough being male too.

iLoveYouToo:
Weird 😂

🤣🫣 It is not necessarily a bad thing to do academic work differently.

I would tell you a short real life story.
When I was in the university, A lecturer gave us an assignment to write a journal on a topic .
When I submitted my own to the course rep in presence of other colleagues I was literally abused or insulted because my assignment was not up to 10 pages.

A lady did more than 500 pages and it was as if she was trying to transfer the frustration of the money she spent in doing it on me.I simply told them that how I did the assignment was how I understood it.

One lady in particular started taking it personal as if she was looking for a day to insult me but I stayed calm after giving my points ( I also cited the fact that if everyone does up to a thousand page what time would the lecturer have to read and mark the assignment, considering we were close to a 100 students offering that course).


My course rep asked me to leave the scene since the verbal assault was getting too much and I wasn't responding, which I did.


When the lecturer came next to teach , she was visibly angry about what happened and told the class that some persons reported her to the vice chancellor that she asked us to do an assignment that made students type up to and more than a thousand pages and she explained to him that she only asked us to write a journal and any page from 5 at least to not more than 10 pages would do.She also said she was happy that some persons did the right thing.

💡💡💡💡 ( I never knew I had other like minded people and my course rep didn't bother to tell me despite the fact we were close. He didn't condemn my work neither did he praise it. He was just silent as he received the assignments from everyone)🔦🔦🔦🔦🔦🔦🔦💡

Some persons later apologized to me but I only thought their approach towards an academic work (my work) was uncivilized.
I forgave them before they apologized because I saw their actions as ignorance.


Follow your instincts.

Kobicove:
Fake story

Bro, it's how my life has been since university. although in uni. , it was mixed with singles.


I am happy am sharing my story online.
It makes me wonder how people would view me when I leave their presence after telling them my real story.

I have loads of work to do ,no time to leave it and start writing nonsense online.

Check my posts or comment intervals.
I hardly comment, I just read post and comments most of the time.

advanceDNA:
Only U ..married and unmarried women in the same office......U go dey alright ....but all the same

Nigerians and grammar comprehension...haba na..Bros be calming down now .

I never said unmarried ones oo.
Why would I be crying here if it were unmarried colleagues and superiors.

Even gaybriel would think twice about advances from an unmarried female banker.