bigfrancis21:
I'd say go ahead and let the boy have his father's last name. This is the naming trend even in America where children take the last names of their fathers anyway. I don't see why it should be different with the Nigerian father. The baby can have an English first or middle name given by you which I am sure that the baby's father won't have an issue with.

Yorubas I know are very particular about maintaining their culture from generation to generation and it is not something they play with. Left to the father, he would prefer to give the child all authentic Yoruba first, middle and last names even though the child looks as biracial as rapper Drake.

It is said that Nigerian men will always go back to marry from within their own, even after marriage and possibly kids with a non-Nigerian spouse. I guess you are giving him the further reason to get a Nigerian spouse with which he would have kids who will proudly take on his Yoruba culture and identity.

If you decide to insist on naming the Nigerian baby (as seen from the Nigerian angle as the Nigerian society is patrilineal and ancestry follows the paternal side strictly) your American last name, you stand the chance of raising the child all by yourself and the Nigerian father could not be the least bothered when he has an obedient Nigerian spouse and a house full of children all bearing authentic Nigerian names. Also, your son may stand the chance of not being considered as the 'first son' by his father and accorded full rights of a son thereof (first son is a biggie in Nigeria and often inherit parental properties and ownerships) and instead all rights due to your son as first son will be accorded to his 'first son' from his Nigerian spouse, who is technically the second son, counting from the man's side. We all know the case of the family of the popular Biafran warlord, Ojukwu's and his actual first son who Ojukwu did not recognize as first son but his younger brother from another spouse who Ojukwu accorded full rights to as first son. Such cases are common in Nigeria where the first-born male isn't the recognized first son but the younger brother is.

Also think of your son's future and the possibility of his blaming you tomorrow for being the partial cause of the absence of his father in his life. Children, especially sons, will always grow up to look for their father, no matter how close they are to their mothers. When males begin to grow up, they naturally gravitate towards their patrilineal - not matrilineal, family side,. When your son grows up, he will definitely begin to ask questions - where his father is from, if he could visit his father, why his father left, his father's name etc. There have been several threads opened on this forum by foreigners with Nigerian fathers who were distant in their lives coming on this forum looking for their dads or seeking help in locating their Nigerian fathers.

Sometimes in life, all it takes is to yield a little bit for peace to reign.

when the child starts asking, you tell him the truth. Your father chose not to be in your life. Anyone who seriously chooses to abandon their child because of ego and patriarchy does not care about the child. The guy already said how he felt. When you get pregnant for a man, and he does nothing for you and the child while you are pregnant, why do you expect him to care after the child is born. People are here talking about inheritance. Inheritance ko, after the woman will spend her life taking care of your child, you think its the chicken change after your death the child will be worried about. Abeg, human beings like to deceive themselves.

I'm an American woman and I have a 3 month old boy by a Yoruba Nigerian man (we a re not married)... Long story short I wanted to discuss our child having both of our names (hyphenated) however he did not like this idea and walked out on us (without signing the birth certificate) when my child was 2 days old because I would not back down to my idea and suggestion and hasn't done anything since (also, when he left I gave the child my last name). His reason that he is not around is because having my son name hyphenated is against his culture and he doesn't feel like he's being recognized...
But I do not see how that can be an actual reason you completely abandoned your son ...
I just need an inside of what exactly he meant by that ... He has not done much for the child since I told him I was pregnant (I can seriously count on one hand how many things he purchased for him).
I just need opinions I guess .... & if anybody have (reasonable) questions about anything I'm more than happy to answer them.

You don't need to give your child that man's name. Being a sperm donor don't mean shit. Some Nigerian men will want all the accolades but won't want to go through the struggles. Berra start moving on with your life. Its 2015, you and your partner shld be able to discuss things. Any man that will leave his child "because you want to hyphenate child's last name" has just been looking for a way to leave you.