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A lady chat me up and started narrating the situation in her relationship, this is what she said;

“I met this guy about 5months ago and everything happened fast between us. I actually met him on facebook but he stays not too far from me. In few months I met with his sister and I also introduced him to my siblings. He was to go for service. Things change briefly after he was accepted at his PPA. He is a medical doctor so I expect him to be busy sometimes but the issue is this. I complained about him not calling and I was getting uncomfortable when our mode of communication can just be on WhatsApp for days”

That’s just some note from all what she wrote to me but what I discovered in her narration is that what really happened between them isn’t love. Most times we mix whatever feelings we have for someone as love as far as the feeling looks sweet, some people even call obsession love. We need to understand what we feel and stop putting every good feeling we have as love, I don’t hate him then its love, NO it’s not love. You might have that feeling but it doesn’t mean the feeling is love. Not all feelings are love; it could be anything but not love, you need to be able to define what you are actually feeling.


Below is how to know if its love not lust

1 Love doesn’t happen very fast, adrenaline rush do

One thing I am very sure of is love doesn’t happen very fast. I don’t mean you can’t meet your spouse and in 6 months time you are married, in fact, that’s a good time because the best period for courtship should be between 5 – 12 months. When I told the lady love doesn’t happen very fast, this is what she said;

“People meet within six months and they get married I don’t agree with the fact that true love doesn’t happen too fast my sister met her husband in church and they got married in 4 months”

I agree that people can and get married in 4 months after they met but what she wasn’t mindful of in that statement is the question, how did they meet? I don’t know you, I have never seen you before, we haven’t really had a deep and long talk but after seeing you I catch feelings for you and everything happens so fast, that’s definitely not love. The feelings you have is due to your adrenaline pumping just because you like what you saw. If it were to be a cripple will you catch instant feeling? Will your adrenaline pump?

If you fall in love on adrenaline rush, sooner or later the adrenaline will stop and the love you thought you had will be all gone that’s when you will discover everything he/she says or does irritates you, you don’t want to pick his/her call and you don’t want to call him/her either.

Adrenaline rush doesn’t care about the strength, weakness, good, and bad of the person, all it does is just to show and exhibit how you are feeling that moment. Immediately the adrenaline rush stops the weakness and the bad part of that person you were blinded to will be revealed and that will be the beginning of problems in the relationship. According to research, adrenaline rush or lust can last for up to 2 years.

2 Love has a direction

If that feeling of yours has no direction then you should start questioning it, when you are in love, there will be drafted plans with that person you are in love with in terms of short, long and future plans because you will both see yourselves in each others future and you will work together to achieve it. You will have deep talks; discuss individual plans, present, and future, what each others career plan is and how to achieve them. All this plans and direction is why they will get married in 5 months

3 Love isn’t an emotion

Anger, happiness, sadness are all emotions but love shouldn’t be used as emotions. The reason why happiness fluctuates, today you are happy tomorrow you are sad, you are happy now and an hour later you are sad is because it’s an emotion, therefore if you work your love as emotions you will discover you will love today and hate that person tomorrow depending on how they treat you. Are you sure that love you think exists between you and your partner in your relationship isn’t just emotions?

If it’s emotion anytime he feels like he loves you that’s when he will show it maybe by calling you and when he feels like he doesn’t love you he won’t get in touch, it can be days, weeks or months. His/her behaviour towards you depends on his/her emotions

4 Love isn’t driven by desire

You should try to be sensitive to the feelings you are having towards that person and the love they have for you. Are they motivated by some desires? Physical, sexual, financial desire or any other desire I didn’t mention

Maybe he/she doesn’t talk long with you, all they majorly do is just to have sex whenever you are together then that’s not love but desire. Love and desire are two different things but people uses desire as love in some cases to trick their partner and if you don’t understand the difference you will be entangled in it thinking its love

If all he/she does is to ask you for money, then he/she doesn’t love you but desire your money. You will know the love is driven by desire when you refuse to give him/her want he/she wants, they will get angry, insult you and threatened to end the relationship


In conclusion; love isn’t the only feeling one can have, lust is one, obsession is another etc. when you have feelings for someone or someone have feelings for you don’t assume its love because it might not be love. Go through the different feelings and their attribute for you to be really sure about it

for more visit: http://lifeloveandmarriage.com

http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com/relationship-tips/how-to-know-if-its-love-not-lust/

fumisko:
Link isn't opening
This really makes sense

it should, maybe its the network, try opening it on another phone

Every woman goes into marriage with a great fantasy in their head, well what do I expect? When Indian movies have painted love and marriage to be all rosy, oh yes not to also mention Telemundo, but hey, it’s just a movie which is so different from reality.

When reality sets in, then the marriage looks like it’s hitting the rock just because the fantasy picture playing in their head isn’t showing, believing that the man is bad for them. Then they go crazy, they take it to be their partner isn’t romantic which basically kills the marriage because they compare their partner with the hero in my heart beats for Lola or that Indian movie. Ladies wake up, no man sings and dance for his girl just like they do in Indian movies, this is a shocker, even those in the movies that you are comparing your man and marriage with ain’t doing it for their wife which is why they don’t have a good relationship and marriage in reality

Marriage is beautiful, but also marriage is beautifully dangerous, it’s two things at the same time, when you get it wrong you see the dangerous side and when you get it right, you will see the beautiful side, so it’s just a thin line between the two, it’s now in your court to choose which side you fall into but definitely not with the fantasy mentality. Therefore, you have to clean off the fantasy, and then shoot down the ignorance for a successful marriage.

Forgetting the fantasy will help you know that you can’t think of your marriage like the movies, they are so different, they are following a script, they are acting and they have the director where you are your own director in your marriage. Furthermore, shooting down the ignorance will make you understand that without adequate knowledge about marriage with some hard work, you will do so many wrong things which will push your marriage to the ground

You want your husband to bring breakfast for you in bed? That might never happen; you want your husband to open the car door for you? That might never happen, you want him to sing a love song to you, send you roses? That might never happen.

Wait! Don’t be sad, because all these aren’t happening doesn’t mean your relationship/marriage isn’t beautiful or is bad, don’t let fantasy ruin it for you before it begins. Your husband isn’t superman, he is human so don’t expect him to act like a god, he is going to disappoint you once in a while. He is going to get you angry, he might hurt you but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or love you even if he is not saying it every minute like you wanted him too.

A woman chats me up sometimes ago and started narrating her story to me about her marriage and husband when she was narrating everything in bitterness and anger I discovered what was going on with her. I understood she was hurt deeply, disappointed and I also sensed that it all happened because she had a fantasy in her head. During our conversation after I have told her, her husband isn’t a bad man, he is human and she is carrying fantasy in her head which is why it all played that way. She smiled, admitted to it that it’s true and told me her husband always say that.

All I did was just to work her through the hurt and take her away from her fantasy; they had another honeymoon on her birthday when her husband gave her a surprise vacation. She has her man in her arms now and enjoying her marriage

I am wondering what could have happened if we didn’t have that talk then, many women are going through the same ordeal, your husband and marriage need you, needs your hard work not some fantasy from the M&B you read or some love movies.

It’s not going to be all roses; sometimes it could be a fire you just have to find a way to put that fire off. Acquire the knowledge of marriage from realities, not some movies that will put some fantasy in your head. It will make it look like your marriage is not working where it is working it just requires a little more effort.

for more visit: http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com/couples-arena/fantasy-love-can-ruin-marriage/

There is a thin line between love and hate and there is hardly a situation when hurt don’t go with love.
We had everything a normal relationship ought to have,we were friends,we could play and talk for long.
There are times I felt he was a darling,and other times he was my best friend.
As against the normal believe that things just changed drastically,it didn’t. There was something about us that I never liked,it makes me unhappy when it happens.
Hmm,what am I talking about?
I hate when we fight,as nice as our relationship was,this tiny fact was a big barrier.
It takes me a longer time to let go,I could be whining for weeks whilst he was too egoistical to apologize when he was wrong.

He never sees the need to say am sorry,and I don’t see the need to help him too.
But this argument was unusual,he neither called,visited my place of work or even my house for months and even though I wasn’t ready to help him solve the issue,I still was not comfortable with it all.
Four months and we neither spoke nor saw each other,this is not cool I thought. And for the first time I made attempt to see him,he was neither excited nor depressed to see me. But I noticed that spark was not there anymore.
We started working things out and truth be told it was only a struggle,we then decided to seek a counselor.
This woman I thought was the most practical person I ever met,very realistic I noticed.
She only asked a question that made us quiet “how true is the love you have for one another?”
She then explained the topic
CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIP

Conflict itself is beautiful,it makes us want each other again. But the cause and how we choose to resolve the conflict most times are inappropriate.
The use of improper language when trying to resolve issues in a relationship is highly wrong. You don’t have to call names all in the name of anger,you hardly can manage words after you have spoken them.
There is no time to resolve an argument

some people will wait till an appointed time to talk about it,once you are able to express how you feel in proper words you need not wait for anytime before you resolve your conflict.
Ego is a contraction of love

Don’t place ego in your relationship,this is not to under estimate self respect or dignity. But the truth we fail to recognize is that ego Is not you respecting yourself,but you doing the unnecessary.
Saying sorry does not make you less of a human,and accepting sorry does not make you gullible.
A forgiving heart

A forgiving heart is a cheerful heart that does not dwell on the wrong doings of others and simply works towards happiness.

If there is anything to be “selfish” about it should be forgiveness, forgive for your own peace and joy not necessarily because the other person deserves it or apologized but because you need to move on in life.
Communicate

Relationship is for two mature partners, when you are mature trivial things won’t matter most. Maturity is talking and listening,taking to correction and self control. The essence of a relationship is lost if you don’t learn to understand each others difference,take to correction and being upright.
She concluded by saying I wish I knew all I know now,perhaps I would be married to the love of my life.
He was apologetic when we fought over a small matter,I never listened till our hearts grew cold and we lost the good relationship we had.
Each time I remember I ask myself this question “did I take too long to forgive him? Or was it not meant to be.

http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com/2017/02/21/too-long-to-forgive-meant/

for more articles visit: www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

cyberlarry13:


The title is "I should have spoken up"
It is a copyrighted material written by Lanre Olagbaju
It is currently in the process of being made into a shortfilm for public awareness
It was first published in 2015 on my blog
Anything else you want to know?

nothing, i think that will do, its a great story

cyberlarry13:
This story was written by me and I can't even find any form of credit
This is Plagiarism

wow, really? thats nice... no credit was given to anyone when i saw it but it was lovely so i thought its worth sharing... i don't have any problem in giving credit but i need to know more i think

One of the few things that I enjoy presently is the luxury of my tablet (please don’t ask me for the brand name) especially the ease of reading that it affords me, but that’s how far it goes. When it comes to browsing my tablet is horrible simply because it has a little Random Access Memory, ROM (not dry gin o!) and a very low Read Only Memory thus making it very slow and sometimes even hanging (Oooops! that really sucks). In a nutshell the issue with my tablet is not that of ability outrightly but inherent capability limited by capacity. What my tablet could do is thereby hampered by the relative small size of it functional memory making it slow and frustratingly underperform, the only solution is cleaning and the use of additional external memory space. With that half of the problem is solved but the other remains unresolved such that even when I get additional memory space, I still have to put up with a remarkably slow output and processing time because the ROM remains unchanged.
Dramatically and quite unfortunately there are so many people who are just like my smart phone, they have fantastic inherent potential and talents but they continue to underperform on their job and other aspect of life, why? Because they are low on capacity. You want to know why some folks breakdown and quit too easily? They are limited in capacity. Capacity determines how much you can carry without falling apart it is not the same as tensile strength. It is simply the question of how much can you handle? When the volume of data am working exceeds or overwhelms my device it hangs or begins to lag. So also with humans when the magnitude of the job exceeds your capacity you begin to underperform simply because you don’t have room enough for what you are attempting to absolve. How much can you take? How much can you carry without spilling or lagging?

WHAT IS CAPACITY?
Capacity inherently has to how much you can do or process efficiently within a given space of time with optimum results. Capacity unlike ability is not inbuilt rather it is built up over time with continuous practice, learning, exposure and hard work. The rate of returns in terms of capacity is directly proportional to the energy invested. Capacity accounts for the difference between the talented and the productive. A couple of books have even been written about the fact that talent is never enough. Talented people fail not because they don’t have the innate ability to do whatever it is they are gifted but because they are lazy to nurture and culture that ability to the optimum productivity level. Hence their ability is hampered by a deficiency in capacity. Interestingly our design as humans makes us elastic, there is always room for expansion when you desire it. Plastic people don’t go too far you have to be expandable in capacity to cope the demands of this century in which we are. Things are happening so fast and dimensions are rapidly expanding such that there is no time to rest or lay back, we just have to keep evolving and expanding the scope of our mind and the possibilities of our potentials. Only those with the will to expand can succeed in this generation. Expansion is simply opening our minds to receive more. How do you expand or how do you increase your capacity?
CAPACITY BOOSTERS

1. YOUR MIND
The primary way to increase your capacity is to deliberately expand your mind, some folks might think expansion begins on the outside, no it begins from the inside. There is concept in physics called expansivity; it is the property of a substance solid or liquid to expand upon heat application. When a material expands it does so with a level or proportionate correlation between its internal and external molecules: every time there is no correlation between the inside and the outside the material or substance is destroyed. That is the way it is with our lives too, there must be a correlation between what is happening on the inside and what is happening on the outside if such expansion is to be sustainable. The mind breakdowns before the body actually does, it’s the mind that leads the way. Every incompetence and failure begins in the mind, hence the mind must be the primary object of your expansion scheme. Thoughts are the major determinants of what happens in your mind, hence to re-program your mind you have to start with changing what you think. The question is where do thoughts come from? Thoughts essentially comes from what we feed on: the things we see, the things we hear and the environment where we are. So to change your mind you have to open your mind to new information by acquiring new knowledge and skills that will improve the functioning of your mind. Learn!

2. PRESSURE
The second way to expand your capacity is by putting pressure on yourself. It has been said that without pressure, tension and discipline we cannot be the best we can be. The difference between the coal in the charcoal pot and the diamond Dubai is pressure! It is true that both of them are the same by nature and origin but one has been undergone thousands of years of consistent pressure and heat deep in the belly of the earth. The more the pressure you put on yourself the larger you capacity. The human mind is such that when it is expanded it stays there, unlike the muscles that can lose their firmness and size with neglect. The simplest avenue is training, the beauty of training is that it is what it is, training. You don’t have to be afraid of messing up a crucial task or duty while training because no one will give you that. In trainings you work with demos that prepares you for the real task. Training could be formal or informal, you can enroll for a mentorship and accountability program. Muscles aren’t built by wishing, it is built by training and pressure. Sign up for a physical fitness program, join a team where more will be demanded from you. Leave your comfort zone behind you and create new challenges for yourself. Training is beautiful but what is training without a coach or an instructor? I called them the pressure boosters. The duty of a coach or an instructor is to ensure that you meet the requirements of the training scheme. A lot of us hate coaches, but we need them if our capacity will ever increase; you can get to the top all by yourself. At some point the law of interdependence catches up with you.

3. EXPOSURE
Someone said your destiny is at the measure of exposure! What you see, how far you can see and how much you have seen essentially marks the limit of your destiny in anything! Exposure is critical and crucial to your destiny. There’s more to life than what you are seeing in your little corner of the world. In this era global competition if you are not exposed, take it or leave it you are DOOMED! You need to move around, go to places where your thoughts and paradigms will be blown in splinters. Consistently challenge yourself by mixing with better people, going to better places and looking for better materials. There is always a better way of doing what you are doing, but you will not know except you get out of your Chicken Little empire. The world is big don’t limit yourself, mingle and cross-pollinate ideas with others and you will be grateful for doing so. Expand! You’re more elastic than you think!
Nobody gets paid for what they can do, people get paid for what they do and do very well. Stop squirming about low salary and pay raise, go and improve on yourself! Fortune only favours those who are brave enough to stretch their limits and enlarge. If you make the commitment to consistently expand your limits your salary with keep up with you without any stress. That is the law of growth! There are two ways to get anything you want in life you either grow for or go for it! In this discuss growth is the formula, don’t be complacent.

for more visit:

www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

delishpot:


Taa, She is not a very good cook, did she invite you to come to her house and eat? Do you think her husband is also perfect and a good handy man and perfect provider? Marriage is not about a perfection but rather about two people standing strong and seeing the beauty in each other. No home has perfect couple. Happy couple just appreciate the very nice points which they fell in love with when they met their spouses. Ask anyone who is happily married and they will tell you the truth. Marriages break early because the people involved do not stand to overcome the short coming of their partners. First few years of marriage needs adjustment, no one is perfect you would surely find something that pisses you off about your husband/wife as long as they do not put you or the kids at risk, as long asbthey care and appreciate you, you can put the flaws behind you and enjoy life with the one that cherishes you.

hmmmm, i see why we have more broken homes and enduring marriages than a successful marriage.... its ok, i have heard you

delishpot:
As usual, picking on the women. Any example of bad marriage foundation always has a woman as the problem. As if men are saints who prepare for marriage but because women can't cook very well and sweep non stop and work like horses that makes them destroy their homes? You are in the woman's mind to know what she thinks of in her heart? That you can guarantee she did not spend one day to think or plan for marriage?

its your mindset thats playing a prank on you. i wasn't picking on anybody, it could have been a man i used as example but it was the lady i know...

Most people now take more importance In the ceremony more than the home, they spent months and days preparing for that marvelous wedding but they don’t care if it’s going to be a marvelous marriage or not.
I was talking to a woman that wanted out of her 6months marriage, when she told me, all I was thinking at that time was the preparation for the wedding ceremony which took months and money but she never for once thought about the preparation for the marriage she is going into.
She didn’t spend just one day to prepare for her marriage not to talk of months just like she and the rest families had done for the ceremony. Won’t it be better for them to spend months in preparing for the marriage than the ceremony? So they could have a better understanding about the marriage they are going into.
On the wedding day they are so excited, two weeks later they start asking question, have I done the right thing? Have I made a mistake?
Only if people can just think about it, a fabulous wedding but a disastrous marriage, it’s not about how great the ceremony is but about how great the marriage is going to be.
I was at a wedding of someone I know, before the D-day, they had talk about the wedding, the money, the venue, the food, the guest and so on but nobody is talking about the preparation for marriage and the lady getting married isn’t much of a good cook, she cannot really do house chores
The lady knows, her parents know, the family knows but I am not sure if the husband also knows but thinks he will cope. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying they will divorce but what I am saying is that the foundation is shaky already and a shaky foundation means a collapsed house. Instead of her or them spending months preparing for the wedding why can’t they spend some time in working on the foundation too, we are talking about the foundation that will carry their marriage for years.
Maybe you are reading and you feel this is not talking to me; it is talking to you because yours might be different. Are you a good home manager? Can you control your anger and emotions? Are you submissive? Are you not stubborn, arrogant and talk down on your partner? These and many more are the things you should check for in your life, so you can start your marriage preparation on it.
Marriage doesn’t depend on how much you spent in the ceremony, it doesn’t depend on who grace the occasion and it definitely doesn’t depend on how fabulous the ceremony is but it depends on how much you spend preparing yourself for the marriage.
Why do you need preparation?
Preparation makes you to be aware of the likely thing you will face which makes you work on how to handle them. It won’t meet you unaware, like someone travelling to the USA in the winter; the person should know he/she needs pullover, you don’t just go empty handed but go prepared with series of pullovers to protect yourself from the weather
According to the Wikipedia, preparation is a management principle whereby people get ready for a final product for a successful experience. Preparation means “a substance especially prepared.” Preparation is a proceeding or readiness for a future event as a goal and an acceptable accomplished final outcome. It is to make something acceptable before you give it to others
Ask yourself. Am I acceptable? And please don’t say that’s who I am, he/she will take me as I am, if he/she loves me, he will accept me like that. No he/she won’t accept you because you are not acceptable, why will he/she accept you when you are not acceptable; can you even accept yourself?
Marriage is not all bed of roses, so you need to be prepared for you to know how to handle situations as they arises and there are some situations that will be very simple but just because you don’t know how to handle it, it turned to a big issue.
I am not saying it’s not good to have a good wedding and preparation but what I am saying is the marriage is more important than the wedding, so you should prepare yourself for the marriage just as you prepare yourself for the wedding this will help you to have a fabulous wedding and a fabulous marriage to match.
Your marriage is the outcome of what you put into it; don’t expect your marriage to be great if you failed to put great things into it. If you want your marriage to be great, you have to prepare yourself to put great things in it just as you prepare for your wedding ceremony to be a success and great and expect a great outcome.

For more visit:

www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

I noticed that times are changing, and the society is now shifting their focus when it comes to individual role in a relationship as man or woman. Well I might not know how they do it in the western world many years ago but I sure know how we do it here in my country Nigeria.
I know that it’s the role of the man to get the attention of the lady, also to do everything possible to make her be in a relationship with him. Even after she has agreed to him, he still does everything possible to keep her, but the case is different now in this generation. The work that is supposed to be done by men is now being done by the women even parents are building a strong woman and forgetting to teach the sons how to be a good husband and father. Are the women planning to take over? Society spoils everything
We now see a woman giving a man expensive things just to get him, we now see a woman doing everything possible just to have a man and to make the man stay in the relationship. This got me worried but I couldn’t worry much because whenever I am studying the bible and come across this sentence or anytime I remember this phrase, then I conclude maybe it’s not their fault. It’s the end time that’s knocking on the door.
Yes, because the bible says in the end time women will do anything to have a man, some women will even tell the man don’t worry I will pay for everything just allow me bear your name. It’s happening around us already.
But if you don’t want to follow the end time, if you still want to have a proper relationship leading to a great marriage, then this article is for you because I will be talking about some DO’s and DON’T’s of a man and woman in a relationship.
The DO’s for the men
It’s the men that should ask a lady out, and everything that surrounds asking the lady out including keeping the lady. And when you already have her as your woman, it’s still the work of the man to do everything possible to make the relationship go smoothly
For a relationship to go smoothly the man must take charge, first in the area of communication, the man must create a good atmosphere for good communication. You should take care of your woman; taking care of a woman doesn’t mean you have to always spend money. There are many ways you can show your woman that you care without you spending money.
When we say someone is the boss in an office, how does he/she behaves, what’s their actions like? They run the office and do everything to make the work run smoothly; they take charge, take responsibilities and also take blames. Yes that’s how a man should do in a relationship because you are the boss, so pls do like one and stop making the women miserable.

The DON’T’s for men
It’s not every lady that we love that is going to love us back, many times feelings don’t go the same way, and therefore we must not be an emotional wreck or be a dummy because of that. In a relationship, the lady’s job is to reciprocate the love, if the lady you are trying to ask out or already in a relationship with isn’t reciprocating your love then you are in a relationship with yourself.
We always come across many ladies but there are times when we come across just one lady and we feel like no, she’s the one and the problem starts when the lady that is supposed to be the one doesn’t recognize herself as the one. She turns all your efforts down, nothing you do impress her, she just doesn’t want to be with you. Yes it happens; you have to move on, don’t force it and don’t play yourself a dummy.
Sometimes you believe you have won the battle by twisting the lady to be in a relationship with you after so many trials and efforts only for it to be like you are still single even though you are in a relationship just because the lady you are in a relationship with won’t reciprocate your love. Some even leave for someone else after you might have spent all that you have on them
If you find yourself in this shoe, it’s time to back out and let go, you are doing more harm to yourself than good. Remember, you cannot make anybody love you
Don’t tell me it’s not easy or I don’t know how you feel because I do, I have been there myself and those words are just excuses which you shouldn’t buy, move on, it won’t kill you. I am still alive today.
The DO’s for the women
The job of a woman in a relationship is to reciprocate the love shown to her. You are like a jewel, a jewel doesn’t force itself on anybody, all what the jewel always does is to stay shining at it spot, whosoever that love it and know the worth will go there , pay the right amount to acquire it. This is when the jewel reciprocates the love of the person that bought it by shining in the persons neck or anywhere the person uses
Is it possible for me to have a jewel on my neck without anybody noticing it? No way because it has to shine; when it shines, it is reciprocating the love because I know the worth. That’s how a lady should be
And also remember it’s not everybody that has the money to pay for it that knows the worth, some just have the money to throw around but doesn’t know the worth of anything, and some doesn’t have the money but because they know the worth, they work tirelessly for the money so they could have the jewel.
The DON’T’s for women
Women are so used to chasing their man all over the place with phone calls nowadays. The man won’t call them for days if not weeks but they will be the one doing all the calling, taking over the man’s job. A jewel doesn’t disturb customer to buy it, it’s the customer that disturbs himself to buy the jewel, so why acting desperate?
Maybe it doesn’t sound like you are desperate to you, when a man that claims he loves doesn’t call you for a week without anything wrong with him and maybe he calls you once in a month but you have been the one chasing him with your calls, that’s not love. It’s more like witchcraft, like you want to push your disability on him
For the ladies that do the spending instead of the man, you are indirectly the one paying the man’s groom price; I cannot call it bride price. If you think you are just helping because he doesn’t have, that’s not helping that’s buying, you have just bought yourself a man, no warranty
If you don’t want this, then don’t do it, it’s a no go area for you, if you have millions and he’s having thousands, let him spend the thousands for you and be happy with it. Let him be a man he is supposed to be not a puppet
If you find yourself in this type of relationship, then it’s better for you to move on because you are in a relationship with yourself

Above are some common things people take for granted in their relationships which brings problem later on. Relationship has rules, you can’t just stumbled upon it without knowing the rules and believe you won’t crash, because you will. You have to follow the rules strictly

for more visit

www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

The title of this movie is the history box, it’s a story about three young guys , they are friends, good looking, doing fine in their various works, they are of marriage age about to settle down and they are in a lovely and happy relationship.

One day one of them was having a conversation with his girlfriend when they were together on the couch when he proposed, the lady was shocked, she wasn’t expecting it and it resulted in them having a deep talk. She started by telling him that she knows he’s cheating on her. He was surprised because he wasn’t sure where it’s coming from

What really happened is, there was a day the guy left his phone on the centre table in the living room, a call came him with the name PAT on the screen , she didn’t say anything about it to the boyfriend, she kept it in mind and was boiling, sad about it. She decided in her mind to pay back her boyfriend, so she went out with her ex which they had unprotected sex and she’s now pregnant.

Don’t forget that all this confession happened on the day he proposed to her, she wanted justification for her actions. She told him you cheated on me but the shocking thing is, the person behind that name PAT was a guy, the boyfriends friend. Without me talking any further you all should be able to guess what will happen next. He broke up with her the same day he proposed.

He told his two friends what transpired and that he’s now single, it was painful, they consoled him even though they still laugh about it. It was this that inspired the case of them asking about the past, going to the history of their girlfriends which the remaining two guys accepted to do maybe they will be able to handle it. Although they were scared of what the outcome maybe.

They thought about it for days before one of the remaining two friends summoned the courage to ask his girlfriend about the past. This is what he found out, his girlfriend dated older men when she was in school, she dated lots of them, she got pregnant few times, had an abortion and now she has no womb because she lost her womb in the last abortion she had. Plus she’s so into dating older men that she doesn’t enjoy the relationship with her age brackets men.

This left the boyfriend speechless, he couldn’t say anything, obviously he doesn’t know the right things to say. The girlfriend stood up, packed her bags and left the house. He called his friends, they consoled him also, pitied him and cheered him up. But at this point the last friend was so scared to the brim, the whole situation has not done him any good rather it has caged him in the world of fear. He wanted to know the past, he wanted to go to the history, but at the same he was so scared of what the past might have for him. So he went on thinking about it, having sleepless night but he doesn’t have the courage to ask


His wedding date has been fixed, there is no going back, maybe that was he couldn’t summon the courage to ask his fiancee about the past. He loves her, he couldn’t do without her, so that should be enough to overlook the past even though he couldn’t take how the picture of the past might look like from his mind.

The D day is here, one of his friends couldn’t make it, he had a contract call so he had to travel. Well, the wedding is now over, time for honeymoon but this my friend still couldn’t take the past of his mind, I bet it was on his mind throughout the wedding ceremony. They are already married, it’s a for better for worse marriage, through the rain, through the sun and storm marriage. He summoned the courage to finally ask and this what he got.


His wife was a mobile prostitute, he moves from hotel to hotel , from club to club. Had series of abortion but she didn’t lose her womb in the process and the shocker of it all is that one of his friends has slept with her. Yes the one the missed the wedding.

My questions are

1. If you were to be the husband, what will you do?

2. Is it advisable to ask for our partners past and go back all the to the history box?

3. What’s your opinion on these?

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Bose learned to be responsible at a very tender age…her parents died when she was just 13 years old. It was the gloomiest day of her life…her parents had dropped her and her siblings at school; they had traveled to Lagos to be back later in the day. As school closed that day, Bose took her siblings home (they lived pretty close to the school) and served them lunch as her mum had made lunch and put it in some kind of thermos.

They did their homework and waited for their parents to return. This was not the first time their parents would travel to Lagos and leave them at home…they normally returned around 6pm. They waited and waited until it got dark and they were hungry. Bose had to be the makeshift cook for the evening. She got her siblings something to eat but she was kind of worried because her parents had never been this late before.

Her younger sister, Bola was 11 and Paul the last child was 9 at that time…somehow they all slept off on the couches while waiting. There was a persistent knocker on the door and Bose got up, it was around 11pm…she asked who it was and it was their Aunt Mary and her husband Uncle BJ. As young as Bose was, she could tell something was off…she knew something had happened.

Long story short, their parents had been involved in a ghastly motor accident on their way to Lagos earlier in the day. There was not a single survivor and that was the beginning of another life… totally different from what Bose and her siblings were used to. Their dad was an only child and Aunt, Mary was the only sister their mom had. The whole family decided that they moved in with their aunt in Lagos.

Everyone promised to be there to support and help out…but Bose soon found out they were empty promises as none of them was forthcoming when they truly needed help. Aunty Mary was god sent as she took care of them along with her own 2 kids…she would remind Bose and her siblings of how their late mom took care of her and paid for her education from the little money she was making as a hairdresser. Aunty Mary had a good job with one of the first generation banks and could handle all the expenses.

Her husband on the other hand, was not a very resourceful person…he was always claiming to be a ‘contractor’ but was hardly on any project. He was always at home anytime the kids got back from school and just spent most of the day watching TV and discussing politics. However, he was really nice to Bose and her siblings and helped with their homework from time to time. About three years after Bose and her younger ones moved to Lagos, Aunty Mary had some issues at work…an audit report had indicted her and she ended up losing her job.

She claimed she was implicated but the best the bank could do for her was drop the charges so she wouldn’t end up in jail. It was a tough time and taking care of 5 kids, with a husband with little to no income, became a daunting task. Aunty Mary had to sell her almost completed house to start a business as it was almost impossible for her to get a job with another Financial Institution. After about 4 months, the new business took off. It required Aunty Mary traveling out of the country to buy her merchandise and supplying it to retailers. Her first trip was a success and things were beginning to look up again.

They had moved to a smaller apartment to reduce the cost of rent…at the former house, Bose had her own room. Her aunt said she was becoming a young lady and needed her privacy. The room had its own bathroom as well but in the new house, she had to share a room with her younger sister and her cousin (Aunty Mary’s first daughter). There was also only one bathroom in the new house so they all had to share it. It was better than nothing and things were getting better…Aunty Mary had promised that she would get them into a better house as soon as her business stabilized...happy new week.

Bose usually got up earlier than everyone else, especially when her aunt was on a business trip. She was the big girl of the house and had to get her younger ones ready and prepare breakfast. She would quickly take her bath before doing anything else. There was a certain day she was in the bathroom and had a feeling that someone was watching her. She was running the shower so she wasn’t sure if she heard the door creak or not…she quickly washed her face and turned to look but there was nobody there.
The door was ajar but she could not remember if she closed the door behind her. She shrugged it off, closed the door, locked it and continued with what she was doing. She was a little over 16 at this time and was just blossoming as a young lady. There was a day Uncle BJ called her and asked for her bra size, he said he was drawing a list of what her aunt needed to buy for everyone on her next trip…she didn’t really know it, so the uncle suggested that he could determine the size by feeling her up. It sounded weird but the uncle cupped a feel before she could even protest.

He had this mischievous smile on his face as he told Bose she was fast becoming a woman and he would make sure her aunt got her a lot of beautiful things. Bose noticed that Uncle BJ was becoming very interested in her, not a bad thing but this was in a creepy way. He would ask her weird questions and these things only happened whenever Aunty Mary traveled. On one of those trips, Bose was in the bathroom early in the morning and had that same feeling that someone was watching her, she turned around and there was Uncle BJ looking at her.

He said he was waiting for her to notice him so he could tell her to always lock the door behind her. Bose started avoiding him in the house but what could she do since her aunt was hardly around. She was either away on business trips or out trying to get her money from the retailers she supplied her merchandise to. Bose did not know much about sexuality and all of that but she just felt her uncle was up to something and it was wrong.

On one of her aunt’s trips, her uncle had invited her to come clean the bedroom and as she was doing that, he started to tell her how beautiful she was and how he would give her anything she wanted if she would “make him happy” (his exact words). He then moved closer to her and tried to grab her…Bose pushed him off and ran out of the room. That was how Uncle BJ turned to a monster. He would complain about everything Bose and her siblings did and just made life miserable for them.

He promised Bose that he would get her out of that house and send her and her siblings back to the streets. Many times he cooked up stories of how someone was stealing his money and how Bose was his prime suspect. Aunty Mary would scold Bose and ask why she had gone from that sweet good girl to this pilfering ingrate. She would even accuse Bose of keeping bad company in school.

Anytime Bose did something wrong, Uncle BJ meted out stiff penalties which included physical abuse. Bose was getting tired of this and would cry and cry…Bola and Paul would cry with her and try to console her. Not long after that, Uncle BJ told Bose that if she didn’t play ball he would send her and her younger ones out before their aunt returned from her trip and he knew exactly what to say to justify his action.

He said Bose was the one making life difficult for herself as she stood to gain a lot by making him happy and could become homeless by resisting him. Bose knelt down and pleaded with him…she told him that she had grown to see him as a father but Uncle BJ retorted that he knew his own children. As Bose was about to get up, he grabbed her and tried to force himself on her, she threatened to scream so he let her be.

He then told her to start parking her things as he would send the three of them out of his house. Bose thought of what life would look like if sent out of the house with her siblings and the thought of it scared her. She stood there startled as the uncle started handling and touching her all over, tears running down her cheeks as she pleaded with him to stop… but he wouldn’t listen. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and it was her cousin, Aunty Mary’s first daughter.

She needed to ask her dad a question and found the door locked so she knocked. Bose gathered all that was left of her dignity and ran out of the door. Her cousin asked why she was crying and Uncle BJ said she was being punished for misbehaving. Bose stayed awake all night, gazing at the ceiling…wiping tears from her eyes. Different thoughts ran through her mind…she thought of running away but didn’t know where to go. She feared for her little sister Bola and the thought of Uncle BJ doing this same thing to her.

She thought of telling her aunt but would she believe her? After all, Uncle BJ already told her that whatever happened, she was going to be the one to lose. Every little sound made her heart skip a beat. After that day, she did her best to avoid Uncle BJ; she would make sure there was somebody else with her when she needed to go do something in his room. Uncle BJ noticed and told her to keep it up but she should know that it was either his way or the highway. A boy in the neighborhood had a thing for Bose and was always disturbing her. They attended the same school but the boy was in SS3 (Senior Secondary 3 – High School Senior) while Bose was in SS2.

The boy had given a letter to Daniel to pass on to Bose but the letter ended up in Uncle BJ’s hands…O the horror. One would think Uncle BJ was the custodian of morality…he yelled, screamed and threatened to kill the boy that sent the letter if he ever set his eyes on him. Bose was punished severely that even Aunt Mary had to tell Uncle BJ to take it easy on her. His response was that Bose was becoming promiscuous and it would not happen under his roof.

The next time Aunty Mary traveled, Uncle BJ became more desperate…he would call Bose over while completely naked on the bed. The first time it happened, Bose rushed out of the room and refused to go back in…she was shocked beyond words. One of the other kids asked what happened, she dared not say it. Five days later, Uncle BJ had his way…he said Bose couldn’t go to school because she needed to run some errands so the other kids left for school and it was just the two of them at home.

Bose pleaded, begged, cried, fought, cursed, threatened to kill herself and even bit her uncle on the chest but there was little she could do as she was overpowered and subdued. After the deed was done, she scampered to the bathroom and sat there for hours…she sobbed profusely till she had no tears left…she was badly bruised and bleeding. She cringed at every thought of what had happened. She scrubbed her body with the sponge as if she wanted to peel off her own skin. She was trying to wash off the guilt, the dishonor, the shame and the violation. Even Uncle BJ did not expect that kind of reaction; he remained in his room.

After about three hours, Uncle BJ summoned courage and came to the bathroom where Bose was. He said he didn’t mean to hurt her and was only trying to show her that he loved her. He gave a ridiculous analogy of how sometimes you have to break the container to get to the desired content. He told her how beautiful and attractive she had become as a young lady and how he would take care of her and give her everything she wanted. He said if she kept him happy, he would see to it that she was also happy.

He walked up to her and held her, she tried to push him away but was too weak to do it…she just kept making convulsive gasps, whimpering in his arms. Uncle BJ later left her and went out; he came back, not long after, with lots of gifts for Bose. He brought them to the room where she laid, covered up, a little feverish. He had bought her toiletries, perfumes, clothes and some snacks from an eatery. He dropped them on the shelf, next to Bose’s bed as she did not bother to collect them from him.

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No matter how tall your grandfather was, you have to do your own growing by yourself.
Creation has a soundtrack which was wired into all of us at the inception of time. Birds sings it, animals hum it, the trees and the grasses of the field dance to melodious tune of this powerful tune titled “GROWTH”. Nature abhors stagnancy, everything in life is programmed to grow, to stretch to get better and improve consistently over time. Growth is a powerful and dangerous theme, to think of growth is to think of change. Perhaps it is the very thought of change that scares many from embracing the idea growth, this kind of paranoia is expensive! A catalogue of companies that once topped the chat and lead the way but does no longer in existence shows that when growth ceased the alternative becomes the imperative. Families, homes, marriages and relationships topple when the parties involved refuses to grow. It seems after all that we either choose to grow or get grounded. In today’s fast paced, instant world, there is absolutely no room for laxity or slackness, we have to grow. Age, longevity and popularity no longer guarantees you a place in an economy that is fast changing at the speed of light. I want to share with you six important points about growth.
GROWTH IS A PROCESS
Instant noodles, instant milk, instant money transfer, instant food, instant this and instant that, the world is spinning so fast and the speed is nerve racking, many have little or no time to pause and catch their breath. There are three factors at war in today’s market, they are Price, Quality and Speed. Manufacturers are caught in a desperate effort of joggling these three balls successfully without allowing the last which is a glass ball to fall to the ground. As the race intensifies the pressure continuous to mount. The effect is that we have all learnt how to short circuit everything from cooking to banking, unfortunately growth is one thing that has defied our instant machinations and schemes. Yes growth can be fast-tracked but even then the premium still has to be paid in full. Time is a crucial and critical component of the growth system. Newsflash! You cannot cut corners here Sir! You gotta pay in full. Growth is progressive, it means you have different phases and stages and you can’t skip any of those stages, you have to go through the entire process from start to finish. The problem with our instant minded generation is that many want to arrive at the destination without going through the rigors of the journey. Unfortunately that is scientifically impossible at the moment, the only technology that can get you to a destination in flash at the moment is witchcraft except you live in the world of enhanced humans called Hollywood Movies. No matter how much you wish it and pray it, growth will not happen overnight even the sun in all its majesty does not appear at once!
GROWTH IS SPECIFIC
I want to grow! Really? What do you want to grow or where do you want to grow, which particular area of your life do you want to improve. Growth has to be specific it is not enough to desire growth, the area of growth has to be specified. In animal nutrition there are different feed formulations, each one packaged for a unique output. There are feed formulations for fattening, there are some for boosting milk production, there are some meant for increased egg production, there are feeds meant for increased energy production and the list goes on. The core lesson here is that you must know what to grow. Which aspect of my life am I willing to take responsibility for? Where am I willing to make the necessary investments to see the needed change? Growth cannot be arbitrary, the terms has to be clearly stated, the parameters defined and the result measurable.
GROWTH IS A DECISION
Your finances will not improve simply because you want it to, No! Your emotional intelligence will not improve by mere wishing. It has been well said that if wishes were horses beggars will ride the finest of them. But no sir/ma! empty wishes will not deliver the goods, decisions have to be made backed up with commensurate due diligence in actions. You have to make the decision to buy new books and read them, you have to make the decision to spend time with your spouse and do it, weight loss is not magical you’ll have to register at a gym and embrace the pain of regular exercise. Your beards and your hair will grow without your permission but to see your life improve significantly in any area will take stern and firm decision to make it happen and yes you can.
GROWTH HAS TO BE STRATEGIC
Poor strategy has been the ruin of many in their pursuit of growth. It’s either they don’t have a strategy or their strategy is poorly designed or watery in it content. A strategy is a systematic plan for the actualization of a given goal or task. Strategy is the key to growth! Yes, you have a goal and a clear objective but how you want to achieve it is strategy. Okay I want to read a book every month, how will I make it happen? Okay I haven’t read a book in the last two years, so I’ll need to do some warming up therefore I’ll start with a small book of sixty pages which I will read every weekend when am off work. Beyond that you can decide how many pages to read daily or weekly and so on. That is strategy for developing a culture of reading.
GROWTH DEMANDS ACCOUNTABILITY
Relax! This will not kill you but it will help you in the actualization of your dream. Not many of us are strong enough to pull things off on our own, more often than not we need to enlist the help of others to accomplish our goals. To be accountable means to be answerable to someone for your decisions and progress on a given task. If you take growing seriously then an accountability partner will do you a major good. Find someone you can commit to and ask for their support. Couples could be accountability partners, a couple can choose a mentor to be accountable to. The most important thing is to ensure that there is consistent rapport and progress report.Accountability keeps you going when passion wanes and pain becomes unbearable.
GROWTH SHOULD BE REWARDED
My reward for growing up as a child was a new pair of shoes or trousers, it worked like magic. You should reward yourself too. When you conquer a task or accomplish a given goal, celebrate yourself. Give yourself a treat, that affirmation creates the positive energy and inspiration for you to climb the next mountain. By doing this you’re telling your mental and physical faculties, thank you for a job well-done! And guess what? They will repay you with greater loyalty next time you summon them. Reward yourself!
Growth is possible and growth is achievable! There’s no excuse for stagnancy, you can do it! Yes! You can climb that hill, move that mountain and achieve your dreams. So do it now!

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We're living in a generation where people sit and are in wait for the right person or the perfect one to show up and walk down the aisle with them. Going that mile with the right person is a very sweet thing but it doesn't just happen when you sit and wait. It requires work!
As much as we dream and desire this, there's a process we must undergo to be sure we can handle that 'trust' called 'marriage'. People go into marriage for different reasons but one thing we must keep in mind is that marriage is God en trusting another fellow into your hands. Your life must make meaning to that person. Keep in mind that marriages are not void of challenges so if you want a good marriage or person, you have to work towards that.
Here comes the process called 'preparation'. I guess you've heard this word many times, used it and possibly undergone a part of it.
Preparation is the key in waiting for Miss or Mr. Right. Waiting is a process and not a physical position you take. It's an active period of working towards being a better person.
Let's get this straight! Preparation does not begin on the battlefield. It's done before the battle so as to equip you to fight your battle 'right'. I'm not saying marriage is a battlefield but we'll all have battles to fight no matter how insignificant they might look. Challenges will come, we'll have hurdles to cross and if not well equipped, we can't fight right. We don't want to be in the battlefield and run back or get killed. I'm sure we won't waste our energies going into battles our mates are unprepared for. No one wants surprise attacks!
It will be too ironic to keep waiting for the right person when you're the wrong one and vice versa. It's no big deal to just sit and wait for the right person but it's work! Being unprepared for the right person is unhealthy!
How would you feel when the right one comes and meets you prepared? Ohhhhh! I see you imagine how lovely it will be so equip yourself! Get prepared for the one that will also be prepared for you! They're worth it.
Check out these few tips to preparing yourself

Have the right mind

Know it that love is waiting for you! It's meant for you and you should go for it. Nothing should hinder you. Whatever the case might be, however your past was, it doesn't matter anymore. Good news is here! Christ died for us while we were yet sinners! God is not mad at you! He loves you dearly and deeply and he wants the best for you! The guilt and condemnation you feel is just the devil trying to limit you and steal your Joy and happiness so I urge you to receive forgiveness from God, know it and forgive yourself! Renew your mind by the Word! Live a life free from the hold of guilt and condemnation.
You're free and I am free! We are all free. We are free indeed! Know that God loves you and his plans for you are of good. God cannot send the wrong person your way but you can choose to take God's choice or your choice. You'll only know the difference later on.

BE SINGLE!!! YES!!! I mean 'SINGLE'

If you're actually waiting and preparing for the right one, it's a clear indication that you're either single, with the wrong person or you're just so selfish!! Yeah! You can raise your eye brows and squeeze your face. It doesn't validate what is wrong. How can you be in search of a person you think is the right one for you when you're still in possession of someone else' Right Person. That's the highest level of greed! Everyone is the right one for someone. Stick to yours!
Please, be responsible and stop behaving like one of many options if you know you're with the wrong person. Set yourself free from bondage. Stop deceiving yourself and keep hoping that you'll meet someone better than the one you're presently with. If you're not in the right place, please leave so you can get ready to go to the right place.

Be Complete!

Dear ladies/Women, a man will not and can NEVER complete you! Dear Guys/Men, a woman will not and can NEVER complete you.
We have been made complete in Christ and if you feel incomplete and need someone to complete you, Christ is who you need! No man can ever be a substitute for that! That's God's glory and we should never attribute it to ourselves. We'll only be frustrated if we try to put a human in that place. We were created by God and will never function well outside Him. He's our ONLY source!

Find yourself!

This cannot be overemphasized! It amazes me when people say they want their mate to know and understand them when they neither know nor understand themselves. You see a person with flaws looking for a flawless human being.......stop dreaming and face reality! Do good to let God work on you! Don't be unfair to that fellow who is worked upon. Do to others what you want them to do unto you. Ask yourself why you're refusing God to work on you. What's stopping you? Know your flaws and weaknesses. Submit them to God and he'll work on them. We shouldn't be forming James Bond with a bad character or attitude. Let the great Porter mould and make you beautiful so you don't become detrimental to people.

We all have inherent potentials, gifts, talents, and great qualities within. Discover yourself and skills. Educate yourself! Find out what you're good in/with. Read books! Ask questions! Learn! Learn! Learn! It's continuous and nothing can substitute for it. God has given us all abilities and gifts. Find them out, work on them, maximize them and utilize your time well!
What God has placed in you defines you to people. Don't let anyone define who you should be. When you find yourself, you have defined yourself and it makes it easy for people to know and understand you. Define yourself and let people learn who you are. Gain mastery of your art! Don't be Jack of all trade with mastery of none. You'll be everywhere trying to please people to manage and put up with you. Know where you belong. Build yourself strong that nobody can destroy.
If you don't find yourself, you're lost and NOBODY CAN FIND
YOU FOR YOU! Know that you have a responsibility of becoming who you want to become.

Positioning!

I asked a lady what kind of man she wants for a husband and I was perplexed. what she listed was way beyond my imagination. *laughs*
Let me paint this scenario so we get the picture right. Assuming you're a lady and has this room mate who's wild, always goes clubbing, comes back wasted, and you decide to have a conversation with her one day. You ask her and she has this to say about the kind of man she wants as a husband; (With a serious look and emotions )"I'm looking for a God-fearing man, hard working, loving and caring, understanding, romantic, nice, patient etc! For heaven's sakes, you know she's not in anyway looking for that man! Maybe she's actually high. But really, think about it. That man is finished if she will ever find him. She'll not attract that kind of man and if she does, it's Salvation knocking on the door. Now this is just a little example.
Positioning yourself doesn't mean you put on a whole new face just to get hooked up cause it will fail you sooner than you expect. Position yourself by living right as God would have you.
It's not a short run. It's a life we live. The life we live is enough to tell who we really are. Pretence will fail us! Let's get right with God. He's the ONLY ONE who can lead us right.
If you already feel challenged about this, it's a good step you've taken. Don't stop here. Don't be afraid to kick off. Let's get started with our sweet Lord. He's been waiting!!!!!
Be true and live the life God has called you to live. Be patient with a good attitude, wait while pray through it! Live! Love! And love will find you! You'll naturally attract the right person.
Greater days await you!

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I know when we see this, what comes to the mind of most of us is that Phil Collins song "all of my life." but what am I searching for? What's that have been searching for all my life? There is no other thing have been searching for than my woman. A woman I could call my own and worthy enough to by my wife.

Not like many that do not know what they want, I'm very different, I know what I want. What she must look like, what she must like doing, the kind of person she must be, the way she must talk and act. Does it sound crazy? Well, I have it all programmed in my head, and have been searching for it all my life. I know some people will say maybe I'm looking for the impossible that's why I haven't seen her yet. But I will disagree with that because it's my choice and I can never ask for too much besides there is nothing like impossible.

Remember we can see stones anywhere we go, even if you just take a few steps out of your house or office now you will come across nothing less than two stones. I'm not looking for that kind of woman. I'm looking for a rare gem, a diamond stones that you don't just come across or see. You come across them by chance and whenever you come across them, you know they must not go and you are ready to do everything to keep them, you protect them with your life because you know if they just slip off your hands you might never get to see another diamond stones again or you have to wait for another lifetime before life brings them your way again.

Whatever you want, you research on it and study it so you won't make mistake or destroy it. With my research I discovered that if I'm serious about searching for a rare gem, then I must be strong willed and focus. I must drop everything that will weigh me down. This is why I never picked any stones on my search for the rare stones. Even though I get tempted at times but my strong will and passion for the rare stones always set me straight which I always adjust immediately and get back on my search. That's why you will never see me with any stones because you may be wondering, why can't I just pick one stone out of all the stones that are everywhere instead of going through all the stress.

But I'm a man of worth, and I knew from when I was a kid that nothing good comes easy. If you want to be different, you have to do what others are not doing. This rare stones I'm looking for doesn't mean it must be a star, a celebrity or rich. Don’t bother thinking that's what I meant because it’s not. You can be a celebrity and still be a common stones. What am I even saying? Can't we see it ourselves? Don't get it all mixed up, diamond stone is so unique. She doesn't just get messed up by pressures, even when you mixed her up with normal stones, you will still recognize her with her fruits. But you can only recognize her if you know the qualities. Ordinary people don't just recognize them, even when they see them or are with them; they don't know because they knew nothing about what they have.

This was the mistake I was making before; I was busy searching for the diamond stone when I don't even know what I am looking for. So how will I recognize her when I see her? was I even supposed to be searching? NO. I wasn't supposed to be searching, which is where I got it all wrong. It took me a while before I figured out what I was supposed to be doing but now I know. You want to know also? Hahahaha, have you been searching too? Don't worry, I will tell you

I figured out that I was not supposed to be searching but instead I should prepare myself, equip myself. I should study the stones very well, know everything about them to the extent I become a diamond stone myself.
Remember "if you want to catch a monkey, you must do or become a monkey yourself."
Exactly, the same thing applies here, I should become a diamond stone to the extent if any diamond stone passes by, I know the smell and can't or won't be deceived by a painted wannabe stone. So all these years I have spent on searching have been a wrong year for me, maybe, just maybe if I have spent all those years to work on myself and become a diamond stone myself, I might have seen my diamond stone already.
How am I even sure one hasn’t passed me by already without me knowing just because we didn’t get to talk. But now, I am fully prepared, I am so ready, even if the diamond stones pass in the air, I will know immediately I breathe it in.
Right now, I am no more searching; all I am doing now is waiting and be diligent. I need to do this just for two reasons
1 so I will be different from other stones, even if I am mixed up with them, she will recognize me
2 So that I won’t lose the chance whenever I come across her, I already know how they think, breathe, talk and qualities. Which means she won’t slip off because I already know how to handle her
Now my song is no more All of My Life; have been searching but it’s now I Am Prepared; I am waiting.

http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com/2016/09/01/all-of-my-life-have-been-searching/

for more visit: www.lifeloveandmarriage.com

Trust is absolute essential between partners. It doesn’t matter whether you are talking about being faithful, sticking to promises, keeping spending within what you can afford, or anything else. If you cant trust your partner, you will never be happy.
Of course, there are lots of reasons why you cannot trust someone. Maybe they have a track record of being untrustworthy. Maybe you just have hunches. Maybe they didn’t tell the truth about some small things and you wonder what else they weren’t entirely honest about. Maybe they are a little bit shifty (although in that case, I m not sure why you are with them at all and might I respectfully suggest you move on pronto). It doesn’t matter. You just have to be able to trust them.
Then again maybe it’s just you. Maybe you have been lied to in the past and you find it impossible to trust people. Well then, I am afraid you still don’t have a relationship, and you never will have until you learn to trust. I know it’s tough, especially if your suspicions have been justified in the past, but that’s why you deserve a good relationship now. And you won’t get it unless you can deal with the trust thing.
How must it feel for your partner? They are behaving impeccably, they have done nothing wrong. They are being as honest as they can be, and still you mistrust them. That can bring down a relationship. However sympathetic they are to your ‘trust issues’ (to use an awful psychobabble expression), in the end it will grind them down and make them feel you just don’t love them.
However justified you were in the past, it isn’t fair to your new partner to make them pay for someone else’s mistakes. Deep down I think you know whether it’s you or them that’s causing your mistrust, and you need to be honest with yourself about where the problem is coming from.
So if your partner is either doing the dirty on you, or is so secretive you can’t tell whether they are or not, have it out with them and if you can’t get them to be more honest, get out while you can. And if it’s you that’s behind the problem, find some way to sort it out. I have seen people throw away good relationships and cause themselves great damage by failing to tackle their own inability to trust. If you are still looking for your Mr. and Miss Right, best sort this out quick before you meet them. I wouldn’t want you to blow the whole thing just because someone in your past was stupid enough to betray you.
This wonderful piece was written by Richard Templar
Let me add this to it, in my years of counseling and talking to both married and engaged couples, have come across lots of situations and family problems that were caused just for the lack of trust mostly from the woman. What I am a little worried about is that, some of these women knew it, it has started during their relationship period but they still went ahead and get married to the man, the question is why? Is it an act of desperation or negligence? When the trust has been lost already during relationship, what will happen in marriage that is more delicate and where there s no more turning back
The foundation is faulty already, the foundation is full of lack of trust, lies (because for trust to be the issue there would have been some incidence of lies) and deceit. Foundation matters a lot in a building, so as it matters a lot in marriages. Check the foundation you are laying in your relationship for your marriage. If you don’t and can’t trust them then don’t even bother staying in the relationship not to talk of proceeding.

http://www.lifeloveandmarriage.com/2016/08/28/cannot-trust-not-got-relationship/

I am a mother of two children and they are both in secondary school. Have been a good wife and mother but my husband told me I can't be his wife any longer. He asked me to pack my belongings and leave just because I saved his life.

It happened that, one night armed robbers came to our house, we don't have money and I don't also have any jewelries that I could give them. This made them very angry, they started beating us, especially mu husband for not having money.

The said they are going to kill him for not having money, they beat in mercilessly and we're hitting in with cutlass. They wanted to kill him but he begged them that it won't happen again and I also joined him in begging them. The robbers accepted the plea but on one condition, that they sleep with me. I refused at first but he started begging me that I should allow them, that I shouldn't allow them kill him . I had no choice but to accept, they did what they wanted to do and left .

We were not ok for the remaining of the night, I was crying and in the morning we went to the hospital because my husband was a little bit wounded by the beating. I was not myself also, i was very sad, depressed, angry, I feel like killing myself but I'm happy I saved my husband. But to my surprise 3days after the whole incidence my husband told me to pack my bags and belongings, that I should leave his house. He told me he can't live with me anymore, I was shocked when he told me this, I saved his life wiith my body but now he has sent me away that he can't leave with me anymore, he said I'm irritating him.

Presently now, I have lost my mind, I'm not myself, I hope this won't kill me. What did I do wrong? Did I make a mistake for saving his life? Should I have allowed them kill him? I hate my life right now

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Source: http://luvventure.com/i-have-been-a-good-wife-am-i-wrong-for-saving-his-life/

Let the power of resurrection work on your marriage, because he has risen your dead marriage can rise also. "Why are you looking for the living among the dead, he's not here he's risen."

Have you lost hope in your marriage? Maybe you have the believe that you can never be happy again in your marriage or maybe you have tried your best and given all of you in your marriage but still there are no changes and nothing to show for it. Don't worry, put your mind at rest, the change you desire will start manifesting in your marriage as from today because our Lord Jesus has risen from the dead, so therefore your marriage also will rise from the dead in the mighty name of Jesus.

All you have to do now is follow some simple steps, follow me as I go on with the steps. Wait... before we continue, I'm not saying this is going to be a easy journey, so buckle yourself up as you are about pronounce life into your marriage. In genesis when God created man, "the bible said and he breathe in him the breathe of life." That's exactly what you are going to do today and your marriage will receive life in Jesus name

Step 1

Be Positive: This is very important because it's the foundation of resurrecting your marriage. What this means is that, you need to have a positive mind about your marriage, all the nagging, complaint, lamenting must stop. Then you put in a new approach to it your marriage, you put in the mind that your partner has changed even if he/she hasn't. There is what we call subconscious mind, you might have noticed it before, you know if you keep hatred for something in your mind, your reaction to that thing will be different even if you don't think about it sometimes, that's your subconscious mind working.

If you are negative about your marriage, everything you will be doing in the marriage will be negative and what's going to be happening in the marriage will be positive. For example, you are negative about your partner if he/she should show you love, you won't see it as love and this won't go well with your partner which is also going to affect your marriage but if you have a positive mind about your marriage you will have peace and this peace we affect your marriage even if your partner doesn't show you love you will take everything he/she does as love. These matters a lot in your marriage and also has meanings in your marriage.

You can't be praying with a negative mind and expect the prayer to be answered when you have already shoot down the prayers with your mind, so you need to change your negative mentality to your marriage and watch how your marriage is going to receive life.


Step 2

Bury The Hatred: This part is very sensitive and very necessary for resurrection to occur. I know your partner broke your heart, yes he cheated on you, she took you for granted and embarrassed you and so on. But whatever the hatred might cling on you must cut that rope today, you must set your partner free today and also set yourself free. You can't be going around with hatred for your partner and you expect your marriage to have life.

Hatred will make everything you do be hurtful, when your partner shows you love all you will see is hatred, even hatred won't allow your prayers to be answered. So you see why you need to purge out all the hatred you have for your partner, yourself or the marriage. If you want to be happy, have a happy marriage, happy family and also if you want to resurrect your marriage you need to let go of the hatred.

Step 3

Be Prayerful:

"Prayer is the key, prayer is the key, prayer is the master key, Jesus started with prayer and ended with prayer, prayer is the master key."

It's important we de step 1 and 2 before praying because if these two things are in our lives then our prayers won't be answered. Maybe you have been praying all these while but it seems your prayers isn't answered, I think is time for you to go back and check yourself to see if you are not carrying step 1 or 2 or both around in your life because if you do, then that's the reason your prayers are not being answered. But today you must take a different approach to your marriage. You're a christian and your father Jesus Christ has risen, so therefore you are entitle to the power of that resurrection and your marriage must receive life and resurrect. Go to God in prayer, pray without ceasing, lay on your complaints before God. Decree the power of resurrection into your marriage, the blood he shed on the cross should wash away every sorrows, sadness, pains in your marriage. Pray these prayers every second, every minute, every hour, everyday and see how your marriage will turn around for the best.

Those are the steps to follow to allow the power of resurrection in your marriage. After this, you must live your life like a victor, you must live your life to align with everything you have read and done. No negative thought, no hatred, be happy, and walk in the light


AJiboye Ifedapo
BBM PIN: 2B4352C5
Channel pin: C0012F050

Source: http://luvventure.com/he-has-risen-the-power-of-resurrection-can-work-in-your-marriage/

When Helen Oritsejafor was asked about marriage, openness in marriage is what she talks about using her own marriage as an example. She says there must be unity and openness, that husband and wife must be able to talk about anything and not hide anything


“From the Book of Genesis, the Bible says Adam and Eve were naked and they were not ashamed, she started. What normally brings secrecy into marriage is when one partner is cheating or there are some things taking place behind the curtains that the other party is trying desperately to keep. In any case, put it this way, for you to achieve success or growth, for you to achieve that oneness that God has ordained from the beginning of that foundation, which is marriage; it is important that there is unity and openness.

You must be able to be frank with each other. Let me tell you this, papa and I sometimes, I’m always very quick at telling him that lady is very beautiful because I love beautiful things around me. So I’ll prick papa and say look at her she’s so beautiful and papa will look at me and say can’t you see her legs? Her leg is like that of a duck. And there are times I could make such comments and papa will say yes you are right on point, she’s actually very beautiful. So we are that open.



If there’s anything I hate in life, is for anyone to make me think that there is something they know outside of what I know about my husband. Women don’t like that; they hate it with every passion. They want to be sure that they know their husbands more because it is important that the wife knows the husband more because it’s now the wife living with the man. So anyway, openness in marriage is key.


Source: http://luvventure.com/openness-in-marriage-is-key-says-helen-oritsejafor/

Who do you think breaks heart the most? Who do you blame for the kind of bad relationship and marriages we are having in the society now?

Put the reason for choosing your answer

The man
The woman
Both
The society
Money

Add yours



NOTE: this debate isn't to point fingers or get personal, it's just for us to know each others opinion and for fun too

AJiboye Ifedapo
BBM PIN: 2B4352C5
BBM Channel pin: C0012F050

http://www.luvventure.com

Ok, noted thanks

We are in a world where life is not fair and for you to be successful in your relationship you must be selfish. Don't get me wrong when I say selfish I don't mean you shouldn't share whatever you have with your partner, there is love in sharing. In fact there is no relationship if you can't share whatever you have with your partner. I will get to explain what I meant by selfish in this article and why you should be selfish.

Most people in life do things for their selfish interest , but we are talking about relationship so all the points will be about relationship. A guy see a girl, with a good body structure, he lust after her and went ahead to woo her, his intention was just to sleep with her but its now left for the lady in question to be make the right decision , the decision the lady is about to make is a selfish one just to protect her own interest which is a good one.

We are to be in control of our emotions, you should be in control of your heart and you must always be ready to take the right decision at any time. This decision might be selfish but its for your own good because if you leave yourself out and consider the other person instead, when the problem starts you will be the only one to suffer and bear it.

Let's look at it again from this angle, you are in a relationship, you are both in love with yourself, deeply in love and you are planning to get married before the bombshell which is you are both AS. This is very heart breaking, you love each other, you don't want to let go but the right thing to do is to let go. One of you might be saying don't worry, it's nothing, we can work it out, we can go to the doctor and time it , we will pray to God about it. Fine, our God is a merciful God and there is nothing impossible for him to do but in this case is better you face the reality. You have to be totally selfish in this situation, you have to forget the feelings of your partner and think about your own feelings and your unborn children. You have to break his/her heart, you have to hurt him/her. Let's say you overlooked it and eventually got married, everything was fine at the beginning until you gave birth and maybe they are AS, after some years they started having their medical crises and maybe later you find out that your husband has kids outside. What will you do?

There are many more situations like this, when your partner won't want to let go, they will beg you, they might go crazy, they might be devastated but nobody can treat you better than yourself, nobody can make you happy than yourself , you know what's right for you, you know what you want, so it's better you quit if everything you are getting it's not what suits you or what you want for yourself because if you want to manage it, you can't manage It for long and at the end you will be so miserable which won't bother your partner.

People will give you advice, people will condemn you, they will say so many things but the fact still remains, if you follow them you bear the consequences, if you don't follow them you and follow you own advice, you will bear the consequences but you are the only one that can tell yourself what's best for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to advice, it's a very good thing to ask for knowledge but at the end you're the one wearing the shoe and you know exactly where it hurts.

The partner that told you, you shouldn't worry that he/she is there for you can disappear when the problem starts, the weird part is, he might even be the one or part of the people creating the problem. Or do you think I'm making it up? With the example I make with genotype, you have kids that are AS, you think your husband can't tell you, woman I can't be wasting money all your sick children, you can't give me healthy children so it's your cross. Don't let it be too late, before it gets to that point, be selfish and take your decision. If the relationship is nothing to write about, quit. Do not force it, do not patch it, do not manage it into marriage and do not stay because you have pity on your partner because your partner might not have pity on you later on.

Helpful ?

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AJiboye Ifedapo
BBM PIN: 2B4352C5
BBM Channel pin: C0012F050

Hmmm, that telemundo can cause trouble o

Human wants and needs can't be satisfied and every man has their different taste and desires in a woman. But no matter what every man's taste are, they still want this same three things from a woman and in their relationship. If every other thing from the woman is good but these three things are missing then, there is every probability that the relationship won't lead to anything serious. So ladies if you want to get into a serious relationship and aspiring to get married very soon. You need to know this

The three things every man needs:

1 Support: supporting your man is very important and necessary for any woman that wants to enjoy her relationship and marriage. Supporting your man goes a long way, a principles woman knows how important supporting her man is in her relationship. When we say support, it means you have to believe in him and his dreams because it's not possible for you to support what you don't believe in. A ladies support must not necessarily be financial, but her soft words of encouragement, helping him in thoughts, telling him how much you believe in him and that you know he can do it. Most women don't know they have power and control over men that's why they don't make use of it. There is a way a lady can softly encourage and tell a man to jump into the ocean and he will without even thinking through it.

If you're supporting, you are helping which is why God created woman in the first place. In genesis God said for its not good for a man to be alone so I will make him and helper and God created Eve. Ladies I think you can understand your main work in the life of your man now. That's how God wants it to be, and that's what man also appreciate. And I know it's because God created man, knows what a man wants, that what he wants is an helper, supporter. That's why he created Eve. As a lady, if you have everything but lacks support, that might be the reason men keeps quitting you.

2. Loyalty : this is very important because no man wants a woman that is not loyal as a wife. Loyalty is faithfulness and devotion to a person. What men hates the most is when their woman is unfaithful, they can't handle it. A man can cope with a cheating woman, they feel irritated by her, even the men they cheats with feel the same way but they won't tell you because of their own selfish interest. And note cheating alone doesn't show disloyalty, when you talk negative about your man at the back is also not being loyal. That's why I will tell you if you don't like his character and integrity, it's better you quit the relationship instead of getting married to him and all you do is say every negative things you can think of about him. Trust me there won't be happiness in this kind of marriage. Men gets very happy when their woman talk good about them, both in front of them and at their back which is why men find loyalty very important when choosing a partner

3. Sex: when it comes to sex, some people always try to skip the topic and discussion but its something you can't run away from because this has cause problems in many homes. Some couples are getting a divorce just because of lack of sex or unsatisfactory sex, so it's something we must take serious. And don't say it's because they are not believers, I will get married to a man of God or a true christian so sex won't be the issue or the problem.

It's a nice idea but let me you something before you think further, even pastors wants sex, have heard and seen situations where a pastor and his wife a pastor (mrs) had a quarrel on this sex issue so don't ever think if you get married to a man of God there is no issue because there is and they are so human like every other person, and blood run through their veins also.

One of the things a man wants from his woman is sex, so as a wife don't you refuse your husband sex. This makes it sound like it's thee men that enjoys or wants sex the most. Well that's not true, everybody wants and loves, it's just the way we get satisfied that differs. Women tend to take longer process to enjoy it than men and that's why some women always refuse their man because they feel the pleasure isn't mutual but I'm telling you now that no matter what happens, you should not refuse your man. It's part of the things that make man a man, better still talk to your husband about how you feel instead of denying him of it.

As a lady, have all these three things and you are sure of great marriage but don't forget, you still have to find the right man to offer it to because the wrong man will always take it for granted as usual and break the marriage vow.

Relationship/Dating/Marriage coach
Ajiboye Ifedapo
BBM PIN: 2B4352C5
BBM Channel pin: C0012F050
Website: www.luvventure.com

Source: http://luvventure.com/the-three-things-every-man-needs-from-women/

Source: http://luvventure.com/my-younger-sister-threatens-to-link-my-secret/

My name is Funmi, I am 29 years old, a mother of two. I have been married for five years running, enjoying my family until I brought my younger sister who is two years younger to come live with us. She is also married but recently, her husband sent her packing because of her annoying attitude of laziness and disrespect for others after being married for three years with a child same year as her marriage.



Growing up, I endured what her husband couldn’t take for she is my only family outside our mother who reside in the village. At my second year in the university , I got pregnant for a guy that denied the pregnancy, being more exposed than me, my younger sister took me to a doctor that gave me some medications which I used to abort the pregnancy.

This has remained a secret between the both of us. She has only stayed for three months and have caused a lot of problems between me and my neighbours.

Recently, she started causing problems between me and my husband so I gave her an option to change her attitude or leave my house. To my greatest surprise, she said “if I don’t let her be, she will reveal our secret of the abortion to my husband “. Am scared of how he might react to it, on the other hand, I want my sister out of my house. What should I do? please help me. I need your advice



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