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CHAIR-RAT OF THE ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIAN HOUSE RATS DENIES HIS MEMBERS TURNED PRESIDENT'S OFFICE INTO GRAZING FIELD

The head of the House Rats Association of Nigeria (HARAN) has disputed claims by the Nigerian presidency that the presence of rodents in his office has forced him out.
Nigeria's president Buhari "resumed" office on Monday after a 105 day medical vacation abroad only to excuse himself from working in the office the following day.
However Chief Erasmus chairat of Haran swiftly denied this, " on no account did any of our members engages in such an unpatriotic and unconstitutional act. The Nigerian constitution is clear that no one should occupy the office of president of the federal republic of Nigeria other than via the provisions of the constitution to wit democrat elections. What Buhari's aides have done is to accuse of treason or coup," adding, "we shall not take it!"

Asked if it is possible that his members did so while he was in the US where he is currently addressing the annual convention of the Association of Nigeria Turtles in USA (ANT USA), chief Erasmus (pronounced "Aratsamouse" said,

"True our Rats occupy homes across the length and breadth of Nigeria in keeping with our age long traditions and recognized gracing routes but we are not political in nature and would never aspire to take an office we did not campaign for. True there have been clashes here and there between the Rats and the homeowners but it's all a simple misunderstanding. Any rat who chews computer cables, wires, certificates must be from Chas, Cameroun and Niger. They are not our members."
Asked if he was implying that the reported damage may have been done by foreign terrorists Rats and not indigenous Rats so the presidency might be right after all, he countered " have you seen the security vote and the defense budget of the government? The president is spending 50 million on sewage in the presidential villa. That is equal to $170,000. If they are spending that much evacuating the waste, what would any self-respecting rate hope to find there to eat? I assure you this a classic case of giving a rat a bad name so you can hang it."
Chief Erasmus who is in the US for one week to attend the ANT convention said his phone has been wringing since morning from concerned members and the media.
"It was CNN that woke me up this morning to confirm whether we had actually taken over the government house in Nigeria. I thought it was a dream. Then my wife called and said the children were chased out of class by mates who were taunting them that Buhari will deal with their father along with the hyenas and jackals who have held sway since he left."
"Please if he can't rule its better he resigns or return to London instead of telling lies on innocent rates. He shouldn't heat the polity unnecessarily by politicizing this issue. We are equal opportunity occupiers - we live with IPOB members, AREWA YOUTHS, OPC etc. it's only Boko Haram we don't live with because they don't live in houses but in the bush. However even our cousins the bush Rats don't hang around them because they don't like what they are doing."
Chief Erasmus concluded,"honestly if you are quiet, you will be taken for granted and stamped under foot in this country. Look at how cows have occupied churches, schools, airport runway, stadium, secretariat, highway, farms etc nobody has done anything thing. Then we who are continuing our ancestral duty as tiny as we are are the ones being scandalized. Honestly, this calls for restructuring. On restructuring we stand!"

Baawaa:
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do u even have idea how it works b4 judging?

stan567:
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av been a member of d community for over four months

INTROVERT:
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nxt time don't b hurry to show ur stupidity

OK mods please help me move this topic to food section
pls save a brother from d hustle of labour market

Good afternoon fellow nairalanders, am a graduate going for nysc by November.

I want to learn ow to make sharwama and roasted chicken so I can start a business anywia am posted.

pls I really need d knowledge

tnx

op been murdering English since 18bc

e go soon apen

prof1990:
This country has become almost unbearable for almost everyone. Am a student of Lautech Ogbomosho which has been on strike since June and both the government and the lecturers don't seem to be backing down for the sake of the students. It has become tiring I have to say. The country is not encouraging at all. If after spending close to 7years in school for a 5yr program and after you graduate you still won't be guaranteed a job yet some people come in here screaming APC and PDP. Things have got to change

u stay @ Adenike or underG?

Oildichotomy:
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mizzbouqui:

can I chat u on watsapp?

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