₦airaland Forum

Of the Greatest Nigerian students!
Of the Greatest Gba_Gba!!
Of the Greatest Gbo_Gbo!!!

In recent decades, the bane of criminal secret organizations have plagued our Nigerian society. Secret cult activities have defamed our once prestigious higher institutions of learning. The very foundations and drive of school fraternity instituted by Wole Soyinka and other members of the "Golden Seven" pioneers of the Sea Dogs. These confraternities that were formed to fight oppression and corruption against Afrikan students in our colonial institutions, have become the very vehicle for the oppression, intimidation and heinous crimes committed against our young Afrikan intellectuals. The "Dogs" that were originally meant for the protection of Afrikan students, are now reprogrammed for their destruction.

Extra bonus tips: Kukuma join the SARS or military for lifetime immunity. Or better still comot the naija. No go US or any of these nations with racist elements and themes. Go quiet, rich European nations where there is not yet a stereotype of how successful black people should be.

Brought to you by YBNL's "E pass Yahoo" campaign.

Provide the most useful personal tips on how, to avoid police wahala in Nigeria for 2 PAC (PovertyAlleviationCoin); join the Afrikan revolution. WHO just declared us polio-free. We gats join hands to kick poverty out too.

Let the best tip win. Follow @InformationTV on Nairaland too for more opportunities to learn and earn. Remember; Information is Power.

Bonus tips:

Have all those NBA (Nigerian Bar Association) stickers on your vehicle; alternatively you could make do with "My Wife/Daughter is a lawyer, na walaha be their work" stickers.

Join Friends of the Police or any non-civilian associations that grant you some form of immunity. Army/Navy/Airforce Stickers do wonders too if you're able to source them. Red Cross or even Great Ife sticker fit still save you harassment on a good day.

Learn how to speak Hausa, have a golden tooth so your smile becomes golden�. Always travel in a kaftan or jalabia with the complete Hausa-Fulani cap.

Be a extra fine boy yet non-pompous, with an healthy Arabian beard. Hausa Muslims generally seem pious to most Nigerians, hence take the advantage.

Never raise your voice. Remember, big man dey hardly shout.

If you dye your hair, tattoo your arm, you just have to sound extra butteé to avoid being tagged an "agbéro/street kid". Better still look foreign, look like a mulatto and sound like one. Trust me, police fear whitey pass any other class of our society. Still follow the same exact tips as above, and you'll scale through.
People are attuned to judge a book by its cover, but are better convinced by the content. So let your content better convince people; sound intelligent, enterprising, exposed and confident.

Note: Always keep something for the boys.

Don't be a yahoo boy. Legit your hustle up.

—Don't travel as a pack of young men… a big No. This is the key part of their profile they're trained to watch out for. Let them be a noticeable elder amongst the crew if you're to travel in numbers. Better still, let women and girls be in the equation. If you let a girl drive you guys, it does wonders. "Beautiful girls" generally don't fit the profile, so this would save you some level of harassment. Remember, always let the driver of the car do the talking. The rest of you just exchange pleasantries with the police men whilst maintaining your smile. Be a little carefree and unruffled by their presence; still carry on with conversations that were ongoing before you were stopped. It is always awkward if all you do is keep mute and stare like criminals.

—Have all the vehicle papers ready. Never offer bribe unless clearly hinted. Usually, the first sign that you have something to hide is when you immediately offer up a bribe. Anyways, you would have to judge from your situation when appropriate. Be nice and gentle when you present all that is asked of you.

—Appear confident but never pompous. Everyone hates a pompous person. When asked for your phone, present it if you have nothing to hide, but make sure you remind them that this is outside the jurisdiction of policemen without search warrants to peruse through your personal devices like phones and laptops whilst providing your belongings to be searched. Your behaviour puts them off balance if they realize you still own the confident smile they found you with. At the back of their mind, they would wonder "who be this one seh?", and would be more inclined to be on their professional best behavior. If you have something to hide, then you're part of the problem. You are the people who built up their current profile they abuse youths with. Don't travel with devices that generally contain things you have to hide as this reduces your confidence that most of these men are trained to perceive.

—Look people in the eyes with a confident smile that communicates "You don't want to see my Aboki side". Your stern face only carries more power when the first impression of your face people had was of a confident smile. Use your frown wisely, only when you feel abused. Always try to maintain your confident smile, no matter how much your feathers are ruffled. People, including the police are generally afraid of that. Never ever let your panic bubble up onto your face. Abusive people often wait to see that element of fear in your voice, countenance or gait before they proceed on with said abuse. Remember, they are trained to smell fear. That's where a confident smile works magic.

—Have a business card & ID on your person whilst traveling. Always be the first to ask "How are you Oga Sir? How may I be of help?" when stopped by police men. In our society, people generally expect "How are you?" to come from their elders and bosses, so this generally has a powerful subconscious effect on the minds of most people. They generally start thinking of you in the same light as their elders.

—No ever speak pidgin English except when spoken to in pidgin English. Pidgin English paints the picture of a "street kid" in the minds of the already agitated officers. Always sound like a confident, connected butteé whenever you speak; have a slight confusing accent when you speak. Hausa-Fulani accent does wonders if you're in Southern Nigeria where the majority of these abuse of police power often happen. Use terms like "bah; fah; toh; walahi; kwo; sanu; In'sha Allah; Bismillah" when you speak. Trust me, no one generally wants to Bleep with a supposed Hausa-Fulani rich kid who speaks fluent English with an accent, who lives in the South. Remember, the subconscious Nigerian stereotype profile never allows for a rich kid Hausa living in the south. We generally categorize Hausa-Fulani into "Aboki/Alhaji". Fit into an awkward profile that generally does not match what they watch out for, and you'll be saved.

—Favour Afrikan fabrics and jewelry when you dress. Wear a cap whilst you drive, like your dad would; those Elder Cap. This confuses their mental profile they've been trained to identify. Also, like your dad, be frugal. Don't travel with expensive bling-bling or accessories generally. Remember, we're a competitive society and you don't want to brandish your wealth in the faces of those who are armed and yet receive peanuts.

—Refrain from referring to policemen as "Officers" like the general public would. Inculcate the military lingo "Oga Sir" into your speech. This paints the picture in the subconscious mind of whoever you meet, that you might just know your way "militarily".

—Try to look as Matured & Responsible as you can. Remember, they are trained to profile people based majorly on appearances. Once convinced that they're communicating with a "boy/girl", these abusive officers subconsciously feel they have the upperhand whenever you fit the first phase of this profile. Na why cases of police abuse of power dey more rampant for cities with higher institutions of learning that are a congregation of young folks.

—Put on a wedding ring; always refer to yourself as "Mr." when asked to introduce yourself (Trust me, this has a powerful subconscious effect on the minds of people you encounter, whoever they are.)

I still believe the Police is not the enemy even though they may not seem like friends now. The majority of us would be just as Ruthless as Naomi when Ruth had remarried (Òdògwu Wizzy, please don't leave me!), if we're armed and made to watch successful fraudsters and spoil brats brandish their wealth in your face.

Here are some few tips garnered by seasoned travelers that might just save you the usual harassment young car owners face on our highways:

In recent weeks, the issue of police brutality has been brought to global societal focus once again, with the "Black Lives Matter" campaign gaining grounds once again in the US. Police forces in several nations now pose a greater threat to the lives and property of the citizenry than the actual criminals.

Nigerians, being trend-followers, have jumped upon the "Black Lives Matter" campaign whilst neglecting our own private issues of police brutality in Nigeria. Our own #EndSARSNow campaign has been left to fade away with no actual goals achieved per sé. We are always "internet protesters"; never willing to contribute anything more tangible than our own hashtagged posts on social network platforms, that are more aimed at clout-chasing than out of actual concern for the true situation of things