customised13:

Chinonso dike the driver. Are you sure u are ok?

have u eaten tonight or should I organize some food for you?

useless man

This always cracks me up

marieolae:

You've got to admire the way Americans plan ahead of time. How are they sure that these planes are nuclear bomb resistant? Have they been tested with nuclear bombs to ascertain it?

jennylove7575: no I can't wear that its my carnival costume... I will put on a mini skirt, a short t shirt and a trainer. How about that?

Deal!

marieolae: which will not be good..since I'm trying to maintain my figure oh!

Add more weight sweetheart. I need to feel some flesh

Aitee1:



Dang catch ya

Was asking u of ur moniker on fb u promised bt refuse to fulfill

U beta cooperate else I'll tell the whole forum ur life history

Hahahaha.....chei! Aitee mbok this is one of my side monikers. My main moniker is currently serving a ban.

amiskurie:
Basket head,why dont you show me the agreement papers instead.

Paper head why don't you google it?

jennylove7575: Okay I am waiting for you to take me out on a date with N200...let me know if need my contact hmm

If that is you on your profile pix and you're gonna dress the same way you're dressed in the pix to the date then we have a deal.

Greatomotoy: lol @op, will this work in 9ja!

Give it a try and let us know the outcome

amiskurie: I have never curse Jonathan b4 until now.
May God repay u ebele,all the dirt u ve caused my country


I'm cursing u for the news about cameroonian soldiers doing cross border raids in Nigeria.
Jona as the commander of the Nigerian armed forces tarnished the image of Nigerian military in the world.

We need coup in Nigeria maybe.soon sao tome and Togo will cross too.

Keep your curses to yourself. Nigeria has a cross border counter terrorism agreement with neigbouring countries including Cameroun to fight boko haram. This means that Cameroonian military can chase and fight the terrorists deep into Nigerian soil.

sharemobile.ro

marieolae: no bicycles are fine...its the zobo part

We will replace it with Kunu which will make you add weight.

No biggie, the emir of Kano and the Oba of Lagos are both Apc chieftains.
I still have this feeling that Sanusi should have stayed back in the corporate world, he would have contributed greatly to national political discourse as an intellectual opinion leader. Being an emir wouldn't afford him the opportunity to bare his mind on national issues and government policies.

Double post.

marieolae: This aint gonna work out at all

Why won't it work out? You don't like riding on bicycles?

harlos:
I didn't finish reading this before I bursted out

Guy me understand you but nowadays girls?

They will have to adjust

Atiku 2015 presidential bid is a lost cause, he will never be the president of Nigeria Let him concentrate on using his stolen loot to create jobs for the masses, we won't begrudge him on that.

Another conspiracy theory? Let him provide the evidence! It seems like foreign nationals know more about the funding and sponsoring of the boko haram terrorists than we Nigerian citizens.

Mathematics helps in critical thinking and reasoning. We all can't do without it in our daily lives.

Nice initiative! This will really encourage the use of e-payment channels. Guaranty trust bank is already doing this. The bank credits your account when you use Point of sales machines.

Hello guys grab a seat and let’s hope no lady is reading this because this information is strictly for guys. I repeat this information is strictly for guys.
Ladies kindly walk out through the exit door by your left, thank you.

*looks left and right, up and down, shuts door*.

So she has accepted to go out with you at last. You have fixed the day and time for your first date. You are anxious because you want to impress her. You want to leave a good impression because you know that first impression matters. You want to make her your bae, don’t you?

My brothers bring out your calculators, biros and sheets of paper, let’s do some calculations.
How much are you prepared to spend on the first date? What are the things that you would buy? Write them down…….

You would probably end up with a list like this…..

Two plates of fried rice salad with chicken – N1400
Drinks of her favourite brand – N1500
Barbecued fish – N1000
Meatpie, fish pie, burger, Shawarma etc - N2000
Ice cream – N800
Take away food pack for her friends – N1200
Movie cinema ticket/popcorn – N3000
Expenses on a short visit to the shopping mall – N5000

Add up the figures and let’s see the total amount you have arrived at. Is that amount moderate or too high? Well…..Let me ask you a question…….

Bro are you inviting her to come and gorge herself to death with food or do you want to get to know her better?

Now take up that sheet of paper and squeeze it. Tear it into tiny bits and throw them into the waste basket.

Sit down and let’s reason together.

What is your definition of a date?

The conventional meaning of a date appointment is a period of time when the man takes the woman out to a fancy restaurant, buys her food and watches her gobble it up. The man says nice things to her in a bid to impress her. At the end of the date he pays the bills hoping to get a peck from her as compensation for his trouble. They leave the restaurant together and part ways, promising to meet some other time at some other venue.

*Yawns*

Aren’t restaurant dates too cliché and boring?

If you ask Dr Leroi he would tell you that a date should be a period of time where the two parties share fun activities. Yes it should only be two parties!

Guys what should you do to a girl who turns up to a dinner date with all of her 12 girlfriends in tow? I think the best option is to run! Who wants to wash plates in a fast-food’s kitchen?*shrugs shoulders*

Drop your ego. Drop the “I need to impress her with my money” attitude.
It does not matter whether you are a millionaire, thousandaire or hundrednaire, you can have a nice date experience spending only 200 naira. Most guys don’t know that a lady will prefer doing fun stuffs when hanging out with you rather than sitting down to lick an ice cream cone at an upscale fast food joint.

The D-day is here. You have to make adequate preparation.

Buy two bottles of chilled Zobo drink and a medium sized packet of cream crackers biscuit. That should cost you roughly N200 or N300. Toss them inside a backpack and hang it on your back. This will serve as your date food.
The cool zobo drink helps to relieve high blood pressure and has low sugar content. The cream crackers biscuit is low in calories and is also a rich source of B complex vitamins. I am telling you bro, you will score major points on her score sheet when you turn with these snacks. It will send a strong signal that you are a caring guy who is concerned about her healthy dieting. However if she slaps you when you present these snacks to her, please don’t take it personal. Just know that she is feigning anger to cover up her over-excitement. Okay?
Arrange for a takeoff point for the date. It could be her place or a public place in the city.
Go and look for a bicycle. You can hire one for the occasion then show up at the takeoff point with the bicycle.

Hey don’t give me that weird look, yes I meant a bicycle, the one with a passenger seat. Don’t go with your car! The bicycle must be in good condition oh. It should not be the creaky ones with long disjointed spokes that can pierce her soft skin.
She will be definitely surprised to see you with a bicycle. Tell her that you are trying something new for a change. Ask her to hop onto the bike for a ride with you.

The lady will find the offer ridiculous but at the same time she will be curious and excited because you are leading her to an adventure. She will sit on the bicycle’s seat after a while. Err…my brother before she hops in, make sure that she is not the overweight type that will deflate the bicycle’s tires. If someone’s daughter falls down and dislocates her waist, you are on your own! Your date will be turned to hate. So use the bicycle procedure only for a slim babe.

If you don’t have access to a bicycle, use a motor bike or if the girl is too fat don’t worry, your feet will do just fine. Convince her to take a stroll with you to your chosen destination.
Take a really long walk in one direction, passing through streets, neighbourhoods, checking out things along the way.
As you both stroll or ride on, you have to be funny to get her attention. Crack a couple of jokes that will keep her laughing or else she would suddenly ask herself “what the heck am I doing on this bicycle?” If you allow such thoughts to gain entry into her head, that will be the beginning of the end of your “date”. Please remember to keep your jokes nice and civil. Let your jokes not be the dry as harmattan Akpos jokes. Okay?
While she is still laughing her heart out to your wisecracks, quietly ask her to help you choose a good shirt in a nearby boutique. She will jump at the offer.
This is because you are putting yourself up as the little boy who wants mama to help him choose a good shirt since he can’t decide for himself. Women love this power. She wouldn’t know that you are using reverse psychology on her.
When you both enter the shop, you should do a bit of window shopping. Move from one clothing rack to the other gazing at the clothes on display. Please bro don’t allow her to wander off into the female clothes and accessories section. When you notice her eyes straying towards that section, put your arms round her shoulders and gently lead her away because if she gets in there and stays there for five minutes, your N200 naira budget will be grossly inadequate and you will have explain to her why you can’t buy her that silver necklace!
She will help you choose a nice shirt. Don’t pay for that shirt right there and then. Walking into the boutique was part of your strategy to have a fun time with her. You must follow your strategy to the end. You can always go back later to the shop to buy and pick up the shirt! Are we still on the same page? Alright.


Ride away with her this time to a public park. Choose a section of the park that has some privacy and open your backpack bringing out your “picnic box”.
You both will discover that the Zobo drink and cream crackers biscuit will taste extra great because you two are having a simple fun-time. Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated….isn’t that a quote from the great philosopher Confucius?
Use that opportunity to take as many selfies as possible with each other. If she is really having a good time, she would make the following faces for the pictures: duck face, tongue hanging from mouth face, pouting face, frog face, doll face and a variety of facial expressions known only to the female species as you snap away.

You will realize that you would not have been that happy and free spirited if you were to be in a cinema watching an overhyped movie that you both don’t really care about.

In the course of your chit chat let her know that you are a novice at cooking and that you can only boil water for eba. Ask her to help you out with some cooking recipes and tips. My brother i am telling you she will take it upon herself to educate you. She will see you as the poor boy who can’t cook to save his life and needs urgent help from mama. She will even want to cook a sample dish for you. This may end up with her visiting your place to show you how to slice the vegetable leaves and when to pour in the pepper and crayfish in the soup pot.
But if she declines to visit you, don’t stress it. Overtime she will naturally fix a convenient date on her own accord.
Guys there you have it. Both of you are enjoying the date. You have been able to pull it off without breaking into a bank. You have broken the dating stereotype.

If you pull this off successfully, she would be the one to call you up for a second date. This time around it would be an “indoor” date.
**********************************
Ps: Dr Leroi is a self styled dating guru who is currently being pursued by the hottest women in the globe including Nicki minaj, Lupita Nyongo, Genevive Nnaji, Rihanna, Yvonne nelson, Beyonce and Angelina Jolie. He doesn’t take his own dating advice seriously so take this seriously at your own risk

Mine is Samba samba dance by OLoookoto

MrCork: ...i successfully cook rice last week without burning the house...i feel proud!

Congrats mr Cork

Wonderful, touching, moving, inspiring! God is real, faith is real!

Seun: I have corrected that and even apologized for it. You're not current bro.

Seun you omitted one word in your apology.

Dear All,

I hereby publicly apologize for wrongly suggesting that APC Fans support Boko Haram.

APC Fans are patriotic Nigerians and as such, they are 100% in support of the quest for the defeat Boko Haram by our brave army.

Best regards,
Seun Osewa.

defeat OF bokoharam. Kindly insert the omitted word

He is Guilty. Judging from all the evidence presented in the case proceedings, i think he knew what he was doing when he fired the shots that killed her.

Misplaced priorities! These Northerners are more comfortable and feel much more at home with Niger and Chad republic citizens than the rest of Nigeria. Lord Lugard made a daft mistake in 1914 by forcing this unholy union called Nigeria on all of us.

This is so pathetic! Imagine being held in an overcrowded isolation center with inadequate medical treatment and no food, imagine the psychological trauma. I can't blame the man for escaping to search for food, survival is the basic human instinct. The Liberian government has a long way to go.

naijaboiy:
Woman Wrappering at Boko-Haram Level

Lol. No bro i am not a woman wrapper. You don't have to be a woman wrapper before you can appreciate & compliment the beauty of a lady. I am actually a writer. If you upload your picture i might write an unbiased description for you

NZAN:



woman wrappers, but this guy is creative sha

marieolae: omg!!!! You got it!! Everything is true. I'm speechless. Thankyou so. Much. I dnt know wat to say.. Thanku thanku thanku thanku!!! Mwah

You're welcome dear