₦airaland Forum

Romanoff:
I'm just saying it could also be an option, unless you're incapable of loving an adopted child.

And I did say I pray God blesses you to be able to afford surrogacy.

Adoption now? NO.
Surrogacy? I don't even want to try it. Amen to your prayers.

adadike:
I will fast and pray for you. You can go to a neutral thread and send me your wife's name or yours. If you no conceive in 3 months, call me a liar

Hahahaha
You're so funny!
Thanks

Taal17:
I truly empathise,
It is good you are talking and letting this all out.
There are support groups/threads here for those trying to conceive --in the health section

I have been following one already. Thanks

Angelacruz:
Y not opt for adoption,crptic pregnancy,invitrofertilizatn,surrogacy etc...rather dan divorce

Please re read my original post. Thanks

DeeMain:
IntentionTremor, if a hysterectomy was done on her what are the chances of a successful implantation during IVF? Or does a successful implantation not need a healthy uterus? I am not a medical expert o but my question is to test the reality you were working with, to check whether you were throwing a bad solution on a tough problem. Peace.

It certainly does need a healthy womb o. We didn't do the hyster procedure! Doing the procedure means good bye to TTC. We changed doctor , went on recommendation. New doctor/team started afresh, did some crazy injections on the womb for some months before starting a new ivf cycle...that still failed after transfer. Thanks

Taal17:
It is immature to think or believe that fertility is dependent on abortions
fertility in men and women is multi-factorial

You hate and despise your wife because you think she has made you infertile cos she hasn't been able to conceive?

This is less about the children or lack of, it is more about why did you get married? Because if it was for children then you didn't need to get married.

You may be carrying the burden emotionally and financially but do remember it is still her that bares the physical burden of this journey so please be kind. The late Ibidun had done IVF 11 lost 3 babies and hers stemmed from an appendicitis surgery

People marry for different reasons. Mine should not be about another person's reason. Yes I consider her too that's why I am here venting. Else we won't be having these exchanges here. Thanks

Romanoff:
No. I didn't say adoption is costlier.

Of course, surrogacy is expensive. I know a surrogate who earned 5mill for carrying twins.

Okay. I wanted us to understand each other.

mariahAngel:
You're too anxious and anxiety doesn't solve anything. It only make matters worse (as it is already taking its toll on you, and you taking it out on your wife)
You have let the desperation to have a child overwhelm you and it might swallow you up.

What you need now more than anything is peace.

Thanks. I have been mute but decided to open up here so I am not swallowed up. If peace you mean is to keep quiet and keep repeating cycles... Then I don't understand you.

Romanoff:
Do you think you'll be unable to love an adopted child?

And it seems your last option is surrogacy. I'll suggest you take it seriously.

It is not as expensive as the rate charged outside the country.

I pray you're blessed enough to be able to afford it.

Look beyond your reality, it's what is limiting you.

Did you mean adoption is costlier than surrogacy? Check again.. surrogacy = donor egg + IVF + surrogate mom

Winneygirl:
I still don't see the abortion as the cause of the infertility. People struggle even without having terminated a pregnancy before. A hysterectomy is quite final. Have you tried alternative medicine to treat uterine issues? I don't mean roadside medicine. Also, is she weighty?

Abortion related or idiopathic, the childlessness is not nice at all. Even virgins have fertility issues. Yes. But this case has got to the end point as it were - surrogacy!

Alternative medicine? For assisted reproduction? I don't have any ideas though. You can share. She's not weighty.

Romanoff:
You need to forgive her for the abortion, that is why you're being resentful towards her and it's possible the abortion isn't the cause of what you are both going through. It is probably easier to blame her for it.
.if you two can hold on to God and ride this wave together, trust me, there is nothing you both won't be able to conquer together.

God has already forgiven her, I hope she has forgiven herself and I pray you can forgive her.

Having children doesn't guarantee happiness in marriage. Many have children that they regret having cause those children ended up being a boil in their butt. Many had children and lost them all in a day.

I don't wish you bad, I'm just trying to give you perspective on how you can hold on to the love and companionship that you both have, use that as a force to have joint faith and keep trying.

If it's okay with both of you, also consider adoption. Giving a child love might open doors for you, you never can tell.

Don't put away your wife like some children are advising you to do, more than half of them don't even know what marriage is and also don't know God.

Please, be wise. The devil chooses our darkest hour to strike us down.

Thanks . I already forgave her. God has too. But the reality starring me in the face is beyond words.
Adoption is not an option for me. Children should complete the marriage for me. Even if they bring troubles, I will deal with it than deal with not having them in my home. Thanks

Winneygirl:
There is a TTC thread and an IVF thread in the health section. They provide support for one another. There are more women than men there, but they'll be glad to assist anyone.
.
I also do not think that the abortion she had has anything to do with the struggles you are going through now. Afterall, she carried a pregnancy to term.
.
You have not stated the cause of infertility.
Knowing the problem is what leads you to a solution.

Ya, I am also on that thread with my main moniker, followed the topic some years ago and still following. I got a lot of encouragement and network from that thread during our IVFs.
The solution to the infertility is a HYSTERECTOMY. Just so you have a picture of what it's like. Spare me the diagnosis for the internet's sake. I verbally abused the gynaecologist the day he told us that in his office.
If the past is related to the present predicament I don't know. But my mind tells me if the abortion wasn't done this whole thing wouldn't have been there in the first place..

Winneygirl:
There is a TTC thread and an IVF thread in the health section. They provide support for one another. There are more women than men there, but they'll be glad to assist anyone.
.
I also do not think that the abortion she had has anything to do with the struggles you are going through now. Afterall, she carried a pregnancy to term.
.
You have not stated the cause of infertility.
Knowing the problem is what leads you to a solution.

Ya, I am also on that thread with my main moniker, followed the topic some years ago and still following. I got a lot of encouragement and network from that thread during our IVFs.
The solution to the infertility is a HYSTERECTOMY. Just so you have a picture of what it's like. Spare me the diagnosis for the internet's sake. I verbally abused the gynaecologist the day he told us that in his office.

mariahAngel:
Have you considered adoption?

Please don't go there. Thanks.

evil1:
Alright.

If your mind is made up on the separatin, you can contact me via email. I can't give you legal advice here but just know that Separation and divorce are two differnt things and both have different legal effects.

Thanks!

Romanoff:
For the fact she was able to get pregnant means she wasn't barren. Infertility is a serious thing and most women aren't at fault.

Is she incapable of having healthy eggs?

For her to have gone through up to 5 IVFs, I can guarantee you that she is also going through pain. From hormone shots to extractions and implantations, it's quite a painful journey.

Look into surrogacy, if you need a fertility clinic, people could make recommendations for you.

You fit marry another woman now or try give another woman belle wey e no go work and you'd even hate yourself more.

Still hold on. There are people who married for even up to 15 years and still no children. There's someone very close to me who has been married for 13 years, they lost the only child they had after a month of being born, two years ago.

He married his wife as a virgin and he has chosen to stand by her and defend her from the persecution of his family and I believe the God that gave them the one that died is still in the business of giving babies.

Hold on to God.

Yes , wifey is a strong woman I must say going through all the rigors of each cycle 5 crazy times! I cried at the hospital when we lost the first natural 9month preggy. She didn't blink. Only cried when the 1st IVF failed reason I had us go outside our state of residence for a weekend. But she started loosing faith after the 4th failed but braced up for the 5th which was the worse so far! Right now she's stronger than I am.

To be very true to my innermost self, if the abortion was for me I would chill and carry my cross. If she was a virgin as well, no challenge. But the sad truth that the nigger who caused the damage is happy somewhere while I'm grinding and spending is making me mad.

God help me anyways. Thanks.

DontBullshitMe:
Fiction.

I would say same if I were you. Thanks stopping by though

Exmilitant:
Get yourself a girl who will birth your children. Abram did it when Sarai was slow. Jacob did it when Rachel was slow. At least you belief the bible, The list is endless there. Life is too short to please others. Your vision and mission in this life should take precedence over every thing and person, parents, wife and children included. Talk to your wife, about your decision, she would be pained at first but it doesn't matter. Your vision matters.

Thanks.

adadike:
Dear intentiontremor, you go born. For you to be this frustrated, trust me your miracle is on the way. I was born after almost 10 years of childlessness.
Please start loving your wife. Forgive her I beg you and forgive yourself as well. Start praying , go into intensive prayers and fasting. Pray ceaselessly. God is still waiting for you. You will not die neither will your dad even if he is a 100, he will carry his grand son. Boil the roof of fertility tree and let your wife drink the water consistently and with prayers , she will conceive

Amen. Thanks. I have forgiven but things are not how they used to be. Pray. Fast. I need you to help me do those cause its been long I did those .

meetme01:
Are you a man at all? At this age, you are putting blame on your wife who with good intent opened up her heart to you for a peaceful home. And this is all she can get?

Swear with your future that she met you a virgin. You have also slept with few ladies before marriage and because they didn't get pregnant means you are smart.

Okay, I put it to you.. One of those ladies you once slept with is the cause of your predicament. Any man that sleeps with her and fail to marry her will never give birth until she gets married and birth her child.. The lady in question is yet to get married or dead.. If I hear Mogbe penren.

Now, you are to be blamed for your woes.

Brother, because you don't have child yet shouldn't make you despise your woman. Don't make her regret her past. Don't make her cry for just giving you true love.

If option A, & B does not work, opt for option C. Life sha must go on. Man we born, na pinkin go bury am. The man wey no born, na pinkin sef no bury am. You won't be the first neither the last on her.

Your pressure and negative thoughts is also a factor of the results you have been getting. Be positive in life..!

You cracked me up big time...blaming me for my troubles. Thanks. I was no virgin neither did I sponsor any abortion. I was more optimistic than her until the failed third IVF... The first IVF was my idea after allowing her process it two years after I suggested... Cause she has always confessed she will carry her babies naturally etc.
Yes I am under pressure right now and that's why I'm speaking up here before I lose my mind.

alterego17:
Guy just chill...stop punishing urself n dat lady unnecessarily..... u can't just give up n b creatin negative aura insyd ur home by hating wifey cos no baby go enter that kinda negative aura homestead...enter this site firstly n call up d doctor gardennaturalhealth dot com

Bless up dude!

Thanks. It's not easy to act OK when you're not sincerely. I will check him out and revert to you. Thanks

evil1:
chill man

I understand the whole age concept stuff but don't use her mistakes been a weak point against her.

It will cause more emotional trauma to her.

Stop having sex like your fucking. go on vaction with her, make passionate love, love making every day, yes I mean everyday like shes new in your life.

The best advice is for you to separate if you can't love her during these trying times.

You knew she had done an abortion before doesnt mean she won't conceive. Not everyone wether virgin or not is or will be so lucky enough to conceive during first few years of marriage. The problem might even be from you or possibly not any of you.

Marriage is not something you endure but a long term commitment you have to enjoy.
If you still want to continue in the marriage to enjoy it, seek medical help, pray like pour your heart to God and tell him what you want. Prayer and fasting is the key bro.

If you can't hold on for your time then divorce or separate from the marriage.

contact me anyways if you want to file for divorce or separation.

Thanks. I understand. However, we have sought premium medical helps in doing upto 5 (five) failed IVF cycles... In three different states . And if you should know, i was OK.. but she had issues reason the doctors are now resorting to surrogacy... So thanks again as I consider the seperation.

chiommy123:
I don't even know how or what to advice you but know that she feels more pain than you'll ever do so make sure she is always happy in what ever decisions you take. God will remember you in Christ name Amen

Yes, she's dealing with a lot too... Just like me. Thanks

Righteousness2:
My Brother! Seeing your wife happy should be your Pirioty!
Yes! I agree your dad will love to see his grandchildren but you must understand that it is a Gift From GOD. It is not by Struggle! You don't Struggle for a Gift!
Calm Down! Worrying does not bring Solution!
Find the space to Love your wife.

I Stand the Gap For you and your Family!
I Bind Delay in your life! No matter the cause, I Break the yoke in JESUS Name!
I Decree this year will not Pass you guys by!
I Decree b4 the End of this year 2021, if JESUS Tarries, your wife will be set to put to bed in JESUS Name..
It is Settled!

Amen. Thanks.

Mogadishuu:
Very Tragic

.. story of my life

Romanoff:
Who is to say another woman has not aborted for you?

There is an option, surrogacy. Why not explore it?

Then why did you get married to this woman, is it solely for children?

I make bold to say NO WOMAN HAS ABORTED FOR ME.
Surrogacy in my case also needs an egg donor plus the surrogate mom! Thinking about it gets me so angry.
While dating I always stated I wanted CHILDREN early that's why I was getting married early.... I was less than 30 when we even married cause of how much I wanted to have the kids early! Alas!

Righteousness2:
My Brother, Divorce nor Hating your wife is not the answer! You need to Calm down.

You need to understand certain things;
Children are Gifts From Above. It's GOD that gives kids.

No matter how skillful and Fertile you are, if BABA does not release HIS gift to you , Forget about it. You Cannot have it.

Instead of Hating and Planning to Divorce your lovely wife, why not see this time as an opportunity for you to draw yourself and your Home Closest to GOD and HIS Word.

Why not see it as an opportunity to cement your relationship with GOD.

Do not mind what people say! People will always talk! Love GOD! Love your Wife.

Forget about the issue! Fix yourself in GOD and treat your wife right!
Ensure your path is right! Let it be GOD that owes you.
In due Season BABA will Settle you guys!

Thanks. God is love and I still love HIM. I don't love my wife the way I used to because of all these ish.
But I feel I have disappointed my father whenever I visit him. He doesn't pressure me about this issue except I initiate a convo. But the looks on his face every other time we visit speaks VOLUMES. I just want him happy seeing my children before he leaves in death.

Anigreat:







Op please i have a question to ask you

when did you know she had an abortion for her ex boyfriend? Did she tell you in the earlier stage of courtship or during the failed pregnancies?









I won't blame her, because she opened up to you from on set and I won't blame you either for marrying her , because the new love shag and blinded you. It can happen to anyone even me.


You knew nothing about the abortion, why suffering with her? opt out of the marriage immediately if you love your life , also if you want to sustain your father's lineage as you said, you're the only male child and age is no longer by your side.


Even though the abortion your wife had may not be the reason for the failed pregnancies, but she deserves to suffer for killing an innocent child , and every woman who took a life of an innocent child in the name of abortion deserves worser fate than this. I can only pity the innocent man that will later pick her as a wife as he may suffer from what he knew nothing about as this Op now.

I asked during the courtship. Like you said, I was love struck.. that's why I went ahead to the altar. My brother the only male thing in the family drives me crazy the most. Again, if the abortion was for me, then it's a different ball game...maybe I would have been less agitated. I am really really thinking harder about going out of this marriage for my progeny and sanity.
Thanks

JidennaJason:
"Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school"




Dear IntentionTremor,



So you are aware she had abortions for her boyfriend then but still went ahead to marry her and partake in the punishment nature is already dishing out to her?


Young man, I will advise you get a second wife that can bear you children with an untempered womb.... If she don't accept you bringing in another woman, then divorce her.

Thanks. These have been my torment and regret! Like why I didn't call it off on finding out. Well I thought she won't be the first to have done it.. and many do and still have children.. so? Alas ! Mine wants to kill me.. I'm really considering your thoughts..

ILoveDemMANNA:
I know how you feel.
I will put you in my prayers personally and tell the brethens in church to pray for you too.
Nothing difficult for God to do.
Never give up.
All of us here on dis forum will be here to celebrate with you when the good news arrive.
Believe in God.

Thank you so much.

Misterone:
recite your marriage vows once again. call her and do it together.

And what happens next? We travelled to another state to rebond after the first failed IVF... ate out after the second failed... But since the third and most recent failures, it's been sth else. I wish this recitation will make it happen for us. Thanks

MejiLoyon:
Some can born but they have no man
Some have man but they cannot born
We don born we no get wife
Glory be to Jah Jehovah
Oya so pe ti e
So pe ti E
EMI Gaan Gaan mo ma so pe temi.....

If you like divorce
If you like no divorce
All I know is you've made your decision
You're here for validation

No be me go spoil person own.

All correct. But typing these things here have a way of helping the tension I feel. Your song though... Lol