₦airaland Forum

eyinjuege:
You mentioned tissue deformity on HSG. Was she born with a uterus deformity or they found adhesions?
I'm sure before IVF attempts, they would have tried to correct the ?tissue deformity.
Abortions when done safely like I mentioned earlier should not cause infertility.
By safe- use of sterilised equipments by professionals.
Anyway, there are always options.
1. What worries you about surrogacy as an option?
If you can afford it, why not?
The embryo is still for you and your wife since they will be using your swimmers and her eggs.
Infertility can be tough, but it's a challenge that can be overcome especially when you have the wherewithal to make it happen.
2. If you're tired of the marriage and the challenges and can't bear to do anything more, another option is to discuss with your wife and let everybody go their separate ways.
3. If you both agree to have a polygamous marriage
4. Adoption
5. Etc
Sorry to hear about all the stress your family has had to go through.

Edit: I'm reading the thread piecemeal so missing some info/updates .
If you really cannot bear it anymore, get a divorce. I pray you both get your hearts desires even if with separate partners.

I appreciate your time. No. 2 sounds to reason right now. Thanks

Saintmary:
I know it's not easy, both financially and psychologically,
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

Thank you

eyinjuege:
You say her womb was damaged. What did your HSG show?

HSG wasn't good.
All these were precursors to the thousand and one lab tests and imaging procedures done before and during the ivfs etc.

cococandy:
It does not. But your mind is made up and you’ll probably only align with posts that help you resent your wife some more.

It’s not my responsibility to provide you information that’s readily available.

Good luck though.

You can feed your eyes scientifically :

https://www.ajol.info/index.php/tjog/article/view/14407

Abstract

Context:
The incidence of induced abortion in Nigeria is high. Pelvic infection as a complication of this abortion is also common and with the rising prevalence of infertility in the population, there is a need to assess the impact of induced abortions on fertility in our women.

Objective:
To establish the impact of induced abortion on the fertility rate of women in Calabar.

Design and Setting:
Cross sectional descriptive study in Calabar, an urban community on the eastern flank of Nigeria's Atlantic coast.

Subjects and Methods:
Women seeking gynaecological, antenatal and family planning services who gave their informed consent were recruited. Those of them who gave a history of induced abortion were interviewed in-depth. Their demographic characteristics and detailed information about their abortion history such as number of abortions, sites where the abortions were performed, the personnel providing the abortion services and complications arising from the abortions were obtained.

Results:
Some 242 (40.3%) of the study subjects had undergone at least one induced abortion. The commonest late complications of induced abortion were secondary infertility (42.1%) and chronic pelvic infection (36.0%).
Only 48.3% of the women who had induced abortions maintained their fertility while the remainder suffered secondary infertility ranging from three to eighteen years in duration. The fertility rate decreased with increasing number of abortion.

Conclusion:
Induced abortion is a major factor in the high prevalence of secondary infertility in Calabar. Training of medical practitioners on post-abortion care may help to ameliorate the burden of secondary infertility in Nigeria.

Key Words:
Abortion, Pregnancy Termination, Fertility, Infertility [Trop J Obstet Gynaecol, 2003, 20: 89-92]

eyinjuege:
That is not true.
Abortions can be done safely with no complications. I'm sure your wife had undergone several tests in her womb, and any complication from a D and C would have been picked.
She has been.pregnant for you before and had a still birth. What are you even saying?
Do not pin this on your wife.

You don't know how unsafely/crudely D and C's are done esp here in our Nigeria. Post D and C check ups are even hardly done and this is what complicates the issue leading to threats to their fertility.
A few are fortunate not to have consequences. Let me not even go there.

I will still try to keep an anonymous ID so I won't give further details about the lost first pregnancy.
But note that the diagnosis after the loss was that the womb had tissue deformities...

ThankS for your advice.

cococandy:
It does not. But your mind is made up and you’ll probably only align with posts that help you resent your wife some more.

It’s not my responsibility to provide you information that’s readily available.

Good luck though.

Discussions are welcome. Thanks

eyinjuege:
Abortion, yet she got pregnant and had a still birth.
Abortions when done safely do not cause infertility.
Infertility only comes if the abortion was done with unsterilised instruments to cause an infection.
ABORTIONS DO NOT CAUSE INFERTILITY.
The woman in question has been pregnant in your marriage.
You can divorce her, and both of you go your separate ways instead of treating her shabbily for something out of her control.
Some couples just cannot have children together

I don't agree with th boldened part . Abortions vary in types and the abortion here D and C increases risk of damaging the womb. This is Nigeria. Abortion isn't even legalized. And perpetrators D and C just anyhow, further increasing the risks. Thanks anyway

johnpaschal:
You know deep down that even with the side chicks you've tried impregnating that the fault ain't from your wife but from your family so quit being angry and challenge the problem from it's source ......ask your father why you cannot have a child and listen to the story he tells....take care

LoL. Kids won't mind threads for kids. Thanks

cococandy:
Okay.

About google. It’s your friend on learning whether abortions cause infertility or not.

Don’t read opinion pieces though. Read scientific papers.

YES it is common knowledge that D and C's INCREASES risk of future female infertility. But your scientific links to prove otherwise here will be highly appreciated. Thanks

RenerdsMedia:
@intentiontremor, i don't know if you noticed my request sir.
I'm a young boy btw, an orphan but lacks a proper family, it's presently having it's toll on me, although i am full of ambitions, brilliant also, and not lazy.
I just need people i can call mine, as i am at a very disjointed environment and people.
I sent you a pm and i shall be glad if you can schedule a discussion with me.
I may also be more useful to you in ways unexpected.

I can relate. But this is not the essence of my original post. Thanks

tstx:
Marry a second wife and stop been a simp...

Thanks, lol

BlessedMyra:
I dnt think divorce is the answer OP
Have you found out y the IVF is failing is it low sperm quality or low egg quality

Are you doing the IVF with doctors that know their onions

Did she take time to prepare her body for the ivf procedure like eating healthy and adapting a healthy life style

Doing abortion is bad but some people nature still forgives them and bless them! Do not peg your problem on that

Seek for a better fertility advices
In all na baba God get final say keep seeking his face
Wish you truck load of baby dust on you and your wife

Thanks for your last words. The womb is the problem. Reason doctors are offering us surrogacy as last resort. Amen to your prayers.

Malawian:
Even in the same blood group, there is either Positive or Negative types. You should cross-check properly, and I suspect it is the problem you are having.

LoL are you for real..? Thanks

cococandy:
In your OP you implied it was a natural pregnancy. Now you’re saying it was after fertility treatments.
Okay.

Google is your friend sha. Unless you’re going to pay me for the education

Fertility supplements. And yes, the pregnancy was natural - achieved via routine sexual intercourse without my pouring sperm into a lab specimen bottle and eggs extracted etc.
By fertility treatmemt I meant supplements, not regular fertility meds as such. Expensive supplements by the way. Google is my friend about what exactly? Thanks

truthsayer009:
Gosh mehn, this is what I hate about life. You make plans, put in the work, effort, sweat and blood, then nature comes with something different, just wipes off all your hard work into the dirt for nothing.

This is why I always pray for favor all the fvcking time, I need luck in this life cause I'm already losing my mind by even reading this story.

Mad life o! A lot has changed about me going through these, these years! New philosophies have been birthed as well. This is a map only experience can read. Put yourself together man, shit happens. Thanks

kimoyo:
@op, whatever decision you make is yours. It's a hard place to be. I had my own share of life's lemons. Suffered six miscarriages before we had our first. Went through all manner of thoughts and anger set in at some point. We have four now to the glory of God. Did we do anything special, no. I believe God made things beautiful in its time.

Wow!!! What great light at the end of that tunnel! Congrats man!!! I celebrate you. That tunnel is so dark..! How long was your wait?
Sure I have made up my mind but needed to share a little so I don't explode.

Ginaz:
Well, as much as I won't understand, I think you should try to see the picture from the other side. The mental picture of the guy at the back of your mind won't and will help you with the solution.

In life , circumstances beyond our control do happen. It's not always the swift who wins. Surrogacy if at this point , is the solution , then you should make peace with it . why does it matter ? You will have your child you so wanted! Surrogacy or natural, a child is still a child.

Make peace with the situation . be at peace with it. It's not your fault either is it your karma. Life happened, fate happened.

Yes, right. Life is not fair they say. So is grace, if you ask me. I must say that this karma is not mine.
So being at peace with it will mean killing myself soflty but surely.
I don't think you know the tension that goes with IVF . Thanks

RenerdsMedia:
Can you adopt me?
I also had no one i can call a family, and believe me, that is more painful.
«i'm serious if interested»
And you don't need divorcing your wife, she's definitely gonna have her own kids.

OMG! Pls can you slow down and be less serious!? LMAO!!! This is really funny btw. Saw your email but would rather discuss here. Thanks

cococandy:
Don’t deliberately choose to be ignorant. Abortions rarely (if ever) cause infertility.
If it made her infertile where did the first pregnancy that you lost at birth come from?

Mtchew

The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now.
Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility?
Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks

aroundtheearth:
9-years? You've tried. Aren't there options y'all could look into?

We have explored many options to the point we are now. Moving forward from here now is the main objective of this thread.
Thanks

Malawian:
I think you guys are having a blood group mismatch. Check, one of youay be O+ while the other is O-. I think there are also injections she can be on if my suspicion is right.

Not at all. We are both of the same blood group but different compatible genotypes. Thanks

DeeMain:
Sorry bro, didn't open my NL account for such. Best wishes and God's grace.

No issues.

Ginaz:
But if I may ask, why do the thought of surrogacy doesn't appeals to you and makes you sick?

It tortures my mind. I rembered shunning my good friend in my house one day he asked me "how far with the baby ish?". Makes me feel cheated on. Like I'm suffering for another's "sins".
Dude who was aborted for is free who knows...having fun with his family and I'm doing surrogacy as young as I am?!
I feel I deserve much more. It's taunting! I expect you not to understand all the same.
Thanks.

pocohantas:
As harsh as this sounds, it is the way forward.

I was having this discussion recently, if every other way out fails, I would very well give him my permission to carry on.

People need to keep their emotions in check. Sometimes you need to make hard decisions.

I'm gathering some momentum here. Thanks

DeeMain:
PM me, let's talk via emails.

I beg to keep the conversation here. Thanks

Ginaz:
I could talk to a family doctor of mine . he is very good at his work, I happened to come across him when my mom was sick with fibroid. He was the one who God used to save her . multiple fibroids was no joke. At his office you would see women coming to gift him gifts of appreciation everyday. Some couldn't conceived. If you feel you're ready I could send a mail to you.

I will like you to share my story with him first. The medical aspect. Hear his opinion and fill me in. We are not talking fibroids here. We have done 5 failed IVF cycles and now contemplating surrogacy. I will appreciate his response. Thanks

talk2ibk:
Dear OP,

First, you need to take your mind away from all these so also your wife if you both want to have children... Learn to make love not having sex for children, it might be hard but that's what it takes

Second, pray... You might need to go on a spiritual journey too e.g fasting... There are some fasting that receives immediate result but you might not be able to do such... Except you are determined.

Thirdly, love your wife dearly if you want to have children... I repeat, love her dearly... Let her also take her mind away from child thought... Believe me.


Lastly, you might need to visit your father in the Lord... Or if you're born again, hear from the Holy Spirit... He will guide you too...


Shalom

Lol...is all I could type. Thanks.

Ginaz:
So sorry . was it a medical (drugs) or surgical (D n c) abortion she did?
Girls should be careful about this abortion thing. May God grant open her womb and grant her a child.

Dissecting the abortion won't give me the children. Lol. But it was a d and c. Amen to your prayer

DeeMain:
In that case a solution is still feasible for your wife. I know you are frustrated and exhausted but there are still solutions out there that are not mainstream but are efficacious. Somebody on this thread mentioned alternative medicine/alternative solutions. I might be of some help to you regarding that if you become interested in embracing such solutions.

Peace.

I am very open to exhaust those alternatives. Don't hesitate to share with me. Thanks

mariahAngel:
Not necessarily to keep quiet, but don't lose your mind in the process.

Thanks. I hope so too

Saintmary:
As a woman, TTC for nine whole years must be driving your wife crazy.

Your inability to support her is only compounding her problem.

If her ova are still viable, let your specialists use her eggs with your sperm, then make your baby with your surrogate. Your baby will be biologically yours, your surrogate gets compensated, everybody wins. Good luck.

I give it to her, she's a strong woman. But did I read "inability to support her"? I will take it cause I opened the thread and asked to be talked to!

You think it's that easy psychologically doing surrogacy for a young man not to have his young wife preggy naturally.
The cost implications aside cause we've spent and been spent on this matter...the will to try it is the issue now. Thanks anyways

Winneygirl:
I know we are trying to not talk about the underlying issues but this is what I feel based on what you have posted.
If there are uterine issues such as fibroids or adhesions, they can prevent implantation. I know some doctors will review and feel that it will not interfere with the procedure and proceed with the ET however, IVF is not 100% so we can't tell.
So I'm saying, if we have not successfully treated the uterine issues, chances of a successful ivf treatment will remain low. This is where I ask about alternative medicine for treatment of uterine troubles.
Also, I hope other issues like rhesus-incompatibility have been ruled out.

I won't spill further details to keep ID anonymous. But the pre IVF uterine procedures done for months cost a fortune...and they were successful. But unfortunately IVF still failed
And right now the option the doctors have last on the table is surrogacy...to avoid transfer failures.
Reason I opened this thread . The idea is making me sick! No rhesus issues.