frozen70:


Guy pls calm down

We can talk to you but the final decision is with you

It's kit how far but how well

If you ever live this woman and I mean if you have feelings for her, join your resources together for a surrogate

In the absence of non, support her to adopt a baby girl so that she will be busy with her

If you now decides to play away match, it's your choice to do so or not

And be prepared to maintain peace for both of them incase you score it outside

Thanks

MufasaLion:


Let people keep talking. It's norms. Just live your life and focus on your kid

Period.

Roseey0:
I know you think your wife's abortion is the reason she is finding it hard to conceive.
But it is not.
She did conceive before.

I will advice to seek the face of God.
If you don't address these spiritually, even the surrogacy won't work. Even a second virgin wife will still not work

Hahahahahaha

Prohpetess of doom, calm down.

Thanks

Hathor5:


The legacy of the African parent.

I just love you.

Yes o. Proudly African. Hahahaha

Ifyyy25:
Here I am wishing I aborted my own, I’m a single mom of 1,it’s not been easy the vile things
people say about us can drive one to suicide ,I know exactly how you feel just take things easy

Thanks ify.

But how do you unwish that kind of wish? Pls find out and unwish it o. People will talk. Just do your life my dear.

Blessingisrael:




seriously I understand your plight. have been there and I also thought my past mistakes have caught up with me.
just so you know, abortion rarely result in infertility, on the contrary, it shows a woman is fertile. That why a single woman can have an abortion up to 15 times, and that still won't make her infertile. I am not encouraging abortion though, neither am I belittling what you guys are passing through. trust me, is hell. only those who have never walked a mile in your shoes will call you names and give you advice as though managing childlessness is equal to a walk in the park.
if your doctors have done all they could, and result to surrogacy as the final option, rather than spend money and go through the emotional pains of all the whole process, seek madam's consent and marry a second wife . it is not a sin. do this while still respecting your first wife and never rub it at her face. she's is just unfortunate in all of this. is not her fault. if she has carried a baby to term before, then the abortion even if it causes infertility, is not responsible for her fate.
if madam will not give her consent to you seeking solace outside, then that is up to you to decide what next.

The day I seek Madam's consent I'm a dead man o. Just, so you guys on NL knows. LooooL

I'll like more explanation on that part where you said you've "...been there and also thought your past mistakes caught up with you"?
This myth of abortion showing a woman is fertile is too mysterious for me. Can you also explain ?

Now I want to say that you criticize and support yourself at the same time so I don't get where you stand on the abortion matter with respect to fertility. Also remember the abortion I've been talking about here is D and C.

Thanks understanding my plight. And how did you overcome this challenge..??

SweetCunt97:
Well, could be your village people as well.

I wish. Hahahahahahaha
Good comic relief. Thanks

NoToPile:
As much as I am not a fan of abortions, I still don't understand how the abortion she did is the cause of the infertility if she carried a pregnancy to 9 months and had a still birth. She did carry a pregnancy to term and the baby died

Except if the doctor told you the abortion was the cause of the infertility.

That said, if you want to get another woman pregnant its your choice but please stop blaming your wife, a still birth and 5 IVFs is not a walk in the park, shes been through so much already. If you don't want the marriage anymore just let her know.

But then miracles do happen, I hope one happens for you guys.

Amen to your last words. Thanks

StreetFight:


Only our Father in Heaven gives children. Even if you divorce this woman and marry another wife, only our Father in Heaven can decide whether your next wife will bear a child for you.

Mind you, you have proven to be a betrayer and a backstabber. You do not deserve a wife.

Hahahahaha. I deserve a street fight with you as I don't deserve a wife!

Yes I am a betrayer but I am neither Judas nor Jesus that should suffer for another person's sins. As that is all you could decipher in all.

Thanks

Klass99:


Lol , you get yeye for body sha!

Did you not receive the memo that in Africa and Nigeria in particular, we marry for the sake of having children who will look after us in old age? We don't marry for companionship, love and sex o! We marry strictly for children!

In Naija children are a major retirement plan NOT savings, investments or pension. So we don't joke with that plan and yes inability to have children becomes a valid reason to divorce......you know I'm just messing around right . But, the African mentality on some things is seriously skewed and messed up.

@ OP, I do not make light or fun of your situation at all. You want kids and that's understandable, but do you want them because;

1. Your father is disappointed (like you stated in one post) or because....

2. You're the only son? If eventually you have a child and it's a girl, will that bother you?

Your life is yours to build, it is not for others to steer. Your father being disappointed should not be the basis on which you're driving yourself so hard to have a child.

A man testified in my church about trying for 25 years, what was even more shocking about his testimony was the fact that na Igbo man! You know how those ones dey carry pikin matter for head like die . Like you and wifey, they had tried IVF too, more than once. Initially doctors said they couldn't detect anything wrong with either of them, but conceiving naturally was just not happening for them.

And as the couple advanced in age that was when they began the IVFs. After the last failed one, they both decided they were done trying and would just carry on living their lives......and then wifey took in naturally and delivered twin baby girls.

The entire church erupted that day on hearing his testimony. He showed pictures of the babies and promised his wife and daughters will be in church next Sunday. I kept thinking which kind Igbo man be this, wey no divorce the wife since to try his luck else where? A very rare breed and kind of Igbo man, I swear.

Draw strength and hope from other people's real life experience.

Thanks for being sensitive. I wanted the children early that was why I married before 30 for crying out loud!

Well, I will still manage to hoard some info for my ID.
That man has fulfilled his destiny and I have mine to fulfil as well.
Lol @ "which kind igbo man be this" hahahaha

KevinDein:
@op, when are men gonna learn to do what's best for them and just say to hell with everyone? Women do that all the time and they get cheered on by other women.

It's about time! And this will be the rate limiting step. So it has to be well done. Thanks

SweetCunt97:
You are heartless! D lady was pregnant and carried it until 9 months! So y blame past abortion?

Getting pregnant after two years of sexual intercourse with the help of fertility supplements spells a degree of infertility.

And abortion (D and C) INCREASES the risk of infertility.

The tales of the lost pregnancy is not the objective of this thread.

Thanks.

SweetCunt97:
Take ur time and research about surrogacy mr man. Not all women can carry a baby to term so they need a vessel to help them. Your problem could b from ur village so marrying another may not b the solution..


Shut d fvck up about the abortion matter abeg, cos if it were d problem, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant at first.

Thanks. Your research will be very welcome. How many of such women do you know?

Abortion (D and C) has done more harm than good. You don't want to ask about how special that pregnancy was a case during our antenatal care because it was SURREAL to the hospital..story for another day.

Thanks

mariahAngel:


Wouldn't that be wicked and deceitful?

How about they both agree to "test themselves outside"? Who knows?

Also, I wouldn't even doubt the op has " tried outside" already... I mean, considering the fact that he said he hates his wife and how desperate he is to prove that he's "a man", I don't think anything would've held him back.

He's probably just putting all the blame on his wife because he has something against her.

No ma'am I have no dot against her but her mistake for University boyfriend which I may not be able to shoulder for longer.

Prove I'm a man to who? Lol. All the embryos formed from multiple IVF cycles means what? Donor sperm was used? Thanks anyway

LotaTee:
Your options include but are not limited to the following;
*Divorce
*Surrogacy
*Polygamy
*Adoption
*Loving your wife regardless
*African traditional religion(divination)

Divorce her and get another wife.Life is too short to be unhappy and stuck in a loveless, childless marriage.
Embrace the surrogacy route but I don't think even this might save your marriage because you mentioned that you no longer feel anything for her.How would the birth of your child change that?God forbid anything happens to the kid later on, I'm sure you'd put the blame on your wife.
Polygamy won't be fair on your wife at all.Just divorce her. Unless you find open marriages attractive.
You're opposed to adoption. I wonder why though.
I don't advise the last one because there are lots of fake priests nowadays who are only interested in their bellies.They might sense your desperation for a child and milk you dry with false hopes.

In all, he who wears the shoes feels the pinches.May God be with your family in whatever decision you make.

Amen to your last line. Thanks for your thoughts

legacystore:


honestly 9 years is a long time to be patient.
Try urself outside to be sure u dont share in the blame
Once u get anyother woman pregnant then marry her n let ur first wife be, she will go if she want no need to divorce her.

Another angle! But not gentle manly!! Lol. Thanks

Hathor5:


Exactly!

I know a couple who have been married for more than half a century with no children because one of them and they won't say which one can't have children. I am biased to say it is probably the man but I don't know. However, I never knew that infertility was a legitimate reason to divorce your spouse.

No, infertility is never a ground for divorce in Nigeria. But matters arising from it in a marriage could make divorce tenable legally.

johhbekeboh09:


You welcome...for sure both your spouse's and ya testimonies are next insha Allah!

Amin.

Truthman:
@intentionTremor,
I fully understand your feelings and what you are going through. My wife and I were childless for eleven years before we had our child. We went through two IVF treatments, the first being unsuccessful. We ended up doing the second one outside the country and God answered our prayers.

You need to love and cherish your wife, going through 5 IVF cycles is not an easy experience, I am quite sure she is drained out and emotionally wrecked by now. You strengthen her by standing by her through her difficult moments, bailing out on her now does not guarantee you will have kids with another woman.
I will advise you to channel your energy towards saving your marriage.

Wishing you all the best.

Congrats man! Thanks for those words. I absolutely feel for her too else I would have been long gone! - bearing the past in mind.
But here we are now. 9years and still counting...
Well this thread is going to be my game changer. Thanks again.

aroundtheearth:
May God answer you and wifey's prayers soon, IJN. Amen.

Amen!

michaeljh241:
Go to a marriage counselor, he should be able to help. Or maybe you need medication.

Hahahahahahaha
Indeed I need medication my dear! What a laugh!
Thanks. And I'm waiting for your prescriptions

johhbekeboh09:


Join a facebook group named DO IT YOURSELF (DIY)
The platform practically address diverse health problems via use of herbs with good results

Thanks.

ThatPetiteChic:


I really feel for you sir. A family member of mine(female) is over 50 and hasn't conceived so I really understand what you're passing through.

If it's possible to take eggs from your wife and your sperm, then I suggest you open your mind to surrogacy. Though, it will be costly but it's your last resort. BUT if extracting eggs from your is wife impossible, pls sir, get another lady to bear you a child. All these options shouldn't stop you from loving your wife because she's also passing through a lot. Both of you need each other's support.

Baby dust to you sir.

Thanks. Love? I stopped loving her some years now after the third failure.. I still do all I should do for her as her man...but THAT love! I'm afraid it's gone with the pain I feel each day!

Greenlandncom:


Try any of this products: Proceive or Fertiaid. Buy for both of you and take it religiously.

Also try and seek Spiritual help, who knows it maybe utterly Spiritual.

Yes, we learnt of those products from a TTC thread on NL. And guess what we tried them.

Lol, uterrly spiritual?? Hahahaha
Thanks anyway for the comic relief

kimoyo:



Thanks. 5+ years. It was really dark. I wish you all the best

Thanks man! Lucky you!

Remijuice:
Please, the OP do not have hatred for his wife. He called her beautiful. This is for those of you trying to emotionally blackmail the him.

Talk to him as if he is your blood brother in this kind of situation.

*He has stated that he doesn't want to think of surrogacy. #respect_that.

*He made it clear he doesn't want adoption. Knowing fully well that he is OK.

*The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait.

*A tissue damage could possibly be as a result of the abortion she had for another man, who left her and now the OP is facing a fertility problem.

*They have been together for 9 years.

*He is the only son of his father.

*They have done over 5 IVF

*The op is already down and looking for a way forward..

1, would you advise your blood brother to continue waiting?

Or...



We are all here to learn.

You just amplified the tantrums in my head most nights!!!!!!!!
They're driving me crazzzy! You spoke so brotherly! Thanks

BigDick70inch:


Mehn!!!
U really a man Oo........

Won't go this far...............knowing fully well I got married to someone who aborted in the past...........probably due to her spending her fruitful day with one irresponsible guy............

The only reason.........that could ever make me go 9years and bear all that..........is only if I got married to her as a virgin............

Just get yosef a child and stop wasting time and resources...........she might as well leave u if u couldn't father a child/were in her position..........due to yo reckless life in the past.........

Thanks bro. But you're blunt sha, lol

GboyegaD:


All I will say is be careful as "not all that glitters are gold".



Hasn't this taught you anything whatsoever lesson about fate?

Yes, you are right. Life is a mess; one way or the other! Thanks

eseh1:
I'm so sorry about all these. I can't say I know how you feel, but I'm sure your wife can cos she's in the same shoes or even worse.
Please I do not think there's anything wrong with surrogacy. Please rethink it and embrace that option please.

I dunno about polygamy because it has its own wahala and divorce ain't the promise of for better for worse you made to her bro especially if the only problem you have with her is this child bearing issue.

Please have a rethink on surrogacy if you can afford it . It doesn't make you less of a man.

May God be with you both.

Amen to your prayers. Truly nothing is wrong with the surrogacy option if I were you. But it has refused to sink in my head. It rather flares me up like...

ThankS for your empathy

Malawian:

As an aside, why not go on a full month of multivitamin supplements (both of you), while also (very important for both of you), abstain from alcohol of any kind. You might be suprised

Multivitamins make the list of all fertility therapy which we have been on and she's still on as I type.

Alcohol is on a very light note for us - we are social drinkers. Thanks

Hathor5:


What happened to for better for worse?

It is skewed. To the right, if it is for you. And to the left if it is against you - my case!

femi4:
You don't need to divorce her, marry another woman or have a child outside your wedlock

Won't it be more complicated?

Moreso it's a criminal offence to remarry while still legally married to another.
Thanks