₦airaland Forum

Ranoscky, You are too much!

Ranoscky:
^^

[b]Even with the reasons you came up with on your first post, I stil believe there's no probs with you marryin her younger sister at all (accordin to the reasons U gave). And now, you'r stil comin up with more tangible reasons that made me wonder why you stil have to worry about 'who should inform her first' [/b]or 'Is it wrong to marry the sister to your X', I was like. . .Really, is that a problem?

The truth is that I have more than enough reasons to proceed with the whole thing without bordering myself one bit about how my ex would feel.  But I just want to avoid a situation where she would feel scorned, and you know how dangerous a scorned lady can be,

So to your question, I don't know exactly what her REAL thought or reaction would be.  She can either support us, oppose us, or have mixed feelings.  I just want to be fully prepared for any of these.  Besides, I want to avoid a situation where she would stand and oppose our union at the 11th hour, or on wedding day just because she feels that we ignored her or weren't sensitive enough to give her the respect she deserves.


As Missy B rightly said, Women in particular and humans in general can be highly dramatic and unpredictable.   But I will continue to hope for the best.  Thanks to you and others, my coming to NL with this issue was worth it cos I now have more options and strategies.

Ranoscky:
Then what are we stil on about?

Just like I said Initialy, two of you (your fiancee) should call her, sit her down and explain every damn effing thing to her and I deffinately believe, lookin at the eye balls of you and your fiancee at the time you'll be explainin everything to her, she might find nothin but love in the eyes of two love birds, and that might give her more courage not to even think of any negative taught about the past between you and her.

So, my advice stil remains, both you and your fiancee should both do the explainin together to her , simple!

It remains a very valuable point which we will consider.  Thanks a lot!


[quote author=Missy ★ B link=topic=557425.msg7222568#msg7222568 date=1290787048]It ought to go that way but sometimes, it usually doesn't.
We (women/ do I say humans) can be very dramatic sometimes that, our actions leave you puzzled because it beats comprehension.
Not saying/hoping it wouldn't/shouldn't go the exact way you want it, I'm not giving any advice either BUT Actually, I think Yankite has a point.

Don'tchu think Fiancée should tell her mum about it, emphasizing on the fact that t'was nothing serious. It could serve as defense if unforeseen wahala comes.

What I'm saying is, how can you be so sure she's over you or having you at close range, married to her sister wouldn't give rise to desire to have you back or regret of your r/s not working out?
I understand she doesn't know you're dating her sis. Why don't any of you start by telling her and see her reaction.
Is she married? Just asking.[/quote]There's a lot of wisdom in your contribution.   Life truly is not just a one way traffic.  But I always hope for and desire the best and brace myself for the undesirable.

She's not married yet, but already has a kid with her present guy who has already seen her parents with his elders.  So, I love to believe that I'm the least of her problems right now, cos she will be too busy with her kid(s), lover, relationship/marriage, career, etc, which I don't think she would mortgage just becos of me.

All the same, thanks a lot.

[quote author=Missy ★ B link=topic=557425.msg7221446#msg7221446 date=1290776293]Do you also intend to inform her parents about your relationship with her elder sister?
Her = Your fiancée[/quote]Good question! What do you think?

Personally, I believe that it wont be necessary cos we (the three parties) will sort things out as adults at the tribunal level, so hopefully, there wont be any need to take the issue further to appeal court and supreme court levels


On a more serious level, it wasn't a serious date, besides, we parted ways amicably cos it simply didn't work out. No hard feelings on either side!

yankite:
my bro dat tin wey u won enter so no be small tin o,small time your sister in law(10yrs ago) go come una house
dey jelous as u dey treat hin sister,dey love am wella,pas the way u was with her ten yrs ago,come mara say
u must to do am too join her sis,b4 u know wetin dey u don preg both of dem,come enter serious dilema.women
no be like u think say dem go just understand like dat o,hin go shock u as she go change character when she see
say u dey do wetin dey sweet her sister belle,my bro na dice u been dey play o,all the best sha

Bros I feel you! Me too I don think am go dis level before, and I don put correct strategy and defense in place. I even thank God say she too dey into serious relationship with another person now. So, these factors, discipline, principles, focus and determination plus God on our side, we go overcome all challenges both now and in the future.

Obo Boco:
i never said you wanted to marry her elder sister, any reference i made to marriage i meant it to your present love. ( the younger one )
i never condemned you, read my post again.
i said it was ok.
10years is a long time.

I understand your point better now and I appreciate it. Thank you very much!

^^^ Thanks Obo

Thanks Mediatrix8

190:
[color=deeppink]Never

herself and her sister you onced dated can make life miserable for you

there are too many women in the market

Go out there and BUY as many as possible!!

U mustnt be stuck on one family u know!![/color]

In between the sisters, I have dated other ladies of diff tribes, colour, etc, I aint stuck on one family. I'm hooked to my fiancee, we have a bond which I didnt have with her sister 10 years ago, I intend to make her my last bus stop and we are about to take it to a higher level.

Just as there's an emotional angle to s3x and relationship, there is also a spiritual angle. There exists a phenomenon called SOUL TIE, and the exchange of blood and other body fluids facilitate this. Besides, no two human being or lover are the same, so one must miss an attribute in an ex which the present guy/gal doesn't have. It may even be the fact that the ex was the first.

However, emotional, spiritual and social issues can all be resolved. It may take some time. But some people jump into new relationships without resolving and dissolving these issues. Worse still, some people keep multiple partners at the same time, yet they get into marriage with these kind of faulty foundation. In this case, even if the spouse is more endowed than all the exes combined and in all departments, there will still be wahala.

There are exceptions to the rule, but it takes a discipline, hard work, patience and determination to make your new relationship or marriage work, in spite of the fact that the new partner may not be as good as an ex in a particular area.

Obo Boco:
btw,
how would you date a girl for some time to the point of wanting to marry her, yet the siblings never knew who she was dating
even if they have never met you ( maybe becos of distance ) but they should have heard of your name several times from her
the elder sister would have known then that its you, so that it would not come as a surprise to her when you say marriage ( just my thought sha )

I never planned to marry her elder sister. It wasn't serious, just a date that amounts to an "extra curricular activity." There was no intimacy and thankfully, we are still friends.

Obo Boco:
@ Poster
10years is a very long time, i believe in a way, she ( the elder sister ) has moved on with her own life too,
and like you said there was no s3x, so the talk should be easier to handle.
love has a way of putting us in a tight corner, but its only a test of time
There is no big deal in it.
like RANOSCKY said for the sake of respect to the elder sister ( bearing in mind that she is your future sister in-law )
both of you would have to sit with her and talk.

btw,
how would you date a girl for some time to the point of wanting to marry her, yet the siblings never knew who she was dating
even if they have never met you ( maybe becos of distance ) but they should have heard of your name several times from her
the elder sister would have known then that its you, so that it would not come as a surprise to her when you say marriage ( just my thought sha )

i dated my ex for some time and everybody in my house knew him, or heard of his name, even my siblings that were never in d country already knew the name before seeing the person.( penny for my thought )

Thanks a lot.  My fiancee knew me when I was dating her elder sister, just like their other siblings.  But they all thot that we were just friends.  Besides, I was in the university then, while she (my ex) was yet to gain admission at the time.

My fiancee and her elder sister (my ex) are in different locations, but we have agreed that whenever they are together and/or when they are having a phone conversation, my fiancee should mention my name by either referring to what I said or did so that by the time we inform her, the element of shock would have been reduced drastically if not eliminated.

Like I said, all her siblings and even her parents already know me.  But they may not know about our intentions yet (at least officially).  My parents and siblings are all aware, but we just want to finalise some things before officially informing her family so that the defense of the "Project" on the part of her family will be done easily.

Thanks Ranoscky!

Hi NLs,

I'm presently in love with a bundle of intelligence and beauty, and we have started planning towards getting married.  I once dated her elder sister while I was in school (10 years ago) but it wasn't serious, my fiancee didn't even know about it besides, se.x was not part of it.  I have told my fiancee about it and she says it's not a big deal and even thanked me for telling her myself instead of waiting for her to hear about it from other sources.

We have also debated about who should inform her; should I be the first to inform her as her ex? Or should my fiancee inform her, as her younger sister?  What do you think?  And how would you feel if you were in the shoes of my ex, my fiancee's elder sister?

Coolabbie:
not 4 sum tho. Kaka d footballer announced 2 d world afta his wedding dat he met his wife a virgin & dat he wz also a virgin. @topic i guess its a matter of choice.

Exactly!

liksy:
Hello ladies, if u have been disvirgined and want to get back your virginity, email me (smartgirls@yahoo.com) and i will tell u the tricks on how to get back yours even if its as wide as a borehole it will be as tight as Virgin Mary's own. I actually did it and i have been married for 3yrs wit a child but my husband still thinks his the first guy to cross me. If your MAN says he will only marry u if you are a virgin, and your so desperate to marry him , email me and i will tell u wat to do. They think the are smart, after fuckin n disvirgining girls they want to marry a Virgin.

It's only men who insist on getting married to a virgin when they themselves are no longer virgins that get deceived by the likes of liksy. That's childish!
In the very same way, companies who fix max age limit @ 25 get deceived by thousands of applicants who were delayed by ASUU strikes, etc.

Liksy, there's nothing wrong in tightening your stuff, the merits cannot be overemphasized. But everything will be wrong if you push your luck by claiming to be a virgin, cos you ll completely lose the same respect you are trying to attract from me and I may not even bother to tell you tell you that you are a liar, unless you are a girlfriend and I'm almost done with you. But if you are a wife, I ll keep quiet for peace to reign. After all, some couples keep quiet even wen they know that their partners cheat on them. But be sure that I ll secretly carry out a DNA test on all "our Children.''

Wait a minute, ladies who tighten their stuff most probably increase the lifespan of their men So please send me the cost of setting up an INSTITUTE OF TIGHTENING THE LEVELS, my administration will fund the project

obowunmi:
Love can be sweet anytime you want love to be sweet.
Love is a choice.

Word!


One big problem is the haste with which people jump into a new relationship without identifying and dealing with the issues involved in love and relationship as well as the issues that led to the break up.

Some people identify heartbreak/betrayal/disappointment as the only issue. These ones sometimes end up avoiding falling in love again by barricading their hearts, perhaps, until they find someone who is strong, patient or loving enough to break their defense and sweep them off their feet.

Others opt for the double dating or multiple dating game and/or revenge where they either get their fingers burnt or enjoy the game (with all it's mental calculations and permutations) without really experiencing a sweeter love.

Lastly, like Obowunmi said, love can be sweet at any time, especially when one already understands the psychology of the opposite sex as well as the dynamics of love and relationships.

amdman:
My marriage is just over a month old, and I found my wife a virgin on the wedding night, and yes she was 31! In the morning, I told my parents and hers, and somehow my siblings got to hear. Of course some said thats ol school, but if you look close enough, you will see that look of wonderment in their eyes like WOW!

And I can tell you that it has done a lot of good:

1. Proved to everyone that we stuck to our guns becuase as christians we were sticklers for doing the right thing (we dated for 11 years)

2. My mum loved her before cos she knew she was great for me, but now she has practically adopted my wife as her daughter.

3. Her mum was mightily proud of her being the last of her four daughters to get married (she raised all of them alone)

and lots more.

Kudos to you! The depth of a foundation determines the height of a building. Have a blissful marriage full of celebrations, Diamond Wedding anniversary inclusive!

mediatrix8:
Though few Virgin women are getting married now a days,still not bad to broadcast  Bride's virginity. In Saudi ArabiaTraditional: Muslim brides are expected to be virgins when they marry and the groom announces the virginity of the bride as a part of the celebration.On the other hand,We are now living in the new era,people are now Modern and Virginity is no longer a big deal for couple binded with sincere love,passion and care.Even we heard of divorced man/woman married to singles.Marriage is not a matter of Virginity but it's a matter of True love,loyalty and care towards each other.

True!


[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=556286.msg7208364#msg7208364 date=1290610375]There are also surgeries women can get to RECLAIM THEIR VIRGINITY, that what I been trying to tell this POSTER HERE,

(throws a dish at the door)[/quote]Please cease fire!!!!

The issue is not about how to package, repackage, or rebrand one's self as a virgin bride. It's simply whether more parties (apart from the couple) should be notified after it has been established by the groom. No offense meant.

190:
[color=deeppink]i would broadcast it with LOUD SPEAKER!! and even put up a bill board in the whole of paris,lagos and zimbabwe for it, [/color]

lol

omega25red:
While i was in Gambia in 1993 i heard that when you get married, on your wedding night you will have the elders of your family in the room with a white cloth laid on the bed and if they see blood they take the cloth and celebrate and they also show everyone and if they dont see blood, the immideatly cancel the wedding.



This is not hear say i heard it from a few gambian folks and i was like  

I know of this same tradition in some parts of Nigeria.  I also know that some couples who love each other and want to give credibility to their wedding and marriage, stain the white cloth with blood from other sources just to satisfy the elders.


[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=556286.msg7208219#msg7208219 date=1290609057]Uhmm Jayjoster,

You took my comments TO ANOTHER REALM, all I said first of all what is the big deal in announcing someone is a virgin AT AN ALTAR?!!! Secondly of all just because someone shout out they are a virgin doesn't make them virgins nowadays for many reasons, thirdly of all if you have to gain respect of a parent BY TELLING THEM YOUR WIFE IS A VIRGIN something is wrong with that, they should have respected her for BEING your wife of choice PERIOD, FOURTHLY OF ALL I did not jam anything in nobody's throats UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE, my original statement was WHO CARES?

Last thing, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin and if you save yourself for your marriage (coughing bullcrit) then so be it,[/quote]Fair enough! It's Jayfoster!

[quote author=Missy ★ B link=topic=556286.msg7208039#msg7208039 date=1290607520]My Dad would have loved to know. See the man promising Heaven and Earth if . . .

Hubby can tell our kids about it or buy mum a gift to appreciate her good work.[/quote]Nice point

ZIM DRILL:
why would i broadcast my first f/cuk with my wife ?

You don't have to if you don't want to.  Some people do it but limit it to the parents of the bride and probably the parents of the groom to increase the respect for the bride as well as make the parents of the bride very proud of her.

[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=556286.msg7208008#msg7208008 date=1290607272]Jayjoster,

I do not have a problem with A PERSON BEING A VIRGIN, I shared my opinions and do I really need to repeat what I said?[/quote]Definitely, you have a right to your opinion on this issue and you don't need to repeat it, but you also do not have to force it down the throat of other people


[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=556286.msg7207999#msg7207999 date=1290607165]That was my point Zimdrill, a man that loves his wife is SECRETIVE AND PROTECTIVE of his wife, what you and your wife do in the bedroom is NOBODY BUSINESS,

My point is who cares if your wife is a virgin, what you going to get for her being a virgin an extra naira?   [/quote]I'm not trying to sound religious, but the fact is that there is a spiritual angle to sex.  Besides, marriage is honourable when ''the bed is undefiled''.  

It's an honour for a man to give his daughter out in marriage, it's double honours if she gets married without having a child/pregnancy out of wedlock, it's triple honours if she gets married as a virgin.  Amongst other things, it boosts the trust of her man and parents geometrically.  However, I'm not in anyway suggesting that getting married as a virgin is the only way to boost one's integrity.

jay bee:
My cousin recently married a 40 yr old virgin (a devoted xtian) and they announced it at the reception  

lol   I don't doubt it.  but I think it's better to be very sure before announcing and/or celebrating your bride's virginity (if you have to).  It's no longer news that so many ladies lie about being virgins these days!

[quote author=Mrs. Eve link=topic=556286.msg7207916#msg7207916 date=1290606484]Yeah, she wasn't saving herself for him MOST DEFINATELY NOT![/quote]Do you have anything personal against keeping one's virginity till wedding night?  Does it really matter whether she "saved it for him" or avoided sex cos of other reasons like Hiv, unwanted preg, etc?

Hi gals and guys,

in some communities, there's an old tradition that if you discover that your new bride/wife is a virgin, then you have to shower gifts on her mother, sometimes, there's even a small or quiet celebration.

Do you think it's still necessary for a groom to disclose and/or celebrate such a "discovery" with the parents and siblings? Ladies, if you are in the virgin bride's position, will you prefer that it should be just between the two of you, or families should be let in on it?

Hi NLs, have you ever been targeted by a scorned lady and/or a desperate lady? In your opinion or from experience, which of them do you think is more dangerous?