₦airaland Forum

See as people line up by the wall like snake.

Bia Nwokem everything about you na snake.

Game don end since on Google.

3- 1

What are we watching. Google and see FT result

Okay. Noted

TRUE

I believe in one God the maker of heaven and earth and all things visible and invisible.

I believe in Jesus Christ His only son. Born of virgin Mary suffered died and was buried.

I believe in the Holy Spirit the Lord the giver of life. Who proceed from the father and the son

Guys will start taking it for stamina.

Na so my colleague heard about debino and bought one modu

I bet you. Those pictures are not from Catholic church.

See OYO contestant shaking hands

Deltatoto:
go and hustle .nobody owe u any care.if u make ur own money if u like don’t give anyone too

Did u read the post. Nobody is asking him for money

thelastorca:
This is the ops version. You may hear the brothers version and hear how the brother is thoroughly frustrated with siblings who blew through all the money and assistance from him with nothing to show for it.

My dad was in the Middle East for 10 years. He had an older sister who was struggling.he sunk who knows how much money into her business. Nothing came out of it. He kept her in the family house, and the house went to shit.

Even connecting siblings to job opportunities can be dicey because people will using you as a template. You will see a family with one brother being a serious SU, and another being a NFA nigga.

The OP has things he is not saying

I didn't hide anything. I explained things that happened in the past both the good and the bad.

peeps4u:
From your post, his withdrawal started since his marital choice. I advise the family, siblings and parents, begin to show his wife love. You can't have your brother's ears when he still feels you all hate his wife.

All these happened in the past. We relate very well with his wife now.

Maybe this is what the North need to hammer Tinubu

IFELEKE:
I think it's more than what you wrote up here...a crisis or badly managed dispute apparently led to this present resentment.
Get people he respects alot involved, you may also involve your parents.
You need to act fast also before it becomes irredeemable.

It's well!

Thank you. Will add this to the list of what to do

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Thank you brother. Your posts give me hope

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

I had to explain to give you background of what happened at the early stage.

But we have good relationship with the wife now.

You sound as if we are begging him money. Nobody is begging him for money.

By the grace of God am feeding more than 10 people and I have people on payroll monthly.

What am asking is how to establish the family bond again

midnighter:
This is a common occurrence in families with many siblings. At least one person becomes angry or resentful and begins to withdraw from the others

You have to sit down with him one-to-one and open up to him about the distance you are perceiving

You might have to do this more than 2 or 3 times before he will open up.

If you guys are the type of family with a hierarchy then get the ones closer to his age to do it. Be prepared to face some harsh truth from him too about the way he perceives you guys' relationship

Thank you. God bless you

deleson:
This is an existential crisis that has been left to fester for years, however, it can be resolved.

Apparently, a lot of the commentators didn’t read the post in its entirety or just read to reply.

OP isn’t interested in his money but establishing family bonds with him, especially for the sake of the younger generation.

Handling this issue requires a multi-faceted approach. Professional counseling, intentional forgiveness and forgetting the past, parental involvement and honest conversations, prayer, wisdom and understanding.

Thank you bro. Pls how do I go about it

Blackfinegirl:
You are saying two different things. Is it the money you want or the brotherly relationship. If it's the money, please leave him alone, if its brotherly relationship, you can continue checking up on him. Do not expect anything from anyone. My dad works in Chevron and he still finds it hard to put me there and I understand because i work in a multinational and everything is on merit.

If he sees you are not asking him for money, he will be free with you. If you also claim to have money why are you still collecting money form him to eat. Also leave his wife out of this.

@bolded....I don't collect money from him.
I have my 3 kids and they are all good

All we want is how to bring him back

CanadianNaija:
Tell am! Maybe OP expects people to follow him and demonize the brother.

God knows how lonely the poor man must be, and what he must have experienced to make him keep everybody at arm's length.

He is lonely because one of my aunties said he told her that we don't relate with him or carry him along. But honestly when you call him it's usually a one way conversation.

Me: good afternoon brother
Him: good afternoon
Me: how is the family
Him: fine. Will call you back .


And he will not call again for one year. Even when you call back it's the same line above

madridguy:
This is serious. I think your mom has keep silence over this matter for long. This is the time for her to get into real prayer. I mean real prayer to God to wake your brother from slumber.

Thank you bro

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

Thank you.
Pls how do I go about this. We relate with the wife well.

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

Thank you.

baby124:
A sufficient amount I suppose? Well he’s doing his duty as a child to his parents. Seriously, they are who he owes anything. He’s one of their 7 children. He obviously loves and remembers them. Did they complain that the money is small?

My parents are not interested in money. They are concerned about our relationship as a family. My mum said if we are like this when they are alive what will happen when they die.

They too want him back

sisisioge:
Ok...so glad to read the end part because the brother does not owe any of you money o. Anyways, since you guys are self sufficient and do not need his money, the best way to bring him back would be to prove this to him without being condescending. In fact, call him up or hang out with him and relate same. Good luck.

To people who like to have plenty children, see how the kids could easily grow apart as everyone would be forming caucus. 7 children! It is well.

Thank you.

He is fun to be with. We miss him and want him back

baby124:
Does he send money to his parents

Yes once in 6 months or once in a year

Creamcustard:
@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

You are saying no one is asking for money or anything but your posts are saying otherwise: 1. you have mentioned that people wonder why your brother works in shell and you an engineer in a hospital
2. You have said your elder brother is not moving. 3. He wanted to marry and did not receive any support from your family but got criticism on top of it.

Let's not kid ourselves here, once he let's you all in, the requests will start piling in.

It is extremely off putting and creates strains in relationships.

Maybe your brother cut you all off so he and his nuclear family can progress, i imagine if he kept carrying you all, he would be stuck catering to you forever and depriving his family of the kind of lifestyle appropriate.

The fact that he would rather render assistance to strangers than to you all speaks volumes and reinforces the fact that he must see you all as life draining and toxic to his well being.

Fortunately, relationships cannot be forced. Pour your energy into making yourself rich too and focus on your own family.

Thanks for this. The deprive statement was taken out of context.

ahiboilandgas:
what do u think is your brothers salary range 15m per anum ?

Read my post. We don't care how much he earns. We want our brother back.

CanadianNaija:
The way you write about him here says otherwise. I wouldn't want to relate with you either if i had a sibling like you.

Goodluck to your family.

Thank you

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

Yes. He hardly call or pick her call. When she call he tells her he is in a meeting and will not call back. My mom does not call to ask for money because she was working but retired now

yeyeosoronga:
Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

Need time for himself since 2004?? Toh but we need our brother back

yeyeosoronga:
Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

He doesn't. Even when my parents calls he will quickly discharge them that he is in a meeting.

CanadianNaija:
He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

Bros am not asking him to bring me to shell. I wrote shell test severally and I know I passed because I wrote their IT test and I passed. I did my IT there too.

The issue is what do we do to bring him close as a brother. It hurts when you cannot relate with your brother but you see him relating well with others.

CanadianNaija:
As in, and Op is wondering why he doesn’t pick the first son’s call again.

Imagine the things he would have deprived himself of to raise that money.

He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

iammo:




Never aspire to remain a parasite, always hope to be a host on your own

You gotta reason as an indipendent entity and not a parasite


..

Read my post. No body is calling and asking for money. We are not parasite as we are all working