7 REASONS WHY MEN SHOULD STOP PAYING BRIDEPRICE
When I was rounding up my Service year in late 2015, there was this girl I loved so much and I had already made up my mind of settling down with her after NYSC. My plan was to just retain the place that I was living, then look for a job around Uyo or Eket and go see her parents. One day I went to usher in the new corps members that were posted to our school, I met them at the Corper’s lodge and after cudgeling thoughts with them for a while, one of them gave me a movie “ After the Proposal”.
Back to my room, I began to watch the movie with my girlfriend and both of us saw how a full grown man was sweating from his anus when he was given a three-page marriage list and my girlfriend gave an expression of sheer incredulity that shocked me by alluding that the list is just a template of their own. I thought she was joking but she went ahead to narrate their list to me in a tremulous determined voice.
That garment of (I no dey do again) clothed me till we went our separate ways. Of course, you are free to abuse me that I’m not man enough, you can say I don’t love her enough, you can even call me a coward but one weighs the size of his anus before swallowing an Udala (Agbalumo) seed.
You can say paying of bride price is our culture, a tradition that has come to stay. But most traditions we follow are now anachronistic and they now serve the interest of some people.
1. It is now a Scam: Modern life has distorted the real meaning of bride price. The huge amounts of money some parents ask for these days play a role in the domestic abuses that visit our marital homes. Some parents are using this as an opportunity to get rich and make up for money that they couldn't make elsewhere. How can people be demanding a Motorcycle and Singer Sewing Machine in page 1 of a marriage list? It doesn’t make sense. Helon Habila said in his book that if one wants to follow tradition, follow it because you understand it not because some old man told you it is our way. The youths need to ask some questions, who even started this idea of exchanging a full grown woman with a wad of cash and goats.
2. It is not a sign of true love: Putting a price tag on love shows how laughable our culture is. If a man and a woman love each other, why should they need to prove it with expensive things? Even the Bible allude that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and a good thing doesn’t include cut throat expenditures. The practice of paying bride price is going too far and it is fair to say that it’s no longer inject value on the woman as the whole thing is now seen as selling a woman which contributes to some men treating their wives as property as they would argue that they paid a heavy sum of money for the marriage.
3. It earns a woman more days in her father’s house: It’s important to begin this way by asking this question. Is bride price a burden to men? How does it affect the women? A woman can be beautiful as Emma Watson, have a brain of Michelle Obama and still be unmarried this is because the financial burdens of the almighty bride price are placed on a man. I’m not speaking for myself because the money I have can get me, two wives if I want but I speak of a 32-year old I met 2 years ago who couldn’t marry his heartthrob because of money and there are many men like him. These things affect the woman because soon she starts advancing into menopause where no man can press “menoplay”
4. It encourages Slavery: We might be thinking that we are free from our Slave masters but we are not, the only difference is that the husbands don’t have whips and chains. The essence of the bride price as I see it is to make a woman submissive and powerless. Collecting bride price is a license for a man to treat a woman as a purchased goods. When I was living in Imo state, theirs this newly married couple that lived close to me, one day the lady said her husband spent so much on her traditional marriage that he is a great man. I asked is that a way of knowing great men? She didn’t say a word. Each morning she carries two big buckets to fetch water her husband will use and bathe while the young man will be under the sheets. She washes his clothes while the young man watches movies with me. If you don’t see these things as a modern-day slavery because the husband doesn’t have whips you are of all graduates a miserable one. I don’t want to marry someone that sees me as her Lord Commander, I’m not in the Nights watch.
5. It’s a wrong way of judging if a man can take care of a woman: I know a great number of men who never paid bride price but still treat their wives with respect. It is a wrong way of putting the suitor to test as to his ability to take care of the wife to be because a man can borrow money to pay the heavy bride price and allow your daughter die of hunger the next day. What parents should be concerned about is if the man asking for the hand of your daughter in marriage love her enough to live with her and it shouldn’t be teetered to articles of ostentation.
6. It is a wrong way of placing value on a woman: Just the same way the devil was so useful in making us unravel the sweetness of an apple, bride price has opened the eyes of most of us to understand that it is the wrong way of placing value on a woman. Bride price demeans a woman. It makes her the property of her father to be sold to another man. Bride price doesn’t make the man cherish the woman the more, it is a lie.
7. It is a toxic culture: This is not the last but it is the major last. A toxic culture is one where people disrespect love. It is a culture where the purest souls are viewed with suspicion, of course, they must have an ulterior motive because they are broke. It is one where broke guys finish last and the rich win because of money and power. It is one where a few rich dominate and the rest are treated as disposable people. It is a culture that encourages hardworking men not to marry because they are going to spend their life savings to entertain people they don’t know.
But most of all a toxic culture misinforms people how to be truly happy, pointing them toward vanity and lust instead of self-improvement and true love. Working hard and loving fully are the keys to happiness, build something wonderful and be loyal, faithful, honest, kind. That's where happiness lies. Is Bride price really a culture or a license to fleece the suitor?