₦airaland Forum

Lexzeey:
In every family there's these uncles and aunts who knows nothing about you, they don't even know your name sometimes or how you survived into adulthood but feels you owe them allegiance whenever they see you.

first off I know it's an African thing to always respect people older than you, and before you crucify me I am also an adult now with his own adult life, I keep to myself and I don't force people to respect me as respect is earned.

A family member died and we all came back for it, coupled with the holidays, the whole extended family was present including some of those in diaspora, I'm an introvert so I keep to myself, I generally greeted everyone when I came and sat in my corner.

Then there's this useless Cockatoo who drank free beer until his brains froze, first he kept talking about yahoo boys, how they dress a certain way, how they do all sorts to be rich, how they kill people to be rich, they both with soap gotten from herbalist, they don't go to work yet they're living fine, they have cars at a young age etc.

Now when you're talking and you don't call my name trust me I won't answer you. Even if it's obvious you're talking about me, and from all indication this man was talking about me, one my mom is dead, two I earn online and don't physically go to work, third I am not begging I'm doing okay, but I still didn't pay him any mind, then he indirectly started talking about how they don't respect people enough, he was so pained for some reason and condescending.

I just got up and went to a shop outside our family house, as I was buying something this weyrey came, I got what I wanted and turned to leave and that was when I felt it, waaam at my back, this guy slapped me on my back, then he asked me directly, didn't you see me? Don't you know I'm your uncle?

I lost it, and like a reflex I slapped him back hard it was a resounding slap, he staggered backwards, and my cousins held me, before I know it has spread that I just slapped uncle whatever his name is, what's painful is everyone blamed me, for being disrespectful and suddenly it didn't matter what he did, I'm somehow supposed to attone for it.

this man didn't know how I survived till adulthood, not even a penny of his went into my upbringing, I don't know why he felt I owe him respect and allegiance, even if I did, why does he have to go about it that way.

Google image

Most uncle's, and aunts are very terrible people and also very annoying. That's why it's best one pretends to be all respectful, with fake smiles whenever one is around them.

He slapped you first, I get. But just apologize to him, not just apologizing, get him drinks accompanied with other olders persons in your family and apologize to him. Ensure he accepts the drinks, and also drinks it in your presence and that of others.

Suggesting this, incase he is diabolic and wants to hurt because of what happened.

Obavoh:
The Rules and Regulations in this house is too much.

1. We must call the Landlord and Landlady Daddy&Mummy.

2. Wake up by 5.30AM for Compound Devotion.

3. Each room will take turn to sweep compound and wash toilet/bathroom. You must clean and sweep morning, afternoon and evening.

4. We must not fry palm oil inside kitchen because Daddy Landlord’s wife has asthma. Even if mummy Landlady is not in the compound, don’t fry palm oil !

5. We are not allowed to cook with gas, only kerosene or charcoal.

6. Daddy Landlord will use his special padlock to lock the gate by 9.00PM. God help you if you’re not inside the house by that time, you will knock and Landlord family will not open. No Tenant has spare key.

7. I am sharing the room with my wife and 7 children. I cannot be romantic to my wife in the room so my wife and I started bathing together early in the morning.
Daddy Landlord called compound meeting to harass my wife and I because of this.

8. No playing of worldly music in the compound. No loud sound at all. Your television set volume should be very low. My children cannot laugh or play in the compound.

My biggest regret is that I paid 1½ Year rent because I was desperate to rent a house for my family and no Landlord wanted to accommodate a family of 9. We still have 8 months until the rent expires.

I am currently working in another town but my wife is always complaining about Daddy&Mummy Landlord. My children are not happy in that house. If not for bandits, I would have moved them back to the village.

You've ready spent 10months, so 8 more months to go. You should be planning on how to save up and move your family out of that house.

Plan on getting a room and parlor apartment next. Plan well, and may God see you and your family through this phase of life.

Tonero5200:
Ever since I packed into this house I have never had rest. it's like I am his investment plan that he claims profit from every week in and week out.

The funds he's collected from me just this year when calculated it looks like I have extended my stay till 2032 and he still wants more.

I am just a young man struggling and I don't plan on staying in this one room for just another year yet he keeps pressuring me to give him more money every time he has a little problem to sort or just to feed himself daily... Not to talk about the number of times he's come to knock on my door and asked from one grocery or another, which I normally give if I have.

Knowing how hard the situation of the country.. but as it is now it's getting too much. I have tried complaining to his elder brother's who has their own tenants but don't behave like that to talk to him to leave me alone but nothing seems to change. just this morning he came, asking for another sum and I blatantly refused that I don't have, he told me to try even if it's half. I was insisting I don't have then he start raising his voice telling me I would leave his house and he will get someone else in.

I remembered him all the money I have gave him before when calculated I still have seven more years. he's not saying anything reasonable.

Please I need help on how to handle this.

It's being a while here 😁. Let me share my experience with you.

The week I was setting up my new apartment to move in, my landlords wife told the painter to tell me that, I should see her whenever I come around to inspect what he was doing. So when I eventually arrived, the painter told me. I said okay, I went to see her. Only for this woman to ask me to lend her 10k, that she will pay back at month end.

At first, within me I was like what's this again? I just gave the landlord rent and commission some days back, why was she asking me to lend her some money? As my fellow woman, I quickly told her that, she can see I am about moving in, that I still have a lot of things I need to sort out, or else, I would have given her the money. She said okay, and I left. Thinking it will end there.

Only for this woman to go and tell the landlord. So he called me saying all sorts, in order not to be rude, because I was already boiling on the inside. I waited for him to say all the rubbish on why he was asking me for the money. When he was done, I just told him, I don't have. I already told his wife so, that the funds I need to put the apartment in good order I am still looking for it. I had to start mentioning things that are faulty in the apartment, that he was supposed to fix before taking a new tenant, but that I will be fixing all that by myself. So I don't have any extra money to lend them.

I was very articulate and stern with my words. Since then, she and the landlord knows their place and I know mine. I stopped being overly friendly with them. Just greetings whenever I see them outside their flat, and no chitchats whenever they bring up any!

You put shameless people in their place. It's good to be kind, but don't be excessively NICE, or else those around you,that are ingrates, and entitled will use you as a doormat.

You were not stern from the beginning. So the best you can do if he continues threatening you is to either move out, or take him to Human rights if you don't have the funds yet. Madness for madness, aura for aura!

Chilipepper:
I gave my ex ₦5m from the ₦6m my husband gave me, now he’s ignoring my calls

Good for her! If he was such a wonderful person why isn't she married to him instead? She allowed the conversation until he brainwashed her into giving him 5m. Very good for her!

miracle002:
Sometimes you see a fine tall pretty lady with a good shape doing well in life and career and also independent even rich and may be the light in her family, but single and not married in and out on relationships. Unstable relationship and you begin to wonder what is happening. You may think it is ordinary, she may also think that it is ordinary that there is something in her life that she needs to perfect.

Unknown to her, it is that water spirit or spirit husband that is scattering her relationships. Even if she eventually marries, it will be problems and disaster, the marriage will not last, it's either the man divorces her or the man dies mysteriously through unexplainable sickness or accident, or the man will not find her attractive again. The same applies to men.

The spirit may also block her womb and prevent her from having a child in the physical world because in the river she has many children for that man. Some do see the spirit either physically or in their dream manifesting to them.

Some out of curiosity decides to visit a spiritualist or native doctor before the spirit will be summoned, then he will begin to speak that he owns you and then tell you his demands.

But I want to tell you that he doesn't own you. The person that owns you is The God of Heaven. The God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob. He is the one that created and formed you. He is the only one you are permitted to serve.

In order to be free from this spirit, you have to enter into serious spiritual warfare prayers to break yourself free from the grip of this water spirit. The same applies to men

The spiritual controls the physical. Those of you saying it's not real, hmmm.

There was a distant aunt I knew then, whenever a man talks about marriage to her, it's either they start having issues,upon issues, or things suddenly stops working well for her. If the guy is not patient, they break up and go their separate ways. Or she will use her mouth and say she's no longer interested. To her, she saw nothing wrong!

Not until she met a guy who now her husband . Irrespective of all the issues they were having, he still wanted to go ahead with the marriage. So few days to the traditional marriage, she fell seriously ill to the point of almost giving up. Her parents, and some family members rushed her to an Apostolic church around, and during prayers it was revealed that she had a spiritual spouse that was angry, and didn't want her to get married. That all the issues she's being having in the relationship, was as a result of that. So that was how she was delivered that day.

She's happily married, her first son is now in 200l.

I don't think anyone will sit down to, fabricate stories that is as delicate as this, for whatever reason. Everyone has one life's battle or the other to fight. If this isn't yours, good for you! Face the one that is eating you up!

isyourboy:
I’m not the begging type as I have a lot of things going on for myself. My sister joined her husband in Canada last year courtesy of her husband. Outside of the little 50k, 100k there that this man used to send to me (I don’t know how much he gives my parent — In law, by the way ), he’s never thought of establishing me in business or find a way for me to join my sister in Canada.

Even most times you have to remind him before he send the pittance he sent to me. Last week, I told him to find a way for me to join my sister in Canada, and he said he’s still paying for the debt he took for my sister to join him and he want to send her to school also. Meanwhile I didn’t know this. Okay then I can wait. After then I told him to find me a bulk sum so I can start some business. He asked how much and I said 5M naira would be enough, he cut the phone, called him back and send him msg on WhatsApp which he read and didn’t reply. I called my sister and told her what her husband did and she said she will talk to him.

You have been in Canada for a while and little things to give back to the family is difficult for you? Not his fault

If this is true, the sender is high. The person is not even your direct sibling, but a brother in-law, and you're this entitled to his money that you don't even know how hard he worked for.

Even if he is your sibling, as long as you're an adult, and can fend for yourself, don't be entitled. You're such a shameless, and ungrateful person! I hope he doesn't even assist you, or look your way ever again!

Hemanwel:
I have a single mother I am befriending at my workplace. This lady has a personal business she's running. Recently, she got a business proposal from one of the companies she sells their product. The business proposal has the capability of giving her a breakthrough in the sales business, because if her turnover is seen to be impressive, the company will make her the sole distributor of the product in her locality. However, She's required to commit about N4m into the business according to the proposal.

Now, the challenge is that, she ain't got the dough; and she's been singing it to my hearing cos she knows I have the money. How did she know I have the money? I did a transaction a certain night; I then mistakenly sent the debit alert to her as a proof of payment for the transaction before editing the balance.

I do not plan to marry this lady, neither do I plan to be with her for long. I am only using her to cure konji until I finally get the girl I want to settle with. Besides, I have other plans for the money she saw in my account. Now, how do I convince her that she's NEVER in my plans with respect to that money she saw? This is a lady who thinks because she's single and I am also single, and that we are 'chopping' each other, it automatically means she's my woman. In fact, she'd once asked me about my plans of wife-ing her.

If you know what's best for you, better let her know you don't have plans to wife her, or be in a committed relationship with her, on the long run. So she would know, and decide if to still be with you or leave.

Because, it won't be funny that, she's driving other men who, genuinely want to take her seriously despite, her being a single mother, and you later dashed her hopes. Hmmmmm!

Toruibestate:
I remember during my days in the University (Niger Delta University) my lecturer who doubles as my cousin told the class that to him life seems meaningless.
We live, give birth and die, and the circle continues.


That it doesn't have meaning.

Anybody that have contrary view to his thinking should speak up on it.




@General Ditari.

I think most folks reincarnate over and over again until, they are able to fulfil their purpose in the present life. Then they move to another plane after death. I don't know how to accurately explain it. Because most times some scenario seems like, one has lived it before. But you can't seem to put the whole puzzle together like someone mentioned above.

bigpicture001:
... first and foremost, I cut my clothe according to my size... I dnt go after ladies with very high maintainance or unending list of demands...I specifically go after moderate ladies, also, I made my gf understand I am not a rich guy, but we can work thing out standing by ourselves...

But nomata how u do it, ladies will always be demanding of u to spend and spend..since that is the only way to show love by a guy in this part of the world .
.
I am a mid range earner...sh also works but in low income...as usual once a while there are stylish demand for u to assist financially so inorder not to embarrass her or annoy me or come at a time I am broke...I created a plan...

I noted issues which usually need my financial assistance more often...

Data, sickness, credit, and sometimes direct financial support...

For the data..I migrated her to glo, ND did an Always ON plan for her..one of 5k for one month which gives her 1G everyday...l continually subscribe it for her . If sh use all watch sabinus lafter zone, na she sabi. nomata what, sh must wait for tomorrow to get another.. data problem solved..I warned her not to b calling with that data..and buy credit instead...

On credit.. sh buys it herself... And I dnt tolerate it when sh need to call me and didn't cuz sh don't HV credit...


On health.. I used 12k to register her for health insurance for a year at the nearest hospital closest to her.. that way.. whenever sh tells me I am not feeling fine.. I simply reply, go to the hospital na.. it's free... Sh no dey bring that talk come again, but honestly, it helps her alot...

On financial support.. I gift her 25k monthly... But sh doesn't know... Sh believes my giving are endless..... Before the end of first week of the month, I send her money... Sometimes, 5k. Next month might be 15k, another might b 8k,10, as the spirit moves me... And in the third week I send the rest Wich must total 25k..

And if I send her sometimes 8k ND maybe forgot the rest when the month is almost spent, I buy her gift with the rest or take her out entirely... All within the 25k...

That way I satify all my supposed gifting requirements in a relationship...

Guyz how do u see this my method...

Dnt mind those that will rush to thread to shout simp, simp, na them do pass self...


I believe in plans, I believe if u dnt plan, u waste money

I read most comments here, and I shake my head on the level of hypocrisy. Let every man do what's best for him, his relationship, and his peace of mind.

Most of you men here, especially those that don't have minds of their own. Won't show kind gestures towards your gfs that will cook, clean and bleep you whenever you want, yet you ain't married to her yet. But you feel, showing kind gestures towards her from time to time, would mean one is a simp, or the gf is a liability.

But when you want to cheat, you can easily pay an OS between 20k-50k for a sex escapade. The OS no be woman she be ba? Mtcheeeeeeeewww!

If as a man you have a good lady as a gf, treat her well. And as a lady, you have a good man who cares and loves you, treat him well, respect him, and don't cheat on him. Life no hard!

iammolise:
To a great extent Life is all about what works for you and na u sabi.

Glad you understood my aspect! And na you abi too..

Chilipepper:
Nigerian Man Lists 8 Benefits of Marrying a Virgin

It is very very good, as a woman to keep yourself chaste, and not open your legs for every guy that says he likes you/wants you.

For the above points listed, inasmuch as marrying a virgin is great, it doesn't guarantee a peaceful home 100%. My uncle married his ex wife as a virgin, but as time went on she became so wild that my uncle asked that they got separated. In the process, he ran a DNA test for the 4kids, the 1st & 2nd child were his, the other 2 weren't his. This and a lot of other shitty things go on now in marriages!

In the process of marrying a Virgin or a non-virgin, let every man do what works for him. Anyone you eventually get married to, if it turns out good or bad, it's still you alone that, will wear the shoes.

Growing up, I've heared so many stories about Mami-water(mermaid) and some seem convincing though but I still have my doubts. For those wandering what a Mami-water(mermaid) is, they are sea creatures, with tail instead of legs and a human body. Some believe these creatures possess some supernatural power to make someone rich, some believe they could give someone fame, some believe they are spirits that only come out at night time while some believe they are peaceful and the most beautiful sea creatures(the list is endless).. Infact some persons actually call beautiful girls Mami-water(mermaid) some even admire beautiful girls saying, you're more beautiful than a mami-water(mermaid).. My question now is, do this creature's actually exist? Or is it just another myth? What story have you heared about them?
The first four pictures below are acclaimed pictures of real life mermaids..
Image source: Google..

You don gather terrestrial knowledge finish, na ocean abi sea knowledge remain now ba?

LoopyNigeria:
source: https://people.com/millionaire-texas-rancher-killed-by-buffalo-hunting-south-africa-11785633

How can you travel all the way, to go hunt an animal that did you no wrong, or that wasn't of any threat to you?

You travelled to SA alive in the business class, now your corpse will go back to the USA as a cargo.

tgmservice:
I recently started dating a cute lady which I really liked.

We started chatting in FB and shared contacts, after a while getting to talk and know each other we went on couple of dates to just see n talk.

Everything was fine and good, one day while browsing on my phone I stumbled upon her tiktok account.

She has lots of all these normal funny and dance tiktok videos, nothing suspicious until I noticed a good number of her videos are taken inside hotel rooms.

I was able to spot like 11 different hotels rooms she took videos. I know its an hotel room due to the arrangement, the telecom line and customized towels.

Though I didn’t see a guy in any of the videos, is this a reason to be worried as she is a fashion designer.

Please advise.

Since you really like her, why not ask her about those videos? Some ladies who ain't proud of where they stay, pay to use hotel rooms to shoot some of their contents.

But her being on towels or hotel robes dancing seductively makes it a bit complicated to go with the above.

On the other hand, to know the truth, if you were able to get the names of the hotels. From the customized hotel robes, or towels, you can twist the question by saying; you have a close friend, who now works at the hotel she was at.

All you need do is send her pic, and name to him/her to help you check their records, and to know if she was alone or with a man at the time. Then watch the truth unveil itself effortlessly!

LagosOrigin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xs6T7_FRuc

This is what terrorists would do.. infact, it's a national embarrassment.

Aviation industry isn't oshodi motor Park where anything goes.

Wasiu ayinde marshal should be punished for this act of terrorism.

A full grown man, acting that silly, with so much confidence, is beyond my comprehension!

alphonsoolajide:
https://eyesoflagos.com/ayra-starr-criticized-for-using-gay-dancers-in-promo-for-roc-nation-debut-single/

Criticizing her or the promo song won't change anything. The western ways has long been integrated into our systems.

She's now one of their puppet's, so she gats do what her master wants, or face the consequences. She had the chance to choice, and she chose this!

mank1234:
Typical of GenZs. Entitled. Don't want to work but want to eat. You didn't do well sha. You should have schooled her after the second time.

Meanwhile OP Brahamimo do another one with the topic What's the most annoying thing you've done to your host. I bet no one will accept they've done anything bad to their host.

Schooled her, a lady of 19years at the time? I usually study someone very well before overdoing any of my kind gestures, most especially, when it's unsolicited for.

The type of uncultured manners she had, she would have gone back to say all sorts about me that aren't true to her family members, if I had done so.

So I allowed her, and those who didn't train her well to be. I no like wahala!

Brahamimo:
What experiences have you had with some of your strangers in your own house?

Sometimes, strangers and visitors encroach and overstep their boundaries by doing some things that are stranger than they themselves. When you tell them to "feel at home", you're inviting trouble. I still remember how a stranger cooked my food in my absence, finished the food, washed the dishes and acted like he didn't cook anything in my absence. I was really shocked. Same stranger ransacked my documents, I didn't know what he was looking for. Why invading my privacy for crying out loud?
So what is that most annoying thing a stranger did to you?

Let's have it.

She was a friend's younger sister. They asked I accommodated her for two weeks, pending whenever she's done with what she came to the state I was living at.

During her stay with me, she'd be the last to get off from the bed but, she won't lay the bed. I will be in the kitchen and cook all alone, while she will gladly eat, lick her fingers, and drop the plate/s for me to wash afterwards, and also, she doesn't even sweep the room. I endured until the 2weeks elapsed, and she wasn't showing any signs of leaving.

So I had to call my friend, to tell him I will be traveling home urgently, and I am not sure when I will be back. Na so she take leave with her uncultured manners!

He/she is doing what works best for him/her. His life, his choices!

Kobojunkie:
Terrible advice because dry skin leaves the skin prone to acne.

Fruits don't keep acne at bay... as the infection starts in the skin and not in the stomach. Also, friend foods don't affect your skin as the oil your skin produces, which can easily be obtained from your body's fat stores.

I gave the above advise, based on what worked for me in the past, and its still working for me now.

Friend, you saying foods don't affects the skin, I am still trying to wrap my head around that.

Well, you are entitled to your advice the same way I am entitled to mine!

upson89:
Please, I’m really tired.

These pimples just won’t let me rest. I’ve tried different soaps, cleansers, and creams – some expensive, some cheap – and still, no major difference. One will go, and before I even smile small, three more will show face. 😩

I’ve cut down on oily food, tried drinking more water, even stopped using certain products… but nothing seems to be working long-term.

Is it stress? Hormones? Witchcraft? I don’t even know again. 😭

Please, if you’ve struggled with bad acne and actually found something that worked, kindly share. I don’t mind natural or over-the-counter options, I just need honest advice.

Let’s help each other abeg. What’s your skincare routine like? What finally worked for you?

Note: File photo used for illustration

How I curbed mine some years back;

1. Stop scrubbing your face with your bathing sponge. Use only soap to wash your face
2. Don't apply cream on your face at night. Allow it to breathe
3. Have a separate cream for your face, and apply it during the day alone
4. Use facial cleaner either Babyface the lemon type or clean &clear before bathing
5. Eat fruits, and vegetables more
6. If possible avoid or, reduce fried foods

Dpsychologist:
And you are not one of them.

No need to be petty because, I didn't agree with your initial long write up, okay? Sleep good, if that will make you feel better, peace 💫!

Dpsychologist:
Yen yen yen
In which cases... How many ladies have even done that

Yen, yen, yen, unless you want to pretend that there are no such women.

Well, such good women still do exist, but are rare.

Dpsychologist:
I saw this tweet by Erigga and it hit deep.

“I was with him when he was drinking garri.”
But na you buy the garri? 🤨

Let’s unpack this mindset that’s becoming very common in our generation.


🧠 The “Loyalty” Women Talk About Today is Not Real

Many women love to say they were there when you had nothing.
But truth is, a lot of them were just witnesses, not builders.

They didn’t help.
They didn’t invest.
They didn’t even believe in you—they were just hoping for a return on their emotional “time.”

It’s all about positioning themselves for the future harvest without ever planting seeds.


📌 Presence ≠ Participation

There’s a clear difference between being present and being useful.

Ask yourself:

Did she contribute to your hustle?

Did she support with money, ideas, motivation?

Or did she just sit there… waiting?


Too many women want to claim royalty status for just hanging around during your broke phase.


💭 Real Loyalty is Silent

The girl who actually bought the garri isn’t the one tweeting.
She’s the one you remember when you finally blow—because she didn’t make noise, she made impact.

Loyalty is:

Showing up consistently.

Investing (not just emotionally, but tangibly).

Praying, planning, building with you.


But most of what you see now is emotional blackmail masked as support.


⚠️ Men, Stop Rewarding Passive Loyalty

Your success is not community property.
If she didn’t grind with you, she shouldn’t reap with you.

Let’s break it down clearly:

If What She Did is to make you feel Encouraged, supported, sacrificed then sje deserves Respect & loyalty
If What She Did is Invested in your dream then What She Deserves is Return on value
But if she Complained, watched, tolerated you then she deserves Nothing but silence 😐


💬 Final Thoughts

Let this sink in:

🧾 Presence without contribution is just observation.
And observers don’t get trophies.

So next time a woman says, “I was with you when you were drinking garri”, calmly ask:

“Did you buy am for me?”

Because sitting on the sideline doesn't make you a teammate.

What do y’all think?
Have you experienced this?
Drop your thoughts and share with someone who needs this reminder. 🧠🔥

In some cases as a lady, you can buy the
garri, the groundnut, sugar, coconut, milk, cold water, and add fish ontop. Yet, an ungrateful man will still leave you when he becomes better. This goes both ways too!

Chilipepper:
Awka lady finds out her husband was once mentally unstable and lived on the streets for 2 years — now she wants out of the marriage.

Those judging her based on love, and money, will you do better if you were in her shoes? Most Nigerians and their judgemental mentality!

If they were to be in her shoes they would have dust their shoes, and took off without looking back!

Celebrityblog:
But for me, that one single mother is a disgrace and prone to Okafor's law, doesn't mean that all single mothers are wayward.

We still have responsible single mothers who are even more responsible than some women that married as virgins.

For the said baby daddy to come online, and post such, only shows how such an irresponsible, and an immature person he is.

I don't get, how some persons still give their ex's access to their bodies after a terrible breakup in which both or either parties are now with a new partner/lover. It baffles me!

This so called Okafors Law, will only work on a lady that lacks self discipline, have low self esteem, and doesn't have strong principles. Cos if the yeye baby daddy was, such a great person in the first place, why leave him? Only to stupidly allow him access to your body whenever he likes? Such a disgusting thing to do!

TouchNfollow:
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1C6LJyoU1H/

God saved her that, those soldiers were on ground or around to come to her rescue.

And thank goodness she's still alive!

Chilipepper:
Nigerian lady shares why she fell in love with a man on their first date.

She's just not a good person walahi. I most times imagine how on earth will I marry into my husband's family and not be good friends with my in-laws. May such never befall me, amen!

Na when big marital issues will arise in her marriage, she will know the importance of, being friends with her in-laws from the outset!

Better respect yourself, and ask junior to behave himself.

What you feel at the moment, is just mere infatuation because of her good shapes. In no time, your eyes go clear!

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted honestly.

I don't get the nature of your wife's job though, that requires her to work even on weekends, and public holidays ?

Well, most relationships/marriage problems would reduce if both parties have mutual understanding.

Speaking from experience, most women that are naturally stubborn only requires you to be very stern with them in some cases. Speaking soft, and being petful doesn't do anything or get the required results when dealing with a stubborn woman. So you have to man up, and be very firm as the leader of your house. Since you said you've spoken to her, and also asked family members to talk to her too, yet no way!

See leave Christianity by the side for now, and tell her that, if she doesn't want to stop the job, and start up a business inorder to have more time for the kids, and yourself, then you will get yourself a very good mistress.

If she doesn't bulge or protest, then you have your answers that your wife might be getting it elsewhere cos the marriage is not even up to 10yrs yet, so why so many excuses already?.

But if, she feels bad about you saying you want to get a mistress, and tries to be reasonable then she still values you, the kids, and the marriage.

You can then tell her how supportive you will be towards her and the kids, etc. Well, you suppose don know the mumu button of the person way you marry by now!

Chief2410:
women are only loyal to what they benefit.they are incapable of loving genuinely.know this and know peace.

Here we go again on the generalization. Well, you wear the shoes, and you know where it hurts most. So do whatever works for you, or that gives you peace in your soul at the end of the day.

I have read most of the replies here, and all I can say is that; most men here are broken, and haven't healed from whatever pain, or trauma a lady they once dated caused them in the past.

Inasmuch as, I would say women shouldn't generalized all men as being scums, I would also say that single men should not generalize all women as being the same.

We meet different people with different personalities and whatsoever else they are silently fighting that they often times don't talk about or heal from.

Hence, its paramount that each gender gets to treat each other based on the present, not based on how another person has once treated them in past relationships.

This way, one doesn't loose or miss out on someone who could have been their soulmate, or a destined partner.

It's true that some men are demons, and that some women will help you see shege and won't care. But if one keeps treating every lady or guy that comes along based on past experiences or hurt, then the rate of divorce in the next 5/10 years will be way higher than now with no love, loyalty, commitment, or true friendship.