Dear Nairalander,

I recently got married less than a month now. My husband family has been so good to me thus far except this hinge of demanding over respect.

I will be clocking 31 years of age this very month of July. My mother-in-law has been insisting that I should be addressing senior wives as "mummy". She particularly emphasized on me addressing two older wives who are 40years & 38years of age respectively as "mummy wa"; instead of the regular name of their kid as called by me. I do call one 'mum Shewa'.

One of the wife is a wife of my husband's immediate elder brother, while the second is a wife of my husband's twin brother.

To top the annoying part for me, MIL still insisted that I should be addressing kids of 8years and above as "aunty & brother". Meaning that I must not address them by their first name. Whereas from my own approach and thus far, I only give that respect to age 14 and above.

It is extremely inconvenient for me to do these. I can't be addressing someone who is just 9years older than me as "mummy wa"...is definitely not possible for me. How will I be addressing 8years old kid as aunty...the fact remains that I will be feeling like an alien amidst them if I should start with such. I won't be free with them and that will be creating gap amisdt us.

I am someone who respect all and asundry. I don't disrespect anyone and I won't give anyone the space to devalue me.

Where I come from, this extreme traditional act is not done. Not only that we don't do such to wives in my family but in my entire environment is not done. A wife only needs to address mature children of the family who have reached adulthood as 'aunty & brother'.

Kindly give me genuine advices on how to overcome this. I need strategic ways on how I can maturely address it.

Truly this maybe fine with someone else but not me. I cannot start what I can't finish.

Thank you

purples25:


Lol he can go and find an angel like himself. That is clean and pure just like him.

I wonder why he will be so much concerns about the past. He doesn't need to have pressed and digged out the truth when he knows he won't be able to withstand it.

No one is pure. Simply let her go if you have lost interest in her rather than using touch light to look for faults in her.

purples25:
Lol, you kept asking and asking her, but now she told you her past, and the truth, now you can't swallow it. So I ask, why did you ask?

People with no business with either of you kept telling and telling you about her. It is either these strangers love you TOO much, or they hate her too much.

But if you knew such knowledge would make you go mad like this, why keep asking and asking? You 4 break up already, because you already believed those rumors. You wanted to play out the unnecessary drama of being a victim?

To me, you knew if you pressed enough she would tell you. And you knew you wouldn't be able to take what she tells you. So you just wanted to play an unnecessary 'angelic victim' role. If you believe what people said, what's all this drama for? Why not make your decision an leave? Than make her tell you again? Knowing fully well that when she tells you, you will keep her in suspense then dump her? Na wa o.

Drama loving king. Cut to the chase and stop punishing her and go if you want to go. Period.

I love your submission! Fact!

Tbadbad:
Hello everyone, ‘my story is long but I will skip some to try to make it short, sorry for my grammatical error, I am not a writer and I am writing with pains and I might made some mistakes, please bear with me.

I have been dating my wife to be since 2017, I have been taking care of her and everything, the truth is I was hearing some funny stuff about her since I met her but I didn’t take it serious because I trusted her and I really thought she was decent from every other girls.

When I met her, she told me she had only dated 3 boys for have sex only three times, her first boyfriend and two other girls she met in school. I really believed her because she was acting decent.

At a point I began to suspect her when I started hearing some stuff about her but I didn’t pay attention because I trusted her, sometimes when I asked her if she ever dated some one else or cheating on me, she will just turn the whole thing to quarrel and I will just lock up.

Fast forward to 2020, I got her pregnant before I left Nigeria, we did introductions, but she lost the baby during child birth which was so painful to us, but after some month I begin to hear some news about her, and I confronted her and threatened her that I have proof, which she confess to me that she has dated about 3 boys, slept with them several times, she also bleeped 2 girls just once and they didn’t date, she just had crush on them and bleeped them before she met me, and she cheated on me when she found out I was chatting with my ex’s, she couldn’t bear the pains even after begging her, sex her and still give her money to school, the same week she met a guy and bleeped him because she wanted to ease her pains, and 2019 when we had little quarrel, she met a guy and bleeped twice because she thought we broke up (what happened was that we had little argument and I have her money to sch and we didn’t talk for a week, that week she met a guy and stayed dated him because she thought we broke up).

I was heart broken when she told me, and I wanted to brk up, her parents begged me and they never supported her and they were even surprised she could do such thing because she came from a very decent background. I forgave her but I still have the pains in my heart, we always chat everyday, because of corona things are some how and I don’t have money like before, she begins to show me some attitude which is not really comfortable and I explain things to her and she apologized.

So last month she told me since I left she have been having sexual urge to sleep with a girl because she have been watching lesbian porn, that she promised never to cheat on me with a man and it’s taboo but she wanted to have sex with a female, I was so shocked and didn’t know what to do. She said she just started having the strange feelings because she have been watching lesbian porn since I left, I feel like I don’t know anything about her, I wanted to brk up now because she is begging me and she is saying she is just trying to be truthful to me because she promised herself never to hide anything from me or lie to me. What should I do? Should I continue to be with her and marry her? Or run away? Mine she have never slept with a woman before and she has always hated lesbian but because I have been a way since feb 2020, she usually watch porn to help herself. Pls what should I do?

@TBADBAD, note that introduction is not marriage. Don't marry out of pity if you're already seeing red flags. Seek for peace and love.

I have opted out of a relationship after introduction before and so far in my life, that's one of the best decision that I have ever made.

Life is good!