KemiMo:
Dear Nairalander,

I recently got married less than a month now. My husband family has been so good to me thus far except this hinge of demanding over respect.

I will be clocking 31 years of age this very month of July. My mother-in-law has been insisting that I should be addressing senior wives as "mummy". She particularly emphasized on me addressing two older wives who are 40years & 38years of age respectively as "mummy wa"; instead of the regular name of their kid as called by me. I do call one 'mum Shewa'.

One of the wife is a wife of my husband's immediate elder brother, while the second is a wife of my husband's twin brother.

To top the annoying part for me, MIL still insisted that I should be addressing kids of 8years and above as "aunty & brother". Meaning that I must not address them by their first name. Whereas from my own approach and thus far, I only give that respect to age 14 and above.

It is extremely inconvenient for me to do these. I can't be addressing someone who is just 9years older than me as "mummy wa"...is definitely not possible for me. How will I be addressing 8years old kid as aunty...the fact remains that I will be feeling like an alien amidst them if I should start with such. I won't be free with them and that will be creating gap amisdt us.

I am someone who respect all and asundry. I don't disrespect anyone and I won't give anyone the space to devalue me.

Where I come from, this extreme traditional act is not done. Not only that we don't do such to wives in my family but in my entire environment is not done. A wife only needs to address mature children of the family who have reached adulthood as 'aunty & brother'.

Kindly give me genuine advices on how to overcome this. I need strategic ways on how I can maturely address it.

Truly this maybe fine with someone else but not me. I cannot start what I can't finish.

Thank you

KemiMo:
Dear Nairalander,

I recently got married less than a month now. My husband family has been so good to me thus far except this hinge of demanding over respect.

I will be clocking 31 years of age this very month of July. My mother-in-law has been insisting that I should be addressing senior wives as "mummy". She particularly emphasized on me addressing two older wives who are 40years & 38years of age respectively as "mummy wa"; instead of the regular name of their kid as called by me. I do call one 'mum Shewa'.

One of the wife is a wife of my husband's immediate elder brother, while the second is a wife of my husband's twin brother.

To top the annoying part for me, MIL still insisted that I should be addressing kids of 8years and above as "aunty & brother". Meaning that I must not address them by their first name. Whereas from my own approach and thus far, I only give that respect to age 14 and above.

It is extremely inconvenient for me to do these. I can't be addressing someone who is just 9years older than me as "mummy wa"...is definitely not possible for me. How will I be addressing 8years old kid as aunty...the fact remains that I will be feeling like an alien amidst them if I should start with such. I won't be free with them and that will be creating gap amisdt us.

I am someone who respect all and asundry. I don't disrespect anyone and I won't give anyone the space to devalue me.

Where I come from, this extreme traditional act is not done. Not only that we don't do such to wives in my family but in my entire environment is not done. A wife only needs to address mature children of the family who have reached adulthood as 'aunty & brother'.

Kindly give me genuine advices on how to overcome this. I need strategic ways on how I can maturely address it.

Truly this maybe fine with someone else but not me. I cannot start what I can't finish.

Thank you

KemiMo:
Dear Nairalander,

I recently got married less than a month now. My husband family has been so good to me thus far except this hinge of demanding over respect.

I will be clocking 31 years of age this very month of July. My mother-in-law has been insisting that I should be addressing senior wives as "mummy". She particularly emphasized on me addressing two older wives who are 40years & 38years of age respectively as "mummy wa"; instead of the regular name of their kid as called by me. I do call one 'mum Shewa'.

One of the wife is a wife of my husband's immediate elder brother, while the second is a wife of my husband's twin brother.

To top the annoying part for me, MIL still insisted that I should be addressing kids of 8years and above as "aunty & brother". Meaning that I must not address them by their first name. Whereas from my own approach and thus far, I only give that respect to age 14 and above.

It is extremely inconvenient for me to do these. I can't be addressing someone who is just 9years older than me as "mummy wa"...is definitely not possible for me. How will I be addressing 8years old kid as aunty...the fact remains that I will be feeling like an alien amidst them if I should start with such. I won't be free with them and that will be creating gap amisdt us.

I am someone who respect all and asundry. I don't disrespect anyone and I won't give anyone the space to devalue me.

Where I come from, this extreme traditional act is not done. Not only that we don't do such to wives in my family but in my entire environment is not done. A wife only needs to address mature children of the family who have reached adulthood as 'aunty & brother'.

Kindly give me genuine advices on how to overcome this. I need strategic ways on how I can maturely address it.

Truly this maybe fine with someone else but not me. I cannot start what I can't finish.

Thank you

GIANTPLUSHUB:




I will advice you to just satisfy your mother in law with this request if this is the only issue you have with her. Could remember in my former area where I do photocopy, the owner used to call all the boys there brother. Later I got to know they are her husband siblings even to the last one that's 12 years old but the honest thing is that she sent them errands anyhow, even talks to them anyhow she likes but that brother, she puts it whenever she's calling their names.

Was surprised, one day we had a deep conversation and she told me that was she met in their family and she had to follow through and she never regretted it because their brother was a very good husband to her hence that's the little sacrifice she had to pay to stay in the family. She's very nice to the boys hence they never see the errand things or talks as anything. Will advice you to delete this post before some indomie generations who doesn't know what it takes to keep a marriage come and poison your mind to scatter your marriage with their feminist and wrong advice. Don't forget, most of them are sadist that don't like good things. Your mother in law request isn't too much perhaps based on tradition or olden days culture which she thinks should still be existing by now. It doesn't limit you from sending them errands or acting like the big sister to them. It doesn't take anything away from you or limit you in any area. Wish you all the very best!

If you need me to edit this post so as for you to edit your post. Do let me know.

debbydams:
I don't see anything bad in that tho..u are mature enof to decide for yourself, calling mummy wa' or calling the kids aunty won't reduce your life span..most yoruba home' like respect. In some part in Kwara state mama of 60 years bend to greet me, I bend when I greet anybody bending even for kids nd I used 'E' for everybody..

Yxwqq:
Chai, maybe that was my grandma. j/k

GIANTPLUSHUB:




I will advice you to just satisfy your mother in law with this request if this is the only issue you have with her. Could remember in my former area where I do photocopy, the owner used to call all the boys there brother. Later I got to know they are her husband siblings even to the last one that's 12 years old but the honest thing is that she sent them errands anyhow, even talks to them anyhow she likes but that brother, she puts it whenever she's calling their names.

Was surprised, one day we had a deep conversation and she told me that was she met in their family and she had to follow through and she never regretted it because their brother was a very good husband to her hence that's the little sacrifice she had to pay to stay in the family. She's very nice to the boys hence they never see the errand things or talks as anything. Will advice you to delete this post before some indomie generations who doesn't know what it takes to keep a marriage come and poison your mind to scatter your marriage with their feminist and wrong advice. Don't forget, most of them are sadist that don't like good things. Your mother in law request isn't too much perhaps based on tradition or olden days culture which she thinks should still be existing by now. It doesn't limit you from sending them errands or acting like the big sister to them. It doesn't take anything away from you or limit you in any area. Wish you all the very best!

If you need me to edit this post so as for you to edit your post. Do let me know.

To top the annoying part for me, MIL still insisted that I should be addressing kids of 8years and above as "aunty & brother". Meaning that I must not address them by their first name. Whereas from my own approach and thus far, I only give that respect to age 14 and above.

pocohantas:
That is how Yorubas greet, so get used to it. Some don’t care, most take it very seriously.

However, if you marry into another tribe/race, be ready to accept their culture. That is why one should look well before jumping into inter-tribal marriages. You are lucky they didn’t say they will shave your hair. Better greet them well.

Sterope:
;DBiko, this is actually a joke.