₦airaland Forum

Only God knows why it turned out that way. This is not the time to trade blames. Let's pray for the repose of his soul. MAY HIS GENTLE SOULD REST IN PERFECT PEACE!

I think you should go on with your life and forget about the fool. as for the pregnancy, do not tamper with it, who knows, it could be a God sent. but if u truely love this maggot of a being, you can equally forgive and torture him in other for him to realise his mistakes, if he accepts. As for your sister , stay away from her for a while so she can also realise her mistakes too.I also think living with a monster is not the best.

MRS. HENRY.

goodguy, sweetnini and kenflavour, thanks a lot 4 ur great advise. I appreciate it and I assure u I'll work with it. I hope 2 invite all u guys on that D-Day.

Seun, u are not left out. Thanx a lot.

CimonJorr, thanks 4 ur submission. I really appreciate it. U are a gud brother. I'll follow ur advise.

Goodguy and PrettyH, there's no need being at each others throat. This is supposed 2 be an interactive forum and not a wrestling ring. Let's all be friends. I appreciate both ur submissions. U are all great people to interact with. And as for you prettyH, I'd love to know some more about u. That's if u don't mind.

pluto04 and cooldee, respect to u guys.Thanks a lot for making me feel good and confident about my lady. I still do love her and I mean it. I have no intentions of dumping her like that without giving it the fight that it deserves. It will give me great joy to walk her to the aisle. She promised to give me very beautiful kids and I have no doubt about it cos she's damned pretty. I want u all to trust me. Peace!!!

prettyH, let me make it clear 2 u. I still love her and I'm talking about this cos I'm not contemplating leaving her 4 now. I just need 2 have other people's views about this problem. People that don't know both of us. That's what I'm doing now. And even if I get 2 leave her, it's not cos I'm now a big chap. It doesn't have anything 2 do with that. I started this relationship 6 yrs ago cos I thot it was something that could be taken care of within 2 yrs max. It has dragged on for 6 whole yrs now and we're going on 2 the 7th yr. I didn't know how bad it is and how difficult it would be. I've never seen anyone in that situation b4. I mean, I never knew it would take this long. I really wanted 2 set her on the right path. she's too beautiful 2 be like that. She is also a very good lady. She keeps everywhere nice and tidy and she cooks great meals. She's got great qualities if u know what I mean. But this is just the major problem. We all have our short comings as humans but we pray that our short comings will not stand as stumbling blocks to our future. There are some stumbling blocks that won't allow u acheive ur maximum potential as a human being. I want her to grow as I grow. Now tell me how u feel about this. There was a day I gave her $2,000 in $100 bills 2 count 4 me, she counted it and I aksed her much it was, I wanted 2 hear what she would say just 2 see if there has been any improvement at all, she told me she had $20,000 instead of $2,000 in her hands.  I asked her to count it again and she came up with the same result. We went over it for about 4 good times and she kept saying the same thing. First of all, I had to make her realise that $100 bills are the same this as our own 100 Naira bills. The same way u count 2,000 Naira in 100 Naira bills is the same way u count the Dollars too. I had 2 make her count the $100 bills one at a time and we came up with the result of $2,000. Now look at it this way, if I was a away on a trip and she needed to handle some financial transactions 4 me, don't u think she will be cheated with figures Answer me that. This is what I do all the time and more. So don't say I don't love her anymore. If I don't love her, I would have dumped her a long time ago. I'm only worried which is why I'm human. This is my future I'm talking about here and it's a serious issue. It's never about being a big chap now. Afterall, I didn't just climb the ladder this year, I've been climbing 4 about 5 years now and I've been trying to get her 2 move along with me by carrying her along. Considering my status now, I can't get a hold of any woman I want but I'm not in a hurry 2 lose her just yet. I want 2 see if anything else can be done. Peace!!!!

Kenflavor, I still do love this lady. And 2 be honest with u, it's not all about the millions. I would rather she's properly groomed as per education rather than have all that money and feeling insecured about the lady I love. I don't really expect her 2 speak queens english or anything of the sort. What I just want is for her 2 be able 2 read when it's required of her and also 2 write. Talking about speaking, she's catching up a bit. But it's still a problem if u can't write down what u speak or read what u speak. Infact, speaking may not be a big problem with time. But I still think it should be a complete package. I mean acquiring the basic skills of reading and writing alongside speaking. That's just it. That's all I need. 4 example, she can't fill forms given 2 her in skool or wherever. There was a day I sent my stockbroker over to the house 2 give her a form 2 fill out 4 the purchase of some bank shares 4 her, I forgot she couldn't do it. The stockbroker got home and gave her the form, she kept the man waiting in the living room 4 a long time while she went into the bedroom 2 stay put, cos she didn't know what 2 do with the form and she didn't know how to ask the stockbroker to help her out. She called me on the phone and complained that I know she doesn't know how 2 do this things and yet I sent someone over with the form. I had to call the stockbroker while he's still in my house and asked him to fill out the form 4 her and give her to append her signature. That was how the issue was settled. I still felt a little restless about that issue as well. Right now she's in one of the higher institutions of learning here though on a part time basis but the problem is she can't even write down anything while the leturer is teaching which is supposed 2 be the normal thing while she is in a lecture. She goes 2 skool with her books empty and comes back with nothing written on them. I once asked her after going thru her books and found nothing written in them, why don't u jot down points while the lecturer is teaching which is the purpose why u bought the exercise books and she just kept looking at me without saying a word. I bought all the text books the lecturers asked her to buy but she can't even read anyone. I may be sounding bitter, but it's not cos I don't love her anymore, it's cos I don't know what else 2 do and I don't want 2 lose her especially 4 this reason but at the same time, I need 2 get hooked up with someone I know I won't have regrets to marry. Marriage is a life long thing and not a contract which is expected to expire in the next 10 yrs or thereabout. If that was the case, I would hold on for 10 yrs and after that we would go our seperate ways and I would still feel fulfilled cos I didn't disappoint her. But unfortunately, that's not the case. I like ur advise, I'm not saying u haven't made any sense but the only thing u missed is that I still love her. I'll try my best 2 ensure she gets a visa 2 the U.K. and that would give me some releif knowing fully well that she would be going 2 work on her studies there. On the other hand, if u know the skool ur Aunt attended, where she worked on her reading and writing skills, do let me know. Give me the name and address and I might as well take her there.

Seun, thanx 4 ur submissions. U r all good.

sweetnini, I'm so sorry. I thot it was ur room. Accept my apologies. My message goes 2 whoever sleeps in that dingy.

sweetnini, is that ur bedroom? I hope not. If it is then I suggest u do something about it. Or rather move out of there cos I know u must have nightmares every night in that shit hole. Sorry, don't mean 2 be rude but I won't be caught dead in that dingy.

icingbaby, u 2 like better thing.

Layi, do u know anything about designing bedrooms 2 look like the ones in all those pics? If u do, then I'll like 2 give u a contract cos I intend 2 start building my dream home next year somewhere around Maryland in Lagos.

FOD, thanx 4 ur submission. She knows how I feel about this problem though she doesn't know how hard it's hitting me. I don't have to let her know that cos I don't want anything that will hurt her. I want 2 keep her happy always. I don't want her to lose her confidence outside the house and also inside. Atleast, she has 2 feel confident at home if not out there. I need to settle down within the next year. My folks thinks I'm comfy enuff 2 do that. I ought 2 have gotten married this year but I had to shift forward till next year cos I'm really scared. I can't get myself to propose to her. She is so sure that she's the woman 2 be my wifey cos we've been together 4 a long time and she has never had any cause 2 cry about our relationship in anyway cos I've never been unfaithful to her. None of my family members knows about this problems and I've promised her not to mention it to anyone. I had to do it this way cos I know none of u know her. I feel safe discussing it here as I need to have people's opinion and advice.

Mamba, u bet I do love this woman. U don't really understand what I feel 4 her. I don't really wish to let her go but I'm scared all the same. It may get to a stage that we will begin to have certain differences after marriage. I don't want to experience a broken home after spending money to organizing a wedding. It's not all about the money to be spent 4 the wedding, it's all about taking her that far and then letting her go. It might be better to let go now rather than take her that far. This is just a passing thought anyway.

I may be able to bear it on the inside but I need to point out another of my fears. In my church, when couples are being wedded, the bride and the groom are given passages in the Bible to read out loud enuff with a microphone 4 the congregation present to hear. What if it gets to our day and the samething happens and she can't read her own part of the passage? How do I handle it? That's way beyond my control. I can't read it 4 her and the whole congregation will be surprised cos she has no reason or excuse 4 not being able to read a passage of the Bible on the day of her wedding. It's going 2 be scandalous and I don't want a small wedding that nobody will attend. We've already agreed to get wedded in the church and nowhere else. I can't seem to explain my fears to u guys in a way u will really understand it. Some of u out there don't know what it's like until u find urselves in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love this lady 2 bits and I can say it where ever and when ever, I'm just trying 2 express what I feel inside. I love someone but I fear to marry her cos of this particular problem.

CY, thanx 4 ur imputs, I'll try to work on myself and see how far it works. I have a plan anyway. I don't know how far it will work. I'm aplying 4 a U.K. visa 4 her. I want her to go visit my Elder sister in the U.K. next year Febraury. I may have to ask her to stay there 4 a long while and then I have to confide in my sister and tell her what the problem is and see if she can work out an intensive adult education programme there 4 her 4 about 6 months. I don't know if that will make any difference but I hope it does. We initially agreed that she will only stay in the U.K. 4 three weeks and come back to continue her education but I think I have 2 change my mind. I've not told her about it though and I'm also considering her school here 4 she only just started the part-time programme. I pray this time things change cos I've got next year to make up my mind on what 2 do.

sweetnini, I fear that if I try 2 let her go, she may feel that cos I'm successful with my business now that's why I want 2 dump her and go 4 a more glamorous chic but honestly, that's not it. I don't even have another reliable woman I will turn 2 if I eventually part ways with her. I can't forget the past so soon. She was with me when I was a nobody. I really appreciate her so much and I wish u can just take a one minute look at her, u'll know that I shower her with a lot of love and affection. But the future from now on is what I fear. Thanx 4 ur contribution anyways.

God bless all of u 4 ur contributions and advice. I sincerely appreciate it. Pray 4 me 2 make the right decisions.

Seun,
U gat a point there where u said she hasn't wronged me in any way. That's the plain truth. She has never hurt me in any way. In all the 6 yrs we've been together, she has never been unfaithful 2 me. I have lots of good things 2 say about her. I can go on and on and on. I've not presented this case in any way 2 favour me. I just painted the real picture of what I'm going thru. Dealing with other women is quite scary 2 me now. I've come 2 know her so well. I trust her so much, infact I can trust her with my life and go on a long trip and I'll come back 2 meet it still intact and safely protected. That's what this lady is. Though every human being has his/her short comings, she has hers too no doubt but her good sides dominates her bad sides.

I get scared of starting another relationship for fear of many reasons u rightly mentioned in your response. After all said and done, I still think this has to do with my life. I'm not going 2 live for just 2 or 3 yrs more. I wish 2 live till a good old age, and now that this creepy feeling is coming into me, how do I live with it 4 the rest of my life? That's the big question. I don't want to marry her and begin to regret I ever did. Or maybe I start thinking of bringing in a second wife 2 perform the functions she can't perform, that will be disaster. I hate polygammy. Can u help me think a little better than u have done cos I know if u were in my shoes, u would have ur own feelings. Like someone else rightly said, people get married 4 some wrong reasons, I want 2 marry 4 love but it has 2 be the kind of love that can be sustained in all ramifications. It's who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches.

Layi,
I understand exactly what you are talking about. I'm in the same rubbish too. My fiancee cannot read or write. She couldn't speak proper english when I met her too. But I tell u one thing, she's wife material to the core and she's a beauty. I met her 6 years ago. She's from this Warri area and all they do there is speak very bad english and "pidgin" english if u know what I mean. This is not meant to indicte the Warri people, but it's the plain truth, I wish they could do something about it. Her folks didn't really make sure she was properly educated. She did attend primary and secondary school where she was supposed to acquire basic education, but u know what public schools are like over there. They speaking nothing else other than "pidgin" english and their native language to the pupils. Students don't learn nothing there. To cap it all up, her mother was and is still a teacher in one of the local schools over there. Beats me like hell why a teacher's daughter doesn't seem to be educated. I got to find out that she wasn't the only one with that problem in her famly, her other sisters had the same problem, including her mother that is supposed to be a teacher to other pupils in the school where she teaches. I'm sure her pupils are doomed and I'm not happy with this one bit.

Let me break this down to u guys out there so that u'll understand what I'm talking about. When I met this lovely lady, I found out that she spoke more of "pidgin" english than the good english which should be expected of a beautiful lady like her. Well, I didn't complain much when I found out she was from Warri. Everybody knows them for speaking "pidgin" english. They are experts in the trade. Infact, they are the comedians we have today. When we hooked up as in started dating, I wasn't feeling too comfy with the way she speaks that dirty english where ever we went and my friends began to wonder what's up with me and this lady. We were obviously from two different worlds. Now, don't get me wrong, everybody in Nigeria speaks pidgin english, including me, but I feel there is time for everything. The advantage she had was her beauty and her very good manners. That would take you in first before you find out what her problem was about english. I didn't know how to talk to her about it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But on the other hand, I thot it wise to talk it over with her if I really loved her. I summoned up courage one day and I raised the issue with her. She admitted to this problem and she said she didn't know what to do about it. She said she feels pain too when she cannot relate freely with my kind of friends because of this impediment. I promised to help her as much as I could.

I tried to help her over the years by first making sure that she changed her click of friends that speaks the dirty language with her, I also made sure I don't speak nothing but good english to her and I corrected her where ever and when ever she made mistakes. I got her a private tutor who comes to my house to teach her english. Infact, I got a complete set of teachers to teach her not only how to read and write english language but also all other basic subjects like maths etc for about 8 months. I later sent her back to a private secondary school where she started from SS2, she had to re-write her SSCE exams. That cost me a great deal of money. Ofcourse she didn't do well in the exams. She wrote some other external exams too. I did a lot of other things to help her. The best result I could acheive is that speaks a little better. Though she improved a bit in her spoken english but she still can't read and write afetr amny years of trying to learn. When she sends me text messages on my phone, I feel really bad because I have to use my own sense to decipher the message she is trying to pass on. I have had embarassing moments with her in the public. I can't recount all of them but I do remember this particular one. A pastor in my church visited me one day in my house and as customary with Pastors, they must definitely preach the word, read the Bible and pray before they leave. My fiancee was with me in the house when this Pastor came calling that Sunday evening. We started the Bilble study and in the middle of it, the Pastor asked my fiancee to read a chapter of the Bible he quoted, she found the chapter and verse in the Bible quite alright but she couldn't read a word of it. After waiting for her for about a minute and she still couldn't read a word, I had to cover up for her by telling the Pastor that she is a very shy person and that's why she couldn't read, so I immediately read the passage of the Bible and we ended the session. I know that Pastor wasn't fooled by the excuse I gave but being a man of God, he didn't want to say anything about it. But I'm sure he would be wondering what happened to this beautiful lady. I was so embarrased. I have also been able to put her in one of the higher institutions in Lagos, though on a part-time basis just to see if this will help her out. But I doubt it so much because I have been through the system here and I know that no lecturer has the time to teach you anything. They beleive you have been through primary and secondary school and as such you must have acquired some level of intelligence and smartness.

The big problem I'm having now is that I've moved up the ladder in life within the past 7 years I left the University and 6 years that I met her. I'm a very successful businessman now and I have friends in high places. I attend functions and occassions regularly, it's been a difficult time going out with her. She stays quite all through the preriod we are at a function and I don't enjoy it. I see other women (wives or fiancees) that come with my associates and they interact and relate with each other but mine is different. To be honest with you, it's begining to get to me. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I'm begining to think twice about the marriage. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt her feelings after spending 6 years of her life with me. I'm at cross roads, but my inner mind tells me this is the time to quit. Don't get me wrong, I really do love her to bits, she is really a wonderful person to be with but can I live with this feeling for life? For how long will I hold on? We will have kids together and how will she be able to help them with their home work when she can't read or write? As a businessman, I may have to travel a lot, so who will help the kids with their book work when I'm not there. There other things that needs to be considered too. That is the problem. Somebody please talk to me on what I need to do.