Layi,
I understand exactly what you are talking about. I'm in the same rubbish too. My fiancee cannot read or write. She couldn't speak proper english when I met her too. But I tell u one thing, she's wife material to the core and she's a beauty. I met her 6 years ago. She's from this Warri area and all they do there is speak very bad english and "pidgin" english if u know what I mean. This is not meant to indicte the Warri people, but it's the plain truth, I wish they could do something about it. Her folks didn't really make sure she was properly educated. She did attend primary and secondary school where she was supposed to acquire basic education, but u know what public schools are like over there. They speaking nothing else other than "pidgin" english and their native language to the pupils. Students don't learn nothing there. To cap it all up, her mother was and is still a teacher in one of the local schools over there. Beats me like hell why a teacher's daughter doesn't seem to be educated. I got to find out that she wasn't the only one with that problem in her famly, her other sisters had the same problem, including her mother that is supposed to be a teacher to other pupils in the school where she teaches. I'm sure her pupils are doomed and I'm not happy with this one bit.

Let me break this down to u guys out there so that u'll understand what I'm talking about. When I met this lovely lady, I found out that she spoke more of "pidgin" english than the good english which should be expected of a beautiful lady like her. Well, I didn't complain much when I found out she was from Warri. Everybody knows them for speaking "pidgin" english. They are experts in the trade. Infact, they are the comedians we have today. When we hooked up as in started dating, I wasn't feeling too comfy with the way she speaks that dirty english where ever we went and my friends began to wonder what's up with me and this lady. We were obviously from two different worlds. Now, don't get me wrong, everybody in Nigeria speaks pidgin english, including me, but I feel there is time for everything. The advantage she had was her beauty and her very good manners. That would take you in first before you find out what her problem was about english. I didn't know how to talk to her about it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But on the other hand, I thot it wise to talk it over with her if I really loved her. I summoned up courage one day and I raised the issue with her. She admitted to this problem and she said she didn't know what to do about it. She said she feels pain too when she cannot relate freely with my kind of friends because of this impediment. I promised to help her as much as I could.

I tried to help her over the years by first making sure that she changed her click of friends that speaks the dirty language with her, I also made sure I don't speak nothing but good english to her and I corrected her where ever and when ever she made mistakes. I got her a private tutor who comes to my house to teach her english. Infact, I got a complete set of teachers to teach her not only how to read and write english language but also all other basic subjects like maths etc for about 8 months. I later sent her back to a private secondary school where she started from SS2, she had to re-write her SSCE exams. That cost me a great deal of money. Ofcourse she didn't do well in the exams. She wrote some other external exams too. I did a lot of other things to help her. The best result I could acheive is that speaks a little better. Though she improved a bit in her spoken english but she still can't read and write afetr amny years of trying to learn. When she sends me text messages on my phone, I feel really bad because I have to use my own sense to decipher the message she is trying to pass on. I have had embarassing moments with her in the public. I can't recount all of them but I do remember this particular one. A pastor in my church visited me one day in my house and as customary with Pastors, they must definitely preach the word, read the Bible and pray before they leave. My fiancee was with me in the house when this Pastor came calling that Sunday evening. We started the Bilble study and in the middle of it, the Pastor asked my fiancee to read a chapter of the Bible he quoted, she found the chapter and verse in the Bible quite alright but she couldn't read a word of it. After waiting for her for about a minute and she still couldn't read a word, I had to cover up for her by telling the Pastor that she is a very shy person and that's why she couldn't read, so I immediately read the passage of the Bible and we ended the session. I know that Pastor wasn't fooled by the excuse I gave but being a man of God, he didn't want to say anything about it. But I'm sure he would be wondering what happened to this beautiful lady. I was so embarrased. I have also been able to put her in one of the higher institutions in Lagos, though on a part-time basis just to see if this will help her out. But I doubt it so much because I have been through the system here and I know that no lecturer has the time to teach you anything. They beleive you have been through primary and secondary school and as such you must have acquired some level of intelligence and smartness.

The big problem I'm having now is that I've moved up the ladder in life within the past 7 years I left the University and 6 years that I met her. I'm a very successful businessman now and I have friends in high places. I attend functions and occassions regularly, it's been a difficult time going out with her. She stays quite all through the preriod we are at a function and I don't enjoy it. I see other women (wives or fiancees) that come with my associates and they interact and relate with each other but mine is different. To be honest with you, it's begining to get to me. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I'm begining to think twice about the marriage. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt her feelings after spending 6 years of her life with me. I'm at cross roads, but my inner mind tells me this is the time to quit. Don't get me wrong, I really do love her to bits, she is really a wonderful person to be with but can I live with this feeling for life? For how long will I hold on? We will have kids together and how will she be able to help them with their home work when she can't read or write? As a businessman, I may have to travel a lot, so who will help the kids with their book work when I'm not there. There other things that needs to be considered too. That is the problem. Somebody please talk to me on what I need to do.

Kinghenry, your case is a very pathetic one I must say. Me thinks she needs prayers, serious ones.

sorry, I wrote this post under the impression that they were already married

kinghenry: There are a lot of men who would gladly trade in their educated wives who are terrors at home for yours, and they will even give you change on top. It is irritating to read about someone wanting to get a divorce because his wife cannot read when others have more serious problems to worry about - like being afraid to come home because of your wife, catching your wife 'under' another man, difficulties bearing children, etc. And here you are saying your wife can't speak English so you are contemplating divorce.

I am not saying that what you're going through is hard but what is marriage all about if you cannot stick with a woman who hasn't wronged you at all just because you think your friends look down on her. How do you know that some of them don't envy you? How do you know that they are not thinking, "if I had known, I'll have married that sweet girl from the village that my parents picked for me and and my life will not have been hell. Just look at kinghenry and his wife, no stress!" Supposing something happens in your business and you fail, how many of those friends will abandon you due to the same "shame" that is leading you to want to leave your wife?

I am not saying that it's not hard for you to deal with, but I'm just reminding you that the grass on the other side always looks greener. As you are, there are some of y[b]our colleagues envying you[/b] but you won't know until you marry a new wife and divorce her after 6 months for a different, more serious, reason. Then they will come to you and say, "kinghenry, I was surprised when you decided to divorce that your sute, quiet, and nice wife but I just decided to say nothing and see what happens with the new one".

sorry, I wrote this post under the impression that they were already married

like I said before.. we should all pray for wisdom... and really ask ourselves what is important..

Wats in good English language sef. At least she can speak English...but as a "terrorist" , I think you are misplacing your priority here.The question here is do u want an English language Mistress or a WIFE...So if u love her just close ur eyes u know love is blind so they say oh ..Sincerely people marry for the wrong reasons .ok ok just do wat is right but den follow ur heart,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, cheers

Whatever u choose to do its up to u. But place ur priorities right.

I don't think the man said he's married to her yet, abi??

,
okay ma bad , thought they were married but guess not .

Seun,
U gat a point there where u said she hasn't wronged me in any way. That's the plain truth. She has never hurt me in any way. In all the 6 yrs we've been together, she has never been unfaithful 2 me. I have lots of good things 2 say about her. I can go on and on and on. I've not presented this case in any way 2 favour me. I just painted the real picture of what I'm going thru. Dealing with other women is quite scary 2 me now. I've come 2 know her so well. I trust her so much, infact I can trust her with my life and go on a long trip and I'll come back 2 meet it still intact and safely protected. That's what this lady is. Though every human being has his/her short comings, she has hers too no doubt but her good sides dominates her bad sides.

I get scared of starting another relationship for fear of many reasons u rightly mentioned in your response. After all said and done, I still think this has to do with my life. I'm not going 2 live for just 2 or 3 yrs more. I wish 2 live till a good old age, and now that this creepy feeling is coming into me, how do I live with it 4 the rest of my life? That's the big question. I don't want to marry her and begin to regret I ever did. Or maybe I start thinking of bringing in a second wife 2 perform the functions she can't perform, that will be disaster. I hate polygammy. Can u help me think a little better than u have done cos I know if u were in my shoes, u would have ur own feelings. Like someone else rightly said, people get married 4 some wrong reasons, I want 2 marry 4 love but it has 2 be the kind of love that can be sustained in all ramifications. It's who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches.

That's the big question. I don't want to marry her and begin to regret I ever did. Or maybe I start thinking of bringing in a second wife 2 perform the functions she can't perform, that will be disaster

sad sad . . that's a horrible thing to do.


anyways,
I just think all girls in Nigeria should be educated!. so these problems don't come up.
parents shouldn't tell their girls that education end in kitchen.
guys nowadays want educated wives. i guess. . . . . .

Personally, i don't think it's a huge problem. People have now (whenever "now" began that is) put a great emphasis on what ought not be. Yes, English is our lingua franca so we have to display good command of the language in both speech and writing. But I believe be basic purpose of language is communication. This means as long as two parties involved in communication understand one another then this purpose is achieved. "WORLD AT LARGE": for me, i don't think u should feel ashamed when she drops her "bombs" in public. Afterall, there are a lot of great successful men who drop such "bombs" on a regular but this doesn't make them any less than they are. Same applies to such men who have wives of same sort. This doesn't mean efforts can't be made on improving a bit but bear it in mind this my be almost forever.

Henry, does she know how u feel towards this prob?

Instead of trying to improve her, which u have tried but has apparently failed, why not work on yourself? Try to feel comfy wiv it.

From your post, I can see the love you have for this woman radiating allover.. You mustn't try to please the world and displease yourself in the process because you might end up regretting it if you allow her go... who says she can't learn how to eventually?

I wouldn't blame you for feeling that way, but just like Mamba asked, who said she won't eventually learn to read and write very well. Afterall, people learn other languages when it is not even their mother tongue.
Some igbos speak yoruba and hausa languages fluently and vise versa. Some hausas speak wafian languages very well. They learnt it bro.they learnt it and it took them y..e..a..r..s.
Afterall, English language to us is a borrowed language if not that most Nigerians have "out-HERODed king Herod", and has chosen to be more european than African.
Atleast she has all good qualities of a good wife or would you love to marry the most beautiful girl, most intelligent girl and yet not have peace in your house.
you still have a lot to do for her. That is the only thing you owe her for showing you how good she has been all these years, both on and off bed
Abi I talk lie, bro

hey dear i feel ur pain,how ever,has everybody has said,marriage is important and a life time commitment which surpasses other things.mayb u should still continue teaching her and supporting her,am sure she will learn,she mite not be grabing it fast like u want,u must give her time,people are differentshe mite not learn fast like u would do,bt dont give up,continue teaching and showing her love,am sure she would improve.

see marriage is imporatnt that u cant just throw it away becos of this minur problem,there is this thing i learnt and would share wit u,it would help if u put it in mind and see things dat way.
U CANT CHANGE ANYBODY,BUT URSELF,WEN U SEE SOMETHING YOU DONT LIKE IN UR LOVE ONE,DONT TRY CHANGING THE PERSON,INSTEAD CHANGE URSELF TO ACCOMODATE THAT PERSON,THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN U HAVE PEACE!!!!
cy

i was touched by that story of your.u really love her
seun this is a big problem even to the girl cos as he said he is successful businessman now and he has friends in high places.
there must be meetings he need to take her to and there are someplaces she needs to represent him in @ kinghenry u've tried for her and u love her. stick with her dont do anything that u would regret oooooo.
but well i agree with cy that U CANT CHANGE ANYBODY,BUT URSELF,WEN U SEE SOMETHING YOU DONT LIKE IN UR LOVE ONE,DONT TRY CHANGING THE PERSON,INSTEAD CHANGE URSELF TO ACCOMODATE THAT PERSON,THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN U HAVE PEACE!!!!

FOD, thanx 4 ur submission. She knows how I feel about this problem though she doesn't know how hard it's hitting me. I don't have to let her know that cos I don't want anything that will hurt her. I want 2 keep her happy always. I don't want her to lose her confidence outside the house and also inside. Atleast, she has 2 feel confident at home if not out there. I need to settle down within the next year. My folks thinks I'm comfy enuff 2 do that. I ought 2 have gotten married this year but I had to shift forward till next year cos I'm really scared. I can't get myself to propose to her. She is so sure that she's the woman 2 be my wifey cos we've been together 4 a long time and she has never had any cause 2 cry about our relationship in anyway cos I've never been unfaithful to her. None of my family members knows about this problems and I've promised her not to mention it to anyone. I had to do it this way cos I know none of u know her. I feel safe discussing it here as I need to have people's opinion and advice.

Mamba, u bet I do love this woman. U don't really understand what I feel 4 her. I don't really wish to let her go but I'm scared all the same. It may get to a stage that we will begin to have certain differences after marriage. I don't want to experience a broken home after spending money to organizing a wedding. It's not all about the money to be spent 4 the wedding, it's all about taking her that far and then letting her go. It might be better to let go now rather than take her that far. This is just a passing thought anyway.

I may be able to bear it on the inside but I need to point out another of my fears. In my church, when couples are being wedded, the bride and the groom are given passages in the Bible to read out loud enuff with a microphone 4 the congregation present to hear. What if it gets to our day and the samething happens and she can't read her own part of the passage? How do I handle it? That's way beyond my control. I can't read it 4 her and the whole congregation will be surprised cos she has no reason or excuse 4 not being able to read a passage of the Bible on the day of her wedding. It's going 2 be scandalous and I don't want a small wedding that nobody will attend. We've already agreed to get wedded in the church and nowhere else. I can't seem to explain my fears to u guys in a way u will really understand it. Some of u out there don't know what it's like until u find urselves in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love this lady 2 bits and I can say it where ever and when ever, I'm just trying 2 express what I feel inside. I love someone but I fear to marry her cos of this particular problem.

CY, thanx 4 ur imputs, I'll try to work on myself and see how far it works. I have a plan anyway. I don't know how far it will work. I'm aplying 4 a U.K. visa 4 her. I want her to go visit my Elder sister in the U.K. next year Febraury. I may have to ask her to stay there 4 a long while and then I have to confide in my sister and tell her what the problem is and see if she can work out an intensive adult education programme there 4 her 4 about 6 months. I don't know if that will make any difference but I hope it does. We initially agreed that she will only stay in the U.K. 4 three weeks and come back to continue her education but I think I have 2 change my mind. I've not told her about it though and I'm also considering her school here 4 she only just started the part-time programme. I pray this time things change cos I've got next year to make up my mind on what 2 do.

sweetnini, I fear that if I try 2 let her go, she may feel that cos I'm successful with my business now that's why I want 2 dump her and go 4 a more glamorous chic but honestly, that's not it. I don't even have another reliable woman I will turn 2 if I eventually part ways with her. I can't forget the past so soon. She was with me when I was a nobody. I really appreciate her so much and I wish u can just take a one minute look at her, u'll know that I shower her with a lot of love and affection. But the future from now on is what I fear. Thanx 4 ur contribution anyways.

God bless all of u 4 ur contributions and advice. I sincerely appreciate it. Pray 4 me 2 make the right decisions.

Kinghenry, I read all your story and my conclusion is that you are no more in true love with this lady you are talking about.  6 years ago, you met this lovely lady, you didn't consider her inability to speak good English, but its now time for you to get married, she is no more up to your standards simply because u are now a big man and probably because u will be attending occasions with Millionaires like u, she may likely throw bombs.

Different professionals throw bombs. U need to sit down and hear Nigerian Broadcasters that shoot bomb day and night and I have not heard it in Nigerian history that a particular guy was sacked simply because he/she made mistake while communicating in English language.

King Wasiu Ayinde and Sikiru Ayinde Barrister couldn't speak good English say 10 years back but now they speak the language better than millions of Nigerian graduates. What you need to do is to continue helping this lady to learn good English, by employing a teacher that will be coming 5 days in a week to teach her how to read, write and how to speak good English. Since u gat the money, she doesn't need to attend any distant learning any longer. Bill Gate was a drop out.

Alternatively, u mentioned about a relative living abroad, send her to UK and make sure she knows that she would be spending up to 6 months abroad, tell her is for her own good. There is nobody that cannot learn language, no matter how difficult it is. Ask your pastor what verses are expected of her to read on the wedding day. I am cock sure she would master it before the wedding day after all u had not told us she's daft.

I have an Aunt that had no opportunity to attend school during her youthful age, but after her marriage, her husband sent her to an Adult School, two years after then she'd started speaking good English, writes letters and read newspapers. There is nothing that is impossible in this life. What matters most is that she should be able to read and write and I don't see that as a big deal. What u need to do is to sit her down and tell her the way it is in your mind and I am very sure with her determination she will grab before long. Dont ever rush her, allow her to learn at her own pace (COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY).

Lastly, that woman is your woman, do not do things that will hurt her. I wish u a best of luck

If they are not married, then maybe he can still leave her. I think it's wise of kinghenry to be considering the future very carefully and their apparent incompatibilities. This is a problem that may indeed get worse with time.

I don't think it will get worse with time.
If the guy is telling the truth about how he loves her, then all is well with the relationship.
It can only be worse if he's selling us a dummy with his story.

From the way the guy is talking, he doesn't love her anymore. But the fact that he's now a big chap and wants to leave her, is really what i don't get? He knew she wasn't all that so why start the relationship. Anywayz, its better for him to end it now than in the future so that the girl can start dealing with it.

Kenflavor, I still do love this lady. And 2 be honest with u, it's not all about the millions. I would rather she's properly groomed as per education rather than have all that money and feeling insecured about the lady I love. I don't really expect her 2 speak queens english or anything of the sort. What I just want is for her 2 be able 2 read when it's required of her and also 2 write. Talking about speaking, she's catching up a bit. But it's still a problem if u can't write down what u speak or read what u speak. Infact, speaking may not be a big problem with time. But I still think it should be a complete package. I mean acquiring the basic skills of reading and writing alongside speaking. That's just it. That's all I need. 4 example, she can't fill forms given 2 her in skool or wherever. There was a day I sent my stockbroker over to the house 2 give her a form 2 fill out 4 the purchase of some bank shares 4 her, I forgot she couldn't do it. The stockbroker got home and gave her the form, she kept the man waiting in the living room 4 a long time while she went into the bedroom 2 stay put, cos she didn't know what 2 do with the form and she didn't know how to ask the stockbroker to help her out. She called me on the phone and complained that I know she doesn't know how 2 do this things and yet I sent someone over with the form. I had to call the stockbroker while he's still in my house and asked him to fill out the form 4 her and give her to append her signature. That was how the issue was settled. I still felt a little restless about that issue as well. Right now she's in one of the higher institutions of learning here though on a part time basis but the problem is she can't even write down anything while the leturer is teaching which is supposed 2 be the normal thing while she is in a lecture. She goes 2 skool with her books empty and comes back with nothing written on them. I once asked her after going thru her books and found nothing written in them, why don't u jot down points while the lecturer is teaching which is the purpose why u bought the exercise books and she just kept looking at me without saying a word. I bought all the text books the lecturers asked her to buy but she can't even read anyone. I may be sounding bitter, but it's not cos I don't love her anymore, it's cos I don't know what else 2 do and I don't want 2 lose her especially 4 this reason but at the same time, I need 2 get hooked up with someone I know I won't have regrets to marry. Marriage is a life long thing and not a contract which is expected to expire in the next 10 yrs or thereabout. If that was the case, I would hold on for 10 yrs and after that we would go our seperate ways and I would still feel fulfilled cos I didn't disappoint her. But unfortunately, that's not the case. I like ur advise, I'm not saying u haven't made any sense but the only thing u missed is that I still love her. I'll try my best 2 ensure she gets a visa 2 the U.K. and that would give me some releif knowing fully well that she would be going 2 work on her studies there. On the other hand, if u know the skool ur Aunt attended, where she worked on her reading and writing skills, do let me know. Give me the name and address and I might as well take her there.

Seun, thanx 4 ur submissions. U r all good.

Henry, I am begining to pick holes in your love as per your relationship.
I would love to keep mum on this issue henceforth. But I'll leave you with this, "let your heart be the better and major judge".

KH,
Honestly, the tone of your posts sound as if u r fed up and no longer inlove with her. When u started dating , there was something that attracted u but considering her fault, it seems her inability to read, write or speak the english language now outweighs what u once felt for her.

I personally feel u r wasting your time sending her to a higher institution when she doesn't even know how to write. She needs to start from the elementary upwards. Not only sending her out of the country will be a determinant of how much progress she has made and the effort she's willing to put into learning.

Well if not then u may just be pouring water in a basket.

But if u still love her as u say, then forget her weakness. Just remember, no one's perfect.

prettyH, let me make it clear 2 u. I still love her and I'm talking about this cos I'm not contemplating leaving her 4 now. I just need 2 have other people's views about this problem. People that don't know both of us. That's what I'm doing now. And even if I get 2 leave her, it's not cos I'm now a big chap. It doesn't have anything 2 do with that. I started this relationship 6 yrs ago cos I thot it was something that could be taken care of within 2 yrs max. It has dragged on for 6 whole yrs now and we're going on 2 the 7th yr. I didn't know how bad it is and how difficult it would be. I've never seen anyone in that situation b4. I mean, I never knew it would take this long. I really wanted 2 set her on the right path. she's too beautiful 2 be like that. She is also a very good lady. She keeps everywhere nice and tidy and she cooks great meals. She's got great qualities if u know what I mean. But this is just the major problem. We all have our short comings as humans but we pray that our short comings will not stand as stumbling blocks to our future. There are some stumbling blocks that won't allow u acheive ur maximum potential as a human being. I want her to grow as I grow. Now tell me how u feel about this. There was a day I gave her $2,000 in $100 bills 2 count 4 me, she counted it and I aksed her much it was, I wanted 2 hear what she would say just 2 see if there has been any improvement at all, she told me she had $20,000 instead of $2,000 in her hands.  I asked her to count it again and she came up with the same result. We went over it for about 4 good times and she kept saying the same thing. First of all, I had to make her realise that $100 bills are the same this as our own 100 Naira bills. The same way u count 2,000 Naira in 100 Naira bills is the same way u count the Dollars too. I had 2 make her count the $100 bills one at a time and we came up with the result of $2,000. Now look at it this way, if I was a away on a trip and she needed to handle some financial transactions 4 me, don't u think she will be cheated with figures Answer me that. This is what I do all the time and more. So don't say I don't love her anymore. If I don't love her, I would have dumped her a long time ago. I'm only worried which is why I'm human. This is my future I'm talking about here and it's a serious issue. It's never about being a big chap now. Afterall, I didn't just climb the ladder this year, I've been climbing 4 about 5 years now and I've been trying to get her 2 move along with me by carrying her along. Considering my status now, I can't get a hold of any woman I want but I'm not in a hurry 2 lose her just yet. I want 2 see if anything else can be done. Peace!!!!

KH,

See i have no right to judge anyone, i'm sorry if it sounded that way but that's how ur post comes across. Honestly i've only said what i think cos i'm an external party. From the experiences u've given, anyone reading might come to the conclusion that u intend calling it quits. Good for u if u ain't thinking bout leaving her.

Well u've done ur best , then leave the rest to God.

Take kare.

prettyH:

From the experiences u've given, anyone reading might come to the conclusion that u intend calling it quits.

You're absolutely wrong here, prettyH. The way you see things is very different from the way others will see that same thing. And I think you should stop your continuous repitition of him being a big chap, hence, his indecision. From his story so far, for the man to say he wants to send her abroad or even asking for where kenflavour's aunt studied so he can take her there, don't u know what it means? Put urself in the same situation. What if u also had a man like that? For Christ's sake, she can't even count money!!! Even stark illiterates count money perfectly.

Kinghenry, I feel your pain and I'm really short of words.

My friend, why are you being bothered about a triffle matter as "my fiance not speaking good English"?Is English our language? Seun has said it all. You better marry this girl and have a peaceful home than marrying the so-called educated girls who speak better English than Queen Elizabeth and having a Jezebel in the house. I don't Know why all the noise about this English of a thing. Please for your own good, stick to this woman. A word is enough for the wise.

Bro..

I think you are going about this the wrong way (her education that is.. )...

If the two of you both realize and acknowledge that her being in a higher institution is a blatant waste of time, then that's not where she's suppose to be in the first place.. how did she even qualify to enter into the place in the first place.. I think you are unnecessarily placing her on a hot spot.. unnecessarily giving her undue pressure in your quest for her to "meet up" with your expectations..

If the truth be said, of what essence or relevance is someone being in a "higher institution" when the basics havent been mastered.. Your focus should be on getting her to master the basics.. Above you mentioned the money issue.. To me, that wasn't a fair assessment... If u had given her 20,000 in Naira, I'm sure she wouldn't have made the same mistake.. After all, she does go to the market to make purchases for your home doesn't she.. has she ever one day come home with a 'sad joan' story that the money was lost or that she was duped?.. Even tomatoes sellers in the market have superior arithmetic skills than a lot of 'so-called' professionals.. From the case highlighted above, it's more a case of exposure than lack of knowledge..

Let me let you in on a story..

I went to the US some years ago for a trip.. took along with me some $100 notes, for the convenience of carrying around large ammounts of cash.. Got to a shop to make a purchase, and got held up for like 20 mins while they shop attendant at the cash register was fawning.. I repeat fawning over the $100 note.. she had never seen one in her life before.. never.. would I call her bush?.. maybe.. but to me it was more a case of lack of awareness or exposure.. I was patient with her.. a lot of people may not have exercised the same degree of patience..

Point here.. I'm sure what's happening to your babe is more a case of 'lack of exposure' and 'intimidation' rather than it being a case of her being mentally non-proficient.. If you've been patient till now, its not now that the "pepper" has come to rest, that you should suddenly have these short-comings being a burden..

I believe the solution to your problem here is to take her back to the basics.. the modern term is called "home schooling", and believe me.. results abound for her to achieve, as long as she wants to achieve them.. if u put her under undue pressure, she may either crack, or adopt a lackadacical attitude to everything.. believing "what is your own self "..

Your first duty is to talk this out with her... make her understand everything.. your feelings, your sentiments, your expectations.. and your obligations to the relationship.. that way she'd be better positioned to see where you're coming from..
then next, you have to create an enabling environment for her to achieve the expected results.. and believe me, it's not a case of her being in a higher institution, but her being true to her self and allowing herself start studies from her true accademic level.. that way she can begin to build up her repertoire of life skills..
then next, is to give her the level of exposure you require from her... Some people learn to be posh by having a very privlidged up bringing.. some from watching TV a lot.. some from going to a polishing school.. and believe me.. polishing schools to abound everywhere.. even in Lagos, to my greatest suprise..

Lastly, but most important.. Take her to church.. I gather from some of your posts that your a Christian.. A bit of councelling for both of you, together and individually, could really make a world of difference.. and prayers too..

goodguy:

You're absolutely wrong here, prettyH. The way you see things is very different from the way others will see that same thing. And I think you should stop your continuous repitition of him being a big chap, hence, his indecision. From his story so far, for the man to say he wants to send her abroad or even asking for where kenflavour's aunt studied so he can take her there, don't u know what it means? Put yourself in the same situation. What if u also had a man like that? For Christ's sake, she can't even count money!!! Even stark illiterates count money perfectly.

Kinghenry, I feel your pain and I'm really short of words.

See , his first post stated that he has moved up after a couple of years..so what does that signify..of course he is now better off.So whats the big deal in calling him a big chap. Abeg forget that side. Of course the way i see things certainly is different from others perspective. So lets let it be.

Henry, i think CimonJorr has a very good point.I fully agree with his opinion.I sometimes think of love as something that makes u very open to someone u love.So you should be willing and able to present ur concern to this girl of urs without any fear.You should be able to make her understand what u are passing thru and what u think is best for her.Really, if u really love this girl and u want her to be very good in her english skills, u should be willing be patient with her.Why are you in a hurry to make her learn english?why do u want quick stuff, if u want to spend the rest of ur life with her?Please be calm and take things easy, if you love her and you want her u should be willing to sacrifice not only money but also time.You should be able to find joy in assisting her to learn, it should be fun.I try to imagine if it was me in ur shoes .I will gladly take on the assignment as long as i have the time.Bottom line is this, please stick with her and be willing to give her time to learn this english.

I really feel your pain KingHenry. However, in matters like this, I think the best advise is ultimately the one you come up with by yourself. You're the one that is going to live with your actions or in actions.

I must say that I'm quite impressed by all the advice you got on this forum. Chunks of good advice. If I were in your shoe, and I love the lady like you say you love her, I'll sit her down and let her know how I feel. Then, together we will workout a program on how she can improve. You need to get your priorities right. Do you need a degree holder or a wife who can speak good English or just a good wife? Sending someone who has not learned the basic to a higher institution, to me, is most unfair. Like CimonJorr said, more practical improvement program will produce result. Afterall, she is not an slowpoke.

I must say that lovable marriage material girls are as scarce as diamonds. If you get one, keep her. Diamonds do get flaws sometimes too. I don't know if somebody heard the spoken English of Temitope Josua a year ago. Has anybody heard his spoken English recently? My advice is that if you get a girl you can love and who loves you back, don't lose her for anything. Not even for the sake of good spoken English. The best decision to me, is still the one you come up with unaided. You'll surely live withe the consequence (good or bad). Please be wise.