₦airaland Forum

Hi All,

This one's for single guys in their 40's that have never been married and don't have kids.

I'm gradually, well I have actually come to the realisation that women over 30’s are increasingly becoming less attractive to men when it comes to long term considerations. It's not strictly 100% but I do think it's on the increase. Maybe it’s more accurate to say they’re hesitant to dive into such relationships. I could be wrong, I can be naive sometimes but I think it could be down to fertility considerations as well as the fact that ladies in their 30's in particular mid 30's pretty much know what they want and don't tend to put up with varying degrees of ……, , (define as you will).

Now, gentlemen folk out there in your 40's I'd like to know if you have similar concerns. I know according to 'our customs' there's no such thing as an old man. But are there any of you out there who worry about finding the 'right one' once you hit 40.  A gentleman friend of mine once told me that one of the issues with being with a younger woman is the associated mandatory stress that comes with it.

I'd appreciate your feedback on this.

I'm not expecting that many responses as I can't imagine there are many guys out there who fit into this category but I know a few.

PS, is it just me or have you also noticed that younger guys preferring older women are on the increase.

Obirin,

Has any of this actually helped? It'd be interesting to know. I do hope it hasn't put you off naija guys for good.

Not to steal your thunder - Guys reading this post lets flip this around. Do you ever find yourselves asking where the single naija women of quality are?

Obirin,
I see your point but I have to add a little humour here so I beg no vex.

The oyinbo wey you just throw down, hehe. If I be naija broda, I go fear, I fit run sef. Haba, u don finish de bobo patapata.

Especially the one in Oregon is a perfect gentleman, the kind you wish to take home to mama. But he has a luck that attracts airheads and Gold diggers!

SweetT,
I have to ask, what type of women are your cousins looking for. Sounds to me they seem to drift towards 'trophy' / high maintenance' girlies. Maybe you ought to get them to heed some of the advice Obirin is being given. Re-evaluate what / whom they seek in a relationship.
To a degree I agree with Militia and think they do sound somewhat like Akata's, but then there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of blokes think the same of me. I change their minds fairly quickly when the yoruba starts flowing. But then I'm not a typical naija babe so I know why I have difficulty finding that naija guy.

Obirin, I'm coming back to your point as this thread is really about your concerns just want to make a point of what I find with most naija guys.
Here's the deal. Most guys I come across nowadays like the idea of a successful woman. Let’s face it there are plenty of us about. However, once the rose petals fall out of their eyes they still crave for that traditional naija woman. And when they don't see it they seem confused and of course it has to be a problem with us girls. Forget the fact that life can be so demanding and most of us once we hit our 30's want a 'partner' in the true sense. And then when you finally come across the one who is as 'liberal' as you are, well, he's so way over the top you wonder if he has any values instilled in him. Anyways, enough of that. SweetT, get your cousins to evaluate what they're looking for in a woman and concentrate on that, beauty comes from within. BTW, if they start off lavishing a woman with expense 'things' she can't be accused of being a gold digger. She's simply grown accustomed to the manner in which she's being treated.

Now then Obirin, I agree when you say you won't compromise. You haven't said anything about a divorcee with kids though. If you have and I've missed it I apologise.

Here's what I've found with the over 35 males in general – no disrespect to my brothers, just an observation:
1. He's divorced, successful and has kids. No biggie if you’re determined and strong willed.
2. He's divorced, successful has kids and the ex. is a psychopath. Drama, drama, drama.
3. He's not so successful, still finding his way, working on the umpteenth business venture as none of the past ones amounted to anything. Be prepared to deal with his complex if he’s you’re typical run of the mill naija guy.
4. Now that he's over 35 and divorced, he's finally come to the realisation that he messed up his marriage by being immature and selfish so now he's desperate to start over again. So he's not really looking for a 'partner' he just wants another try.
5. He had a kid in his 20's with, I forget her name now. So now he wants to settle down and start a family yesterday. However, as you're in your 30's there'll be no ring on your finger till you get pregnant. You see, he's worried due to your age you may have issues conceiving. Honestly.
6. He assumes cos you're over 30 the only thing on your mind is marriage so any form of BS is tolerable. (I assure you my sister, he gets a rude awakening).
7. He thinks it’s a safer bet going for a woman in her 20’s (babies, babies, babies).  However, he can’t deal with her immaturity so he’ll still coma knocking.
8. He’s just so lovely so you then start to wonder what’s up.
9. He’s over 35, no kids never been married and not quite as successful as you are. So now maybe you’re wondering, ‘what’s he been doing with his life’? Should I take a risk? Jump in and get your feet wet. Life is for the living.
10. He’s over 35, no kids, never been married is very successful but he’s just too into himself. No personality, goes for surface beauty and well, suffered a personality bypass.

To summarise, the point I’m trying to make is that if you really want a naija guy over 35 you MUST be willing to accept that he may not be exactly what you’re looking for. Actually this doesn’t just apply to our guys. It can be broadened to all races. I don’t agree with compromising if it will make one miserable and we only live once. As for younger guys I’m 38 and I think 36 is my limit. I think it’s something to do with our culture. It’s quite silly really, if you get along, feel for each other, what’s his age got to do with it. I’m still struggling with that one.

But as to where these guys are, reach out to your network of friends and associates. You may not be able to seek them out yourself but a word here a nudge there and before you know it, hey presto, you’ll be swarming in eligible naija guys. Open yourself up more to what's out there.
BTW, are you limiting yourself to naija guys only or is this thread general curiosity about where the responsible eligible naija guys are.

All the best.

Sorry crazyp, just skim thru it

Ladies, pls keep me posted if you hear of one in the N. London area

Ta

Interesting topic Obirin0521
I have to ask though, when you do meet a man, a Gidian, what qualities do you focus on? Do you nit pick at the stuff you don't like or celebrate what you consider to be his good points?

One thing I have noticed with 'our men' over 35 is that a lot of them come with 'baggage'. No disrespect guys. I know there's an unwritten rule that it's acceptable in a man rather than a woman to carry over the stresses of previous relationships but guys, us girls sometimes want a quiet life. But I accept we’re not perfect and yes, sometimes we do ask for too much once we get round to figuring out what we want. I’m trying to balance it out here blokes.

Anyways, I digress. Back to OB's point.
Where are you looking for these guys, is your environment conducive to meeting the type of guys you're looking for?
I know it's a question of substance, I've never been one for recommending settling for second best. Bottom line you need to be happy. I guess with your status in life you're looking for a man who has the same qualities or should I say a man who’s on the same level as you. I hear you they are very hard to find. Funny how us girls despite our mother's warnings to get married in our 20's still crave for a single man whose never been married and has no kids in our mid - late 30's. We soon face reality though. Again, second best is not an option, happiness counts for a great deal regardless of the circumstances or the other persons past.

Also, maybe some of the so called over 35's who want to approach you feel intimidated. What kind of vibes d'u throw out there? I reckon you're not one to tolerate rubbish but maybe you need to give the brother's a chance.
I'm not going to end by saying I'm sure you'll find him one day, but I sincerely hope you do and real soon. And when you do hold on to him real tight and when you go thru those times when you feel he needs tossing out the window just think of the days gone by when u longed for him.

PS. Never put up with BS.

That's my 2pence worth

Me