one of the best threads I have read


Many of us are in your shoes

learning myself


But I would have to agree about 'actively' searching, note its not the same as being desperate.

Another is not too over look some people cos you could never know whats wrapped inside

Humble yourself before God and let him show you/open your eyes . Don't tint your glasses just yet.

Thank you responders.

@ Siena,Monkeyleg & Spoilt (Pardon me I can't quite figure out the hunter green box thingy):

Thank you for the above.  I earnestly and honestly value your thoughtful comments.

I am pretty sure of what I want, (need?) and though willing to make any non-life/death compromise, the basics as highlighted above must be met.   I am not looking for a man who earns more than me, that would narrow my field somewhat considerably .  A man who knows what his responsibilities are vis a vis the household suffices for me. 

I have a friend who is a partner in one of the biggest personal injury law firms in NYC by Wall St, her spouse is a sanitation truck driver and you know what?  They are very happy, because Paul fulfils his every obligation and even though my friend earns multiple digits above his cheque, she treats him like the King of the castle that he truly is. (Pardon my sentence termination with the preposition).  In addition, Paul is able to carry on conversations with her friends and colleaques because he is a selfteacher who is confident in who, not what, he is as a person.  Consequently, he supports my friend to reach whatever goals she sets herself.

@Spoilt - I hear you, I also have a few friends and colleaques who are married/dating younger men.  Truth be told, in my age group (33-40), that seems to be the trend I'm seeing. 

Again, the challenge is meeting that rare gem, one of whom you have since scooped off the market, , who is not only younger but also able to think and BE the man without being threatend by either one's age or achievements.  I went out a couple of times with a younger professional guy once and honestly by the 3rd date I would have gladly done myself in with a rusty spoon if I had to hear him refer to his 'dudes'  or Fraternity one more time or how he couldn't wait to be in executive mgt before turning 35.  You probably guessed, he was oyinbo.  Please note though that this is not exclusive to them.   Some of my g'friends have had the same experiences across the race spectrum.

I'm at a loss here, 'cause most of my cousins and friends in the UK are mostly 'settled', the single ones (M & F), also complain of not finding any quality person to meet.

Monkeyleg - Regarding Phone: I've not overlooked that avenue, it's just, hmm, ,  I will nack you mai tory for another time.  Suffice it to say that DHL's International HQ police had to get involved!   Sighh,   

Ha Salsera! Please don't tell me its' the same thing over in Naija. That would just totally stink!

Anyway, the thing over here is yes, I put myself out there but there are no Naija 'Berra' to see. All I get is Oyinbo, Hispa and the occasional Asian. What next?

Obirin0521:

Ha Salsera! Please don't tell me its' the same thing over in Naija. That would just totally stink!

Anyway, the thing over here is yes, I put myself out there but there are no Naija 'Berra' to see. All I get is Oyinbo, Hispa and the occasional Asian. What next?

dearie im sure you know that there is a marriage squeeze. there simply arent enough black naija men to go round. its the trend that a lot of our men have looked outside the race to find love. its not a bad thing but its tragic that our women are in denial as to this squeeze and seem to want to be in a black marriage at all costs.even at the cost of menopause. . if you get attention from a caucaian, asian, american indian or hispanic man please take it. ive told all my single friends to take love for what it is and not wait for that perfect naija man wherever he is. but seriously whats wrong with a guy from another race? surely he can at least laugh at your jokes!

some men are just jerks and will bore you with their accomplishments. it seems they hit 20 and just eternally stay there and 'mark time'. having a conversation with such 'frat' boys is anguish raised to the power of torture. you cant change them just avoid them.seems to me that they try to show you how you are lucky to even be on a date with them afterall arent there an ocean of desperate women out there?

i tended to go for the more reserved, unassuming guys. the loud, know-it-alls scared me. the show offs were such a turn off. i guess its even harder when you are at the top in your career. you meet all kinds of painfully shallow guys with dough. they have money but the brains of birds.


i had my own list of what i wanted in a man. i thought i was going to end up with someone at least ten years older who was going to baby me and spoil me.my sister when i met my husband i tore that list and set it ablaze.

when i met my husband i tore that list and set it ablaze.

Trust me when I meet the One who has refused to ask for directions(typical male!  ), I'll be ready.  Please note that I hear you regarding list, but as you saw my 'list' is not unreasonable. 

Re Bird brains - Some don't even have the dough or ambition!  Talk about double wahala for deadi bodi a la Fela Kuti!

Obirin0521:



Trust me when I meet the One who has refused to ask for directions(typical male!  ), I'll be ready.  Please note that I hear you regarding list, but as you saw my 'list' is not unreasonable. 

Re Bird brains - Some don't even have the dough or ambition!  Talk about double wahala for deadi bodi a la Fela Kuti!

Lol. that one na bad market oh!
your list really isnt unreasonable. i wish you the best of luck in your search for your soul mate. i believe that no matter what people say there are hoardes of good guys out there lonesome looking for you. 

Obirin0521,

I hear what you are saying, and I kinda agree with Spolit up to a point. Spoilt I like the way you ended your last reply, cos I can surely verify that is indid the case.

Obirin0521, I do not think there is anything wrong in exclusively seeking someone of your race, but if the truth be said you might have to do far more that sitting in the US, and looking. that is why I keep hampering on casting your net far.

I keep mentioning the UK, cos there is a greater concentration of our people within London, and I mean good people. Just like you I kept complaining about not meeting the right people, but believe me I was commiting the same classical error everyone seems to do. That is, looking at the wrong places, looking for the wrong qualities, and basically looking for the wrong people.

You know I had this same discussion with a young lady yesterday. She says broda, I would like to meet someone nice hopefully to settle down. so I asked a few questions including where she hung out and what sort of people she would normally mix with. My advice to her is change, do the unconventional.

If you ask married couples how it happened, there is always an unlikely story, something different, and by the way if is far more difficult in the US than it is here in the UK.

If you really want to talk this out you can mail me ok. London31uk@yahoo.com

Interesting topic Obirin0521
I have to ask though, when you do meet a man, a Gidian, what qualities do you focus on? Do you nit pick at the stuff you don't like or celebrate what you consider to be his good points?

One thing I have noticed with 'our men' over 35 is that a lot of them come with 'baggage'. No disrespect guys. I know there's an unwritten rule that it's acceptable in a man rather than a woman to carry over the stresses of previous relationships but guys, us girls sometimes want a quiet life. But I accept we’re not perfect and yes, sometimes we do ask for too much once we get round to figuring out what we want. I’m trying to balance it out here blokes.

Anyways, I digress. Back to OB's point.
Where are you looking for these guys, is your environment conducive to meeting the type of guys you're looking for?
I know it's a question of substance, I've never been one for recommending settling for second best. Bottom line you need to be happy. I guess with your status in life you're looking for a man who has the same qualities or should I say a man who’s on the same level as you. I hear you they are very hard to find. Funny how us girls despite our mother's warnings to get married in our 20's still crave for a single man whose never been married and has no kids in our mid - late 30's. We soon face reality though. Again, second best is not an option, happiness counts for a great deal regardless of the circumstances or the other persons past.

Also, maybe some of the so called over 35's who want to approach you feel intimidated. What kind of vibes d'u throw out there? I reckon you're not one to tolerate rubbish but maybe you need to give the brother's a chance.
I'm not going to end by saying I'm sure you'll find him one day, but I sincerely hope you do and real soon. And when you do hold on to him real tight and when you go thru those times when you feel he needs tossing out the window just think of the days gone by when u longed for him.

PS. Never put up with BS.

That's my 2pence worth

Me

kininbase:


Also, maybe some of the so called over 35's who want to approach you feel intimidated. What kind of vibes d'u throw out there? I reckon you're not one to tolerate rubbish but maybe you need to give the brother's a chance.

its true that a lot of guys feel intimidated. one look at your paycheck and he shrinks like a tank top left too long in the dryer. even if you are unassuming its just a hard pill to swallow for some guys that you earn 2 or 3 times more. my take is that whatever you are earning my dear you deserve! (not that it sounds to me like you feel guilty )

i absolutely agree with monkeyleg .sometimes its ok to step outside the power brokers' forum. those suits sometimes cant give you what you want.they wear their suits like coffins, they sound alike (they've been attending the same management courses, smell alike (do they buy their expensive scents in the same store? ), they even begin to look alike. its tiring. once in a while its ok to attend blue collar events.
Did i hear you say GOD FORBID?

Isn't it remarkable how the superficial taunters gradually thin out of a thread like this?

This is a serious subject that can be discussed at more than just the individual level - as Spoilt points out ("there's a marriage squeeze", one of the causes that's too often forgotten is the annihilation of the middle class midwifed by Babangida and Abacha, which dealt a heavy blow to the Nigerian male!).

Anyway, Obirin0521, forgive me for repeating what monkeyleg has stated and restated - go well outside of your normal circuits ("cast your net wide". My former secondary school holds regular old boys' reunions for those resident in the States (replicating our tradition in Nigeria). I attended the last few ones in the States, as I was then resident in New York, and we've really taken them to another level - a whole weekend of activities ranging from the serious to the more mundane. Now truth is most of those who gather for such events are married couples (some even show up with the kids), but many guys invite friends, clearly to come and "network", and I tell you sparks do fly (or is it cupid's arrow?). I'm just offering this as an example of off-the-beaten-track, out-of-your-comfort-zone places you can meet quality men - several Nigerian secondary schools and universities hold such reunions annually, afterall; and you can easily get information about them.

Goodluck searching, my dear! _{Pity I left the States}  

Opomulero1:


This is a serious subject that can be discussed at more than just the individual level - as Spoilt points out ("there's a marriage squeeze", one of the causes that's too often forgotten is the annihilation of the middle class midwifed by Babangida and Abacha, which dealt a heavy blow to the Nigerian male!).

so you are going to blame abacha and ibb for men not wanting to commit and marry? 
it seems to me that the poorer men are even more ready to take wives at an earlier age. arent all our 'small' gatemen and drivers married with children? its the big fishes who have tons of 'lalas' that still wait till they are pushing 40 before looking for 20 year olds to marry. am i lying? 

and bros there's something like phone. call the poster if you are interested.

Kininbase

Interesting topic Obirin0521
I have to ask though, when you do meet a man, a Gidian, what qualities do you focus on? Do you nit pick at the stuff you don't like or celebrate what you consider to be his good points?

Thanks for your feedback.  I had to think about the above for a minute and my answer is; honestly, I don't focus on either.  In all relationships, whether romantic,platonic, professional etc., I tend to be quite flexible.  As long as the individual does not have socio-psychopathic tendencies hence the reason why my circle of friends cuts a wide swath through the racial,economic strata of life.  If I'm dating the person, I may be a teensy bit more alert to the undesirable but I don't focus on it.

Opomulero1

Isn't it remarkable how the superficial taunters gradually thin out of a thread like this?

Now ain't that the truth.  As my Grandma always says, water will find its level, its only a matter of time.     Thanks for being Q folks.   I truly appreciate you 'specially Monkeyleg and Spoilt who were the 1st ones to indicate to me that this post was not a waste of my time. 
Re your comments on reunions I may try to restart that, but as you pointed out most are married folks whose wives expect one to pick up after them or their kids 'cause one is still single.  Or even worse eye you with extreme suspicion when you become engaged in intellectual discussions with their spouses since you refuse to get pulled into discussions on topics you have no interest or expertise such as labor pains/breastfeeding or some other such non-inclusive issues.

Spoilt: Re Intimidation, my dear Sister, whilst I'm prepared to be flexible when it comes to what a guy earns, as long as he can feed himself, I absolutely refuse to be made guilty because, I obtained the Lord's  favor in the land according to His promise.  A man who can't handle that, is not for yours truly.  No matter his networth or lack thereof.   I once dated (another lifetime ago), a Naija Bobo who obviously earned more than me, but was still paralyzed by fear that I would surpass his pay one day, and he would obsess over this for hours.  No kidding!  After 2 weeks of this foolishness, I tendered my resignation with alacrity!  Till today, the guy does not know what I made but he was just not comfortable in Who he was.  He defined himself by his networth.  Pity.

Isn't it remarkable how the superficial taunters gradually thin out of a thread like this?

I wonder who they are? And by the way the lady says she isn't 'fishing' so your advice about her 'casting her net wide' nor her visiting one boys' slumber party or the other doesn't cut.
I do not know how old our poster is, but one thing is for sure; she's very inflexible with her age limit thingy. Well I'm not qualified in that respect but if I must so I think her criteria for a possible mate is very minimal.
That said I still believe she should check the vibes the gives out because I do not believe that there's anywhere in the world where one wouldn't find our 'youn' (9ja GQs). Just change your perspective.
Really reconsider your age limit dearie to accommodate potentials like me. By the way I know of a prominent SAN and former attorney general of Nigeria that married a woman 8yrs older than he iis and lived happily ever after.

NImi-K
I made it clear that I would not go below 35, that is true.  I'm sorry if that makes me inflexible by your account 'cause it excludes you.  I am not fishing for a mate through this thread, that is also true.  I was wondering if I was missing any obvious 'opportunities' hence the post.   

I wish you the very best in your quest for She who is to complete you.

pls, u guys shld make ur posts short, its becoming too long for comfort, haba!!!

Especially the one in Oregon is a perfect gentleman, the kind you wish to take home to mama. But he has a luck that attracts airheads and Gold diggers!

SweetT,
I have to ask, what type of women are your cousins looking for. Sounds to me they seem to drift towards 'trophy' / high maintenance' girlies. Maybe you ought to get them to heed some of the advice Obirin is being given. Re-evaluate what / whom they seek in a relationship.
To a degree I agree with Militia and think they do sound somewhat like Akata's, but then there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of blokes think the same of me. I change their minds fairly quickly when the yoruba starts flowing. But then I'm not a typical naija babe so I know why I have difficulty finding that naija guy.

Obirin, I'm coming back to your point as this thread is really about your concerns just want to make a point of what I find with most naija guys.
Here's the deal. Most guys I come across nowadays like the idea of a successful woman. Let’s face it there are plenty of us about. However, once the rose petals fall out of their eyes they still crave for that traditional naija woman. And when they don't see it they seem confused and of course it has to be a problem with us girls. Forget the fact that life can be so demanding and most of us once we hit our 30's want a 'partner' in the true sense. And then when you finally come across the one who is as 'liberal' as you are, well, he's so way over the top you wonder if he has any values instilled in him. Anyways, enough of that. SweetT, get your cousins to evaluate what they're looking for in a woman and concentrate on that, beauty comes from within. BTW, if they start off lavishing a woman with expense 'things' she can't be accused of being a gold digger. She's simply grown accustomed to the manner in which she's being treated.

Now then Obirin, I agree when you say you won't compromise. You haven't said anything about a divorcee with kids though. If you have and I've missed it I apologise.

Here's what I've found with the over 35 males in general – no disrespect to my brothers, just an observation:
1. He's divorced, successful and has kids. No biggie if you’re determined and strong willed.
2. He's divorced, successful has kids and the ex. is a psychopath. Drama, drama, drama.
3. He's not so successful, still finding his way, working on the umpteenth business venture as none of the past ones amounted to anything. Be prepared to deal with his complex if he’s you’re typical run of the mill naija guy.
4. Now that he's over 35 and divorced, he's finally come to the realisation that he messed up his marriage by being immature and selfish so now he's desperate to start over again. So he's not really looking for a 'partner' he just wants another try.
5. He had a kid in his 20's with, I forget her name now. So now he wants to settle down and start a family yesterday. However, as you're in your 30's there'll be no ring on your finger till you get pregnant. You see, he's worried due to your age you may have issues conceiving. Honestly.
6. He assumes cos you're over 30 the only thing on your mind is marriage so any form of BS is tolerable. (I assure you my sister, he gets a rude awakening).
7. He thinks it’s a safer bet going for a woman in her 20’s (babies, babies, babies).  However, he can’t deal with her immaturity so he’ll still coma knocking.
8. He’s just so lovely so you then start to wonder what’s up.
9. He’s over 35, no kids never been married and not quite as successful as you are. So now maybe you’re wondering, ‘what’s he been doing with his life’? Should I take a risk? Jump in and get your feet wet. Life is for the living.
10. He’s over 35, no kids, never been married is very successful but he’s just too into himself. No personality, goes for surface beauty and well, suffered a personality bypass.

To summarise, the point I’m trying to make is that if you really want a naija guy over 35 you MUST be willing to accept that he may not be exactly what you’re looking for. Actually this doesn’t just apply to our guys. It can be broadened to all races. I don’t agree with compromising if it will make one miserable and we only live once. As for younger guys I’m 38 and I think 36 is my limit. I think it’s something to do with our culture. It’s quite silly really, if you get along, feel for each other, what’s his age got to do with it. I’m still struggling with that one.

But as to where these guys are, reach out to your network of friends and associates. You may not be able to seek them out yourself but a word here a nudge there and before you know it, hey presto, you’ll be swarming in eligible naija guys. Open yourself up more to what's out there.
BTW, are you limiting yourself to naija guys only or is this thread general curiosity about where the responsible eligible naija guys are.

All the best.

Sorry crazyp, just skim thru it

SweetT,
I have to ask, what type of women are your cousins looking for. Sounds to me they seem to drift towards 'trophy' / high maintenance' girlies. Maybe you ought to get them to heed some of the advice Obirin is being given. Re-evaluate what / whom they seek in a relationship.
To a degree I agree with Militia and think they do sound somewhat like Akata's, but then there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of blokes think the same of me. I change their minds fairly quickly when the yoruba starts flowing. But then I'm not a typical naija babe so I know why I have difficulty finding that naija guy.

Obirin, I'm coming back to your point as this thread is really about your concerns just want to make a point of what I find with most naija guys.
Here's the deal. Most guys I come across nowadays like the idea of a successful woman. Let’s face it there are plenty of us about. However, once the rose petals fall out of their eyes they still crave for that traditional naija woman. And when they don't see it they seem confused and of course it has to be a problem with us girls. Forget the fact that life can be so demanding and most of us once we hit our 30's want a 'partner' in the true sense. And then when you finally come across the one who is as 'liberal' as you are, well, he's so way over the top you wonder if he has any values instilled in him. Anyways, enough of that. SweetT, get your cousins to evaluate what they're looking for in a woman and concentrate on that, beauty comes from within. BTW, if they start off lavishing a woman with expense 'things' she can't be accused of being a gold digger. She's simply grown accustomed to the manner in which she's being treated.

Now then Obirin, I agree when you say you won't compromise. You haven't said anything about a divorcee with kids though. If you have and I've missed it I apologise.

Here's what I've found with the over 35 males in general – no disrespect to my brothers, just an observation:
1. He's divorced, successful and has kids. No biggie if you’re determined and strong willed.
2. He's divorced, successful has kids and the ex. is a psychopath. Drama, drama, drama.
3. He's not so successful, still finding his way, working on the umpteenth business venture as none of the past ones amounted to anything. Be prepared to deal with his complex if he’s you’re typical run of the mill naija guy.
4. Now that he's over 35 and divorced, he's finally come to the realisation that he messed up his marriage by being immature and selfish so now he's desperate to start over again. So he's not really looking for a 'partner' he just wants another try.
5. He had a kid in his 20's with, I forget her name now. So now he wants to settle down and start a family yesterday. However, as you're in your 30's there'll be no ring on your finger till you get pregnant. You see, he's worried due to your age you may have issues conceiving. Honestly.
6. He assumes because you're over 30 the only thing on your mind is marriage so any form of BS is tolerable. (I assure you my sister, he gets a rude awakening).
7. He thinks it’s a safer bet going for a woman in her 20’s (babies, babies, babies). However, he can’t deal with her immaturity so he’ll still coma knocking.
8. He’s just so lovely so you then start to wonder what’s up.
9. He’s over 35, no kids never been married and not quite as successful as you are. So now maybe you’re wondering, ‘what’s he been doing with his life’? Should I take a risk? Jump in and get your feet wet. Life is for the living.
10. He’s over 35, no kids, never been married is very successful but he’s just too into himself. No personality, goes for surface beauty and well, suffered a personality bypass.

To summarise, the point I’m trying to make is that if you really want a naija guy over 35 you MUST be willing to accept that he may not be exactly what you’re looking for. Actually this doesn’t just apply to our guys. It can be broadened to all races. I don’t agree with compromising if it will make one miserable and we only live once. As for younger guys I’m 38 and I think 36 is my limit. I think it’s something to do with our culture. It’s quite silly really, if you get along, feel for each other, what’s his age got to do with it. I’m still struggling with that one.

But as to where these guys are, reach out to your network of friends and associates. You may not be able to seek them out yourself but a word here a nudge there and before you know it, hey presto, you’ll be swarming in eligible naija guys. Open yourself up more to what's out there.
BTW, are you limiting yourself to naija guys only or is this thread general curiosity about where the responsible eligible naija guys are.

All the best.

na wa oo, is this supposed to be just a post?

crazyp,
im actually enjoying the lengthy posts! lots of sense in them. just skip them or close your eyes!  

there is a large pool of guys above 35 who are single and unmarried. but as the poster has rightly pointed out they often come with baggage. a lot are divorced, have a chain of exes who wont let go or they just have issues. afterall with marriageable women outnumbering men these days it seems to me like a man who hasnt been snagged yet at 39 and older is suspect or maybe just isnt interested in women!  
i feel you obirin on the school reunion thing. a lot of our colleagues are married, with wives and children. the reunions are meant to be a happy time but often time it becomes a spanish inquisition for single women. "how about you"?"how come you arent married"? "when are you going to do it"? "you dont have a man"?    its just like how they torture you at weddings! goodluck to you if you want to put yourself in front of nosey judgemental people.
my advice to you is to just put yourself out there but not obsess about marriage because it often happens that the day you meet your spouse is the day you are looking your worst and  not even prepared . word!

Enough of all the critical and uncritical analysis. The lady is trying to get hooked here.
Here let me set the pace.

Name: Nimi-k

Age: 34<x<41 non negotiable

Economic Status: should be able to buy a toothpaste at least

Social Status: unavailable

Religious Background: Love God etc.

picture:[img]http://images1.snapfish.com/34%3A746349%7Ffp3%3A7%3Evq%3D32%3C%3A%3E272%3E495%3EWSNRCG%3D32363478389%3B%3Bvq0mrj[/img]

Have done my bit. Bye to this topic

Nimi-K

Re: Ok, That Is It! Where Are The Single Naija Men Of Quality Over 35?
« #51 on: Today at 12:04:20 AM » 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enough of all the critical and uncritical analysis. The lady is trying to get hooked here.
Here let me set the pace,

 
Sigh,    whilst I do not suffer from catagelophobia, ridicule goes with the territory in situations such as this, however it is disheartening that your responses to this socio-cultural post remains in this vein- Ad Hominem.  Proof positive that you are either unconsciously cerebrally philo-incompetent or deliberately socio-intellectually obtuse.
Abyssus abyssum invocat

Obirin,
I see your point but I have to add a little humour here so I beg no vex.

The oyinbo wey you just throw down, hehe. If I be naija broda, I go fear, I fit run sef. Haba, u don finish de bobo patapata.

kininbase:

Obirin,
I see your point but I have to add a little humour here so I beg no vex.

The oyinbo wey you just throw down, hehe. If I be naija brother, I go fear, I fit run sef. Haba, u don finish de bobo patapata.

its ok to be well spoken. obirin make u sorry for nimi. [s]i guess he doesnt stand the ghost of a chance now[/s].

Obirin,

Has any of this actually helped? It'd be interesting to know. I do hope it hasn't put you off naija guys for good.

Not to steal your thunder - Guys reading this post lets flip this around. Do you ever find yourselves asking where the single naija women of quality are?

is anyone even interested in naija women these days?

Dear Responders: I beg your collective pardon for the public analysis of one of the panelists.  I am a firm believer in dealing others the same hand (or better), that one expects to be dealt.  I honestly believe that said offender crossed the temperance line with that last post.

That said, this forum has been incredibly insightful and chockful of some surprises for me. 
One of the unpleasant surprises is that single people over a certain age are still viewed with socially jaundiced occular lenses and the belief, albeit unfounded and unjust, that one spent one's 'youth' in frivolity or other such profitless ventures.  A refreshing and 'Halleluyah' invoking surprise was the immense empathy of the Malefolk.   This highlighted for me a prejudice that I was not aware I had.  The prejudice being that Men could not relate to this issue or would not care.  I doff the proverbial hat to Sweet T, Siena, Monkeyleg & Opomulero1.   Thank you Gentlemen, you are truly 'Mensch'

I will share this at the next girls meeting at my house.  This is a gathering of single female friends/associates of mine from different socio-economic-cultural backgrounds. I am sure they will like to be part of Nairaland.  Any female who reads this and lives in the NYC area should let me know if they would like to come.  Mi Casa, su Casa. (I've got 2 female Bull Mastiffs, but they are gentle giants).

Kinibase: Re your categorization of the guys, I see me as an equal opportunity dater.  When it comes to Divorcés, I'm open unless they have more than a knapsack of issues, such as the guy (he was divorced), to whom I referred in my salary scenario.  A man (Single, divorced, undecided, etc.), who approaches with steam trunks at the ready is really searching for a Therapist (Psychiatrist?), and should be redirected to one as appropriate.

Kids/Babies are important and culturally we cannot escape the topic.  Although leaps and jumps have been made in OB & ENDO, the facts remain that it is a valid concern. Me, I'll politely but firmly refuse to be taken for a 'test drive'.   My 37 y/o friend in California was taken on such a 'drive', conceived and was promptly dumped as he changed his mind about being with her when she was about 7 months gone.  Alhough she is very happy with her twins, she says if she had to do it all over, she wouldn't.    My 34 y/o cousin who is an OBGYN has had some of her eggs cyropreserved but she will be the first to tell you it is not guaranteed.  Like me, she is closely following this thread and wondering whatever happened to the Naija man of quality who understands the true meaning of being African-West African-Nigerian and where he may be found.

obirin na wa oh
women in their early thirties are now freezing eggs?
well i guess that goes to show that they dont see any man 'hope' in sight. seems like these days you have to go out , shoot a man in the foot, hurl him over your shoulder and huff and puff till you get him to your lair.i personally would have never have thought of doing something so dramatic. just reading that made my eyes water. ha!


i am often puzzled by the mindset of men. once a woman goes past 25 its seems to them that the woman is "used up' (whatever that means!), haggard, and they just cant fathom being with you. we have so many threads on nairaland devoted to asking if a woman above 29 is still attractive. i dont know if its just me but i think its so myopic to deem a 29 year old woman as old. old? geez soon we'll have men marrying six year old girls.
if i were a guy, if i met a succesful woman, doing good, with a good head on her shoulders thirty years and above, i would marry her arse so fast she wouldnt know what hit her or where she was hit.

my former boss was about 39 and i tell you no spring chicken could hold a candle to her. she had a body so firm and supple that it was beyond belief.(yeah i noticed!) she was intelligent, well mannered and a great woman. she was also single. . i often wondered to myself how men could have let her slip through their fingers. afterall she wasnt born 39! she was 19 and then 25,30 ,35 before she arrived at 39. and no she wasnt arrogant, not pompous or such other traits attributed to high earning women. i guess most guys are just always threatened by that big fat paycheck which is supposed to make a woman so wayward and disrespectful and bucking wild out of control. maybe we should renounce half of our salaries and refuse raises to soothe fragile egos.

ive come across so many lonely men and you can see that they really are searching for the one. ive even tried playing cupid a few times. i also tell my friends to avoid the guys who want you to prove you can still have children.that is love so conditional that i dont know how women fall for it.my friend was trying to conceive for this guy who hadnt even commited yet. i had to talk her out of that 'bad market'. she's 29 so i dont know why he had any doubts as to her fertility. its unfair and its unkind and you should be taken 'as is'. its like a young bride asking her husband -to- be who is over 40 to go for sperm count test to make sure those things are mobile and to make sure he wont be shooting blanks. its ridiculous. our society is obsessed with child bearing to the point of silliness.


i hope you 'guys' enjoy your women's forum.please dont make it a bitter party of women wailing about their badluck with men. sometimes it helps to pull away from the gang and assess yourself. they atimes rub off all their cynism and man -hating stories on you and you become a bitter party of one. thats not good cos it reduces your happy glow.

@Nimi-k
Enough of all the critical and uncritical analysis. The lady is trying to get hooked here.


And whats this supposed to mean?

U seem to be an accomplished woman.It may be an African thing.Many Nigerian men feel intimidated by a successful woman.White men are more comfortable with that.At first i almost suggested your problem might be pride but u said u don't believe in SHAKARA so i held my tongue.I wish u good luck.Every woman deserves a man that can meet the deepest desires of her heart.You'll find him soon.Cheers.

Spoilt, u asked if anyone is interested in nigerian women.Well the answer is yes.Nigerian women are ok but i think what many of them need is a little more confidence.For eg many Naija women can't open up and tell a man they want him for fear of seeming cheap.What many Naija women don't get is that men are not as confident as society and the movies make them out to be.Many times a man needs a woman's encouragement to let her know how he feels about her.So there's nothing wrong with Naija women.They just need to be more forthcoming in expressing their desires and passions.I think this will help the cause of love.Like your witty responses to issues on Nairaland.Cheers.

Let the the real Obirin please stand up. 'Temperance line' my foot. When you posted this pathetic thread at first I'm sure everyone else but me thought you to be some beautiful, innocent, successful lady that just happened to have ill luck with Nigerian men cos they weren't available where you are _{I wonder where that is} but now it is clear to all that ur just a temperamental, boastful and very very insecure b. Why else would you be introducing urself as an executive in a first 3 US firm or be using ambiguous and unintelligible words. You better be careful how you talk to me or I'll send militants to abduct you wherever you are . People stay off this quarrel; this is between husband and wife.Come to think of it, I was only trying to help make people get with the programme instead of this plenty talk.Seriously woman if you seek a Nigerian man STOP showing off quasi-cerebral superiority.
Meanwhile let me update my earlier thread jare.
Militia where you dey when dis akata dey finish me with oyigbo wey she no sabi?

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