₦airaland Forum

DatCuteGuy:
I smell juju... No woman would abandon her children in any situation, guy, you self be careful too ooo, let this ur wife go jejely to her mom and take good care of your kids.... Face what fate has brought u sir, you have bigger responsibilities right now than giving your self these worries... Focus on your kids and their future... Let your wife do what pleases her, she'll come back!

My mother-in-law is doing more than the physical. She was has my wife's younger ones staying with her. These young men don't even want to see their own father that raised them. They are all living with their mum and getting taken care of by my wife. They refuse to go to university and my mother-in-law doesn't want anyone else coming to the United states unless she comes first. I've asked my wife that we should help her brothers or DAD but she insists no one will come over until her mum comes.

obiorathesubtle:
Haha.. Miracles do happen bro.. It was progress, and I'm happy for that..


But consider my advice

Your advise is too fatal. But thank you.

skarlett:
This is crazy, my own advice is that you let your wife go. You've done your best to be a loving father and husband, if a divorce is what she wants, then grant it to her. She's obviously immature to still be taking heed of her mom's counsel after all she has seen in life. You cannot give her that maturity, only experience can, so let her go.

You can fight for custody of your kids citing her joblessness and irresponsible lifestyle as the reasons they can't stay with her. Hopefully you have strong evidence and the court will see it as reason enough.

That's my two kobo

Obiorathesubtle,happy new month dear

Thank you, divorce may seem easy for now but in the long everyone will lose. Me, my wife and my kids.

DatCuteGuy:
sir... I'm sorry for all you going through to save that marriage for the sake of the kid, just be strong on this.

What I'll advise you to do now is this... You know no body knows what he or she has till one looses it. Just sign the divorce papers and take the kids along with you while she goes after her mum, if you can hold on to this plan long enough, you'll smile at last. If she goes to her mum and starts doing those shitty jobs to earn cash, there'll be a time she'll feel something is missing in her life, she'll feel that deep hole while realising she's being mislead by her so called mom all along... She'll run back to you, but it all depends on you if you wanna accept her back.


I wonder why u married such woman in the first place... I blame you small...

My wife is the kindest woman you'll ever meet. Here she hosts total strangers, helps them and all that. When it comes to her mum, the world stops. Nothing else matters, not even her kids.
Initially my mother-in-law used to call me often so she could get close to her daughter. When my wife became pregnant with our first kid, she naturally Drew close to her mum. That's when started going downhill for us.

CaraJewel:
Soory mr...i feel 4 ur kids pass cuz last last shez stil deir mum...dey are d ones goin to suffer diz..if dey were in deir teens culd av been easier...incase she wants divorce again jxt come to nig and do it...cuz obodo oyibo system wil favour her and she may cook up lies about u

My sister, she already cooked up lies already. I had to get an expense lawyer to fight restraint she and het lawyer put on me. She had to withdraw it when my lawyer sent a strongly worded letter. Cost me $4200.00. I'm still paying for the damn thing!

PeachyP:
something may have happened that you don't know about cause I can't understand why your wife would even leave her kids for months to spend times with her mother.
Cut all contacts from that mother-in-law, she's not gonna change. Persistently tell your wife to do so too.

The more I talk to her about her mum, the closer they become. Remember, when I met my wife she had no idea where her mum was.

obiorathesubtle:
Lol.. Hallelujah! That's good..



Once her powers are waning and she discovers, you won't like her 2nd attack wave.. Or is it 2nd??


Better you kill it off once and for all.. It's worth it..


Find one juju for kogi state wey dy hungry, sacrifice her for there..

My brother, it was really an "hallelujah" moment when I saw the bag containing the fetish stuff in trash. The irony, we had a heated argument over those stuff the night before she flew to Nigeria. She came back and within 2 weeks she got rid of them.

Twaci:
Hmmm your MIL is something else....

Where exactly is your mother? She could help talk some sense into your wife and her mother and stand for your in this "fight".

You could also sit your wife down and find out what truly is wrong with her and in the process let her know what she'd be losing should she insist on a divorce. Suggest separation instead and if she agrees, let her go alone(not with your kids).

Something about issues like these is that the person u are looking out for will not listen to you until the bitter conquences reveal themselves. So don't fight it. Let her go and learn.

.....Also if I were a religious person, I would say u should pray about it too. Could be spiritual ties and blindfolds on your wife

CC: obiorathesubtle

Thank you. My mother is sad about all this. My mother-in-law will not even pick up her calls. I have talked to my wife, pastors have spoken to her, older women have spoken to her. She insists her mother is not happy with me and because of that her mother's happiness is what's important to her. She said her mother has suffered too much for her to turn her back on her. As far as our kids are concerned, the law of the land favors her because she is the mother. She thinks getting a house and receiving child support is enough. I'm this society it is best to raise your kids together. At the end of the day, we are just another set of black immigrants. I tried to make my wife understand this but to no avail.

obiorathesubtle:
Lol. As much as this can cause you to starve yourself of food and sleep.. But it shouldn't, you're a man.. If you don't eat or sleep well, you will die! And you have caused even more problems for your family.. Do you want that??


Now.. Kill the monster-in-law.. Best advice bro.. Can't keep praying for her up and down..


If she has catalysed all that you've typed.. Bro, she's worse than boko haram..

LOL. I'm sure no mother-in-law will want to mess with you. I've tried all I can to to resolve matters. Now I've resolved to stop begging my MIL. She does not deserve all the attention she's been getting. About a month ago my wife threw away all the shady stuff she brought from home last year. She didn't know I saw it on the trash. I know God is working already.

obiorathesubtle:
hmmm.. Twaci, skarlett, oliviaarims what do you think??



See those three girls I just called? Seasoned family problem specialists..


I still stand with the 'killing her' decision, a man has to make the right choice sometimes, no matter who will get hurt.. The children will eventually get over it, just like I'm over the death of my grandma, it has been 5 years now..

My good man, you're fighting a jihad in your family against that domestic terrorist you call a mother monster-in-law.. Someone has to die bro, for peace to reign..

LOL. I understand how serious this matter is but I wish it will end amicably. I pray my mother-in-law have a change of heart. My wife was almost stuck in the Turkish couple because she was supposed to take a connecting flight from Istanbul. I am so torn, I can't sleep, I hardly eat. It's just crazy. My too is unhappy and I see it.

PeachyP:

Get away from your mother-in-law

I wish I could keep away from her! My wife is the one the keeps running to her mum. There's no decision made by my wife without her mother's say so. As a matter of fact, sometimes in conversations, she calls her mum to listen in our conversations. I recently found that out.

obiorathesubtle:
Bro, seems to me something has already told you what to do.. You just want to hear it from our mouths..


Muna arrest that monster-in-law with SARS

If I tell you I have made up my mind I'll be lying. On one hand I'm a man that shouldn't be taking all these nonsense, on the other hand I'm a father looking for the best for my children. Then in the middle I'm trying to save my wife from an obvious present and future mistake.

1acre:
May be your MIL tried to make passes at you but you never noticed .

Well, you need to put your feet down.... at the same time prayerfully ....


Kindly make time out and spend with her and even listen to some of the issues, pretend like you are interested in truly resolving the issues , Im sure there would be some respite.

Regards,

My mother-in-law tried this about 6 years ago and it failed. My wife distanced herself from her mum and we experienced love, peace and progress. My mother-in-law drew close to me to get close to her daughter and then last year it started all over again, only worse.

obiorathesubtle:
Okay na.. Stay there make dem dy wreck havoc for your family..

LOL. I understand why you'll be angry. I knew my when she did not know where her mum was. She is a very kind hearted lady. Very kind indeed. Since her mum made the full entry into her life, everyone has become her enemy... even her dad who took care of all of them.

[quote author=peaceuntous post=48978006]Send an email to counselling@deeplookers.com. I believe one of their expereienced counsellors will be of help.





Thank you. I'll do that. I'm trying all I can.

She's on the phone with her mother at least 4 or 5 times a day. Last year she came back from Nigeria with shady stuff in bottles and plastic container that her mother's pastor gave it to her. We had an argument about it because I questioned why a pastor would give things like that to anybody.

obiorathesubtle:
Suffer not a witch to live, you never hear?

I'm a forgiving man, that may be part of my problem. I believe in giving chances.

lytech1:
You've spoken well bro,but you forget the motherly care children needs from their mother...
Op,I can really feel you pain

Been in love with a woman who doesn't even think of one existence is hurting talkless of when children are involve



Try every possible means to convince her..
If you succeed in the end,forgive and forget her deed...
Not because you are foolish,but for the sake of your children...



But if her madness is uncontrollable,
Let her be..
God almighty will see your children through their journey in life.
Atleast just to complement your effort and sincerity

Thanks my brother, since she came back from Nigeria in May she has not talked too much the divorce case in court, but u can still feel the strain.

obiorathesubtle:
Have SARS arrest and kill your mother-in-law.. Lobatan!

LOL. With all her wickedness she's still my children's grand mother

Moana:
If you have tried all you can and if its still not enough for her let her go. You can always keep custody of the children and employ someone who will be able to take care of your kids while you go to work. Let her and her mother go rumouring around the world like HIV does not exist. Your wellbeing and that of your children is what is most important.

Thank you. Her hope is in child custody and child support. She's looking at getting property because here, the law favor especially when they have children. Custody battle is skewed in favor of unless the woman is a drug addict.

lytech1:
I always wonder why things in this world are not equal!!!
Here comes a responsible man whom millions of women out there are dying to have...

Bro,for the sake of your kids,try harder to save the marriage...


If things persist,let go of her...see her as a dead being



People like her regret of their existence in the future.

Thank you. I am trying and that's why I brought it here as well. I have bought books, paid for counseling, but the only person listens to is her mum. She could be here and the mum can come up with any excuse and before you know it, she's on her way to Nigeria not minding the risks or the fact that she young kids.
I have and prayed, I have cried.

jashar:

hmmmm....

you'll get better advice from the family section. 

The mods should help you move it there.

I don't know which Mod takes care of this kind of topic. Help needed.

dollyjoy:
Simple, she should marry the mother

For the record, I did invite her over but, at the Port entry, they looked at her passport and her documents and realized she forged her documents and was sent back. They cancelled her visa and sent her back. My wife was 7 months pregnant and we nearly lost the baby cos of the stress.

soberdrunk:
An apple never falls far from the tree, its obvious your wife's behavior is 'genetic' so i don't think you should waste your patience. About 3.52 "Billion" women on earth my good man, dont allow '2' send you to an early grave.

I hear you and you r right, but my children are my concern. She knows I'm the society where we are at, she gets to take the kids! She will only destroy the kids and that scares me.

OdikwaRisky:
MIL from hell.
Honestly, in situations like this, there's very little that you can do because the hold of your MIL on your wife is very strong (and probably very spiritual ). Just keep on being a good father and husband and keep praying and hoping your wife returns to her senses. If at the end, all doesn't work out, know that you did your best and nothing that happened was your fault. Just make sure she doesn't get custody of your kids if she follows through with the divorce.
Have you tried a marriage counsellor?

I have tried everything. My wife refuse to go to church because the pastor tried to talk her out of it. For months, since March she refused to go to church! She travelled to Nigeria for a month in May 2016 just because she was missing her mum!

ojun50:
U hv talk to her, her father did the same and yr family also did the same bt she prefer to roll with her mother.
Sir u hv d hand in yr hand.

I am in so much pain, I feel really bad when I look in the eyes of my children. My youngest kid is just 4yrs old! The oldest are both 8yrs old since they are twins!

OdikwaRisky:
MIL from hell.

My brother, even my father-in-law is scared to be in the same room with her

I am a married man with three children under the age of 8yrs. We have been married for 9 years. I am faithful and have never cheated. My mother-in-law and I never agree because of her wayward way of life. She has encouraged my wife to have adulterous relationships. My mother-in-law abandoned her kids when my wife was about rounding up SSCE. When I met my wife she had no idea where her mum was. After we started dating she finally reunited with her mum. She used to be close with her Dad, now she views her Dad as the worst human being on earth and the mother as the only person important in her life. She has repeatedly abandoned me and the children just to be with her for months at a time.
January 2016, my mother-in-law told me she will make my marriage to her daughter come to an end, and she does not care what she does to make it happen. She said she does not know what she has gained from the marriage. She said we have neither bought her a car no built her a house. My parents, elders, my wife's father etc have begged her but she insists as long as she is concerned, it is over. My wife listens to only her mother and no one else. My wife has filed for divorce even though she does not have any steady form of income but she does not care. She's expecting to get at least a house and child support to sustain her.
Note, my mother-in-law has no steady source of income either. She depends on my wife for rent and even feeding. I have heard stories of what my wife does when she visits her mum. I know all these but for the sake of my children I am trying to make the marriage work!
House, what can I do? What should I do? I'm so confused and it's affecting even my job! Help!

I agree with most of what you have written except there's another Federal University of Agriculture, Makurdi, Benue States. I don't know if there are more but Nigeria definitely has more than two Federal Universities of Agriculture.

I do think it is the word that matters. The world keeps evolving but the word remains the same. During the time of Moses, God gave Moses the Ten Commandments in in Tablets (carved rocks) because there was no scroll (or book). Later times when the world evolved further, the prophets recorded the word of God in Scrolls. We have evolved further and we are putting God's words in other form of communications. Tomorrow, the evolution will continue and who knows in what form God's words will be preached.
In my humble opinion, it is the words of God that matters.

Nature takes what it wants and when it wants. Mother nature, I bow.

After years of Boko Haram ravaging the Northern part of Nigeria, Arewa Consultative Forum has woken up. Bravo! Bravo!! Clap for yourselves. When you refuse to tell yourselves the truth all these years thinking it was to your political advantage to fight the former administration, you forget that wild animals soon turn on their masters. Better wake up some more.