₦airaland Forum

Let me post today. Previously, I have been coming online without posting. But I do have a conscience, and I want to contribute to keeping this thread alive. God help me.

Let me start by saying I am sorry. I am sorry for any posts of mine that have portrayed me as unpatriotic, ego-centric or simply foolish.

In the first place, I am patriotic. My anger is like the anger of Sebastian towards Carolina. Sebastian would curse, scream and bicker at Carolina; one hearing him would think he hated her; but in truth, he loved her ever so dearly, and was only disappointed that she did not always live up to his expectations.

Secondly, one must not assume that I am a proud person. No. The outbursts of the past, where I was moved to blow my trumpet on my achievements were a prick of pride in response to Opokonwa's telling me I have inferiority complex. But I have forgiven him, and I have forgiven myself. In real life, I am easy-going, cheerful and very humble. If I wasn't humble, how would I work in a small Kano branch of a bank and be at peace with each and every person there?

Thirdly, I am not really foolish as it may seem, viewing some other emotional outbursts of mine. Actually, I try to be sensible. And I hope that from now on, I will cooperate with the posters to keep the peace of this thread, pending when others will return.

Let us hope and do our best to move this country forward. I do not just believe that this country will be better; I am sure it will. It is not even those that say they love it that will be the first to lift it up.

Recall the story of the two sons? Jesus said: 'There were two sons. Their father went up to the first and said, "Please, go and work in the farm today." The first son shouted, "Yes, sir! I will go at once," but he did not go. The father then said to the second son, "Please, go and work in the farm today. The second said, "Farm? Tufiakwa! Me, farm? I hate that stupid farm; I will not go!" But he changed his mind and went.'

Jesus asked, 'Now, which of the two did the father's will?'

God knows my heart. Chi ma obi m.

It is well with our souls. Amen.

I spoke with Opokonwa over the phone yesterday. And we resolved all our differences. We now understand each other better, and the friendship between us is not wounded. Hopefully, he will be back, and posting as usual. We thank God.

I admit I have been somewhat negative in certain things I have said on this thread. I do not even want to dignify those things by referring to them again. Let them remain in rear boxes. And let us move forward regardless of them. In Mass Communication, we always try to differentiate fact from opinion. We say: 'Opinion is free; it is only facts that are sacred.' Again, we say: 'Facts are what you see, whereas opinion is what you feel.' Also, we say: 'Facts are those things we should say (or write), while opinions are those things we may either say or leave out saying.' Almost everything I have said in the recent history of this thread, most of which have caused trouble, are all my opinion, and I should really not have said them. Please, don't even ask me what things they are, because I do not want to dignify them with any reference.

I am sorry for detracting the flow of camaraderie in this house, and especially, I am sorry if I have unwittingly hurt anyone. Opokonwa is someone I think I like, even though I have never met him before. And with such people, you can't stay angry for long. I hope that my posts on this thread will be more positive from now on.

And about NLNG, let us be patient. Who knows, it may be that they are trying to work things out for our own good, so that when they call us, it will be easier to respond to them. 'It is well in Jesus name.' This is what Opokonwa told me.

'Too long have I lived among the haters of peace; so that whenever I am for peace, they are all for war' (cf The Psalms NJB).

And for those who come to post only when the thread is going down, saying all what is contained in their pessimistic hearts; player haters included; peace out. I will keep posting. It is my thread. If you don't like it. Get out and stay out; like Opokonwa. I don't care.

As for NLNG, they may do what they please. I am looking for a logical excuse to leave this country for good, and for aye. Peace out to all my haters!

My son asked me
Papa, will they like me
Will they appreciate my gifts
Will they clap and cheer
Wherever I go?
I told him no
Many will rather hate you
They will hate your gifts
They will hate your strut
They will hate your sass
The will hate the way
You do all your things.
They would rather you small
They would rather you poor
They would rather you ill
They would even rather you dead.
They would groan and not cheer
They would hate instead of love
They would curse instead of bless
They would bicker, fight, deride
They would sooner eat you up
In their bilious envy.
So what must I do, he asked
How must I endure the case?
I tell him
You must not let it matter
Whether they cheer or jeer
You must not let it matter
Whether they bless or curse
You must not let it matter
Whether they love or hate
Kiss or hiss
Give or take
You must not let it matter
Whatever they do.
The wickedness they ooze
Has nothing to do with you
It is the blackness of their own souls
That threatens to ensnare you
They envy that
They can never be like you
Cannot do what you do
Cannot think what you think
Cannot feel what you feel
They envy that their souls
Will never fly like yours
Will never cross the slavery of the day
Will never join the spirits in the sport
Of literary creativity like yours;
They are deranged and engulfed
In the spite of your being
In the spite of your growing
In the spite of your swelling,
But you must keep moving
To outwit their scheming.
To stop would be deadly
To bend would hem you in.

Do not let anger eat your heart
Because of them
Because of those oppressors of yours
Those that disdain you
Make you feel distraught
They are not worth it.
You think they are happy?
Forget it.
The frustration they mete out to you
Is that which is in their hearts
Placed there by circumstances
Unfortunate occurrences
Malicious reprisals
Wasted dreams
Confusion of sorts
Lacluster glory
Repartee of evil sensations
That choke them all the time
They are hollow
They do not feel the breeze
Or genuine sunny warmth
They do not caper like frolicking monkeys
Or kiss the reverse palms of happy girls
They do not swim in the streams or dance
At the shading of the day
Bearing the moon's fainter glow.
Disregard them and be yourself
Swell all you may
Refuse to let them define
The pace along which you walk
If you act big
They will hate
If you act small
They will enslave
If you do not act at all
They will wish you dead.

Find out what the
Worst they can do is
Those enviers of yours
Those your wicked oppressors
Those who police you
Watch your every step
In envy
That hotness of heart
When they see you
That sharp redness of eyes
Or the burning ears
Nose breathing of heated fluids
In smoke
Charcoal smouldering in the ribs
Wracking fevers of heat
Despondent swooning
Pulsating ululating spirits
Saying 'Ahuu ahuu!'
In the feverish bile
In which they swim
Or twist in cussed droning
Those who want to run mental
Whose wits are at edge
To see you rise
To hear you have money
To know you shine
Will soon get married
Will build a house
Will have children
To populate your home
By the powerful thrust of fluid
By the searing determination
Of a suffused rod.
They want to change the curve of your lips
That it may wear a perpetual frown
Instead of the smile
That should be yours
The sign of the swooning satisfaction
That you wish yourself
What they dread you having
What they fear may come your way
If you keep progressing.
But ignore them
If you know the worst they can do
Make sure your life
Does not depend on it.

'As you see me so, I no send you-o.' That was by TuFace. And perhaps that is what I will be doing now. I will be posting as I like, without sending anyone. Especially not you, Opokonwa. I have no regrets about your leaving. If you wanna leave the thread; then by all means do so. I don't care!!! Bye bye.

I did say, and I am prepared to repeat it: We Nigerians can be very bad people. And everyone knows this. We all know (and Opokonwa must know this, certainly) that the level of 'bad belly' in this country is very high. Let us be sincere. We are bad people, and even our good ones are tempted with badness. This is the truth. Examples abound.

How many people in your village were thriving, only to be struck by madness, or sickness, or a terrible plague? How many people had one lecturer or another trying to victimize them because they were doing well? How many people had relatives or friends that disdained or detracted them because they were doing well? How many people had friends that liked and cared for them until they got a job, and then those friends refused to even pay them a visit? How many people have visited the villages to hear that certain wizards had tied the fortunes of the youths in the clan? How many people have wondered why someone who has just bought a car or built a house is found dead in bed the next day? How many people have wondered why when we get richer we seek to 'protect our wealth' either by being very 'church-going' or juju-inclined? Even Opokonwa did tell me over the phone that before he got employed by GLO, he used to be more social; these days, it's all God, and God, and more God. How many people have seen their neighbour that used to work in Shell now kicked out of job because of 'inexplicable circumstances'? How many people have parents that refuse to go to the village year after year? How many people have parents that warn you never to eat in a friend's house? How many people have gone to IMSU's matriculation (was that 2004/2005 set or what?) and seen a girl slump in death, only to later discover that it was a spiritual attack from home? How many people have heard of people who were doing well in the city only to be robbed of all they had ever worked for by witchcraft? How many people have bosses in the office that hate you just because you are intelligent? How many people always have to act small so as not to be noticed and hated? How many people write poetry, only to be envied?

Even on this thread, we cannot rule out the fact that some people are envious of certain other people. For certain things they can do better. Envy and hatred are all around us. We see it; we know it; yet we deny it. When the letters start coming, some will get and others will not. Naturally. And then some that were friends will not be friends anylonger. We all know this, even if we pretend not to. We all know that many people act small, live small and do small so as not to be envied. It is the way we live down here. Someone said: Nigerians live like a basket of crabs. They do not swell, and they prevent others from swelling. We all know this, but we pretend not to.

I do not regret anything I have said regarding Nigeria on this thread. I said them because I felt they were true, and I will say them again. But I did not say them hopelessly. Sure, we do have hope, if we can change our ways. But are we prepared to change? They say our problem is leadership. Is it really? Other countries are busy doing things, and we cannot join. Opokonwa was talking of Ndi Okereke Onyiuke. Fine. But where is she today, if not back in the USA that made her what she is today? And where are Abiola and Awolowo, if not in their graves; and where are Chike Obi, and all those intellectuals of the sixties? There doesn't seem to be any place for them anymore. Go to our universities; most of those great minds you knew Nsukka to be blessed with, where are they today? Where is Professor Nwosu? Where are those tall names of yesterday? Most of them have moved on to Leeds and Cambridge and so forth. Personally I wouldn't mind being a lecturer myself, but I most certainly cannot lecture in a Nigerian university. Go to Nsukka and see building caving in! Go and see. And you feel irritated when I say I feel pity for Nigeria?

We are bad and wicked people. We know what we do. And Opokonwa would say I have inferiority? How? Anyway, we have a saying in mass communication: 'Opinion is free; it is only facts that are sacred.' So, if you think I am inferior, then suit yourself. All I can tell you is this: I wish I were inferior; then it would have been easier to fit in. God knows how many times I have wished I wasn't what I am: big, handsome, exceptionally gifted (I have written more than 638 poems, the best of which are collected in three anthology manuscripts; I have written three plays, a full-length novel, and a few songs. I have at least five intellectual hypothesis I have spoken publicly and which are subject of research in institutions of higher learning); I have a job; I am in a relationship; I have many friends across the globe; I am currently planning my sixth manuscript, which I intend to call Small Small So Say, and I am full of bright ideas. If there is a problem I do have, it is fitting in with the crowd wherever I go. Ask Jbyno; ask Sequoia; ask Adrian; ask those who have met me in person. Recall Adrian's comment when he posted after meeting me for the first time in Abuja? He said, and I quote: Great guy! So as for having inferiority complex, that one is largely Utopian. I am far away from having that. Rather, I want to always be among the greatest of people; and I am sad to say that in my 27 years of living in Nigeria, I have met only one great person: my hopeful fiancee. She is a model on the MNET Deal or No Deal, alongside John Fashanu, and is a beauty queen, medical student, and princess of a thriving Igbo community (her father is Eze-ndi-eze). I am sorry to say that most people I meet everyday are nothing but inferior. And that is just the way it is. Sorry to say. So to say I have complex is to talk erroneously. And it did nothing to raise you in my eyes anyway. I had thougth better of you, Opokonwa.

Much of what I have been doing on this thread is trying (actually trying) to limit myself. There have been times when I have wanted to share some of my better poems with you, only to fear being envied. And who knows if certain people do envy. Even today, I brought some, but I will not post all of them. You see? I can never feel free with most Nigerians! That is the point. That is what I have been trying to say. Certain things tend to alienate rather than conciliate. And it is largely a Nigerian thing. I should say. And yes, it is my opinion.

Opokonwa, I have nothing personal against you. But I want you to look beyond your perceptions of this country and view what I have said with objectivity, and ask: Why do our best brains leave? Why do our succeeding men die, or get wrecked? Why do we seem to take one step forward and two steps back? Why are we where we are today? Where are India, Malaysia and others? These nations too were third world. Why do people who cannot make it here go abroad and do marvelous things? Ask yourself. Ask yourself. Ask yourself.

When Obierika went to Okonkwo and told him that white men had invaded Abame and Aninta, and wiped out the two clans, because they killed a white man and hung his 'iron horse' on a tree, Okonkwo asked Obierika: 'What did the white man say before they killed him?' Obierika said: 'He did not say anything.' Okonkwo said, 'They are fools. Never kill a man that does not say anything.'

For four days now I have chosen to remain silent. That does not mean I have been killed.

Permit me to say that you are being too attentive to me, to the harming of this thread. A leader is supposed to be bigger than any one of his followers. By dwelling entirely on me in each of your posts, you have alienated others. You are old enough, Opokonwa, to know that were it not for your tiresome policing, the regulars (Adrian, Kenosky, Jbyno, Jill, and so on) might have posted today, and your thread would probably be in the 54th page at least, by now. Am I so very important that you can think to write nothing else, Opoko? Please, be guided. What you have displayed here is not equitable leadership, but neurotic policing and midless obsession over the free talk of one person.

A true leader should know that there are certain people who are a nuisance to due process. Dwelling on them will detract government. And where these people are influential, their nuisance value is bound to be great. In such a situation, a simple comment would serve, and the leader would do well to steer the group in a more open direction. But what have you done here? You have willy-nilly followed me in leading the thread to a jam lock, to a still end, to an inertia. You have unwittingly harmed the people you are supposed to lead.

If I don't love Nigeria as much as you do, so what? Ignore me. Think of the others. I am not worth all the fuss. I am a nobody; and added to that, you conclude that I have inferiority complex. That is well received, coming from you. God bless you.

But please, do not think of me; think of the others; the people I know you love (because I love them too). Think of: Adrian, Kenosky, Jbyno, Jill, Lindiwe, Sequoia, and others who post here. Help them to enjoy this thread. Recognize them. Make them feel belonging.

Forget me. I don't deserve your tireless scrutiny.

Remember that I, like you, want to remain humble, and part of the larger group. Forgive me if I have not behaved in this way. I beg pardon from all the House.

Thank you.

With God all things are possible.

Let us love God with all our hearts.

I better go! I'm running away with myself again. But please, pray for Nigeria. And pray for NLNG; that company afterall is Nigerian, as we can well see.

God will visit us all in our situations in Jesus' name. Amen.

May God bless us all.

It is well.

God loves us all.

Hey! Hey! Hey! And how are all my darlings doing? Obinna, so glad to read from you! One love, my brother!   

Opoko!


H A P P Y    B I R T H D A Y !   


YOU TOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, MY GUY!

THREE GBOSA FOR OPOKONWA!

GBOSA

GBOSSAA



GBOSSSAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ONE LOVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!


WOW!!!!





HURRAH!




HURRAH!!




HURRAH!!!



ENJOY!!!!!!





   

Goodnight!

I am fed up! If they don't want to give person job, they should say so, so that I can focus on ONE THING ONLY; ONLY A SINGLE THING: LEAVING THIS COUNTRY AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!

One last thing: If Nigeria is as terrible as it is, what is a country like Zimbabwe like? Are they all dying probably? Why are Africans very cursed, seemingly?

PRAYER FOR NLNG

Dear God, you who made the earth and all it holds; you of whom it is said that the heart of kings is in your palm, look with pity on your servants who have been longing day and night for an answer to their NLNG quest. It is more than one year since we applied, and it is more than one year we have been believing you for a simple answer to that application, whatever it is. Please God, destroy that which we perceive is wrong with the process and give the officials the cleanness of heart to do things right, to your glory, and the greater good of us all. Amen. (catholics may here say the Glory Be three times).

Please, let us pray very hard for NLNG. Like I said before, SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG SOMEWHERE. Wallahi, something must indeed be wrong. I have looked at the whole employment scenario in Nigeria (and believe me, NLNG is not an exception), and do you know what I find? There are destructive tendencies in the Nigerian labour market. It is almost punitive. And like I said, NLNG is as guilty as the rest of them. It is UNFAIR. Haba! Like Adrian told me one day over the phone, 'Even if we are applying to be Personal assistants to Jesus Christ, the employment process should not take this long. This is sheer wickedness. Please let us pray for NLNG. I composed a prayer that I will be saying each day, after my usual rosary prayer. I post it subsequently. 

Please, let us pray very hard for NLNG. Like I said before, something is wrong somewhere. They should make up their minds on what they want to do. If they want to employ people through 'kuru-kere' means, then by all means, let them go ahead and do so. But they should recall that in doing so, they would be denying themselves of the best hands for the job. There are people on this thread, and many others who are not on this thread, but whom I saw at the interview, that if employed in NLNG would do them proud. We have people that can be round pegs in round holes, and who can work. Take Jbyno for example: he is a trained engineer, and served with NNPC for that matter. If I am not mistaken, he read Machanical Engineering; with his training and experience in an oil firm, he would be sure to deliver the goods in the production sector. Take Opokonwa for another example: he has both BSc and MBA in Marketing, and has at least two years cognate experience in a blue-chip firm; if a person with his training and experience, not to mention his admirable personality, should be placed in the Sales department of NLNG, he can be counted upon to deliver the goods. Or is it Kenosky, a first classer of repute (2nd bgs of UNN), or is it me, if I am placed in External relations, with my training in Mass Communication, and my romantic personality; I would certainly try to help the Bonny people with all my heart and the love in it (there are avenues of reaching out to these people that have never been explored). In Kenya for example, there are aspects of rural communication that have been used to develope local communities (such as radio schools and animation programmes, or elements of syndicated PR). Is it only to give scholarship and build Finima Park, and organize Literature and Science Prize that are PR NLNG can embark on? Do you know NLNG can help to STOP (I mean completely) the Niger Delta crises? Do you know that? Do you? Or is it Adrian, a lawyer by training. In fact, NLNG should carry time-o!

NLNG should carry time! We have hardworking people with admirable degrees and good training in ethics and hardwork from banks of repute, like IB Plc, Zenith and so on. And do they want to employ 'kuru-kere' people?   NLNG should carry time!

With regard to NLNG, I must encourage us to pray seriously. There must be something wrong somewhere. For real! It is MORE THAN one full year since we first applied. This is most unusual. 

I do not think that there is any company that started to recruit since last year that has not given out employment letters to the successful candidates yet. Something has to be wrong somewhere. We need to pray, and seriously too.

Please, those that know how to fast should do so. The thing is, the wait is cruelly long. If they don't want to employ somebody, they should at least tell him, so that he can make alternate plans and concentrate on them. I have already told you of my good friend (the one I met on camp). He applied to Mobil, and they did not take him. He immediately made alternate plans, and now he is gainfully employed. In my own case, if NLNG is not interested in me, they should just say so, and I will begin immediately to do each thing in my power to permanently relocate to the USA.

Other people, like my friend Adrian, have professional training, and will promptly know what to do for a career if not taken by NLNG. But as it is, they keep stalling and placing people in quandrous situations. This is very bad, and will not do at all. Indeed, it is almost criminal. 

These days, friends and family call me and ask, 'How about that your NLNG thing, now? Dem never call una yet?' And I am forced to say no; and they say, 'Na wa-o!'

Gaskiya, wallahi! This is criminally unfair. But then, we live in Nigeria, one of the worst countries on earth, and of course, NLNG is a Nigerian company. 

I am 27 years old today. What this means is that I am an old man!  I graduated at the age of 25, and now I am 27. I was still 25 when we first applied to NLNG (October 3, 2006); recall that it was not yet October 13th, so I was still 25. And now that I am 27, we are still waiting.

The other day, I was doing a personality test on www.thespark.com (a psychology website) and the test I was doing was: How Normal are You? The test was not testing to see if anyone was mentally deranged, but simply to see how regular the person was. I was shocked to see that I was not 'normal' at all! 

According to the standard (American standard presumably), a person at 27 ought to have had the following:

1. a car
2. a steady, well paying job
3. a wife
4. a child at least
5. a house (or rented accommodation)
6. a solid bank account
7. some investments

And my best friend (an American-based seminarian) confirmed this (he even called me today and wished me Happy Birthday, having made up his mind not to 'drive out to catch fun'). At the time he called, there was no light. I told him so, and he said: 'My, my; that is one thing I will have to battle with if I come to Nigeria for any holidays; I mean, I'm so used to there always being light that the condition of there not being light for any period of time is something I can relate with only intellectually, and not experientially.' No maind am o jare; im too dey blow grammar.

But that is the truth. Over there, they live a better reality. Most of what I am doing now, I probably should have done four years ago. There are probably 23 or 24 year-old in the NLNG race with us. No kidding! But thank God 27 still falls within the age range!

Not to mention that I really was 25 when I first applied, in October, 2006. 

Thanks, all! Thanks, Sequoia, for the lovely text message you sent me, wishing me Happy Birthday. Was that your number? Am I to save it and call you up with it sometime? Thanks, Adrian, for the lovely message on this thread, wishing me Happy Birthday. Thanks, Runsaway, for the lovely poetry. I truly appreciate them. I thank you all. God bless you for me. Indee, God bless you all!

Let us pray seriously for the will of God to be done. The most pressing need for now is to hear from them. That in itself seems even too much to ask for. Goodnight, folks. It is well.

So sad. The spirit of the thread is dwindling. And I am unable to do anything about it. Or maybe it is because of the holiday season. I hope that as from next week the spirit will pick up again. It feels like two years and not just one that we all have been waiting for an answer from NLNG. How much longer have we to wait? Sometimes I wonder: if Nigeria is like this, how will Zimbabwe be?