₦airaland Forum

As a mother myself, I'm really ashamed of this woman in a way. If my son squandered all his money, got a woman pregnant, and instead of applying wisdom and discipline to the situation, I defend him like he's done nothing wrong; I'd be ashamed of myself. Even if he didn't in fact rape the girl (and I don't think he did), it didn't need to go that far.
My only son would know the weight he carries on his shoulders and endeavour to make his situation better. As a woman, and a mother, my job is to instill a work ethic and a standard he will never depart from.

In most cases, young people tend to mature once they become parents. If he was showing irresponsible attitudes before, I'd make him stand to the plate. Hopefully, it would make him face his issues squarely. However, letting him get away with his actions, made the situation worse. Spare the rod, spoil the child. It's sad to see an elder behave like a child...

She should pray, and work on his defense, whatever that entails. As for the lady, the only thing that Meeks hearts is the power of God...

Wedon:
NO . . . it is impossible for a woman to see her period while pregnant.

But she could experience bleeding while pregnant as a result of

1. Implantation . .

2. Intermittent vaginal bleeding . .

However, this is NO mensuration and any matured adult should be able to differentiate between them . .

BTW, how old is your ex

Although your explanation is correct, it is possible to mistaken implantation bleeding for menstruation. In fact, this was the case for myself. Mainly because implantation occurs roughly around the time of menstruation (+/- 1 week to est. MP) and I don't suffer from long or heavy periods. Therefore, it's quite possible if the lady doesn't experience heavy flows to mistaken implantation for period. Let's not forget, even without being pregnant, there are many factors that can change the characteristics of one period from another. Those include stress, a change in diet and increase of physical activity. Therefore, it is possible at times to assume that any of these changed the flow of a period enough for the woman to assume, "There's blood, there's period"

skentelelady:
Whaooo at 27 you talk boldly like this! I am so proud of you sis *big hug*

I pray God will continue to be your strength and pillar of support

I really love your words of encouragement. When you are able to shoulder your responsibilities as a single mummy, society respects you more and not the other way round

Like you mentioned if she is someone that takes criticism so serious or any strange look or comment, then such person will be weighed down by societal pressure

BTW, you are still very young and i believe you still have a long way ahead in life.

Have you considered settling down again? I mean try to do this for yourself since your kids have access to their dad

Thanks for the hug!

You know I won't lie and say that I'm not a human being with feelings and desires. They are definitely there, however I'm just content with my life and am working on the business side of things too.

God's timing is everything, so I'm pretty sure when I least expect it,someone special will walk into my life. Until then, am enjoying my time selfishly lol! You know, getting into shape, career, vacations, and last but obviously not least, the kids and their needs!

To each his/her own.

Am a single mother and I'm very happy to be one as well. My children know their father and can see him whenever they want. However, it's better to be honest with yourself than live in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids.

As long as you can have your own house, take care of your responsibilities then no one can say anything about you.

If you know that you're the type to be bothered or upset about little things as stares and "ohs" then abstain or abort. Because single parenthood required much more strength than mere withstanding societal pressures.

Finally, from my own experience, being a single mother alleviates pressure from family and friends to get married too soon. You can take your time, there's no pressure mainly because you're the black sheep etc. Idk it sounds weird, but once I had my kids, and left their father, my parents lost all hope for me. Especially as their oldest, so they focused on my younger siblings. I've got ten of them, and so far 3 have been married. My parents don't even care about me anymore when it comes to that, I own my place, have my own company and my kids lack nothing. It's just a new reality. But as I said, you have to be focused to live this lifestyle. Abandon any fairytale ending for your life and hustle for your own 2 cents. The older you get, and the more you remain single, the stronger you get. Btw am not even that old as a lady, I'm just 27, so this isn't an old hag relating to you....

It depends, women are all made different biologically. I have heard, and seen 2 documentary of women getting orgasms during labour, so breastfeeding isn't a far stretch.

In my own personal experience, the let down sensation, which is what the rush of oxytocin induces brings a feeling of relief, deep satisfaction and serenity. Which can be correlated to being pleased or having pleasure. I think the saying taking pleasure in the simple things is the feeling that comes to mind.

Op I feel your pain actually, I do. I want you to see that maybe your feelings and love for your man may not be as strong as you think.

The reason being is, if you love him so dearly, his children would all have your love as well. The little girl may be partly her mother, but she's also your man. Meaning his looks, personality, intelligence etc have all been endowed to her as well.

I don't want to think that I'm judging you, or being harsh. I'll give you an example, I was with a man who had a daughter. She was cute and all, he loved her so much, but I couldn't stand her for some reason. I was a bit jealous of the unconditional love he showed her. I didn't understand why for many reasons,she left me feeling insecure. Until, I sat back and realized that I didn't really love that man. I wanted him for my happiness alone, not ever for his. We got along so well, he cared about my family and future, but I was settling for a stable guy with a decent job and mediocre passion. Then, about 4 years later, I met another man. He had 3, and with all ny heart I loved his kids. They all had his features. They were so precious to me, all I wanted was to have a family and a child to unite us all together. Sure, their mom was difficult, but those kids stole my heart. I did everything to facilitate his relationship with the mother, to ensure the kids had full access to him. The love I have for this man is so deep that everything he puts his hands on, all that is his, I want to see prosper and succeed. I know his kids are his legacy, and by my last breath they'll do well.

So, please, think about how important he is to you. If he is, this child will find a welcoming and visiting home. You'll encourage him to have a healthy relationship with her. She'll thrive, and you'll see how much the love you have for him will grow as she grows.

chibic:
which work makes men grump and lazy by the way? Cleaning the house and cooking? Are you naturally lazy? How is it something to tell the public if you look after your kids? Please,I don't see any big deal in it.so stop mentioning them.

Like I said, if a woman is making a considerable amount of money,she should also help out her husband.btw,majority of the working working class and business women has maids plenty at home.so what is their job again? To make money and buy make ups,clothes and go out partying abi?

all these words you jumbled up there makes no sense!
Who cares about the man you have in your life? if he licks your @ss,how's that my biz?

You really have reading comprehension issues my friend.. I said all the work you (as in you men) do. As in you go to the office/work and come home exhausted, grumpy and lazy.

Women are expected to do that and still do all domestic work and not complain of tired back, achy muscles or feeling lazy for one day.

Also, I'll repeat in plain words.
Original complaint: Footing the entire family expenses.
No complaints: About sharing the family expenses.

Do you understand, or is my grammar too big for you

chibic:
But if the woman is making a considerable amount of money,why won't she help?..what is her money for? Make ups and clothes? Spending money on her kids should be a problem? But it is right for the man to spend all his money even when he is making a pea nut amount.women loves to anounce to the whole world whenever they spend a penny on their familly. If a man starts a busines for his wife and she eventually starts making good money from it,why won't she help out financially? Or maybe the husband sent her to school and took care of her till she graduated and get job,still she will expect to go to her grave with all the money she makes.I thought women wants equality but when it comes to responsibilities,they'll remind you that its a man's job. Only a house wife should complain if the man is not taking 100% care of his financial responsibilities.but as for working class or business women..shut the ffuck up you selfish beings!!!

That was a very uninformed and short sided post. Look carefully, did she complain about sharing the family expense, or by having to single handedly carry them. Knowing how you men operate, he'd still expect her to do all that work that makes you folk grumpy and lazy by day's end, but she'd have to pick up and cook dinner, mind children and ensure the home is well kept.

Then, I ask you, what is the use of marriage? If that that's how you expect it to be, hire ashewo for forking, househelp for cleaning, tutor for homework and be happy by yourselves. As for the lady, it's a shame she lives in that society, thank God I don't have to be burdened by a lazy man just to be considered a bonified woman. Chaaaa!!!!

The answer is simple, get married in the manner/fashion that would make the marriage valid in the eyes of your personal society/community. If you know that your parents and people wouldn't recognize a trad wedding only then make sure they're satisfied. I'm pretty sure you already know what your people expect, especially women, we know that the man has to satisfy our culture before taking us away. So that's the end of that... Simple questions require simple solutions.

Hmmm as a single mom of 2, I'd say take your time and tread wisely.

Not all single moms are happy with their situation and are actively on the lookout for marriage. Which, btw isn't a bad thing... I mean, most single women under 35 are too. But,depending on how she feels, there may be desperation on her end and the ability to judge you may diminish if you know what I mean. So take your time. Make sure you meet the father before taking things seriously.

In my case, my kids have a dad who is also otherwise involved with another lady. He takes care of them, supports them and leaves me alone to live my life. You want something similar, the kids shouldn't need another dad and the one there should enjoy the relationship with the kid and good communication with the mother. If not, prepare for headache.

Finally, based on my own experience, I am not in a huge rush to settle down, I've got both a male and female child, supportive and friendly father, and my business is booming,so my search for love is more organic in nature. I'd encourage yours to be the same, take the same precautions, ask the same questions, seek your parents advice don't get pushed into a life you're not ready for.

Lol in your situation, it depends on what you want to do.

I'd report him to pastor and family again. Just to cover your bases.
If he still insists that everything is normal, then of course you should act normally as well.

But, since he's insisting on not being a good husband you can still provide the usual, food and clean home for him,but live your life girl. He doesn't want to treat you like a wife, so no need to treat him as a husband. You know room mate mindset...Have fun, at his expense/wallet though, buy new clothes, buy a car, go on vacation, have the time of your life. Just make sure the things these men require, aka food and home be taken care of.

If he dares complain, at least you fulfilled your part of the deal. Kept the house and kids in order, he's the one who set the tone as the man of the house. We all know that true leaders lead by example. So if he's not happy, he needs to pave the way!

I don't know what he wants. It seems he just wants me because of the unconditional support I've been to him.

I never intended on keeping the baby from the father, however if he intends on disowning her whenever he feels like, wouldn't that damage her permanently? He's already flip flopping now, imagine how it's going to be one she's born.

I'm already past 5 months,so the intention fit knowing his status was strictly for assisting in the health of the baby. Like I said, abortion was out of the question.

Mehn, my guy, I dey talk pidgin small small. Yoruba? I no talk am. 3 years with 1 real naija... Lol

XKZ:
If it makes you happy it's the right choice.

Of course it doesn't make me happy. I'm losing the closest friend I've had for 3 years. It's been not to call him ask about his health, if he's eating right etc. I just couldn't believe he'd think that he's more important than our child.... I'm honestly very sad

I was seeing a Yoruba man on and off for the past 3 years. The first 1-1/2 year we were in a very close romantic relationship. We broke up and six months later, we began a more sexual relationship only. Tho we were friends am the first to admit that we weren't in a relationship at all. But we never 1 time in 3 years use protection. Going on for months...we warm back to each oda. He even bring him pikin come visit me he never did this when we were officially together... after months I took in. All he said was pele my dia... Ok well I decided that abortion was no option so he should prepare. He was adamant not to be involved with the pregnancy but he's responsible so he wouldn't leave the child once born. So we continue our thing visit anoda check on health and wealth, hustling etc. Still been intimate. I work hard, pay all my bills,never ask him for anything. He even insist I work less as I was doing like 12 hour days.

Ok so here's the issue... I'm not in Nigeria, I'm in Canada and I'm west Indian, but after the initial blood test we find out am a sickle cell trait. So after research, it's possible he may carry the trait too. So I ask him his status, nothing more, and he blew up. Like I'm having a kid without him, he's not going to be the father, not his concern etc. This after he knows he's the only man I'm intimate with even after I found out I'm preggy.

(I didn't mind the way we treat each other, it's my fault entirely as I have a very high tolerance for this man. After seeing him struggle from grass to grace, see his various troubles, support his lifestyle. He's a proud man, but I've seen his rare tears, he's seen mine. I've got an eternal, love/weak spot for him, so it's ny fault. I accept that.)

But when he began to berate the unborn child, to the extent that if I didn't drop the subject, our friendship would ve over. I became a mother and told him to forget about us. Lose my number, never try to find us in 1-2-5-20 years. I then sent him a message praying he have a good life with success n peace but never find us again. I moved to a new place. He tried calling but I blocked his number.

My family and friends, all support me. They agree that it's ny responsibility to keep the child mentally safe and emotionally sound, he was going to jerk the child around to the end of the ages, especially due to the fact that he's a good father to his other kids (he's a divorcee) . My church friends and other Nigerian friends all ostracized me saying am wicked etc. Especially since I insist that the child will grow up thinking the dad is dead.

Not sure if its the right choice now...sorry fit the long post...