₦airaland Forum

pls guys, its been long since i came here but guys i need your help am; a fresh graduate looking for a job. my nysc is till september. pls guy help. i willl really appreciate it
thanks.

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

6. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

7. Marriage is not just in having a wife but also worries inherited forever.

8. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS":

The Engagement Ring
The Wedding Ring
The Suffe-Ring
The Endu-Ring

9. Married life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.

10. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

11. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

12. It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED!

13. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

14. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

15. SON: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

FATHER: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

SON: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

FATHER: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

16. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late!"

17. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

18. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.

19. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

20. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and
your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry, we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you." "Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Heheh," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

1. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.

2. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear
to the office.

3. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert's and consider it
a job requirement.

4. One big black belt - accessorized for life!

5. There'd be no reason to have your colors done.

6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you weren't.

7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled, that is when you
giggled, like a bowlful of jelly, you could hit them with
your purse.

8. You'd always work in sensible footwear.

9. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty 'Ho!
Ho! Ho!', would remind everyone who's boss.

10. You wouldn't need an expensive briefcase.

11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.

12. Never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about your slip
showing.

13. No more trips to the vending machine, you'd just snack on
milk and cookies all day long.

14. You'd never be asked to take an early retirement package.

15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because your
children would adore you; even your teen-agers would want to
sit in your lap.

16. You'd be guaranteed the best chair in the office.

17. Age discrimination wouldn't be an issue.

18. You'd never grab the wrong coat on your way out the door.

19. No one would ask to see your job description.

20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they'd better not
pout.

migines what do u mean this guy again.do u know me b4

migines what do u this guy again.fo u know me b4

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."

The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

Santa's top 10 pickup lines,

10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
8. I've got something special in the sack for you!
7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
6. I know when you've been bad or good--so let's skip the small talk, sister!
5. Some of my best toys run on batteries, <wink wink>
4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it.)
3. I see you when you're sleeping--and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
2. Screw the "nice" list--I've got you on my "naughty" list!
1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

leyekan:
this really got me laughing.keep it up

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

this really got me laughing.keep it up

guys i need help.i want to do my final year project and i need topics and help i could get from u guys. am in computer science. pls in eed help

guys am kind of new here.i need you guys help,am in my final year now i need to do a project.can u guys help me out[color=#990000][/color].did i do the right thing now please help me.computer science