₦airaland Forum

mukhcech:
If u stay in Abuja. Help is near sir.

swankmee:
Thank you. Amen









My dear OP, from the look of things, your wife is suffering from evil family pattern. Since she is a product of a broken home am sure that was how mum behaved to her father. I won't advice you to leave your wife cause she obviously needs spiritual help. It will be better for you to go for deliverance(preferably in any MFM church) (if u are a Christian) and then keep praying this prayer point.
1. God should destroy every evil family pattern of her parents house.
2. That God should put his fear and love in her heart.
3. God should please make her into a virtuous woman according to proverbs 31.
4. And that God should put your love in her heart. I. E she shld love you more than herself.
If u pray this fervently every 12am to 2am everyday for 7days. My dear you will see changes. Remember God is still with you no matter what you are passing through, just speak to him. (remember God can change anything if you have faith in him and if she's a witch or she's purposely doing what she's doing, trust me God will humble her).

doverulez:
Hmmm, interesting.
From the way I see it mr op, you love ur wife so much than she loves u.(or act like she doesn't)
U give in so much concerns to every of her doings,naggings and she knows dis thats why she continues.
A woman from a broken home will always act like this to command respect,care,undiluted love,attention nd interest towards her, and ure exactly giving her what she wants(who knows! Maybe her mother was given less,maybe she had no say on any issue talk more of all,maybe her father is d nagging nd shouting type which kept both d mother nd d family at bay) she feels her mother was soft and weak now its her time and she doesnt want to be controlled. See op, her life now with u is just a mirror of her mothers nd what she(wife) went tru when growing up. D only difference is that she's calling d shots and with all d advise ure getting now ,sorry oh but I dont think any will take effect on her yet. Remember, u said she doesn't tell u where she goes, who she meets and all that but at time she unknowingly tells u sometimes. This shows she wants the marriage nd to want the marriage she has to love u nd to love u she'll need a heart and hearts that loves feels bad when hurt. Oop, u need to give less Bleep about wat she does now with the "her life" for now. U have the upper hand here, she has no friends,her family is not on her side.The more u show utmost concerns to the things she does she will continue. Its like a battle to her, she is ultra controlling u and her devices is ur love towards her. U are d one who always broker peace each time she stops talking to u,do u think she doesn't enjoy that(d man of d house wining nd crying anytime I do something) let go of that ultimate affection for now and put ur house together. ignore every rubbish she does,turn a blind eye towards her antics and when she doesn't see those concerns,worries and attention. She'll get worried,nd when she knows u dont give a damn about whatever she does or keep,she'll get scared. No woman will lose her husband over her bad characters nd bear loosing her children too. She'll have no choice than to seek out help,maybe from her family members or she'll just come straight to u. I believe this will help, so trust God and urself more cos ure playing the lead role here and this is reality tv my brother every of ur decision should be over thought,weighed and perfectly executed,no mistakes. God bless

Sulukag:
Bro i think you need to engage in some other things that can make you happy,think less about her.Make more friends,if possible get gadgets like play station,play it till you are exhausted. Don't let her attitude bother you anymore,anytime she does crazy things instead of fighting back tell her things like,you are the most beautiful woman in the world,buy her gifts even if she will not cherish it. For every bad she does against you repay her with good and pray for your marriage.Cover her up when she is asleep,help iron her cloths,I bet you one day she will come crying begging you for forgiveness and she will change totally.

Mac2016:
Only the married can realize what this man is saying. Man, never blame yourself for showing love. Most humans misbehave with love overdose!

I believe there is a 50/50 chance for you to improve your home. Find a side chic..(sound odd, right?!)..I know you are the highly romantic type, the essence of you getting a side chic is to funnel all your excessive love outdoors!

Let your wife realize that love is a like a bird which can only fly (be successful) if the two wings are functionally balanced, not lopsided.

With your change of attitude and new "joy outdoors", you will stop have sex with her til she desires it. Do no chores at home again, you may hire a housemaid, if your wife agrees, to cater your kids but since you have been married for 11 years, your first born may be able to do some chores (better if your first baby is a girl). #Feel like writing forever

nuele:
Actually, dt was a retype of the original message, it failed to deliver, was lazy to retype thus summarized that, was so excited you noted my humble advice thus wud unleash another remix.

Again, I really commend your perseverance and proper understanding of the concept of considerations (seeing ur considerations for ur kids, many won't this far).

I would like to ask you this(rhetoric), would you be very happy if she repent of her ways and be the your amazing wife?

Sure u would and would accept her back, implying the problem is her present behaviours, thus if she changes, you fine, thus the question of the real problem indentified.

Brother, you in a challenging time, its unfortunate but yes u are, its a problem just like an unfortunate ailment, it occurred, what to do now is seeking endless solutions options as you don't know what would yield the exact result you want just like one would do seeking cure for an ailments.

The underlying point is its a life time commitment, no way out. You are in it bro, and forever in the marriage. With this in mind you need to handle this as a man you are, from what I could gather from your wordings, you are a the real man, and be that man you are, saying this cos you would need courage to pass through this, less I forget, more perseverance(s).

So as I said, be less anxious and avoid being radical as some might have advise, a self-controlled person better and more noble and greater than a victorious warrior. Take things calm acknowledge u in a soup lol, but endure it bro, I mean till whenever, I pray and strongly believe won't be long, even God self, seeing this from you would help u out, that's depending on ur motives, but I understand u a sincere one, so he wud help u.

Before I suggest some helpful solutions trials, let me say this, if the situation was the other way round and you see her doing this for you, won't you be elated, I feel we men could b selfish lol, so that is it bro.

Try the following bro,

1. Give her space.
Pls do this, would help her think more, and retrospectively, don't bug her, engaging her in quarrels, pls don't, ensure after it all you look back and beat your chest with distinction.

2. Stop reporting her in ways that she sees as vindictive, judgemental and making her devilish.
Bro, that isn't true, I believe for you to have married her if she was as above, then lol u try. Remember u can explore !more respectful ways of reporting her, let's say her pastor, parent (not junior sisters o, but can be elder she regards, since u said she isn't in good times with them,u might have to suspend that), but try to, to someone mature or elderly she would highly regard.

3. Pray to God who instituted it, and said its a good thing.

4. Be very nice, cordial and thoughtful, you are a very intelligent person (pls don't ask me how I knew lol), and very important creative, get her unaware lol, she won't know how she fell into smiling then laughing, man man man, win her all over again, let her know you dt man that can win her heart anytime, any day and anyways lol.

5. Rebrand yourself.
Bro, if there is something u doing that makes her disrespect you, pls that needs to stop, example example o no be real o lol, let's say the guy is into immoral habits, eg porn, irresponsibilities, late nights, drunkenness, lies, etc this might make her feel she has nothing to lose from the guy aka no respect, so pls bro, I know u don't sound like one, just giving extreme examples yours can b little versions of the above but same family.

6. Bro take it from there.....

In my conclusion, bro you a man, be a man, be strong, calm and calculative, don't blame anything or anyone, also remember her background that might av affected her, I tell u u can change that, give the world a story, make an impact in your generation, let people also benefit from your feats lol not just enjoying and deriving courage from others own. In all be less anxious, have fun(no be wahala bringing type o) infact do that with your kids to avoid her thinking its with another, also that way it won't affect them too, before we begin addressing another in future, God forbid in Jesus name, I pray the Almighty God would see you through, Amen cheers bro.

Should you be interested in reaching me, let me drop my mail.

nueleita@gmail.com (Anyone can mail lol@ spammers).

ngwababe:
May God forgive her. Bros, its well!

specter:
Truth! Your wife had a terrible childhood/adolescence. She trusted at an early age and got burnt. In one of my sessions as a marriage counsellor and attorney, I met a young couple that were having issues in their marriage.
Both from broken homes. The woman was so damage there was nothing llike trust for any man in her dictionary not even her husband who was determined to keep the marriage cos he didn't want his marriage to end up like that of his parents.
The woman was far worse than yours. She would yell, cry , starve herself, smoke, drink. All manner of attitiude that the husband sought divorce before we met.
And we were able to get her to talk about her past especially. Childhood. We discovered she had a lot of stuffs from the past buried deep down. She just couldn't open up to nobody except her mother who was far worse than herself.
She is still a work in progress and she is recovering fast.
My point is this, just suprise her and suggest you wanna take her out. Have a heart to heart discussing with her . She needs help, only you can help her . She is fighting so many battles you don't understand. She is fighting against the world . She is hurting and taking it out on you and the kids.
Does she love you ? Absolutely. But she cannot express that love cos she does not know how to. She needs to heal first. Help her love and trust again. It's not gonna be easy. Seek a therapist if need be or a pastor she respects.
She has serious trust issues. She can't trust nobody not even you cos of the abusive past. She is used to being hurt and you loving her makes you an enemy.
I once met a lady who couldn't leave an abusive relationship and could keep a non abusive relationship cos that was how she knew to leave. She even confessed that she only enjoys sex when the boyfriend beats her up before the make up sex.
We knew she needed help . A dig into the past revealed she was violently abused by her step father and her mother did nothing about it. It could be that you yourself have even triggered some reaction unknowingly.
The best solution is get her to talk about her past voluntarily.
Not until she lets go of the past and she hurts she is suffering, she won't get better.
Pm me if you need assistance. Thanks.

N:B. If you have been judging her, stop it. If she is angry, scared or shy of talking about the past , understand her and be patience with her but be persistent. Don't give up. Just keep apologising and getting her comfortable enough to talk about it. She might have been sexually abused too and the family did nothing about it and you might have also judged her in the past unknowingly.
She can't keep friendship too. Means she can't reveal what she burying deep down, except she can trust you.
Shalom.

solasoulmusic:
The worst we can ever do in life marry someone who knows not the value of love. There are some key traits you have to be careful of out here if you want to build a sustainable marraige

1. Avoid spouses that abuse parents and family to get back at you
2. Avoid spouses that use kids as weapons against you.
3. Avoid anyone who doesn't love you but doesn't have the courage to let you go in peace. Some keep Leaving things behind forcing you interact eventually to get rid of it some of it is for selfish entertainment some for evil purposes to remain valid
4. Avoid anyone that feels that because things didn't work out with you it won't for anyone else so they have to paint you bad to the world.
5. Avoid anyone who is capable of emotional revenge and bringingg you down emotionally to satisfy themselves and their new love
6.Don't force anyone who is not willing to meet you halfway in love don't even express it to them sadly not everyone's heart is conditioned for love
7. Lastly be careful hope you treat those you date you set yourself up for a hopeless marraige if you haven't loved honestly and truthfully.

There are people we want to move mountains for that isn't part of Gods plan so instead of flowing along we pitch tent and expend energy on a faulty foundation.

For your kids it's worth smoothening the relationship
If your wife doesn't exhibit any of the listed then this it's just a personality clash counseling could help but if she does have traits like above you both need to sit down

Yesterday I was begging for closure on a matter but to my surprise they won't offer that because they are not ready for it but they are ready to delay your life though and torment you but not take that concerete step towards giving you another fresh start it's selfishness and that is an enemy of love. this issue is one that didn't really need to drag on for this long it's painful because you love them and spiritually you want what's best for them because you can see the decline but they have to say want it too. They have to want to be better for love it's not enough that you want it .

Two people met somewhere person A had nothing on person so person B helped person A . Person A always had a special affection for person B since then now when person B hits a bad time person A steps in out of love to assist person B proving comfort and emotional stability until when person B meets person C person B now begins to break person A's spirit with insults and rejection because of person C person A is distraught and seals up affection for Person B but is never quite able to say no when person B has to provide for his child. Person A is rejected and publically humiliated by Person B and person C the influence of their toxic love person B's sudden disdain for person A is so apparent many wonder what happened because she doesn't even love person B. Now time passes and person B is jobless and approaches person A for help skeptical of the past person A doesn't want to be at the center of the job quest but will gladly forward all the contacts they know to assist person B. They do so and copy person B for a job opportunity. One day because of the frustrations of a bad relationship with person C who y'all can remember brought the spirit of attack and the insults that were first showered on Person A During a normal argument person B gets angry and copies every business contact meant for building of B and insults person A to her colleagues and bosses. Person B is just using the same methods Person C used to establish herself in his life. Person A cannot believe it that that one gesture she reluctantly did he turned and used to hurt her again. She gets on her knees and prays. She loses her job and travels out She is replaced while away. years later person C and Person B fall out and C kicks out B and person A once again is called to assist person B everyone in person A's life is in objection that he doesn't deserve any help and that he has already betrayed you twice in the past but Person A doesn't listen Person A can't stand seeing Person B suffer especially since she as seen the devastation of choosing the wrong Love but she does she goes to pick him from Person C's house where Person C made a scene and called police. person A risked her life and reputation to help Person B ...he moves into her home temporarily in transition. Person A thinks the worst is over till Person C and person B get back together again and once again she is in the middle in the home person B begins to resent person A and how good she has it though she stepped in only to help and out of love he decides to leave property behind and storm off not before abusing her mother to her face.

Person A gets her job back though it's not a paying position by earning it and the respect back from her colleagues while Person B is still trying to build with Person C

I am Person A I have been in your shoes

Person B has no job now but more importantly Person B failed to see Person A just was there by divine intervention each time not selfish interest but he didn't care because he is so focused on building on the wrong foundation that person C offers.

Choose love wisely not everyone has the strength to stay fighting for good love

lelvin:
I doubt if there is a remedy for a heart without love...whatever it is, do not be consumed by the hate. But if you already are, God help you.

oshorstan:
OGA I understand issue, its simple. Was she like this when u were dating? I think she's an extreme introverted self styled person. u need to be showing her love n understanding. one day she will come around. pls don't kill her, she is still the mother of ur lovely kids. don't report her again, be the Man and pray to ur God. seek for Jesus the owner and Lord of Marriage to minister love to her. pls don't flirt with other women. just be nice to her. I see God helping your wife in Jesus name. God bless u Sir

Heineken:
Nawao....things dey happen sha. Make God no give us bad wife.

Daboomb:
All these silly grown "BOYS" that should still be under their Parents, learning how to deal with a relationship, forming "I am married"!
If after all what you stated, you dont know what to do and you are coming online to ask for advice, then you dont even deserve to be married in the first place.

Nonsense, manufactured stories

FortuneTeller:
lisbonabdulahi

Do you work? Do you have a job? That makes everything worse. Honestly it's her personality and she isn't going to change. I have the same personality and my hubby has learned to deal with it. If he wants to leave, he can but I still won't change. He just laughs and waits for his dinner most days.

PatriotTemidayo:
Chief, consider the opportunity cost before you do anything. But even if you wouldn't break up with her, you have to take a bold step that will put her in check and put her ego down.

Except if there's something terrible you did to her in the past, you dont deserve this kind of heartlessness.

I mentioned opportunity cost earlier. Can you handle for kids? Or do you want to leave the kids with such woman? If you do, in two years time, those kids will never want to hear your name again. She'll poison their minds, and for the rest of your life, you'll be struggling to re-establish connection with your kids to no avail.

However, you have to put her in her place by doing either of the three things:

1. LOCK HER OUT: During one of the holiday seasons, take your kids away from town, lock your doors (Make sure she has no access) and never answer her calls until after two weeks. Deprive her of what she's taken for granted and see if she'll be humble.

2. Send a letter of notification for divorce to any of her living family. Clearly state how long you've endured in silence and why you cannot endure a day more.

3. Show her so much love, make provisions for her and sit her down when she's happy and tell her if she want a divorce. See her reaction and if she says YES, be the first to send the letter of notification for divorce to both of your families and make sure you USE SCARCITY TO CREATE EFFECT. Do not answer anyone's call for at least 4 days. Let the heat be on her for those days and let her lie and set credibility trap for herself. By the time you speak up to whomever, all her lies and line of defense will crumble and you'll make her humble.

4. Stop bothering her. Leave her alone. Watch her do all her craze and don't be moved. I dont this is not easy, but it is very effective. When you ignore a busy body, they want to kill themselves. It is your attention and apt concerns that has embolden het thus far. Before you start ignoring her, call her and tell her "FROM THIS MOMENT, YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT. GO EVERYWHERE YOU WANT AND YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN". After few days of successfully ignoring her, you'll start noticing a rather remorse face.

Other people can add to this list, it is inexhaustible.

But I wish you luck.

At your spare time,
Follow: Hearticleoflove..com

..............love is a beautiful thing.

mastasam:
what a pity. where do you ppl stay I mean rented apartment or personal house. who pays d rent or who built d house. n who is d bread winner in d house. above questions r to help me advice you tanx

madjune:
The woman is going through what's called,
"Mid life crisis"

OP, how old are you?

humberjade:
This is the major factor that leads to violence and divorce in marriages these days. You saw the Red Light and you still went on with it.

Well, this is a lesson for those of us that are still single; never assume he or she will change from an extremely bad trait after wedding.... don't be carried away by the love u have for him/her.

As for the OP, for the sake of your children, please sit your wife down one last time and try to figure out what is going on with her...because it is obvious u are not d only one at the receiving end of her bad attitude...it could be as a result of an event she experienced in her childhood....speak with her folks and try to figure out when it all started...If it is from childhood, it's already too late, let her go before she finally kills u or d other way round out of anger (or d children)...u will be doing yourself and the children in particular a whole lot of good.

But it is obvious she needs help...she is your wife and the mother of your children...try one last time to help fix her if she is still fixable.

May God intervene in your marriage.

jameshow:
.

Bro, you don't have wife, you only have mother of kids, I ran away from such a lady last year. Her mum almost push me to marry her. She displayed all the characters your wife displayed, her mum too can't control her, the woman too had a broken home, severally the lady chased me away from herself while she calls me back when she feels like. My advice is that you should leave her, you have bought bad products from the black market, her parents had sold her to you while you were blindfolded with love. Am just thanking God about my own, thank God I took that decision when i noticed those traits

bizza45:
send u packing ��� are u leaving in her house

Maximus85:
You made a very big mistake. You said two year during your courtship she showed signs of these wicked behavior and some people said she'll change after wedding. The truth is, if there's any behavior that can't be stopped before marriage, after wedding, it will be worse.

Pray to Jehovah, be specific in your prayers what you want from Jehovah. Continue being positive. Something tells me you did something in the past and here's your punishment. Pray to God for forgiveness. Fast for days as long as the spirit leads you. Get closer to God.

Billyonaire:
They cry at counselling and make the husband even beg her to stop crying. The easiest way to beat them at their game is just accept whatever argument they bring forth, cos narcissists have no idea the hurt they cause others. They have no empathy at all. They do not feel the pains of others. They can even read your mind. Predict what your plans are. Very manipulative.

chinchum:
it seems she is the one that owns the house or possibly paying the rent? I would recommend separation for now, possibly three months . If she comes back to her senses , then reassess the marital relationship within this period.

fluxbush:
Wait oo! Ayam nor understanding again. Send you packing? Abeg who get the house? This story don dey get k-leg

bizza45:
that's because u are one

Billyonaire:
@ lisbonabdulahi

Listen friend, Please pay attention to what I am going to tell you and this is for your own good. If not, I can assure you, we will lose you.

You are married to a Narcissistic woman. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder. A bruised Soul destroyed by Childhood of lovelessness.

If 80% of the traits I am about to list below occurs in your marriage, then what you should be doing is finding a way your kids can live far away from your wife.

1. She gives excessive attention to her beauty.
2. She never apologizes.
3. She says she is not a slave in your house and lures you to help in the kitchen.
4. She leaves home to hang out and comes home at her will.
5. She depends on you for every of her need and if she offers a gift to others, she complains how they may not use it well.
6. She says without her, you are nothing.
7. She monitors your finances and saves part of it and call it hers.
8. If you own a house, she says it is hers too.
9. She calls you my husband when she desires things from you.
10. If you guys quarrel she locks herself in a room and remains there and you are the one to apologize.
11. She complains that you take care of your own family and corners some stuff to her own family except she hates them.
12. She cries real tears even when she is at fault.
13. She blames others for everything and nothing is ever her fault.

I would have typed more, but I havent got much time. But if your wife exhibits 80% of the above characteristics then I have news for you.

She can not be helped.
She is not even aware of the fact that she is hurting others.
She believes she is the victim.

The solution is RUN. It is complicated with kids involved. No househelp will ever satisfy her, she nags the hell out of everyone.


When I read from you I will tell you the nature of her Soul. These entities locate Empaths like you. Charitable people. They hook you and the convert your love energy to negative energies that entities feed on without being aware.


These are different soul archetypes. The fight and flight mechanism of these people got activated in childhood mostly from broken homes and abusive childhoods so they stopped growing emotional. So they are emotional babies even at old age they behave like their spouse owes them entitlements. They are mostly parasitic in nature and she will leave you the moment you run out of her supplies. All they know is what to get from you and not what to give. And they have to give, they try to control the person they give anything to.

You have done great so far, but she will never change. Get a househelp and stop financing her fantasies, use the cash to hire a househelp to take care of the kids. And I beg you cut off the love, cos I am sorry to say, they do not love truly. They only mimic your emotions. They are not capable of loving.

I will write about the spiritual angle to narcissism and why the Churches can not exorcise them, except ofcourse only tapping into Christ Consciousness can the Galactic Federation help you cut off the Soul contract you had with the Jezebel Spirit. They are so nice at one moment, just when you are so sure there is peace at home. Quarrels come out of no where.

cashboss2017:
U didnt state your name clear? anyway from the tone of your msg u must be an afonja right??

AuroraB:
Chase your away from her room when you come for sengemenge
My guy, do you dress like a masquerade

Guyman02:
In my case I provide everything in the home which she will still not appreciate my efforts.

Sex is almost boring because I have to practically beg for it like OP and sometimes it is accompanied with insults and many other things I don't have time to write about.

I can personally feel his pain and he is passing through for years in the name of remaining married.

FreeSpirited:
You are so dumb. Where did you grow up? Who brought you up? Didn't you date girls all your life before this girl? Don't you roll with guys before marriage? Well, the only reason for all this dumbness and docility must be from your religious orientation...cos I heard you say 'one brainless brethren asked you to marry her".I don't have advice for you cos you have disgraced manhood in general..and I'm so pained reading your shameful story Carry your cross.
Maybe if you have enough sense to do DNA and discover those children or a couple of them arnt your children maybe you will get sense and act like a man.
If I may ask, were you castrated? I can't believe a man will shun his dignity and allow a woman to rule him in such a pititful manner. You are a castrated man!
I can place a bet that your wife has been fvcking different dicks all along. Women who have such mind and courage to control a wussy like you won't find it hard to please themselves with whichever diick they desire because, they see themselves as the boss while you are just a figure-head husband with no power or authority. She can never fear your or have respect for your marital vow. She gives her body to men out there who are man enough to make her feel like a woman, not the way you make her feel like the boss.
I don't just know why I'm angry at how a man could so ridicule her birthright as a man. You lost your manhood. Go and learn or start reading what it means to be a respected husband, what it means to be a man that women adore...cos you have no business with marriage with the way you are. Yet I still don't have advice for you.. Wait till she end your life, you will have sense by then