₦airaland Forum

i am sorry i have not posted any update on this thread.

things are indeed looking better for my boyfriend now. he gets more hours at work.

he now gives me some money occasionally which i use for cooking. its not really much but i do appreciate the fact that he is making an effort. each times he gives me this, i thank him profusely and i also pray for him.

despite the fact that money is tight, he went out of his way to surprise me on vals day and he got me things that were really pricey. as a matter of fact, the value of the gifts he got for me surpasses the value of mine.

hes been a very nice chap. . . . caring, God fearing, etc. only snag is the financial bit. but even at that, i love him very much and i am convinced the feeling is mutual.

chaircover:
When my husband and I got married he didn't have a car, Infact our first car was a £550 banger LOL. When we had our baby, we couldn't afford to buy a cot. Baby and I slept on the bed while hubby slept on one of my wrappers on the floor. I rememebr that My mum bought our first freezer 

And although this is very personal, I am sharing this story so that someone somewhere who is probably at crossroads can seek encouragement from it and make a wise decision.

I married my husband because he was a good kind man of integrity and a hardworking man with prospects and of course I loved him. People said all sorts at the time but I didnt listen some even called him a gold digger. Today I am enjoying that decision. He is a husband, brother, father, friend all rolled into one.

Today he earns much much more than I earn, I only work part time (he told me to reduce my hours & to stop stressing myself) and I now run a business that I enjoy.  He is still the dependable solid man that I married back then and he treats me like an equal rather than a gloried slave.

Yesterday afternoon we were our shopping for light fittings for our new house and I was looking at the prices before choosing, (Ijebu to the core that I am) but he noticed it and he just said to me "just pick what you really like . . . don't look at the prices, I am paying"
If I were to be a glorified slave he would go ahead and buy whatever he wants without it even crossing his mind to consult me.

Dont get me wrong, It has been an uphill struggle and there were times that we went without but eventually if you both muck in together and with the grace & favour of God, you will eventually get there.

What I have noticed is that it is here in the romance section that you see " I cant do this for any man" " I cant cook for my boyfriend" "he has to be rich" etc but the reality is that these same people pop up 3 years later in the family section with a new ID saying that their husbands don't treat them well.

If anyone here has a broke but good boyfriend/fiance, please do not throw him away but help him to grow. It will be a tough struggle but you will both reap the reward in the long run.

WOW!

CHAIRCOVER, I STUMBLED ON THIS YOUR POST BY CHANCE AND I MOST SAY YOU'VE REALLY REALLY INSPIRED ME.

ola olabiy

please i am also interested and i am in the UK. kindly mail me all the materials and any other tips, advice and suggestions you might have most appreciated 

likeme:
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It takes time be4 visa do come out, he still need to keep the money in his account until the visa is out.

Yes, the money has to be in his account untouched till the visa is out which makes it very awkward for me to ask when i will be getting the money back except i just keep mute and wait till whenever the visa comes out for me to ask him

aktunde:
Can you see what I am saying? I said this guy in question might not even be as bad as you make people see him here. To confirm I said it before, check out the bold part of my initial comment below:

Can you see yourself? I already have a feeling that this guy might not even be as bad as you have painted him here. That was why I never supported you on the first place. Now you here here defending him again. Now, you have allowed so many people who don't even know the details about him to rain all sorts of bad comments about him. I just wish he can have an idea of what you have done to him here. Now, you want to defend him again. I just don't know what is wrong with some people. Instead of you to sit down and handle your personal problems. Because of your little worry, you run to nairaland. People have various opinions, and you will only be exposed to noise by making your personal issues public. Now, you want o make them like the guy again, after bringing him down because you just received your pay check?

Na real wa for you

And my fellow nairalanders, lets always be patient to get full details before passing comments. I am sure this poster might have made some people feel stuupid for what they think or said about a guy they don't even know. I don't really see anything wrong in that relationship, except if there is something to prove that the guy never loved her or the guy is merely using her.

sir.

you keep going on and on about how i have ridiculed my boyfriend

please, where is the ridicle?

have i called him names or insulted him

all i have done is state the true position of things in my relationship. i am not defending him or trying to make him look good to anybody here. all the things i have stated here is nothing but the truth.

it is not possible for me to narrate the entire story in just my initial post. As a matter of fact, i felt my first post was too long and people may not read it. I only made my second post so as to further explain things since some people assumed that he was not working, etc.

nairaland is an annoymous forum and thats the beauty of it. it gives you the room to pour out your heart and worries to people and then read their various opinions and views on the issue. so please, do not condemn me for coming here to express my worries and fears.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

I should point it out that my boyfriend works. . . .he is not lazy. . .  just that he does not get regular hours from the company he works for. His job is far from decent. Also, all the time he was studying, he could not work more than 20hours weekly.

I must also say here that my boyfriend is sleek, goodlooking, very humble and you will never imagine for a second imagine that he has little or nothing in his bank account. As a matter of fact, my female friends actually think that he actually takes me shopping on his tab to get some of the nice things in my wardrobe.

I am quite sure that he has little or nothing because a few times we have checked his bank balance together at the cash machine and online and he has little or nothing there. So i am quite sure that he is not lying about his cashless state.

He has never asked me for money. It took a lot of smart probing for him to relax and feel free to open up to me on his financial state. The two occasions i have learnt him money, i was the one that offered to help because i felt the man  i love cannot be in such difficulty while i sit and do nothing. If i had not loaned him the money to sort out his visa issue, he would be preparing to pack his bags to go back to  Nigeria by now. I actually scolded him for not telling me about the problem until very late.

That said, despite the fact that he didnt have much, he got me an expensive and classy gift for christmas that left me dazzled and very impressed. I know he must have really saved for it. However, this is the first and only time that he has gotten me any gift although we do go out to cinemas, pizzas a few times and he picks the tab and at other times i pay for part or the entire bill.

I just felt rather sad yesterday when i saw my account balance in red but i get paid tomorrow and i am back in the green again. Besides, i have never dated any man before that had to rely on me so much and this is a new experience for me and i just wanted to seek people's opinion to what i am doing is okay or wrong or if i should adopt a different approach.

Please, i need advice and opinion from matured people. Married peeps and those in serious relationships.

I am a Nigerian young lady presently dating a Nigerian man here in England. He's just recently completed his degree and he is yet to get a stable job.

We have been together for about six months and things have been okay between us expect the issue of finances.

It seems that i am bearing all the financial burden of this relationship. Although we stay seperately, anything i cook. . . . pot of soup, rice. beans, anything. . . . i always split it into two and give my boyfriend most times over half of it. He has never given me a penny just to make up for the money i spend on all the meals i cook for both of us. He has never asked me specifically to cook for him. . I prepare the meals outta love and for the fact that he cannot cook and most times he eats out (kebab, and some other junk).

On one occassion, he had issues paying his rent and i had to lend him money. He didn't return the money back to me when i expected and he wanted to give me the money in installments but i refused and told him i needed the money to sort out my own issues (which was the truth) and it was only then he gave me back the money.

I have no issues helping out someone i love in times of need but i am beginning to feel used and stupidly in love.The final straw was recently when i had to lend him money inorder for him to sort out his visa issues (a tangible sum).
By the time i lent him the money and paid my own rent, my account was overdrawn leaving me broke with piling overdraft fees He is yet to tell me when he's going to return the money back to me and i am feeling a bit awkward regarding asking him about it.

I earn higher than him and my source of income is steadier than his. I am a very generous person at heart but i recently developed this feeling that the reason he's keeping me around is because i offer some sort of financial support.

He talks about marriage and tells me that once he gets a regular job that he is going to marry me. He does appreciate me and tells that me that girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find and he does not want to lose me. He also tells me that he has never felt so loved by any girl in his life.

I see nothing wrong in standing by my man in need (especially with this tag on nigerian girls in london that we are all gold diggas) but do you people think i am overdoing it?

Am just really down now. Especially when i think about the fact that my account is in red and thats because i lent money to him

Please, i need advice and opinion from matured people. Married peeps and those in serious relationships.

I am a Nigerian young lady presently dating a Nigerian man here in England. He's just recently completed his degree and he is yet to get a stable job.

We have been together for about six months and things have been okay between us expect the issue of finances.

It seems that i am bearing all the financial burden of this relationship. Although we stay seperately, anything i cook. . . . pot of soup, rice. beans, anything. . . . i always split it into two and give my boyfriend most times over half of it. He has never given me a penny just to make up for the money i spend on all the meals i cook for both of us. He has never asked me specifically to cook for him. . I prepare the meals outta love and for the fact that he cannot cook and most times he eats out (kebab, and some other junk).

On one occassion, he had issues paying his rent and i had to lend him money. He didn't return the money back to me when i expected and he wanted to give me the money in installments but i refused and told him i needed the money to sort out my own issues (which was the truth) and it was only then he gave me back the money.

I have no issues helping out someone i love in times of need but i am beginning to feel used and stupidly in love.The final straw was recently when i had to lend him money inorder for him to sort out his visa issues (a tangible sum).
By the time i lent him the money and paid my own rent, my account was overdrawn leaving me broke with piling overdraft fees    He is yet to tell me when he's going to return the money back to me and i am feeling a bit awkward regarding asking him about it.

I earn  higher than him and my source of income is steadier than his. I am a very generous person at heart but i recently developed this feeling that the reason he's keeping me around is because i offer some sort of financial support.

He talks about marriage and tells me that once he gets a regular job that he is going to marry me. He does appreciate me and tells that me that girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find and he does not want to lose me. He also tells me that he has never felt so loved by any girl  in his life.

I see nothing wrong in standing by my man in need (especially with this tag on nigerian girls in london that we are all gold diggas) but do you people think i am overdoing it?

Am just really down now. Especially when i think about the fact that my account is in red and thats because i lent money to him