Sorry that your experiencing this OP although it could be a blessing in disguise that you don’t have children with her yet maybe God is still giving you room to see her well. I have my own issue but the little knowledge I have I can try and advise you.

Options I see are:

1. Sit down with your wife maybe at night before bed and have a quiet 1:1 talk about how your MIL words make you feel. Let her know that for now especially when your trying to conceive it’s best you guys reduce stress as much as possible so mum should maybe come once a month for a weekend or something.

2. Let the mum go (nicely ooh no fighting) and let her daughter follow her mum we all know there’s a shortage of husband but plenty women to marry!

3. Pack like 2 of your own relatives to come and frustrate them in the house and wait for your wife to complain. When your wife complains (trust me won’t take up to one week) tel her you agree and that it’s only fair if all in-laws leave so the both of you can have your home back.

Anytime your wife try it just pack your relatives in the house after all she’s the one that will have to cook for them and clean etc she will get tired of inviting her relatives.

I have been provided with some good insight on how my husband might be seeing things or where he is coming from. Thank you all for the good the bad and the ugly.

1. When my husband met me his communication with his family was very little it’s me that pushed him to be close with them. His sisters never used to call him wen he was broke they only started knowing him as brother once he became useful to them. His mum made a comment one time that if he doesn’t send his sister money they won’t call him brother again so he should be able to send them money if they ask.

2. I never once generalised about ‘Nigerian men’ that’s why I laughed when I was warned about that. I believe people are individuals and make their own decisions about how they choose to live. I have met Nigerian men that respect themselves and some that don’t same as all other countries and races.

Sanchez01:

I won't be the one to tell you this but your husband is not being entirely sincere with you, particularly since your MIL mentioned that the house is for you and your kids.

You are totally in the dark here...

To be honest that’s how I feel. And I have never given him a reason to push me aside like this. I have always had his back through nothing to now. There was also a time when it was me that was bringing in the money whilst he looked for work we lived so harmoniously because I still respected him and all decisions we made together. When there was no money we were like one person but when we got married alot changed for him and I thank God money came and he has been generous but also a big nuisance. All his behaviours came post money and it’s so painful to see the man you struggled with, slept hungry with and prayed with just toss you to the side. It’s honestly so painful. He doesn’t see that it’s that bad which is even more wicked. He said he is a saint compared to his mates that one of his mates just had 3 abortions with 3 different women behind the wife’s back smh and I was just with the wife the wife speaks so highly of her husband.

Zielle:

U're just being a nuisance trying to nitpick at irrelevant things. Her country of origin is irrelevant -the husband n family knew before he married her n she was friends with the husband for 10 yrs before the marriage. Besides maybe she doesn't want to specify here bcus she doesn't want to be identified by his sisters or bcus she's British-born like she said (dunno why you've a problem with that) but her parents are east African (Kenya, Rwanda, Somalia, Tanzania, Ethiopia, etc).

Exactly. Thank you. Some details are not that relevant it’s just important for readers to understand that my culture and background is a bit different to my husbands.

Sanchez01:


You can spot a stupiid man from a distance just as you can spot a foolish woman from the same. I wouldn't necessarily refer to the OP as a wise woman who is focused on building her home. Perhaps she has no intention of ever settling in Nigeria which is why she is against the real estate investment move of the husband. If this is the case, then she is selfish.

None of us have any intention of settling in Nigeria which is why it doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t advise him the wrong thing. It all just seems dishonest to me

To answer some of your questions.

I am of east African background but British born I have been with my husband from grass to grace we have been through a lot of downs together trust me a lot that even his family don’t know about but I thank God we’re financially very ok.

All of the cheating has been an ongoing issue just because I didn’t post about it but we have even been through counselling etc regarding all of that. If cheating was the most recent issue perhaps I would have started with that but sometimes you get pushed and pushed then one thing pushes you over the edge.

I’m shocked that I’ve been advised to mind my business regarding the land issue. The land issue is a financial betrayal I don’t demand anything from him but to be open and honest. I’m shocked he hid a money issue from me because I have never given him any reason to doubt my loyalty to him. I have always supported him and mind you I am the mother of his kids so of course I want the very best for him because that means the best for my kids.
If I nag then great �� my intention is only for my husband to be the best he can be and for now Nigeria is not a good financial investment rather it’s just an ego investment.

I did not say his mother insulted me. She is smarter than that she just manipulates situations to suite what she wants. She’s a controlling mum and I can’t have another woman come and control my marriage. You can’t smile in my face then go behind me and do something against me that’s two faced.

he has 5 sisters! 5 sisters and between the five of them not one has any home training but I manage them. You should see me in the house they even lift their leg for me to vacuum under them then tell me their hungry.

I have realised all my mistakes in that I accepted some things that are now burdens to me I’m just fighting to correct this and it needs actions. I have talked myself to death with him without changes.

Please bare with me this post is coming from a wife and mother that is in a bad place emotionally.

I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 5 years. Two children 3 and 1.5years.

Recently we had a huge busy up over my husband making big financial decisions behind my back.
2 years ago he went through his mum to purchase land in Nigeria and did not tell me about it. It’s only wen coincidentally someone called me and warned me about ‘nigerians’ saying I should not to trust him fully that he might be building in Nigeria as we speak, I told him about the convo as a joke like ‘imagine what this person is saying’ I defended my husband that he’s not like that. The next day he sat me down n said ‘babe guess what! We bought land in Nigeria’ I responded saying who is we because I didn’t know anything about this.
His mum kept quiet for one year she didn’t know I knew. Wen she discovered I knew about it she called me with a fob story ‘iyawo, I’ve been telling him to tell u. Even me I don’t like what he did I’ve been telling him I didn’t know he already told u’ I just laughed it off n said no problem.

Fast forward just three weeks back he decided he wants to build apartments on the land. We did all the calculations and I told him it was not a good financial decision as we live off pounds and the naira he is expecting can not sustain us here (UK). His mum called me and I explained the same thing to her that first of all we do not own any property yet in the UK were just going through the process and secondly a lot of money will go into building and the returns will not be worth it. His mum said she can’t believe what’s coming out of my mouth that it’s not for her it’s for me and my kids I politely said ma I understand but this is something we have to still think about maybe in the next two years. After few days I hear that his mum already got contractors etc and building commenced two days after that phone call!!
That was the last and final straw. I have accommodated a lot of rubbish from my husband over the years I have been patient with him.
1. He is a serial cheat though he doesn’t rub it in my face and tries his best to hide it I always find things out about him with other women.
2. He never defends me wen it comes to anything to do with his family. I’m automatically the enemy but if his sisters insult me he will always make excuses for them. I try my level best to get on with everyone I really do but I’ve reached a point of tiptoeing around his family because I know if they should say something about me my husband will never defend me. I have literally been in my own house with his sister fighting me and my husband said that’s just how she is I should leave it.
3. My husband prioritises his own enjoyment with friends etc clubbing, vacations and different activities
4. My husband only started sharing duties with our children four months ago after a big falling out prior to that he had only changed maybe 3 nappies in 3years! He has still ever bathed the kids.

I have been on antidepressants because of him there was a time last year I nearly got into a car accident because my mind was so overwhelmed I just ended up parking and breathing through it. At the worst point I started having panic attacks and was so insecure to go outside because I would wonder if his concubines see me without me knowing them. I have seen some of the girls he per-sues and honestly I am not that. I am not ugly myself but I have gained weight from my kids though I can still package myself well. I just do not feel like I am enough for this man.

I have been told by different older women that that is how men are I just have to find happiness in my children and wait for him to change but I am sorry I don’t believe women were put on this earth to suffer.

I am too young and too good of a person to only know misery at the hands of a man that claims he loves me.

The only good thing I can say about my husband is anything financial he is 10/10 he is the main breadwinner though I also work and have a professional career he doesn’t ask about my income or expenses. At the same time I don’t ask him for money either I pay some small bills and do food shopping etc and buy my kids everything they need. My husband pays the rent and kids nursery fees which are two big bills.

I am so exhausted in giving him multiple chances I just need to take a stand. I told him I want a separation but he didn’t take me seriously he always thinks everything is a joke with me. For three weeks I haven’t spoken with his mum or sisters I ignore their calls and messages I felt like because I’m not Nigerian they want to use my head or something or maybe because I don’t fight or argue they think I’m a door mat.

I don’t know how reasonable I am being but I’m really tired I’m so tired of being taken for granted.

p.s his family are well off they don’t need anything from him I just feel they like to intrude and control which he can’t see.

I need real experienced advise from those that have been there or witnessed such before because these guys are too advanced for meh simple brain.