ebonyggurl:


Yea the average impoverished Nigerian woman sleeps with men for money, what's your point?

My point is Nigeria women are Devils and Demons Nigeria men should stay away from them.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCDnI7aD4Sg

SavageSavior:
My point is Nigeria women are Devils and Demons Nigeria men should stay away from them.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCDnI7aD4Sg

Some, not all. Same with you men. We will also stay away from y'all

ebonyggurl:


Some, not all. Same with you men. We will also stay away from y'all

I Repeat Nigerian women are Satan and Devils Every Nigeria man in his right mind should stay away from you Demons.

Who Cares who you Associated yourself with?

WorWorBoy:
You are not that smart are you?
You that Seahawk and Co all want to destroy Nigeria men reputation . funny enough SavageSaviour point out how Evil wicked, and dangerous the Average Nigeria women is.

hence he post Nigeria women and their whoring life style all over the World.

Lmao. Nigerian men are equally wicked and diabolical creatures. The women engage in prostitution to earn money, and the men engage in rituals, fraud, human and drug trafficking etc. Don't shame one gender, shame both you re.tard. it's your kind that are scamming foreigners and doing all sorts of horrid things. Why haven't you posted videoes condemning such?. I still wonder why sensible women tie themselves to you Nigerian parasitic men

Acidosis:


...the right thing any sensible man would do.

And I just told my extended family to go Bleep themselves this past week..

ebonyggurl:


Lmao. Nigerian men are equally wicked and diabolical creatures. The women engage in prostitution to earn money, and the men engage in rituals, fraud, human and drug trafficking etc. Don't shame one gender, shame both you re.tard. it's your kind that are scamming foreigners and doing all sorts of horrid things. Why haven't you posted videoes condemning such?. I still wonder why sensible women tie themselves to you Nigerian parasitic men

You are not that Smart are you?
The Creator of this thread knowns how the Average Nigeria men are but she don't known much about Nigeria women, It's is Every where around the world. Same can't be said about Nigeria women.

So go head do as you like, Nigeria men have nothing to lose.

SavageSavior:
I Repeat Nigerian women are Satan and Devils Every Nigeria man in his right mind should stay away from you Demons.

Who Cares who you Associated yourself with?

Olodo. After all this useless ranting na you go still go follow Amaka with the big booty down your street. Disgusting cretin

ebonyggurl:


Olodo. After all this useless ranting na you go still go follow Amaka with the big booty down your street. Disgusting cretin

Black women Smells they disgust me.

lol that could work too. Some wives also do option C.

zeb04:
option C. Stay in the marriage and find your own happiness outside.

WorWorBoy:
You are not that Smart are you?
The Creator of this thread knowns how the Average Nigeria men are but she don't known much about Nigeria women, It's is Every where around the world. Same can't be said about Nigeria women.

So go head do as you like, Nigeria men have nothing to lose.

Biko what are you saying? Read your sentences. Are you re.tarded?

WorWorBoy:
Black women Smells they disgust me.

You disgust us too

PrinceCharmings:
Well we are all waiting for her answer.

lol

@Op; would you calm down for a minute? You forget that you are married to a man from a different culture from yours. Hence, there would be cultural differences and how you view some things in your culture would be viewed differently in your husband’s culture and this is something you need to take to the bank and never forget.

Permit me asking this question, how would you feel if someone constantly criticizes you? Your constant annoyance and criticism at your husband was not hard to spot and not to forget that you are becoming a constant nag; as it’s obvious from your write-up;(no offense, hope none taken).

You talk as if you yourself are Mrs 100% perfect and have no flaws. Listen up gurl, I'm sure your husband is putting up with your fault/flaws without blowing your trumpet as loud as you’re blowing his. If your husband were to make a list of your short-comings, it’ll be as long as my arm but yet, he manages yours and probably don’t complain so much as you’re whining about his. I can just imagine the agony and pains your husband is going through as you constantly irritate him with your contentious and nagging ways.

Now, let’s get down to business shall we;

Regarding the cheating aspect
There must have been some tiny signs during your courtship days; but you probably ignored them thinking he will change or better still you will change him. A cheat, changes by themselves and not because someone else is forcing them to change.

To state clearly, what your husband is doing is disgusting to say the least especially since you've been married for a few years with children. The question is what again does your husband want? Is he bored/tired of you? Does he now resent you this much? You need to find out the answers to these questions. On the other hand, if he's tired of the marriage, he might as well let you know; at least then you know where you stand; rather than him mis-behaving in this way.

Your husband isn’t showing any remorse for his actions as you have ascertained that he hides his cheating ways from you. It appears he’s justifying himself with the analogy of “Men are polygamous in nature therefore they will cheat”(A senseless analogy at that). One thing to note here is that a man/woman cheats only because they want to and not because they have to. There is something called SELF-CONTROL AND RESPECT FOR ONES SPOUSE; and if you resolve in your heart that you would not cheat on your spouse no matter what; then you certainly would not and this analogy applies to both men and women.

The environment that one is in, sometimes may make it hard for one to walk away and you have clarified that when you mentioned some of the antics your husbands’ friends get up to. Having said that, that does not mean that one cannot avoid the temptation to cheat. It is simply a silly excuse to say I want to explore out of the marital bond as “The marriage bed should be without defilement”.

In all, there are 3 options here;

1) You leave him and let him carry on with his philandering ways and have a less stressful life along with peace of mind;
2) You stay with him and continue to confront him as he continuously cheats on you again and again; or
3) You stay in the marriage and develop a thick skin and ignore him until he is tired and then he’ll come back to his senses and stop his philandering ways himself.

On option 3, hopefully he would not have given you an STD by the time he comes back to his senses. From a medical point of view, I'll advice you to go for an STD test IMMEDIATELY and check to make sure that you have not been infected with any disease(s) as HIV/AIDS ARE REAL AND IT IS NOT WRITTEN ON ANYONE'S FOREHEAD; NOTE THAT IN SOME INSTANCES, IT ONLY TAKES A SINGLE ENCOUNTER TO BECOME INFECTED. I'll advice that your husband should go for a medical check as well.

Now listen up gurl; if you kill yourself because of a philandering husband; I PITY YOU; as I will only give your husband 3 months max; and there would be another Mrs somebody by his side. And if I may ask you this question, what makes you think that the new wife would look after your kids the way you look after them currently now if you kill yourself?

Be careful with toiling the part of cheating with another man; as if your husband finds out YOU MIGHT NOT REMAIN IN YOUR MARITAL HOME. Remove that analogy from your mind that after all he cheated on me as well and I forgave him therefore he should forgive me too. Well; I am sorry to burst the bubble; as statistics has shown that a wife is willing to forgive a philandering husband than it is for a husband to forgive a philandering wife; go figure that out.

The choice is totally yours; you are the one wearing the shoes and only you know how it pinches. No one else can tell you if to leave or stay DUE TO YOUR HUSBANDS’ CHEATING ANTICS.

Regarding non acceptance of his family
It's only a selfish woman that when married, would want her husband to herself only and not allow him to associate with his family members going forward. Whether you like it or not, when you marry an African man, you also marry his family too (you said you are of African origin, hence it shouldn't have been new to you) and it might sound strange, but that is reality 101.

It’s not in your place to decide how the love your husband shows to his mum/dad, sisters/brothers should be split. As long as he is showing you love, then don't interfere in how he shows love to his external family. If your husband were to treat your own external family members with disdain and dislike the way you treat his; I’m sure you wouldn’t like it and neither would you be happy.

So far, you’ve described your in-laws only in the negative way/assertion; WHY? Is it because there is nothing positive to say about your husbands’ family? I’m a bit taken aback as this is the family you are married into and I don’t believe that there is nothing positive that you can pick up about them.

You have forgotten that you were not in the picture when your husband and his family were growing up; hence, he has built a strong bond with his family before your arrival. Yours is becoming a case where you are now uncomfortable seeing your husband’s family members in your home and believe me, you will not win this game you are playing.

In some cases, women like you would’ve their own family members free to come and go as they please in your marital home; but your husband’s family members would be placed on WRITE ME A LETTER TO TELL ME YOU ARE COMING; and if/when the letter is received, YOU WOULD ONLY BE ALLOWED TO SPEND 1 DAY OR EVEN LESS. Sounds funny right; but that’s the stage you’re currently allowing it to get to and that's not pleasant. At this rate, he's going to detest you if you don't try and draw his family members to yourself. LEARN TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR HUSBAND'S FAMILY WITHOUT GRUMBLING JUST AS YOU WOULD ACCOMMODATE YOURS and see how your husband would appreciate you.

As it seems your IN-LAWS visit often; maybe because they reside close to you. No one is asking you to be 5 and 6 with your IN-LAWS as that is not possible and you know why, you were not born in their family and neither did you grow up with them. The only thing asked from you is to get along with your IN-LAWS that's not too much to ask from all perspective.

Regarding the land issue
I am not in support that he didn’t mention it to you before making such a huge financial investment. In my opinion, that was totally wrong. But he has done it now then what? Are you going to keep moaning and moaning about the decision? You will only make your BP rise and believe me you don’t want to be treating HBP at this your tender age. It’s not worth the stress. A lot of people abroad would welcome the idea of having a landed property in their original home country and your husband is not an exception. No one knows tomorrow and to have a backup plan in your home country is not a bad idea as you are currently making it out to be. On a serious note, be sure that your name and children's name are included in the deeds. That said, let this acrimonious annoyance go and work on how you can support him with the plan of building on the landed property that has already been purchased as there is nothing you can do about it now. If you continue to make the betrayal eat you up, you will only have yourself to blame as it currently stands, your husband don’t give a damn how it has hurt your feelings about this investment he has made behind your back. MOVE ON FROM THIS BETRAYAL AND THINK ABOUT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.

Regarding your husbands’ priorities
Well as you mentioned, he prioritises his enjoyment with his friends as well as other different activities first before you and the kids. This sign must have been there before you married him that he is someone who would put you at the back burner and prioritise others ahead of you but you choose to ignore it thinking that when he marries you he would stop all that. But viola, you have seen that it has not happened. Don’t get me wrong as I’m not saying that what he is doing is right nor okay but that is the kind of man he is and he would change ONLY if he wants to and you can nag from now until the roof begins to leak, it wouldn’t change him nor make any difference to him. You have to work your way around that and hope for the best that he would one day see that he has wrong you in that area and realise that he should have been putting your interest and the kids first over others.

Regarding sharing duties with you
You should have known the kind of man he is during your dating days that he is not the domestically sharing of house hold duties kind of man. You married a traditional man who believes that the woman should have the sole responsibility of domestic duties in the home-front and it shouldn’t be part of his role. It seems he is the only boy and his sisters must have done all household duties when he was growing up and exempted him from lifting a finger to do chores in the home. Trying to make him do them now as a grown adult would be hard. Of course I believe that a man should be more than happy and willing to help his wife and kids at home with domestic chores. He doesn’t seem to be one who has that school of thought and your constantly nagging him and wanting him to help you would only end up in constant quarrels and to add to that, you would age faster; is that what you want?

Regarding his financial resources in the home front
You have mentioned that he takes care of the major and big bills in the home front and that is at least commendable. What would it have been like if he failed in that aspect? I am sure you would nag even louder than how you currently nag. Be grateful and show some thankfulness in that area of his proving for the family. It’s also good that you have some form of income coming in for you at least that would reduce the financial burden on your husband. Be sure to have a saving plan to fall back to for any reason in case it’s required.

Lastly, at this moment in time, the most important situation here is for you to stick around to care for your kids whether you decide to stay with your husband or not. Also both of you should go for counselling from someone who is neutral. BE WISE AS YOU SEEK GUIDANCE ON A WAY FORWARD TO HANDLING THE MARITAL ISSUE(S) YOU ARE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING. All the best


I rest my case

I have been provided with some good insight on how my husband might be seeing things or where he is coming from. Thank you all for the good the bad and the ugly.

1. When my husband met me his communication with his family was very little it’s me that pushed him to be close with them. His sisters never used to call him wen he was broke they only started knowing him as brother once he became useful to them. His mum made a comment one time that if he doesn’t send his sister money they won’t call him brother again so he should be able to send them money if they ask.

2. I never once generalised about ‘Nigerian men’ that’s why I laughed when I was warned about that. I believe people are individuals and make their own decisions about how they choose to live. I have met Nigerian men that respect themselves and some that don’t same as all other countries and races.

Lovefury:

Please bare with me this post is coming from a wife and mother that is in a bad place emotionally.

I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 5 years. Two children 3 and 1.5years.

Recently we had a huge busy up over my husband making big financial decisions behind my back.
2 years ago he went through his mum to purchase land in Nigeria and did not tell me about it. It’s only wen coincidentally someone called me and warned me about ‘nigerians’ saying I should not to trust him fully that he might be building in Nigeria as we speak, I told him about the convo as a joke like ‘imagine what this person is saying’ I defended my husband that he’s not like that. The next day he sat me down n said ‘babe guess what! We bought land in Nigeria’ I responded saying who is we because I didn’t know anything about this.
His mum kept quiet for one year she didn’t know I knew. Wen she discovered I knew about it she called me with a fob story ‘iyawo, I’ve been telling him to tell u. Even me I don’t like what he did I’ve been telling him I didn’t know he already told u’ I just laughed it off n said no problem.

Fast forward just three weeks back he decided he wants to build apartments on the land. We did all the calculations and I told him it was not a good financial decision as we live off pounds and the naira he is expecting can not sustain us here (UK). His mum called me and I explained the same thing to her that first of all we do not own any property yet in the UK were just going through the process and secondly a lot of money will go into building and the returns will not be worth it. His mum said she can’t believe what’s coming out of my mouth that it’s not for her it’s for me and my kids I politely said ma I understand but this is something we have to still think about maybe in the next two years. After few days I hear that his mum already got contractors etc and building commenced two days after that phone call!!
That was the last and final straw. I have accommodated a lot of rubbish from my husband over the years I have been patient with him.
1. He is a serial cheat though he doesn’t rub it in my face and tries his best to hide it I always find things out about him with other women.
2. He never defends me wen it comes to anything to do with his family. I’m automatically the enemy but if his sisters insult me he will always make excuses for them. I try my level best to get on with everyone I really do but I’ve reached a point of tiptoeing around his family because I know if they should say something about me my husband will never defend me. I have literally been in my own house with his sister fighting me and my husband said that’s just how she is I should leave it.
3. My husband prioritises his own enjoyment with friends etc clubbing, vacations and different activities
4. My husband only started sharing duties with our children four months ago after a big falling out prior to that he had only changed maybe 3 nappies in 3years! He has still ever bathed the kids.

I have been on antidepressants because of him there was a time last year I nearly got into a car accident because my mind was so overwhelmed I just ended up parking and breathing through it. At the worst point I started having panic attacks and was so insecure to go outside because I would wonder if his concubines see me without me knowing them. I have seen some of the girls he per-sues and honestly I am not that. I am not ugly myself but I have gained weight from my kids though I can still package myself well. I just do not feel like I am enough for this man.

I have been told by different older women that that is how men are I just have to find happiness in my children and wait for him to change but I am sorry I don’t believe women were put on this earth to suffer.

I am too young and too good of a person to only know misery at the hands of a man that claims he loves me.

The only good thing I can say about my husband is anything financial he is 10/10 he is the main breadwinner though I also work and have a professional career he doesn’t ask about my income or expenses. At the same time I don’t ask him for money either I pay some small bills and do food shopping etc and buy my kids everything they need. My husband pays the rent and kids nursery fees which are two big bills.

I am so exhausted in giving him multiple chances I just need to take a stand. I told him I want a separation but he didn’t take me seriously he always thinks everything is a joke with me. For three weeks I haven’t spoken with his mum or sisters I ignore their calls and messages I felt like because I’m not Nigerian they want to use my head or something or maybe because I don’t fight or argue they think I’m a door mat.

I don’t know how reasonable I am being but I’m really tired I’m so tired of being taken for granted.

p.s his family are well off they don’t need anything from him I just feel they like to intrude and control which he can’t see.

I need real experienced advise from those that have been there or witnessed such before because these guys are too advanced for meh simple brain.

my dear your main problem is on the finance

1 your financial arrangement make it looks, like you are living separately, it doesnt work in western world if both are looking forward to buy property aka house your finance need to very open to each other account for every penny

our father and other before us never show wives their finance aka pay slip, because they didnt want the wives to know how much he earns becoz they kept some for themselves and also it was a way to control the wife and some were only handed out what was need

2 long back looking after wife/family was providing everything aka finance to be able to by things but due to finance illitaracy, husband would not involve wives in big family finance discussion hence you find most houses would be bought with husband only being on the title deeds. Wives wouldnot ask anything becoz as she was basically being looked after there is nothing to worry, the problem would come when he dies all the properties are in his name makes it for his family member to kick you out (under tradition without getting the courts involved )

3 the above set up went for years both men and women not understanding finance litracy in family ie taking out loan and mortagages

so you are operating as two people in your finances instead of being a couple, therefore your goals financially are secrets to each other instead of achieving as couple, one is planning a future without the other

only a fools would plan a future with his mother than his wife, he should think hard how would he feel if his own father was building a house behind his own mother

i have told so man africas to say with all papers are ok its alway wise to by a house in the west in 20 years that house would have more value than that big mansion you built in the village

Oh well what she said is true now abi na lie ??
Work hard in foriegn country, sweat and blood it out and build a house only to have someone move in and refuses to pay or fight and kill you join your property - such situations are all over news media.
Property you don't plan to live in or your children who will never want to go to sh...it hole country to live - what is the essence? Who are really building it for?
Save up, invest in your children education and enjoy where you are to the max. When old age comes and if your want to go back, build one small place by then.

Efewestern:


The whole truth of the matter is, she doesn't want to have anything to do with Nigeria, this is what she has to say;

"... my intention is only for my husband to be the best he can be and for now Nigeria is not a good financial investment rather it’s just an ego investment. "

True and even sef she is contributing and not sitting idling- buying needed stuff, food etc that is contributing now. Any amount a woman can add to family purse albeit small, is contributing.

bukatyne:


Ever heard of inference?

If madam OP doesn't bring anything to the table according to you because she doesn't contribute financially, can you advise what else people can bring to the table in marriage?

Recall that we don't know anything of their marriage dymnaics apart from the fact that she doesn't contribute financially yet you concluded that 'she doesn't bring anything to the table.'

As in discuss open marriage. If he says no, remind him of his own chopping and cleaning mouth.
Truth be said, i don't think any spouse should stay in a marriage where the other person constantly cheats.

zeb04:
option C. Stay in the marriage and find your own happiness outside.

Lovefury:


Exactly. Thank you. Some details are not that relevant it’s just important for readers to understand that my culture and background is a bit different to my husbands.

Don't ever listen to those nitwits we have here as men.
They treat their women with disdain, they treat their women as lesser creatures, most value their family Morethan their wife especially when they marry from a totally different tribe or country. He's using that money to build and prepare for another woman to live in, thats Nigerian men for you. They don't care about how long you guys have suffered together, they think for themselves and as you can see, they are defending the man's action here.
I will advise You, save enough and leave the man before he infects you with deadly disease or cause you mental break down.

We don't have men in this country, just chauvinistic bunch of lunatics. Only very few are exempted, very few!!

This is why it is never advisable to start from scratch with a Nigerian man. They are bunch of ingrates, you helped him grow, build career and relationship, suffered with him which his family member didn't know of, now, he's making a decision without You, and those craps up there think it's okay to defend a cheat. Nigerian men are a curse to humanity at large.

Thank God the op isn't a Nigerian cos, had it been she's a Nigerian, the usual line would have been that Nigeria women have nothing to offer, they are this and that.

To show you how they treat their women.
Spits on an average stupid Nigerian man. They are worse set of men any sane woman should ever think of to settle with, especially, when you think of starting from scratch with him, except for very few of them.

Op, better start thinking with your head and save alot of money to start a new life for yourself.

Nigerian men say Nigerian women are useless, Nigerian women say Nigerian men are useless. This invariably means that Nigerian's are useless. This is the impression foreigners see and trample on you people, keep shaming yourselves to the whole world.

Well it is hard to hid a badly lighted and flamed lamp the uselessness is so glaring...sotay living in obodo they still act unenlightened? See this brother tip toeing and going behind his wifey to build a home for maybe another holiday wifey you see?

zed7:
Nigerian men say Nigerian women are useless, Nigerian women say Nigerian men are useless. This invariably means that Nigerian's are useless. This is the impression foreigners see and trample on you people, keep shaming yourselves to the whole world.

Jnichole here is my reason.

[s][/s][i][/i666666 post=80363659]You are not that Smart are you?
The Creator of this thread knowns how the Average Nigeria men are but she don't known much about Nigeria women, It's is Every where around the world. Same can't be said about Nigeria women.

So go head do as you like, Nigeria men have nothing to lose.
[/quote]

SavageSavior:
Jnichole here is my reason.

I don't get you