I posted this on a thread last month, and I was happy about the good albeit few advice I got. I feel creating a thread will make me reach out to a larger audience.

A little into my background

I am a 23 years old lady that has been in a 3 year relationship with my guy. I am an introvert, quite reserved and have little to none friends. I've always kept to myself and found it hard opening up to people, maybe that's because I'm an only child.

So, I believe an anonymous platform like nairaland will be the best way for me to get advice on something I've never voiced out on.

I should also mention that I'm a Muslim and early marriage is really encouraged.

To the issue

I am at crossroads in my relationship life right now.
On one hand, I've got this great dude I've been with for some years. Everyone
thinks he's perfect for me because he's ready to be responsible and settle down,
then he also plans for the future.

But the problem?

We don't seem to have that connection or chemistry. I find it hard just telling him
I love him. But everyone keeps ringing it into my ear that he's one of the good
guys and there are quite a few out there. So I promised myself to respect him
and hope that is enough to keep a marriage going.

Then on to the minor things:
1. He's a traditional guy. He believes all a woman needs to do is cook, clean, and
conceive. A woman shouldn't be ambitious as her responsibility lies in taking care of the home and bringing up the children morally and in the way of the religion.

2. He believes a lot of things are frivolities and a wife has got little to no
say in the house. I'm naturally quiet and easy going, and I never complain about anything. But, there are times I like to experience new things. For example, I wanted to go to the north for my NYSC, but he didn't want to hear of that and wanted Ibadan because it's close to Lagos (where we both live). I ended up picking 2 of his state choices and 2 of mine.....and I was posted to Ondo.

Then another issue was I registered to be an INEC ad-hoc staff for the forthcoming election against his wishes. I don't see any thing bad in it, and I really needed the allowance.

These issues always makes him say I have a mind of my own and I'm stubborn....which are all bad wifely traits.

These makes me wonder If I'm actually a stubborn person overdoing things.

This really badgers me.

But hey! He's one of the few good ones available.....right?

Then I got a shocker.
I met someone in camp in November and its been a totally crazy and new experience for me these last few months.
It's the first time I'd meet someone that I'm so compatible with.
It's the first time I've seen someone share the same warped sense of humour
I've got. First time I'd meet someone that shares a lot of common interest with
me. First time someone will creep into my subconscious and make me smile or
even lol at something goofy he did or said.

Now, it's got me thinking:
Is respect really enough?

But my family is having none of these second thoughts. Everyone thinks Im crazy to be having second thoughts about a guy with so much potentials. It so happens they'd
conveniently bring up the story of a really distant aunt that lost her opportunity to
marry by saying No to someone and is still a spinster at 45.
And it really isn't helping matters that my new POI is a northerner, stays thousands of miles away, a struggling corp member like me and
isn't set for settling now.

My real guy wants us to get married before he leaves for his Masters abroad. And if that will happen it will be before November.

So conflicted. Please, advise me.

MODIFIED
P.S. To avoid any misconceptions, I should add that:
1 The new guy isn't a 'Fuckboy' as some people put it. I've seen and heard enough of 'Fuckboys' to make the distinction.
2. I don't have a sexual relationship with either of the guys, and don't intend having one. I am more of a no sex before marriage crew.
3. I am not double dating. Thats just a waste of time and effort. I only need the right advice so I'd know the next step to take.

Thank you.

Thanks to everyone that contributed.

IamPlato:
Lukewarm! How Old Are You? Why You Talking Like A Child? Your Parents Should Never Decide Who You Love or Marry. Never Make That Mistake... You Better Go For One You Love. How Can You Marry A Man Who Believes His Wife must Be A House Maid...


Better Open Your Eyes So You Dont Suffer In Future... I Have A Female Friend Whose Mother Faced Same and Today It Affected The Family Badly putting them In Poverty

Thanks for replying. I'd soon be 23.

Maybe I'm conflicted because I haven't got much experience. You see, he's the only one I've ever been with.

When I tried leaving once, he told me if I could be stubborn and disobedient to counter who my parents approve of, then what kind of daughter or future spouse do I want to make.

Gosh! I've got to be decisive.

I am at crossroads in my relationship life right now.

On one hand, I've got this great dude I've been with for some years. Everyone thinks he's perfect for me because he's ready to be responsible and settle down, then he also plans for the future.

But the problem?

We don't seem to have that connection or chemistry. I find it hard just telling him I love him. But everyone keeps ringing it into my ear that he's one of the good guys and there are quite a few out there. So I promised myself to respect him and hope that is enough to keep a marriage going.

Then on to the minor thing:
1. He's a traditional guy. He believes all a woman needs to do is cook, clean, and conceive. He believes a lot of things are frivolities and a wife has got little to no say in the house.

This really badgers me.

But hey! He's one of the few good ones available.....right?

Then I got a shocker.

I met someone 2 months ago and its been a totally crazy and new experience for me.

It's the first time I've seen someone share the same warped sense of humour I've got. First time I'd meet someone that shares a lot of common interest with me. First time someone will creep into my subconscious and make me smile or even lol at something goofy he did or said.

Now, it's got me thinking:

Is respect really enough?

But my family is having none of that second thoughts. It so happens they'd conveniently bring up the story of a really distant aunt that lost her opportunity to marry by saying No to someone and is still a spinster at 45.

And it really isn't helping matters that my new POI is from a different tribe and isn't set for settling now.

So conflicted.


:-