₦airaland Forum

I'm a 2:1 graduate of Cross River University of Technology calabar, studied Guidance and Counselling, I'm seriously in search of a job, please kindly help or support by sharing , Thanks very much

Don't Let Your Ex Destroy Your Relationship Or Marriage



One of the most delicate relationship problems is the issue of EX LOVERS.

Keeping a close contact with your EX is not advisable if you have started another relationship. Also friendship with an EX cannot continue after marriage. Have you ever thought of why they left or behaved the way they did? The truth is that if they truly loved and missed you, they shouldn't have abandoned you or dumped you, they would have either married you or break up with you mutually.



My beloved pals, be careful how you relate with your Ex, never discuss your current relationship with your EX. It is a dangerous path to thread.

If you have started a new relationship or you are married, please keep your EX at a distance. They should please step aside while you enjoy your relationship, dating or marriage.

Now pay attention to this bitter facts, Some EX lovers are very crafty, smart, wicked, stubborn and can as well blackmail you to do his or her bidding. They can be very desperate.



Most of them behave like something that's being controlled by AMADIOHA. Most times they can suddenly wake up, and start hunting for you under the guise of let's come back together, you are my life, ever since I left you, I haven't known peace, is the work of the Devil, I don't know what came over me, I need you back, please give me a second chance blablabla.

If you find yourself in such a situation, do not be naive to fall for his or her crap if you have found a new relationship that you are happy with or if you are already married.



EX Lovers always come with stories that touches the heart so don't give a hut. Because it can ruin your happiness the second time and forever. I have counselled a good number of single and married people who end up having affairs with their EX. To be candid, most EX wrecked their homes leaving them frustrated and in perpetual agony. Once you are caught, your relationship and marriage wouldn't be the same again.

Let me be candid with you, we are humans, and emotions don't die. It is not easy to forget an EX. Especially the ones you shared your heart, body, soul, money, time, affection, attention, love and togetherness with the person.



So the feelings you have for your EX lovers haven't died completely but for you to move on and enjoy your relationship, dating or marriage with your new partner, you need to keep your EX Lover away, restrict communications if possible and love your Man or Woman like they are the only one in the world.

Most times, you may bump into your EX Lover, you need not turn back to look twice, because if you do, you may suddenly discover that you still have hidden feelings and passions for an Ex and any mistake may trigger an affair which doesn't end peacefully.

Little wonder some Men and Women still sleep with their EX while still under a new relationship or in their husband's house.

What did you really miss in your EX? Is it the abuse, the heartbreak, sex, penis, vagina, money, swag, romance, etc? Are you really being fair to the new person you are with.



Can't you calmly teach him or her how you like it, how you desire to be cared for, romanced, kissed, touched, smiled at and given attention all the time, can't you make it work? Why going back to your vomit?

Say no to an Ex relationship, unless you are with no one and you see genuine repentance and change in him or her, then you can give it a rethink.

Keep your EX Lover off your relationship, dating, marriage and all that has to do with your private life.



Better watch it, they always come back when you are happy, when you are about to marry and when someone has given you what they couldn't offer you which is true love.

Your EX Lover took a decision to turn his or her back on you, its his or her choice not to marry you and now that you are happily married or in a good relationship, they should leave you alone and let you enjoy your relationship, dating, courtship and matrimony.

Beware Most Ex are manipulators. Shine your eyes. You don't resolve

heartbreak by having an affair with an Ex lover thereby breaking your partners heart.

Source:www.lovebird.com.ng

The Four Realities Of Marriage

Each time I see singles trying desperately to teach the married people how to have a good marriage, I smile, I really really smile.

It's like me trying to teach Dangote how to make billions in this present Nigerian economy. Where are my own billions? Which business have I done to command such amount of money? What are my business strategies? How long have I been in business? Etc, oh boy, no one wants to waste their time on a joker, not Dangote, ever!

Back to base, no great marriage drops from heaven! We all must work at it. A lot of singles are failing woefully in their marriages because they so not prepare for this reality. They think all will be dinner and dating like some fantasies they read in some romantic novels, alright, let's get straight to the points.

1. PREPARE TO HANDLE DISAGREEMENT POSITIVELY
Everyone disagrees at one point or the other, unless you are pretending. Few months after getting married, if not starting from honey moon, your different beliefs, background, training, exposure, etc will clash. Learn to handle disagreement maturely. Learn to talk like an adult. Insisting on your own point, idea, advise or way of doing things is immature. Both of you must learn to compromise and meet at the middle. Let wisdom reign. That is why marriage is for mature people not toddlers who cry and whine when things do not go their way. If you love palm oil for cooking soup and he prefers coconut oil, add half palm oil and half coconut oil. That settles it. Case closed.

2. PREPARE TO FACE INADEQUATE FINANCES
Life is not on a straight line. There are bumps along the way. The man may lose his job or what you earn may not be enough. Business may not go as usual or needs increase that over shadow what you earn and you need to earn more. There is no need to fight and abuse each other. Strategize. Either look for a better paying job or add business to what you are doing. As the wife, grow your income, look for more customers or you are a salary earner, think of business you can do from home that can grow your income. Brainstorm, read, attend seminars, have a mentor, think of creative ways of growing your business or strategize. Both of you will seriously need to sit down and think of ways of growing your income. Cut down your expenses, manage the little you have till you bounce back and expand!

3. SEX MAY NOT BE AS HOT, SIZZLING AND PASSIONATE AS YOU THINK
Pregnancy, childbirth, family planning pills/injection, raising family, taking care of children, stress and fatigue may affect your sex life. To avoid your sex life going into the cooler, be prepared plan your family well. How many kids will you have? Discuss how to assist each other with chores and how to take care of your kids, so stress will not burn the woman out. When a woman is stressed out, her sexual life dies an untimely death! You can do something to prevent it.

4. PREPARE TO HANDLE BOREDOM
Dating and courtship are not the same as marriage. In courtship, it's come and go. You don't see them every time. You have high, romantic expectations for marriage. Your sexual desire is high because you do not have to worry about bills, diapers, cooking and house chores. One year after marriage, you are bored. You've seen it all. Their unclothedness, weaknesses, same face, same bed, morning and night and you got tired! But it shouldn't be!

You must prepare against boredom by creating exciting moments that will last throughout your marriage and life time.

What you don't prepare for, you can't succeed in it. When you don't plan to succeed in marriage, you have planned to fail in it.

Many are running out of their marriages today because they did not prepare well to handle the challenges that face everyone in marriage.

No matter your anointing and how perfect from heaven you are both made for each other, you will go through these challenges.

How well you prepare before you enter will determine if you will last or quit, enjoy or endure your marriage.

Regardless of your age, prepare well. Don't jump into any marriage prematurely. It is better to be single and waiting than married and wailing. You will not wail in your marriage in Jesus' name.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!
©SEUN OLADELE

Source: www.lovebird.com.ng

Important Things Every Woman Should Know About Having A Successful Marriage

It doesn’t matter if you are about to get married, newly married or have been married for years, these tips about marriage will definitely help you have a successful marriage.

1. You can’t have a successful marriage if you aren’t good at forgiving. Your partner will make mistakes sometimes and you have to be willing to forgive.

2. Getting married to save your relationship with your partner won’t save your relationship. If your relationship with your partner was terrible before marriage, it’s more likely going to get worse after marriage.

3. You have to be selfless and avoid being selfish if you want a successful marriage. Carefully consider the impact of your choices on your partner.

4. Your husband married you because he wanted a wife and not another mother. Stop trying to be like his mother by dictating everything he does.

5. Accept your husband as he is and not for what you want him to be. Many marriages are struggling today because many have failed to appreciate their spouse.

6. You have to go into marriage with an open heart because there are certain habits about your spouse you won’t know until you start living with him after getting married to him.

7. Never talk negatively about your husband in public. Protect the image of your husband.

8. It’s always preferable you meet a counselor for advice if you are going through a difficult time in your marriage and not your family or friends. This is because your family and friends are not the most objective people to give advice.

9. Love is not just a feeling, it’s also a commitment. Without the commitment to remain in love, love will fade away.

10. Never compare your husband with anyone else’s husband. This isn’t good for your marriage because it creates unrealistic expectations.

11. Don’t just be his wife, be his best friend too. Your marriage is more likely to stand the test of time if you and your husband are best friends.

12. Respect is an important trait that is found in every successful marriage. Treat your husband with respect. Don’t belittle him in public and make him feel irrelevant.

13. Learn to choose your battles wisely. Overlook the little things and don’t create something big out of nothing. Nobody wins an argument in a successful marriage.

14. It’s wrong to expect your husband to know why you are angry. Learn to communicate your feelings.

15. Love yourself. You can’t love your husband if you don’t love yourself because you can’t give what you don’t have

Source:www.lovebird.com.ng

BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED
The most common and greatest mistake we do as the world is right now as a potential couple or married people is "giving undivided attention to social media instead of our spouse". Believe me; social network(media) is good " to some extent" but it doesn't have to take away the attention you should give to your spouse.
I remembered a "potential couple" that came complaining about his wife not giving him attention rather staying on Facebook from morning till night admiring both real and unreal things and even when the husband has something important to tell her, her response will be "speak on, ears are used to hear, eyes are used to see and hands are used to type; all have different functions and they can never disturb each other".
Now, here is the solution before getting into such marriage...
According to Prince Ea; marriage expert John Gottman can sit with newly engaged couples for 15minutes or less and predict with 94% success the likelihood of whether the couple will be happily married or miserable and divorced.
What is the secret? How does he do it?
He says the key to relationship success is not lying in candle light dinners, it is not found in trips to Paris or horse and carriage rides under moonlit skies. It is not found in giving your partner different gift every other week and it is not found during long walks on the beach.
Gottman says, the most important factor for happy marriage is ATTENTION; small moments of positive attention and I remembered a saying that says little things are the ones that make big differences and as I looked back to many failed marriages, I saw those little things missing in which Attention is the KEY factor.
I know it sound reminiscent because it is all common today on this planet that we take each other for granted. We don't know what we have until it's gone, we loose touch with those who mean so much to us by neglecting the things that are small.
Now, if you want to book a limousine with the most popular band on earth inside or take your sweetheart on a helicopter ride, that is fine, none of that is compared to giving your consistent undivided time and attention because lasting love is said to be all about small stuff, it is looking to your spouse telling them " you are beautiful ", " I love the way your hair looks in the morning", it is about sending a random text "I miss you" to tell them that they are in your heart and in your mind. It's about when they call you during the day that your voice light up like a dream come true, or your tune sound like you've got better. It is about choosing praise over blame, it is about holding their hands when you know they are afraid and you might be too but you say "I'm here, it gonna be okay". It is about complimenting a new hairstyle, it's about pressing pause on your favorite TV show so they can tell you about the day, it is about making up funny nicknames, it is about noticing a funny way that the lips curl up when they smile, it is about little and simple things like remembering that no matter how hard it gets or how much you argue, you are on the same team, it's about the simple bliss of watching your favourite movie cuddled up in the bed, it is the gentle kiss right on the forehead, it is about the eye contact at the breakfast table where due to light hitting them at a certain angle, you notice a different shade or texture of their eyes. It is about those tight hugs from behind, it is about choosing to be kind instead of right all the time. It is the small gesture to show them they are too treasured, it is not about fancy dress up, dance clubs because slow dance in the kitchen wearing sweat pants is a way better. It is about being weirdos together. It ain't about always making the heart melt, it is about getting them a glass of water when you get one for yourself and yes I realised that with so many extravagant celebrity wedding for some people, this may sound like trash. But if your partner doesn't feel seen, appreciated or listened to without fear of judgement, then what kind of partnership do you have? It is said that 3billion people in the world will go hungry to bed tonight, there are 4billion people that will go to bed hungry for a single word of love and appreciation. If you have a malnourished partner, loved one or friend then please listen.
I want you to feed them small acts of love and attention and now is a good time to start because it truly is the small moments for our lives that take up the biggest part of our heart.


From the stables of www.lovebird.com.ng

Greetings everyone. Please I need advice this is not super story, it is real.i got married at age of 19 to a 30 year old man , I got married early because I lost my Dad and the stress is becoming too much on my mum so I got married to reduce the burden on her shoulder. my man has this attitude of every thing I did during Sex is a sin except i should just lay down for him to satisfy his desire.i met a man on Facebook 60 year old man base in UK but a Nigerian, we fall in love and made time on November last year to come see me, when he came he invited me to his hotel room which I went there from morning till 6pm but guess what, we just play I have never experienced such romance in my life to my surprise he said no sex because we are both married that continues for a week then he flew back to UK but he ask me to find a house in Abuja he is going to buy it for me and since I'm not working he have a brother in Abuja who is going to give me a job so I should just tell my husband I got a job and want to move to Abuja, that way we will have enough time when he comes to Nigeria .I have 2 kids.advice me on what to do please.incase you want to check my profile my husband refused to allow me put picture out of jealousy. Thanks

From the stables of www.lovebird.com.ng
Please advise this lady before she makes a terrible miatake

AFTER GOD, FEAR WOMAN!
1. You are asking for her number another guy is deleting that very number from his phone.
2. One guy texts her "Good morning" another dude is texting her "thanks for last night"
3. While one man is busy consoling and comforting her for menstrual pains, another dude is busy rejoicing because she's not pregnant.
4. When you go through your girlfriend's phone never look for messages with guys. Look for chats between her and her best friend that's where the heartbreaking truth is.
5. A man can work for 10 years with unemployed wife and still be happy. But a woman will work 5 days and the whole community will know about the unemployed husband.
6. She calls you while secretly hoping you won't pick up the call so that she can blame you later for not answering her call. But the most confusing part is when you break up with her she will look even more beautiful.
7. No one has more cousins and uncles than a cheating girlfriend. My brother, no matter how beautiful or humble she can be never ever trust a woman with all your heart.
8. If you help a lady when she's in trouble, she will surely remember you when she's in trouble again. Be extra careful my brothers and stop the habit of making promises during sex otherwise you will die poor.
9. "I love you unconditionally"...that's a lie my brother, a man is loved under the condition that he provides.
10. Brotherman... work hard, make money and don't waste your time and energy lifting heavy objects in the gym so as to look attractive, no African lady can choose six packs over six cars.

For your relationship/marriage or dating post
www.lovebird.com.ng

From a member.

I've been with this guy for a year
I introduced him to my family and he did the same, I lost my virginity with him
He provided everything for me
He told me that he had a daughter and I was ok with it
He do go for outside work
He went for an outside work and we always communicated with each other,he sends money to me
1st of January I wasn't feeling comfortable and I received a call from him telling me that he was arrested for stealing
I found out that he stole from the person he was working for and was arrested
He told me that he did it because of me
I was very angry and furious
He stayed there for a week and some days
His elder sister asked me to go bail him
I went and through the help of a police officer he was bailed.

I couldn't go back that same night so the officer took care of my accommodation,
bought a cloth for Me and a pad since I was on My period at that moment.
I was so relax and comfortable with him as if we knew each other from Adam
The next morning he dropped me off at the park and we've been communicating
The problem is that I no longer have feelings for my boyfriend am already falling in love with the officer
The officer feels the same way towards me
He wooed me and I accepted because am already in love with him. I don't know if it's love at first sight or infatuation
Pls I need your help my boyfriend had been calling and begging for a second chance
I'm confused, should I break up with my Boyfriend or Continue with Him?
Please help

Source: http://www.lovebird.com.ng/2019/01/should-i-break-up-with-my-boyfriend-or.html?m=1