₦airaland Forum

SO opokonwa you are saying that it is ok for you to chat with ladies after you are married,

Can your wife chat with men then? Is that ok??

ok I understand the abuse thing,

but what if he does not know it is abuse? Is there such a thing in Nigeria as mental abuse??

I know I am suffering in silence, but I want a peacefull home. I have tried talking,
he is not exactly forthright with me about things, he is always hiding something, he just thinks that I dont know.

I am MUCH smarter and crafty ( and I dont mena Martha Stewart)than people give me credit for,

OK here is something I have been trying to figure out, why is it that when men are in a relationship ( a good one) do they continue to talk to other ladies online? Not just Nigerian Men I know of American Men who do this too.

Comeon Guys what is up with this? tell us the truth,

what are you getting out of it?
is it an addiction?
are you still on the prowl?

Let us know what is this about??

I appreciate all of the advice/opinions.

He came to me about the food again, he said that he noticed when I cook for him I dont eat it, I only make it for him. He was not happy about it. But honestly he is so picky about food and the rest of us dont have the same pallate that he does. Wow I just can not win here. I cook EVERYDAY now regardless if there is food (in the fridge) or not, I dont want to hear anymore about food.

I have prayed for strength, for me to have patience and understanding, and to have forgiveness,

We have been married for a year and have been together for 3.

I dont nag him, I mostly keep my opinions to myself, I dont think he has any idea how his actions ( not just this instance) have hurt me. Someone said that to love a Nigerian Man you need an iorn heart, I am starting to belive that.

I never meant for there to be some kind trouble over my initail post.

First of all I did not mean to offend anyone about saying that he was not attracted to Nigerian women, the fact is that he is not, he does not even befriend really any type of Africans what so ever, so him hanging out with a Nigerian Woman really is not likely to happen. Besides the fact that if he really is that unhappy and does want another woman there is nothing in this world that I could do to stop him from going, such is they way of men. If he was that unhappy to yearn for someone else, why would I want him and his further disrespect of our relationship?
This was simply an issue of food that I did not undersand fully, not that I did not "handle the situation" myself, I indeed did I was only seeking insight on a cultrual reason as to why. What I gave you all was a small sliver of what has happened in my marriage and suddenly some of you claim doom to my relationship.

Insidently I found another empty bowl in the fridge today and I said something about it. "here we go setting up for another problem?"

To place all Nigerian Men in a pot together to me is just ignornant, ALL men are very different and diverce. I do realise that not all Nigerian Culture is the same either that there are variences from tribe to tribe.

Now I hope that we can keep this to the topic at hand and keep your negative comments to yourself, Thanks.

Well I am an American, my father was from the middle east and my mother an American. I am in the US. I know there are Nigerians here, just not really in our nieghboorhood.

No we did not have a "cooking agreement" I did not know that one was needed.

I understand all of those who oppose to inter-cultural marriages, but to clear the air a little, (not start a riot) my husband has firmly stated many times that he does not care for Nigerian Woman. He says that among other things he is not physically attracted to them.

I grew up in an inter-cultural household I understood the challenges beforehand. I always knew that this was not going to be easy, but my friends life is not easy, life is full of challenges. I am not afraid of the challenge only trying to better understand that is all.

We had many discussions about the cultural differences BEFORE we got married, he did not seem to think that they were a big deal, I think that now he sees that it is a much bigger deal than he first thought, and that it is not easy. Finding a Nigerian woman to befriend I dont think will be easy for me where I live. Not to mention I am horribly shy (in person) untill I feel comfortable with someone.

As far as expecting a man to cook after a hard days work, why is it ok for a woman to cook after she has worked all day??

This is not something that I think I should let pass by with him without having a good conversation about my feelings. I do at times feel like a slave to the stove.

I have no doubts about his love for me. I also know that he would never raise a hand to me. My husband is actually very affectionate that is not an issue. Some of the things that I have read in the links I really do not relate to. My husband genuinely tries to cross barriers. I know that he realises that the cultural differences are more than either of us thought would be. My concern is when problems arise that I really am clueless about. I hope that I can find some good wisdom on this website, I dont really have anyone else to talk to about this that would understand that culture does play a big part in our misunderstandings/disagreements. I want to understand him completely and the way that his mind works, how he see things, I want to try to see through his eyes and truly understand.

WOW thanks for being the brave one to answer me first. I understand all tha about food being the way to a mans heart. I was really shocked by his behavior its not like I had the oversight on purpose. It was a mistake. perhaps I should just let it go and move on, I am just trying to understand. He seems to have an outrageous jealous streak as well. Please dont misunderstand, I love and respect my husband, I just dont always understand him, and desperately want to. He will cook for himself if he craves something that I dont know how to cook, I would say 96% of the time I cook for him. perhaps there are some others who would be willing just to give some serious advice to help me out, if not about the food issue then about some other topic that strikes as important for a non Nigerian Wife to know.

I am looking for advice about my Nigerian Husband, I am not Nigerian. We seem to have a lot of dissagreements, sometimes I dont understand what I may have done to provoke his anger. Perhaps it is just a difference of culture I am not sure. I know that he loves me that is not the issue. I just dont understand where is anger comes from at times. Especially about food?? I dont get it, why is food so important that it would cause such a disruption in the house? The latest, he ran out of food that I had prepared in the fridge, but I did not know that he did. He said that I was not paying attention, if I was paying attention I would have known, but he put the empty containers back in the fridge, should I be monitoring the containers?  He said I treated him like an animal, I was shocked and appalled. He can cook and has done so, why suddenly must I be pursecuted over food? I am not used to this emphasis on food. I cook special for him, he does not always like what else has been prepared I must make sure that I prepare some thing extra for him that he will like, even if that means cooking 2 meals. I have gone out of my way about this subject for him, but it never seems to be enough. Sometimes I think he acts like a spoiled child about things (like the food) maybe I am just missunderstanding him. I would like some honest replies here no BS.  Thanks.

I am new here too, I dont seem to have any "buttons" to create my own topic, what is up with that?? Am I missing something here??