₦airaland Forum

To make people patronize your newly launched ponzi site, check my signature and contact me preferably watsapp on zero eight zero one three, zero six two zero, four eight zero

Add me 08130620480

And a stupid mofo pushed this to front page. Smh.
Ban me if you like, no be today.. My first account is still in jail till 2029..

Lawyer: My president Sir, this case is difficult, why dont you just produce your ssce certificate
Buhari: The law, you know I dont have it, thats why you are here..
Lawyer: What can we do?
Buhari: I dont know, do something.. How about bribing the Judge.
Lawyer(in astonishment) : but sir, efcc...
Buhari: Thats why I called you..Do you know how many years I fought to reach this position, and you think I ll let the issue of no certificate derail my ambition?. Lai please talk to this Lawyer, you should understand each other since you are from thesame tribe..
Lai M: Lawyer, please you have to tell a lie.. I cant let my boss be impeached. It ll kill me.
Lawyer: Lie! What lie..
Lai M: We will tripple your fee. Just do something.. Find a way to manourver this case around the law.. Please find a way to bend the rule..
Lawyer(smiles and strokes his chin) : Oga ooo.. E ma worry(dont worry).. I remembered now that the Judges daughter is having a wedding in a forthnight..
Buhari and Lai M: And what does that have to do with this?
Lawyer(grinning) : How about we bribe him with #500k and tell him it is a gift for his daughters wedding.. I ll personally give him.. He will understand.. And when efcc and icpc comes knocking, I ll just tell them it is a gift which I personally dashed him as a colleague.. So Mr President Sir, dont worry, the case is settled.
Buhari(smiling) : Walahi talai kwo, You wa a frilliant lawya walahi.. Lai, givam the fifehunfred thasand..
Lai M.: yes boss.

Thanks to a comfortable outing six days ago, United head to France with a place in the next round of the Europa League all but confirmed. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, often his side’s saviour, bagged himself the first hat-trick of his United career to hand Jose Mourinho’s men a well-deserved 3-0 lead on aggregate, and it’s one that is unlikely to be seriously challenged by a Saint Etienne side that looked off the pace at Old Trafford.

Nothing can be taken for granted, however, so United’s Portuguese boss has decided to field a similarly strong side to the one that featured in the first leg. A 2-1 win against Blackburn Rovers in the FA Cup on the weekend means that the Red Devils have lost just one of their previous 24 games, with none of their last 20 home clashes ending in defeat. As such, they head into tonight’s encounter as firm favourites to get the job done.

Manchester United XI (4-3-3): Romero; Young, Bailly, Smalling, Blind; Fellaini, Carrick, Paul Pogba; Mata, Ibrahimovic, Mkhitaryan.


Saint Etienne XI (4-2-3-1): Ruffier; Malcuit, Theophile-Catherine, Perrin, Florentin Pogba; Veretout, Pajot; Hamouma, Saivet, Monnet-Paquet; Beric.

Lawyer: My president Sir, this case is difficult, why dont you just produce your ssce certificate

Buhari: The law, you know I dont have it, thats why you are here..

Lawyer: What can we do?

Buhari: I dont know, do something.. How about bribing the Judge.

Lawyer(in astonishment) : but sir, efcc...

Buhari: Thats why I called you..Do you know how many years I fought to reach this position, and you think I ll let the issue of no certificate derail my ambition?. Lai please talk to this Lawyer, you should understand each other since you are from thesame tribe..

Lai M: Lawyer, please you have to tell a lie.. I cant let my boss be impeached. It ll kill me.

Lawyer: Lie! What lie..

Lai M: We will tripple your fee. Just do something.. Find a way to manourver this case around the law.. Please find a way to bend the rule..

Lawyer(smiles and strokes his chin) : Oga ooo.. E ma worry(dont worry).. I remembered now that the Judges daughter is having a wedding in a forthnight..

Buhari and Lai M: And what does that have to do with this?

Lawyer(grinning) : How about we bribe him with #500k and tell him it is a gift for his daughters wedding.. I ll personally give him.. He will understand.. And when efcc and icpc comes knocking, I ll just tell them it is a gift which I personally dashed him as a colleague.. So Mr President Sir, dont worry, the case is settled.

Buhari(smiling) : Walahi talai kwo, You wa a frilliant lawya walahi.. Lai, givam the fifehunfred thasand..

Lai M.: yes boss.

Firs, NRC, Fcsc , i dont know wat happened.. If you ask meeee, na who l go askk

hatbricker:
Nonsense!

Why is that baby using a toothpick, I mean which tooth does she have that shes picking. Ayam not understanding ooo

hatbricker:
Nonsense!

Why is that baby using a toothpick, I mean which tooth does she have that shes picking. Ayam not understanding ooo

All I see is people encouraging the op to keep mum.. Bunch of hypocrites, but yall fast to condemn a bread-stealing thieves to death by stoning and burning... If the Op cant blow the whistle because of fear of losing his job, you aint different from your boss. Before you start coming for me, I aint different either but maybe I would have honourably resign and state my boss money laundering as excuse for quitting.

This country is bleeped anyway..

Day169:
GBAM!
..you have hit the nail on the head and driven the point home @maclatunji!
What scares me most is another propensity to loose human lives during the protest and the blame game which would follow.

You are scared of losing life in ordinary protest while some great countries today like the USA, Egypt, Spain and co have seen protester go on hunger strike for days and they never burged if the government doesn't hear their plea..

Now l wonder how the Bleep the police is our friend

The friend of my enemy is my enemy

We all know that Manchester United duo of Paul Pogba and Jesse Lingard can dab and yeah they are very good at playing football, but we didn’t know they are also keen followers of Nigeria music act Ayo Balogun ‘Wizkid’.

Although they have been criticized by Rio Ferdinand for doing this, but hey, they can dance and this time they rocked Wizkid’s song.

I think Wizkid should consider featuring these guys in the musical video of this song. They killed it.

Watch them rocking the song here

Click on the link to watch the video

https://sportsration.com/pogba-lingard-big-wizkid-fans-see-rocking-song/



https://sportsration.com/pogba-lingard-big-wizkid-fans-see-rocking-song/

There will be a nationwide protest on the 5th February against the government about their governance.. I think such news should be hitting the front page by now to create awareness, but no.. Nairaland prefers thrash on the frontpage.

I know this post will rot away... A lot of useless post making fp but educative ones are pushed aside.

On the back of different haul of awards by Cristiano Ronaldo, different brands and players alike have taken time to pour out praises on the ballon dor winner, with one mobile brand Infinix mobile using the opportunity to shade one of Ronaldo’s biggest career adversaries Lionel Messi..

The debate still goes on as who is the greatest among the two though.. But clearly abinibi is different from ability

See infinix mobile shading of Lionel Messi..

Southampton don die, Manchester united dey prepare e own grave too

Corrected

"MAMMY MARKET= MAMMY OCHEFU
It was in 1959. Mammy Ode, a young girl from Jericho-Ugboju in the present Otukpo Local Government Area of Benue State was married to Anthony Aboki Ochefu, a young Non-Commissioned military officer who had just been posted to Enugu from Abeokuta. They were quartered at the Army Barracks, Abakpa, Enugu. To beat idleness and perhaps earn some money to support her young family, Mrs. Mammy Ochefu established a soft drinks business. She prepared gruel, which is called umu or enyi in Idoma, or kunu in Hausa, for sale to soldiers.



She soon became popular with her stuff as soldiers trooped to her house to buy enyi. Some of her best customers were officers, who always sent their batmen to buy some of the gruel for them, Monday through Friday.
Somehow, one of the Non-Commissioned Officers, the RSM, did not flow with the enthusiasm, which Mammy’s gruel generated among other military men in the barracks. He complained that the stuff was attracting flies into the barracks and ordered Mrs. Mammy Ochefu to stop its production and sale. Though surprised and disappointed at the order of the RSM, she stopped the production and sale of enyi. Her husband, not being an officer at the time, could not challenge the order of the RSM.
For weeks, Mrs. Mammy Ochefu agonized over the fate of her business, just as officers and men of the Nigerian Army who enjoyed her enyi because of its freshness and nutritional value lamented the situation. From several quarters, pressure mounted on the RSM for a reversal of the order. After a while, he succumbed to the pressures and directed that a section of the barracks be reserved for Mrs. Mammy Ochefu to produce and sell her enyi. Her joy knew no bounds.
Few days after, a section of the barracks was given to her. She built a small shop and soon, her business began to boom. Most of her customers booked for their shares in advance. Before noon, she would have finished selling the available enyi for the day. Soon, other women in the barracks tapped into her fortune and started selling other items. It was not long before that portion of the barracks became known as Mammy Market. It also became a policy to establish markets inside or near military barracks in the country, initially for the exclusive use of officers and men. Today, no visit to Abuja, the Federal Capital City, is complete without a taste of fresh fish in one of the Mammy Markets, especially the one attached to Abacha Barracks. Similar markets attached to paramilitary barracks are also called Mammy Markets.
After the coup that overthrew General Yakubu Gowon, Anthony Aboki Ochefu, then a Colonel, was posted to East Central State as Military Governor. So Mrs. Mammy Ochefu and her husband returned to Enugu as the First Family; she sometimes visited the site where Mammy Market started about sixteen years earlier It must be stressed too that in retirement, Colonel Anthony Aboki Ochefu and his wife incorporated a company, Mammy Markets, which was into haulage and trading. Mrs. Mammy Ochefu is alive and lives at Otukpo as one of the prized legends of our time."
Source: Maj Gen Kaleosho rtd, former Comdt TRADOC

Southampton host Liverpool in Wednesday's EFL Cup semi-final showdown at St Mary's Stadium and, with a place at Wembley just 180 minutes
The Reds' two-time Player of the Season Philippe Coutinho returns to the matchday squad having recovered from ankle ligament damage sustained at the end of November
Philippe Coutinho ends a 46-day absence from action for Liverpool, with the Brazilian among the substitutes for the League Cup semi-final at Southampton.
Speculation will end if Sturridge stays fit, says Klopp
Jurgen Klopp has named the influential 24-year-old, who has missed the club’s last nine fixtures through ankle ligament damage, in reserve for the first-leg encounter with a view to hopefully granting him minutes ahead of Sunday's top-flight tussle against Manchester United at Old Trafford.
Daniel Sturridge, scorer of a double in the fifth round of the competition last season in a 6-1 win at St Mary’s, earns his seventh start of the season in all competitions.
He has netted eight times in six League Cup appearances for the Reds.
James Milner, meanwhile, returns to the line-up after nursing a knock to his calf sustained in the 2-2 draw at Sunderland.
Centre-back Joel Matip, who has returned to team training, is not fit enough to be included in the squad while captain Jordan Henderson, out with a heel complaint, is hoping to take part in full sessions again by the end of the week.
Having made his long-awaited comeback in Liverpool’s goalless FA Cup draw with Plymouth last time out, Joe Gomez makes the bench on Wednesday night.

Liverpool starting line-up: Karius, Clyne, Klavan, Lovren, Milner, Lucas, Can, Wijnaldum, Lallana, Firmino, Sturridge

Liverpool subs : Mignolet, Moreno, Gomez, Stewart, Coutinho, Origi, Woodburn

truthspeaks:
It's allowed

Yea.. It is a nonstandard english but it is still allowed.. Some of the standard english words we use today had sometimes ago be deemed to be nonstandard.. Oxford dictionary also acknowledge the existence of the word 'stoled'

castel428:
GUY YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT PAYMENT, EVEN THE WHOLE LAGOS STATE HAVE NOT BEEN VERIFIED, THE LAGOS GOVT IS TRYING TO FRUSTRATE THE VOLUNTEERS, THE ANNOYING PART IS THE MODS HERE ARE BANNING ANYONE THAT MAKES ANY POST THAT RELATES TO THIS LAGOS PREDICAMENT.SMH

Nairaland mods are super crazy.. Quick to push rubbish to front page, ban relevant news and the posters..

Meanwhile there is a protest going on.. The speaker of the house of assembly is responding to them

If you ask me, na who l go ask