₦airaland Forum

One sunny day on the North Sea a creative little boy was playing in the sand
trying to decide what to make. He discovered some Scheiss (you can guess what
that is) on the beach so he decided to make a VoPo (People's Policeman). Just as
he was finishing, along comes a VoPo, trying to make sure no one swims to
Denmark. He decides to ask the little boy what that ugly thing made of Scheiss
is. The little boy responds: "It's a VoPo!" So the officer beats him.

The next day, the boy is on the beach making the same creation when that same
officer comes along and sees the boy is playing with the Scheiss again, and asks
what he is doing. The boy responds "I'm making another VoPo!" So the officer
beats him.

The day after that, the officer is strolling the beach, sees the boy playing
just with sand, and is glad to see he has switched his medium. So he asks boldly
"what are you making today?" The boy responds: "A G.I.!" The officer asks: "And
why not a VoPo?" The boy responds: "Couldn't find any Scheiss."

What do you call a Lada on a hill?

A bloody miracle.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of
dating them.

hate it or love it

Riddle me this:chap8

You write on me and secrets i can keep; in places even u have never seen. I spin like a top though stiff as a board, i'm often described like a mop.

@ituen
OK

that guy has something huge fot the ladies on this forum

yeah ryte dat is the best form of romance

I tire oo

@mimmy
hmmmm. . . . . Ok

@ituen

how do ya lyk d pics up dere?

@ituen
i gadit. Mine is Migines07@yahoo.Com
or chat migines@prodigits.Co.Uk.

I dont lyk d guy either but i've heard dat 1.D riddle a'int dat difficult. . . Or do u want d ans?

Success

@u get sharp eyz o. Hw u take recog clem pant lyk dat?

*stares with confusion*

Moves

So u re gay if u got a brovaz bak?
Na wao

Police
Cat

here they come

ha ha ha

What is the difference between a bachelor and a ma

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married
man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

superman



Superman was flying over a nude beach when he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing.
Being faster than a speeding bullet he decides that he can screw her quick
without her knowing. So he swoops down does his business. Wonder Woman jumps up
and says "what the hell was that?", the Invisableman replies "I don't know but
my ass sure hurts."

On The Job Training



Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,” Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button, A-bomb.”

The third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, “You’re not sanitary, and you’re not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher’s husband would be
calling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple’s room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked “What happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

Dating vs. Marriage



When you are dating, Farting is never an issue.
When you are married , You make sure there's nothing flammable near your
husband at all times.

When you are dating, He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married , He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going
to drink?"

When you are dating, He holds your hand in public.
When you are married , He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating, A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married , A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating, You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married , You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy?"

When you are dating, You enjoyed pre-intimacy.
When you are married , You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me
alone"

When you are dating, He hugs you, when he walks by you for no
reason.
When you are married , He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating, You picture the two of you together, growing old
together.
When you are married , You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating, Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married , When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating, He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married , The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage
area.

When you are dating, He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married , He says "It's your job."

When you are dating, He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married , He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating, He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married , He develops a "blank" stare.

When you are dating, He calls you by name.
When you are married , He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to
others as "She."

hmmmm

New Slogans for Florida



FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of
the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17, 311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

Or,

PALM BEACH COUNTY: So nice, we let you vote twice.
PALM BEACH COUNTY: We put the "duh" in Florida.
Sign on I-95 : Florida this way, no that way, 5 miles, wait 10 miles

Learn to speak German

A friend of mine is an officer in the naval reserve.
A few weeks ago, He was attending a conference that included admirals in both
the US and the French navies. At a cocktail reception, my friend found himself
in a small group that included an admiral from each of the two navies.
The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many
languages, Americans only learned English. He then asked. "Why is it that we
have to speak English in these conferences rather than you have to speak
French?"
Without even hesitating, the American admiral replied. "Maybe it is because we
arranged it so that you did not have to learn to speak German."
The group became silent.

Meatloaf

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."

The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her
hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she
doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until
she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really
is."

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey,
what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times,
until he's standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

Mechanic v. Surgeon

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted
the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side,
waiting for the service manager.
Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey . .
. . Is dat you ? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working
on a car.
Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy
doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts,
and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big
bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"
DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris . . . "Try
doing your work with the engine running."

Don't Make a Nurse Angry

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was
a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his
employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head
nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and
announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his
arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral
thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he
rolled over and bared his rear end.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have
to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He
curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing.
After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen
someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a
carnation anyway."

How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After
trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family
doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.
"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and, "
He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left
ear".
"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself
suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a
tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my
wife MouthAction. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her
strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every
day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you
feel?"
"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started
this treatment! I can't thank you enough.And, by the way you have a lovely
home."

Better Both Visit the Doctor

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going ?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he
said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm
going to get a tetanus shot."

i'm not at the cafe so maybe my brother is the indercover agent?