₦airaland Forum

QueenValerie:
Not lookin' ta wed any time soon,but when I am I'll have ta remember these Op.
Thanks for sharin' Don.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Yes o! Your own, not someone else’s. When it comes to topics like these, there are no experts and one woman’s experience may not cut it for the next. There are no special places to visit, I don’t believe that crap of sitting at the Palms and sipping drink every night till you meet 'the one', or attending every wedding you can and making sure to catch the bouquet. And forget all those people saying you are too choosy, you are too forward, you are bossy, you are too fat, one ex must have sworn for you, it must be spiritual, wash your head e.t.c! well, you can wash your head and do midnight prayer if you like, but consider these:

1. PREPARE FOR COMMITMENT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS

Are you a ‘ride or die’ chic? By that I mean are you ready to make the sacrifice? Because if your married friends didn’t tell you, marriage is one sure place to test your sacrificing spirit! Yes there will be times when you will need to put your desires aside and focus on his, and if you have kids, add them to the equation. Being married takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice especially from the woman (note how the virtuous woman did plenty things!). If somewhere at the back of your mind, you ‘fear’ the commitment that comes with marriage, you may be the reason your status has not changed. Remember the subconscious mind communicates with Infinite Intelligence and will only give you what you desire!

2. LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF

Try to answer this question, “if I were a man, will I marry me?” for many the answer is No. So love yourself, pamper yourself, treat yourself right e.t.c, No one can love you more than you love yourself? Learn to love 'you', make 'you' happy! Remember no one but you is responsible for your happiness. Looking to another person for happiness is not love, it is dependency. It is only when you love yourself that you can love someone else and when you love yourself, you know how someone should love you.

3. YES HUMAN BEINGS ARE FLAWED, INCLUDING YOU!

Be able to see your flaws and be accountable for them. When you realize you are flawed, you’d then see that we all are flawed. Now this doesn’t mean “settling for less”, it means accepting the fact that in relationships, there will be disagreements, there will be all sort of emotional baggage flying around. You need to identify yours and be able to talk about them openly and you need to learn to appreciate other people’s perspectives. There are different routes to the market, it doesn’t have to be your way all the time.

4. PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD

In my humble opinion, finding your husband is like finding a good job (forgive the comparison, but you sef think the matter). If you want to land that fab job you’ve been dreaming of, you ensure you have an understanding of the job description and the requisite skill and experience, you highlight your advantages and the value you would bring to the organisation and down play your shortcomings whilst trying to improve in the areas that need improvement …. So when people say ‘he should accept me the way I am,’ I ask, can you go for an interview for the role of Chief Financial Officer (CFO) in an investment bank meanwhile you studied Yoruba education and have been teaching Yoruba Language in the local Primary School for the past 5 years and tell the organisation to employ you the way you are? It’s not possible. So if you meet a guy you like, without being fake, put your best foot forward, let him know how valuable you would be to him and then try to improve the areas in your life you think need improvement. It will help you be a better person overall

5. FORGET ABOUT THE JONES'S

So your best friend marries Senators son, your bff marries oil and gas MD and then a guy with a dream and a Honda baby boy approaches you and you can’t imagine the guys effrontery! Like seriously, can’t he see the ‘crowd’ you roll with? *rolls eye* You don’t want to look at that guy who graduated from University of Ibadan with a First Class and has a job with a multinational because he has ‘h’ factor, but you’d rather chase after the 'move back to Nigeria' dude who is still getting pocket money from Daddy simply because he seems to match the status! Forget what people will say, forget about keeping up appearances. Focus on your own happiness, live your life! Because at the end of the day, no one truly cares! Those that care won’t judge you!


[http://www.officialmissdodo..com.ng/2015/12/5-tips-on-finding-your-husband.html]

[quote author=misspicy post=42131145]Breaking up with a girl for running you into debts with her outrageous expenses is not a shallow reason OP
in fact young ambitious guys should break away from such bondages if they really want to have a future.
If a girl wants to go for expensive designer wears just to 'represent' please let her do that but not at your expense unless you can afford it because the moment you run into debts and cannot afford this things,she runs to a better man than you......


you are so on point!

I happened on a conversation between two guys on the recent break up of one of the guys, let's call him Michael. Michael's reason for the break up was that his now ex, spent so much buying shoes, bags and clothes and was broke and in debt for the better part of their relationship. Her reason for spending so much was that she had to 'represent.'

The reason for break up may sound shallow, but I wonder, is that not the reality of a lot of relationships? many chics are under pressure (whether self inflicted or not) to look good for their guys and some of these guys end up dumping them for someone 'less fabulous' looking! It happens all the time, it's no longer news really. But some girls will say it's good riddance to bad rubbish, she ain't no gold digger but she simply ain't messing with a broke nigga, if he cannot afford to pick the bills, then he should take several seats and bla bla bla! good argument but far from reality, forget that gist about 'the right one for you will come,' the right one ain't coming if you are the wrong one for him!

So how do you avoid being seen as a 'designer' babe while remaining absolutely fabulous?

1. Find the balance

By all means wear your Louboutin's and Gucci's if you can afford them, by afford, I mean being able to pay cash for the items (not like you can't spread payment for whatever reason, but at the time of purchase you should be able to pay cash and throwey face and not have to borrow from Nike the following day!) Yes shopping makes every girl happy, who in this world doesn't like the sound of labels falling off a new item? but it still doesn't make sense to spend all you earn, and then some more, on things that only bring temporary happiness.

2. Be 'designer' in and out

Honestly why will you look like Vogue and then when a guy interacts with you, what he gets is Ikebe Super? (yup! there was such a magazine at a point in Nigeria's history!) Yes you look attractive and well packaged, but what of the inside? after he sees the finely painted face and designer outfits, what else is there to you? does he see a chic that will help him build a future or ruin the little he has gathered by insisting on her 'standards' and increasing his debt profile?

3. Sort out your issues!

If you have the tendency to over shop till you drop and owe gbese everywhere, gurl, you've got issues! sort out the issues in your life that make you feel insecure and result to over indulging yourself to the point of debt! if like attracts like, then you will certainly attract guys with issues! no be joke.

4. Do you!

I will never stop preaching this. Gurl do you! you is fabulous, you is smart, you is a valuable asset. Don't try to be nobody else. I've seen Gucci guys fall for girls in Primark tee! Be comfortable with who you are and rather than strive to cover up your insecurities in good clothes, why not strive to be a better you?

[http://officialmissdodo..com.ng/2015/12/why-guys-avoid-designer-babes.html]

Frontpagelawyer, congratulations. London awaits you. Hehehe

askari01:
No wahala, No rushing, I will get the value for my money the next time I reapply. But it's just sad that I have started my leave already, I applied for the 30 working days leave Becos of this trip, i've gotten my leave allowee already... Infact right now I feel like going back to work asap. What do u advice?

30 working days? na to find work for ya company o.

Like the guru's have said, it's better you wait a bit before re applying. is it possible for your company to pay by transfer whether or not your are on site? the consistency would help. in the interim, do a visa and visit Dubai, dont waste 30 working days o. Cheer up and stay positive, every disappointment is a blessing one way or the other.

askari01:
I tire ooo Ogreen... all these are just flimpsy excuses, I am just a worker in the company not a member of the board, if my company pays cheque, or cash, or bank transfer, who am I to tell them don't pay cash, the koko is that I get paid. Should I ask our finance department for a letter explaining all these?

Sorry about the decision of the ECO and I can see why you are upset, everything seemed perfect but sometimes, they try to harass first time applicants with their annoying refusal templates. I fear you will be refused again if you re-apply until that 1.8m goes away (as you didn't show evidence of the land purchased, or did I miss that part?) and if that can be explained, what about the non compliance with other immigration laws, i.e. lack of travel history? and then the salary payment? My 2 cents is that you visit another country, preferably a common wealth, North American country or scheghen. build a travel history, use the title documents for the land purchased as ties to home and get pay slip which shows all the deductions such as tax, pension, nhf e.t.c. paying taxes sort of establishes ties to the country.

o Greene, was actually praying for you. Congrats bro.

@ iblaw, a colleague flew with Air Maroc last week. layover was about 2 hrs n from Casablanca to London was about 4hrs or less if i remember correctly.

@frontpagelawyer, nothing wrong with your response. mine was equally short "to attend training at .....". all the best.

Dear Molly14,

Justwise and co have done a good job in answering your questions but i'm going to restate what has been said but maybe in a 'simpler' grammar:

1. There is a guidance for visa issuance that the ECO follows and this guidance contains different templates for refusal based on various reasons such as travel history, economic circumstance, home ties, source of funds e.t.c. that's why sometimes, it appears like a case has not been individually assessed ...

2. The ECO is watching out for 3 major things and in no particular order they are: A) Travel History - This shows your level of compliance with immigration laws in other countries. The idea is most probably that if you have a track record of compliance, then you will return home. B) Amount available for the trip - As stated by Justwise et al, each application is assessed on its own merit. Your available cash (not savings account or fixed deposit) to the ECO is what you can access on the go without having to go through a process. i'm guessing from my banking knowledge that having a current or checking account reduces your risk profile and increases your credit rating and as such the ECO may be more likely to focus on your current account where you have submitted both current and savings. Bottom line is they don't want you partaking in UK tax payers money. C) Source of income - The ECO must somehow be convinced that your source of income is so reliable/steady that you have no need to remain in the UK. Its not enough to just earn a salary, it must be a 'decent' salary. So getting N75k monthly is not a bad thing, it only becomes a problem when 75k is all you receive (from all sources) and you naturally have expenses. you need to deduct your expense from your income for you to access your own chances of success for a UK visa.

3. Always remember that you need to convince the ECO about your 'thriving' circumstances in Nigeria. Always always attach documents.

@Justwise and all of you, thank you so much, my husband and kids picked up their visas today. they applied July 2 at V/I center, and when there was no email from Teleperformance 6 days after the mail from Sheffield, hubby decided to check today and alas, the passports were available for pick up.

I don't think anyone will go wrong if they follow this thread. Great job everyone, I truly appreciate.

justwise:
To be honest that is new to me, i guess the system is designed like that so as to avoid people giving a uniform answer for the same question.

okay makes sense. thanks a bunch

Hello all, I have an observation. I noticed that when i filled my form and stated that I had someone else paying for my trip, the follow up question was simply how much?!. but a colleague filled the same form and rather than the "how much" question, got questions like your relationship with the sponsor and why sponsor chose to sponsor your trip.

please why this discrepancy @ justwise n all.

thanks a bunch.

OGreene:
Lets say I requested for leave to commence in August and my company approved, I applied for visa and was refused. Meaning, I will be at home in Aug doing nothing when I can re-apply or apply to another country now and get a visa and comfortably pick a date later in the year, say Sept/October. That's what I had In mind. Assuming I got the first one, I would hv taken my leave from July ending, I was moved to a new unit mid-year, that's why I hv d option to pick any date I want any time. I only want to be sure b4 I req.
If you say so, I will reaply wt a leave letter for Aug

alternatively, your letter of introduction from your employer should state that you would be on leave during the period and you intend to spend your time in the UK.

justwise:
Ok that makes sense now but its important that you explain this in your application form so as not to leave any room for suspicion.

thank you so very much. I truly appreciate your patience.

justwise:
The money was lodged into your account from where?

From my organisation as the allowances I am entitled to, or estacode if i may call it that. may I also add that at the end of the month, my salary and other allowances amounting to about N500k will be paid into my salary account, leaving a balance of about 1.6m.

The plan is to apply in July.

Thank you.

justwise:
Apart from the joint bank account do you have enough for the trip?

Thanks for the response. About 1m for the training was lodged in my account yesterday. Can that inflow be relied on? I've also decided to wait till July before putting in their application, will that wait help?

Thanks so very much.

Hello people, I actually applied for and got my business visa, thanks to your advice. Now comes my dilema, cliche as it may sound ... I want my husband and 2 kids to join me in the UK after the training, so please my questions are:

1. My husband doesn't have a tax clearance so I plan on sponsoring since I have a job and good travel history (husband n kids have been to schengen countries and south africa). Question is, can I sponsor without raising any suspicions?

2. I have a joint investment accounts with my dad and my husband (separate accounts), but not enough in my current account. Will the ECO rely on my current account balance only?

3. If I'm sponsoring, do I need to mention to joint account with hubby? cos it doesn't make sense to me for wife to sponsor n present a joint account with hubby. they may as well both sponsor the trip.

pls if we don't have a good chance, I need to know so we don't throw money away. we can visit another country and do UK some other time.

Thanks very much. really anticipating your response.

@ekpotek and justwise, thank you very much. now I'm clearer.


you all are doing a good job here.

Good morning good people,

I'm sorry to bug with a cliche question, but please I intend to attend a training, fully sponsored by my organisation (up to tickets, feeding, warm clothing even in summer lol), do I need to submit my personal bank statement?

Thank you so much. I actually intend to apply on Tuesday.

Congrats gurl, I suspect this is the real deal as you are both now more mature and have tested different waters enough to spot the clean water you are about to drink. Just make sure you guys move on completely from the past. All the best

VisaOfficer: Good news! It won't hurt your chances.

Thank you so very much

Hello consular officer, you sure are doing a great job! Thank you for this opportunity. Going straight to the point, I applied for the DV 2014 lottery and wasn't successful but the truth is that I actually applied for the fun of it. Will the fact that I applied for the Visa lottery hurt my chances of getting a non immigrant visa to the US?