thorpido:
Okay.You shouldn't even be considering this but I guess there are people who need someone to hold them by the hand.
Let me hold you by the land and lead you away from him.If you're still a student face your studies and if you work,develop your career and personality.The right man you say you want will come.Find a man of integrity and good character.It will give you peace.
If I may ask,how old are you?

PM'ed you

yetseyi:
Babe, I advise that you run and don't look back. Please don't fall into the December marriage trap i.e all these abroad guys that will be looking for naija wife to marry and keep in naija after they have someone over there.

The truth of the matter is he will likely marry(if he hasn't already) her for papers. Thank God he is honest and has told you about her, most guys wont.

I have seen it happen several times and it follows the same pattern. Marry and keep her in naija- come home every December or once in 2 years-send money and clothes or items- Take care of the children alone if she gets pregnant- he comes impregnates her again and the cycle continues.Is that a marriage.

The funny part of it is most times plans are not made for the wife to join hubby because of the wifey over there.


Do you want to see your husband once in a year possibly December only? Can you live with the thought that your hubby is married to someone else.You see the loneliness I see you mentioning in your posts is what will most likely happen if you even consider his proposal.

Let me tell you the story of my ex-flat mate.
About 2 years ago she saw a guy she used to date that was abroad during December celebration in the village that had said he wanted to marry her, somehow they met again after like 5 years it was just a meeting of chance.

The guy told her just the way he is telling you that someone is helping him, he has a lady etc etc and that she even has a child for him. I don't know how it happend but between Dec 21st that we parted from our flat and mid January my friend was engaged to this guy and to make matters worse she slept with him during those 3 weeks. To now crown it all she became pregnant she discovered after he left so they were hurrying to see if the family could pay the bride price, somehow it just didn't happen then.

After he left his papers were already expiring he had to marry the British lady in March, So he married her and was still making arrangement for bride price here.My friend was all alone during pregnancy, childbirth, he's sending money for the baby too but will money buy companionship oh and No visit too. He didn't visit naija.

When she had the baby and I visited her she exclaimed and said she won't advise anyone to go through what she did, she did everything alone.

These are the kind of proposals you shouldn't even think about twice, there are too many horror stories of abroad wife and naija wife even on nairaland.

There was a particular thread this issue was seriously trashed out. Let me see if I can dig it.


PLEASE RUN

Thanks dear.

thorpido:
Girl,are you lonely now?

Single not lonely

thorpido:
I don't understand the bolded.Does this abroad guy make you cry?

No na. I mean that should I go ahead with it, it will likely be lonely years ahead

Amelian:






You honestly said it all.

The exact scenario that will happen.
And she dares not cheat... Except she wants her neighbors to see her as a married LovePeddler.

Abroad guys? No go area.. Except u are based in their location... Anywhere short of that spells years and years of loneliness.. I can't even try it.. Not even if am drunk.
So are you ready op, for such life ahead...
If yes? My dear u have the total blessings of all nairalnders here both home and abroad.

The thought of the loneliness scarez the holy crap out of me.

thorpido:
Do you think this man abroad is the one God made for you?

Really I don't know. I don't know how God makes a man who for you, for whom you will have to weep your eyes out every night. That part I don't get

Talk2Bella:


They would rather ask me if I have been in the states

A woman close to me almost died during child birth recently the only time her husband comes home is to impregnate her, one night she was in labor no one to take her to the hospital no husband no nothing she was in so much pain till morning, she crawled outside screaming before people saw and helped her to the hospital they called her husband he said its not the time of the year for him to come see her

All this is because society stigmatizes the unmarried ladies and baby mamas. And the oyinbo women too will never learn. Always going after the sexual virilty of Nigerian men and the opportunity to have half caste offsprings whom they can whisk out of the lives of their fathers forever once they decide to kick him out of their lives. Later they go online trying to tarnish the men's image

Does it mean that all of you guys supporting this attitude will do the same thing if in their shoes and you don't mind hurting the feelings of that Nigerian lady who will live a marriage of your perpetual and constant absenteeism. And that oyinbo chick you tie down for years deceiving and manipulating her. Is it fair?

Look at this and give your opinion. Its the same scenario here
https://www.nairaland.com/3424710/nigerian-man-based-abroad-oyinbo

carmag:


you can give it a trial (IF) you are desperate having in mind it aren't gonna be smooth sailing..it's going to be a win win situation

Pls expatiate on what you mean by win-win situation in this context. Is it for me, for him or for all parties involved?

thorpido:
The major reasons they do it is because they get money from abroad(nothing like hard currency ),they dream of going there and they are jonsing(don't have suitors here in Nigeria).
Is that your situation too?

Like I said I don't want to marry for the wrong reasons, not for janding opportunity or hard currency and I know that there's a man out there that God made me for

KissChris:


Yeah.... You've not spent enough time with Him

Online chatting is not the best way to know someone

He might eventually cheat on You too

True talk.

carmag:


he proposed to you and you said ok ""let me pray about it ""

have you now prayed about it and what did God minister to you in that regard after the prayers, did the possible out come not reveal to you through prayers

My dear I didn't want to go deep into the outcome of that prayer but it was not an outcome that said definitely go ahead

thorpido:
For you to even give his proposal a thought shows you probably don't know what you want.
He's into illegal business,lives with a woman already,doesn't have legal papers to stay and that's the kind of man you want?

My dear. I know some people do it. Was wondering whether they had some valid reasons. Its good to ask questions sometimes before one will think one is being too difficult

thorpido:
For you to even give his proposal a thought shows you probably don't know what you want.
He's into illegal business,lives with a woman already,doesn't have legal papers to stay and that's the kind of man you want?

My dear. I know some people do it. Was wondering whether they had some valid reasons... Its good to ask questions sometimes before one will think one is being too difficult

KissChris:
Don't date Him


He's a gold digger

Gold digger is a good qualification for this. Seems the oyinbo lady is living in a fool's paradise with him

Winneygirl:
The guy is obviously a criminal, engaging in illegal activities over there.
He will probably end up in jail, or dead in the streets.
.
This Babe knows, but as she heard "abroad" thingzzz, she can't sit still.
.
Is this story even real?

Babe its real. People find themselves in this position everyday, some unknowingly.

Ishilove:
You registered today and you want front page coverage? Kwantinue

Sister you ought to know how we operate here. We don't use our original accounts for sensitive posts. Thanks all the same

Nairalanders I'm in need of your advice here. Please let advice be mature because every advice is important to me.

I met this guy in church December last year and we got talking. He actually came home to visit because he is based abroad. So he went back to his base and kept in touch. He calls me often and we chat often. Along the line he made his intention known which is to date me. And I considered everything, he's being abroad and all. So I said ok let me pray about it. Then he told me that he has an oyinbo live-in girlfriend who has been very good to him, in fact she has helped him out of trouble with the authorities severally because of illegal business. So he's that indebted to her.

So I asked him what he wants with me then. He said that he's telling me because something might come up along the line to make him marry the oyinbo girlfriend considering that she can help him out with the authorities. But that he seriously wants to marry a Nigerian girl.

So nairalanders this is my dilemma. Should I or should I not? It seems that some Nigerian girls actually do this knowingly.

Please mature advice is needed. Thank you all.

Lalasticlala mynd44 ishilove seun pls help move this to FP.

I created a new acct for this purpose
Y'all might want to see this https://www.nairaland.com/3424731/why-nigerian-men-come-back/2

ElsonMorali:
Please run for your life. He isn't the only man in this world that you can marry. His life is complicated and based on a foundation of lies, insincerity and deceit.

What happens If after marrying you he ends up in jail? Is he going to be a good role model for your kids?

Don't be desperate to get married.

Getting married for the wrong reason is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

Let him be and give yourself some peace of mind.

I don't want to marry for the wrong reasons at all

ireneidiva:

are you that desperate? you want to marry a man that does illegal business and lives with a woman already? Go ahead. Mods pls dont put this rubbish on frontpage.

Thanks for your advice. Its much appreciated

teemy:
missolivea would he tell the lady before marrying her of his intended marriage with you? if not that makes him a trickster and devoid of truth. if his answer satisfies you then the next would be if you would be ok to a third wife once he wants more.

My dear if he has the probability of being a trickster, then any response he gives to such a question will be carefully tailored. I'm wondering why he even wants a Nigerian wife at all. Why is the oyinbo not enough?

Eyekandi:
;Dyes o, its that time of the year again, abroad based bobos are coming home for Christmas and weddings

The guy is being honest with you,, its left in your court if u want that kinda marriage, you'd be his home based wife, the oyibo would be his abroad based wife D:

Babe would you do it if you were the one?

Ziyadah:
Why/what does he need to be adviced abt dat? At least he knws wat he wants..wants to marry a Nigerian den go marry one

Your are getting it mixed up. The question is should I agree to it or not?

Talasuma:
Babe, that's a question you yourself can answer, nd not a public matter.


Cus it from your message, u already decided what to do.

No I've not decided or I wouldn't be seeking advice.

keepingmum:
Note this whilst making your decisions

You will NEVER be his legs wife (either in 9ja or in the abroad)
You will live your marital life as a married woman but single because hubby visits x1 a yr or x1 in 2yrs.
You will hv step kids who will probably be older than yours.
His legal wife will visit with him to 9ja and you will be relegated to maid position by him and ur in laws because them no want spoil their son chances of gaining papers.
There is no guarantee he will divorce that lady except she chooses to file......he will work to pay alimony and child support = less income to look after u and and children u birth.
Your income will be used to run the home in 9ja.
You can't visit and live with him.
He will only visit to get married 2 u. Then subsequent visits will be to get u knocked up
You will never live under the same roof as husband and wife for more than 1 month. So pray tell, what type of marriage, relationship do u envisage 4 yaself?
Oga will be banging his whitey daily yr in yr out whilst you can't even kiss a man without bn termed a cheat and adultere

I have thought along these lines too. I was wondering what makes some other ladies do it and if their reasons are valid. Thanks so much for your advice

Nairalanders I'm in need of your advice here. Please let advice be mature because every advice is important to me.

I met this guy in church December last year and we got talking. He actually came home to visit because he is based abroad. So he went back to his base and kept in touch. He calls me often and we chat often. Along the line he made his intention known which is to date me. And I considered everything, he's being abroad and all. So I said ok let me pray about it. Then he told me that he has an oyinbo live-in girlfriend who has been very good to him, in fact she has helped him out of trouble with the authorities severally because of illegal business. So he's that indebted to her.

So I asked him what he wants with me then. He said that he's telling me because something might come up along the line to make him marry the oyinbo girlfriend considering that she can help him out with the authorities. But that he seriously wants to marry a Nigerian girl.

So nairalanders this is my dilemma. Should I or should I not? It seems that some Nigerian girls actually do this knowingly.

Please mature advice is needed. Thank you all.

Lalasticlala mynd44 ishilove seun pls help move this to FP.

Pls I created this new acct for this purpose.
Y'all might want to see this
https://www.nairaland.com/3424731/why-nigerian-men-come-back/2