₦airaland Forum

Some unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.

"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.

He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.

"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.

When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer

"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.

"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.

As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.

The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.

This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear,

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f**k out of here."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Nice one KB

Nice joke, I can't control myself

An Hausa man bought 6 eggs, after cooking them, he cracked the first and discovered that it was empty that is, they was no yoke in it.
He continued and at the end none of the 6 eggs had any yoke in it and the hausa man shouted.

Walahi talahi, Fowl I don the use Condom

Wink

I talk it, the sing they song is always good

This looks Good [img]http://[img]http://[/img][/img]

This looks Good [img]http://[img]http://[/img][/img]

Guy why you dey lie? Her name na Tamer, well it not wrong to love her. but very wrong to commit INCEST. Think about it. I crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry for you cos it pains.

Maybe you were seeing the opposite due to anxiety

Well, I have the SOLUTION, use SUPER GLUE GUM THE STUFF.

The lion,wolf & fox went hunting. They caught a horse,a gazelle and a hare. The lion said "Mr wolf,you can share the game. The wolf said "lion can take the gazelle,while the fox will take the hare,as for me I will only take the horse." The lion was furious by this and struck the wolf on the head with it's might paw and the wolf's skull cracked and it died.

The lion now said to the fox "maybe you can share it better." the for replied "the gazelle will be your lunch while the horse will be your dinner, the hare will be you breakfast. The lion was impressed to be given all the game and said. "My fox when did you learn all this wisdom" the fox answered "when I heard the wolf's skull cracked under your paw." [/color][color=#006600]

The lion,wolf & fox went hunting. They caught an antelop,a gazelle and a hare. The lion said "Mr wolf,you can share the game. The wolf said "lion can take the gazelle,while the fox will take the hare,as for me I will only take the horse." The lion was furious by this and struck the wolf on the head with it's might paw and the wolf's skull cracked and it died.

The lion now said to the fox "maybe you can share it better." the for replied "the gazelle will be your lunch while the horse will be your dinner, the hare will be you breakfast. The lion was impressed to be given all the game and said. "My fox when did you learn all this wisdom" the fox answered "when I heard the wolf's skull cracked under your paw." [color=#000099][/color]

An engineer dies and reports to the gate of heaven. Bros Peter checks his dossier and says "Huh, you are an engineer, but got rich through dubious means, so you can't come in here.

So the engineer went to hell and is let in, pretty soon, the engineer got upset by the level of comfort in hell. and starts building improvements.

After a while, the engineer becomes a popular guy for designing A.C in hell, reducing the heat.

One day God calls Satan on Phone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down in hell"

Satan Replies "Hey, things are going great. We have got A.C and flush toilets, the computer are faster than ever and we've got music in ever room. there is no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies "What? you have got an engineer? that's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there!
Send him back Or I SUE you."

Satan shouts back "and just where are YOU going to find a lawyer"

An employer walks into the office of his boss and says. "What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $500 less than what was decided upon"

the boss replies. "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $500 extra last month by mistake"

"Yeah says the man, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report.

Fred came late to school and the teacher asked.
Teacher:- Fred why were you late?

Fred;- A sign post deceived me.

Teacher:- How do you mean.

Fred:- On my way to School I saw a sign post which reads, SCHOOLS AHEAD, MOVE SLOWLY.

Abeg one hause biology teacher mess for class the thing come the smell like dogoyaro.

Wetin be the cause.

Man said to his friend "my wife has almost every thing she needs I don't know what to give her on val's day, his friend suggested "tell her she can have one hour of sex"


the next day he came looking downcast and his friend asked, "how did it go"

He replied " I told her she can have an hour of sex and she ran out the house and shouted, "SEE YOU IN AN HOUR"

He can't close the family

he wan drink die

A guy came in to a bar one day and said to the barman "give me six double vodkas"
the  barman says "wow! you must have had one hell of a day"

"yes i just found out that my elder brother is gay"

the next day the same guy came to the bar and placed the same order for drinks.

the bar asked what the problem was today the same answer came " i just found out that my younger brother is gay too"

On the third day the same guy came and placed the same order for drinks( Six double vodkas)

the barman said "doesn't anybody in you family like women!!!?"

"Yeah, My wife, "

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how they whipped their wives.
The first 2 kept bragging about hoe they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said. "I have my wife so whipped that the other day, I had her crawling towards me on her hands and kneel,"

both of the other men looked impressed and asked how he did it.

The man replied. "Well I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, " Come out and fight like a man!!!"