₦airaland Forum

basktmout:
Mr Black:Hello Nairalander's,I am about to take a decision and would really appreciate your candid opinions on this Issue. I am a young man who happens to be a student, but work during the holidays. I have a girlfriend based in the US whom i have been dating for 5 years. She has only resided in the US for 1 1/2 years and intends to come visit but cannot afford to buy her air fare ticket.I was able to save some money from my last vacation job and if i have to get her air ticket, then i will be left with only 25% of my savings which will still be spent upon her arrival and stay with me. I am not too comfortable with the long period we have stayed apart and believe this is an opportunity for us to define our relationship. I do intend to ENGAGE her when she arrives and then plan for marriage towards the end of next year when i must have graduated from school.Now the Question is, if you were in my shoes, would you spend almost all of your savings for your girlfriend? And if you must know i really care about her and love her a lot. Keep your honest comments coming.

Guy go for it! Your gf is worth every penny and more. I did the same, and guess what. I am happily married today. Don't say I didn't tell ya!

Quite alot of different opinions. Thanks to all Nairalander's for your different comments. Its good to know that we all have different views on this issue.

@dayokay,

Thanks.

5 years

chardino:
The best advise is the one you give to yourself. just follow your heart Man,

Thanks man, will do so.

Echidime:
Does the girls father has Oilwell? Or does her kitty carry GOLD AND DIAMOND? Are you a fool? So you think she is coming for you? hahahahahahahahahaah Stay there,just try doing it and be ready to have a heart attack when she comes and dumps you for another man. Is it not women? We know them all,they are like a cloth in the market place,only the higher bider buys them

Strongly disagree with you on the highlighted above. Will you say that about your wife?

moonraker:
@ Mr Black

Its like this, you both are adults, so talk things straight, sure she doesnt have money

to buy a ticket to see you, but i bet she has some cash for other stuff, get her the ticket,

then you guys can co operate to have a good time with her cash and maybe yur 25 percent??

truth is, this is a public forum, you will get different responses form different peeps with different mindset.

at the end of the day, it is YOU that would make the decision, I am sure that u will make the right one that suits you,

God Bless

Thanks.

emmaf5542:
Bros, there is nothing too big in what you plan to do as long as she is the love of your life. My wife today was in the US for 5 years before we got married. We have been married for about 5 years now. She came to Nigeria once during those 5 years before we married.It was a 3 week visit.
The rest of the 5 years were,(letters , phone calls,emails [when sending one email used to cost N100] and chat-done during overnight browsing )-most of which was when I was a student.To keep up with the cost of sending emails and the rest as a student-i first got a part time during the ASUU strike of 1999 before I started a campus business-which years later turned to gold.
It takes a high level of communication and commitment.
I assume that you are employed by a company and don’t run your own business.
What kind of savings are you talking about? Is it the savings you set aside to pay yourself and then invest or is it the savings you set aside for emergency needs.
I would not advice you to use your investment savings to buy a plane ticket. I would have expected that you had been saving for this trip aside.
What you should do is (possibly) see if you can raise this money elsewhere. But you must contribute to her plane ticket if you can’t pay it all yourself. thats why you are a man.
And in the 21st century economy, it is not advisable to depend on one income except your Father is Aliko Dangote or Bill Gates. If you have over N200,000 in savings  ( I assuming that based on the cost of a plane ticket ) then by now you should be planning to find  a way to safely ensure that that savings is working for you i.e. money working for you. This way, you will have more income streams.
If you marry her next year, its likely going to take another 1-3 years after your marriage for you to cross over on an immigrant visa filed by her as your spouse except you have some other type of Visa or she is planning to return to Nigeria.
If you have a wife in the US who is expecting your baby, you will have to be providing part of the costs of her upkeep. And while N200,000 per month is a good salary for a young man in Nigeria. It is not much when you have to send money to your young pregnant wife in the USA.
You must contribute to her plane ticket, whether now or whenever you plan to have her come. [b]And the sooner the better. Extended distance is not too good for a couple planning to marry.[/b]

Thanks a lot bro. The savings is just kept aside incase an urgent needs arises. More like a back up. But sure some of it can be used for investment that will accrue at least a 10% interest every month.

So surprised to see that this topic made front page. No be small thing ohhhhh. lol Thanks Moderators!

Vavavoom:
Mr. Black,

''Reasonable'' women you'll find are nearly all the time waiting for their men to lay their burdens on the share table. Communication is one huge factor in the SCM theory why relationships can fail or succeed the other being sex and money. 5 years is a long time and no small time investment. Both of you know how u feel about each other but distane is the barrier, nevertheless true love will wait especially when built on a foundation of lasting values. Your decision to talk it through with her will surely reward both and break barriers that are uncomfortable for you.

@ Vavavoom. Thanks alot for your comments. They have been helpful. I agree with you about communication and you seem to understand my point that 5 years is a long time. Alot has past under the bridge. The distance has become such a big barrier. But i agree with you on this and believe that the best is for me to have a talk with her first and take a final decision based on our conversation.

@ All,

I know alot of people feel am a dump a*s. I am SMART and use my head 24/7. Its just a really tough decision, which i pray most males and females here on nairaland do not have to be faced with. Its easier said when you are not wearing the shoes. But believe me, your comments have been so helpful, thanks alot. FYI i share the same view point as most comments made so far, but am just been cautious.

sugar pp:
i cn see u r now considerin makn the sacrifice n buyn her the ticket. Another option is nt to wait for her to get to the US b4 u propose u cn let her kno the deal on the fone i.e. u intend on spendn your savins on her, declare your intentions n tell her to accept your offer only if she is promisn full commitment n let her kno u dnt mind sacrificn your savings for her (u cn give her the ring when she finally arrives). Better to b safe than sori

Told her about the commitment stuff and my intentions for engagement, she's okay with that. Even informed her mum about me and i have spoken with the mum. We haven't really discussed about my using my saved funds for her ticket yet, but i strongly know she's aware. Certainly will make it official and we will have a talk and agree on the best option.

~Sauron~:
In all honesty, i see nothing wrong in paying for your girlfriend's ticket to visit you. . . . .
Do you think she would do the same for you if the roles were reversed?. . . .If the answer is yes, call your travel agent tonight and PAY.

YES. She did it once. She was in the Uk and was supposed to head on to the US, but i insisted she come spend the Xmas before going to the US and she did. Bought ticket she ordinary wouldn't have bought.

I guess i will slow down with calling the traveling agent for now. Need to think this through and will certainly have a talk on this issue with her before i decide. But honestly am bending towards waiting or contributing less and that still means waiting on her to work fro a while to save some cash. Tough right? God dey!

james1:
Hi.if you want her as a fling mate,fine.she won't be with you in the future.but as a wife to be,no,you want a woman with a sense of discernment who can help you build an empire.a spending freak can only bring down.in a nutshell,marry your wife!

@ James1, thanks for your comments. She's not really a spending freak. She doesn't mind staying back till we both be in a good financial situation to sort the ticket issue out. Its was just my suggestion and thinking that the continuous distance is quite risky for our relationship. You can call it a sacrifice. Though decision ain't made yet.

opiscopy:
dem swear for me. even if na juju she put for that place, i swear, e no go work.monkey dey work,

Na mouth you dey make.

~Sauron~:
I can flip it around and also say if you are hers, you would pay to get her the ticket.
If i were you, i would pay for that ticket. . . . . .U copped that savings yourself. . . .There's life, you can save much more even if you spend everything tonight.

I was thinking in that angle before i brought up this issue here. Like i said, i always like been objective and realistic before taking decisions.

Creamish:
hey loff . .been a while 

@ Black . . i still think u shuld reduce it . . even if u pay half, and she brings d other half, it solves it. . .xcpt u dont have any immediate need for your savings . . . judgin by d way u say your relationship is goin, seeing her physically culd answer alot questions for u . .

@ Creamish, SPOT ON!

dayokanu:
^^ Its called Agro or Konji

Not at all. Has nothing to do with SEX. I can have lots of that if i choose to. Am quite Handsome you know. No be Beans! lol

@ dayokanu

Haba,

E never reach this stage na. My eyes are open. In life you must certainly be faced with situations where u have to take decisions that might in a way or another have an impact in your life. Lets pray you don't face the dilemma am facing. But thanks anyways.


@ erastus,

Sure am away that its career, money and marriage, but i believe there's a way they can all go together. If you read my earlier post, i said marriage comes next year after my studies. I certainly have plans and wouldn't venture into marriage if my plans doesn't go well. By God's grace am sure it will, its just about having the foundation and basic criteria which am presently doing.

~Sauron~:
What if you LOSE her before you save up tangible money to get her the ticket?

@ Sauron,

Well Said! You just read my mind. To me it's likely to go that way. We never stayed apart for so long and its clearly showing the distance is hitting us. That's why i even considered the idea in the first place. Now its a choice between my cash and relationship (Happiness), but like someone said, if she's mine she will wait. Such a gamble!

Creamish:
so Black . . .uv read all d comments so far . . . dú still think it wise to spend 3/4 of your savings on a ticket?

I never thought it was totally a right thing to do and that's why i wanted to get everyone's opinion. So far the comments from all have been very helpful. Am thinking the best thing to do is to hold on, she gets to work and save some money and i get to use my cash for some biz that will fetch some interest over a few months. With that, we can both source for the ticket from a joint contribution, still have some excess cash left. Still weighing my options though, HONESTLY.

kshow1:
@ poster : please tell me you are thinking with your third leg.  

Certainly not thinking with my third leg.

touchmeder:
Is it possible that she has resided in the states for a year and half and has no job, source of income or anything at all? Even students in the states work.
is this trip of her's soley your idea does she not want to see you as much as you want to see her?
so why cant she save something small even if its just flight to see you and you cough up the remaing part plus her expenses when she arrives. would still be expensive but seems fair. it may appear she does not even know your true status do u lie about your financial situation or brag thus giving her the idea u are currently more than capable financial wise when that is not the case?

@ touchmeder,

I don't lie about my financial status, neither do i brag. She knows i am a student and raised the funds from my vac job. And she's a student in the states and haven't started working. She's supposed to use this summer vacation that she could use to work for the proposed trip.

Vavavoom:
perhaps it is time you looked at the topic: Would You Spend 75% Of Your Life Savings [/i]On Your Girlfriend?, see the bolded part in italics? At his level of being a student, he talks about the money he's about to spend as his [i]''Life savings'' got that? If he could spare the cash my dear Uju, he wouldn't be here seeking our advice. U don see Adenuga Jnr come NL come ask for advice on how e go blow money from Glo?

@ Vavavoom,

Thanks alot for your comments. Yes, as a student, i can spend  the cash & still be able to pay my fees and see myself through the remaining period of my studies because i have got good sponsorship. But the worry is that is it worth an action to take? I always try to be objective in every decision i take and i try to use my head, not my manliness.

ogzille:
My Bro, the issue first is that it seems u are nt really at home with spending such an amount on her.

Is she not contributin anything at all for her air ticket?

For me, i can only spend that amount if its life saving else i only spend what i can get over with fast on her because she can get over with me fast (afterall we are not married)

@ All, thanks for your comments and different views to this issue.
@ ogzille, she's not working at the moment and is on holidays, been a student. But she's expected to contribute about 25% towards the fare. Fact remains that i will be spending the % as stated above.

[/quote][quote author=saintneo link=topic=460947.msg6191795#msg6191795 date=1276211849][size=58pt]@poster: it's only a dream[/size]

Meaning, you would not do such a thing?

mama-gee:
[color=deeppink]If I were a man, I wouldn't do it.

Any man who does that is[b] dumb[/b] as well as[b] ignorant[/b].[/color]

@ mama_gee, why would you say that?

@ Osama & femmy 2010, Thanks guys.

Hello Nairalander's,

I am about to take a decision and would really appreciate your candid opinions on this Issue. I am a young man who happens to be a student, but work during the holidays. I have a girlfriend based in the US whom i have been dating for 5 years. She has only resided in the US for 1 1/2 years and intends to come visit but cannot afford to buy her air fare ticket.

I was able to save some money from my last vacation job and if i have to get her air ticket, then i will be left with only 25% of my savings which will still be spent upon her arrival and stay with me. I am not too comfortable with the long period we have stayed apart and believe this is an opportunity for us to define our relationship. I do intend to ENGAGE her when she arrives and then plan for marriage towards the end of next year when i must have graduated from school.

Now the Question is, if you were in my shoes, would you spend almost all of your savings for your girlfriend? And if you must know i really care about her and love her a lot. Keep your honest comments coming.